You Will Have A Better Love and Life Beyond
why I’m forced to look for love beyond
this as honestly as
I can, with no BS, no beating around the bush, and no sugar-coating or
"watering down" of the facts about why I am excluded from the dating
reasons that the dating
1) I don't fit any of the culturally desirable types of guys that American girls want
I am a short Asian male which is the opposite of the cultural ideal in this country. Young American women desire the following types of guys, none of which I am one of: a) tall sporty athletic Caucasian males, b) scruffy looking punk/skater types, c) beach boy/surfer dude types, d) bad boy types with goatees, and tattoos, e) jocks/athletic types (who are white of course), f) cowboys/macho men, and of course g) guys in a band. I just don't look like any of those types, therefore, I'm not on their wish list or preference. To them, a preppy looking clean-cut kind intelligent Asian male has nothing to offer them, even if he has way more money than those cultural ideal types above that fit American girls' tastes. Hence, they are anti-social to me and see me as zero value.
Now, I am the type of guy that many American women SAY they want – nice, caring, considerate, attentive, considerate, intelligent, with many interests, New Age type, etc. but in REALITY they go for the bad boy types, and then complain later, “Where are all the nice men?” Thus, they shoot themselves in the foot and contradict themselves. How wholesome they are, NOT! In reality, “nice men” are everywhere, they just don’t want them.
2) My ethnicity is considered the least desirable among males to American girls
males in the
Now, some American women occasionally come out to me and protest, "That's not true, I like Asian men!" but of course, they are in the minority not majority (one "x" among nine "o"s doesn't erase the majority of the "o"s) whereas we are talking about the collective preference. Plus, I've noticed that, as with the “I want a nice guy” claim above, many American women who SAY they like Asian men, in reality never date them anyway.
In fact, American women generally do not even like foreign men in general unless they are white Western European or Australian. They see being with a foreign man of color as a considerable lowering of their status. (In contrast, their white European female counterparts are for more open and willing toward foreign men of color) My Expat Advisor noticed this too:
“I have been to quite a few countries and I
noticed that foreign men living there would normally have local
However, you hardly ever see an American woman with a foreign man and hardly see foreign men married to American women. Very very few.”
3) My height disqualifies me as well
Also, women are genetically imbred to prefer taller and bigger guys because their instincts think they look like they are better providers and a strong foundation to lean on. Most women won’t even consider a guy who is not at least 5ft 9. And since I am only 5ft 7, I’m just not in the running to them.
4) Most of my qualities are inner, which only older women appreciate
Since most of my good qualities are inner rather than outer, it seems that only women much older (too old for me) appreciate them, rather than younger women or even women my age. And that’s why usually women too old for me reply to my personal ads on Craigs List. The reason, according to one of my consultants, is:
“Because when they are older they lose their beauty and develop inner qualities as well. So they value those in others. Younger girls do not have them and they only have the outward qualities so they value those in others too. They cannot relate to inner ones since they do not have any yet.”
And gee, that just sucks.
5) No freedom to act out my natural genetically-encoded desires for women
Simply put, men aren't free to "act out" or "act on" their desires toward women (as they are in most other countries), unless a woman gives him permission to, of course. But the problem for me is that women never give me permission to act out my desires for them. So what am I to do? I definitely have VERY strong desires for romance, love, sex and intimacy. But what can I do about it?! I can't constantly restrain these desires 24/7. Get real American society!
And of course, I can't always afford to hire hookers at $200 an hour. Get real. And even if I could, they lack any genuine affection and treat it as all business, which is a real turnoff (I have heard though that non-white "working girls" though, tend to give genuine affection to their clients and treat it like a date). So that wouldn't be enough to satisfy me anyway.
No, I need REAL physical and emotional affection from a woman I'm compatible with who is consistent, sees me regularly, a regular partner to me, and won't flake out or make excuses not to see me. Lots of other guys I see around me have that, so why can't I?! It's not that much to ask for, especially from a good person! I tell God and the universe this everyday, but no real relationship ever solidifies, no matter how hard I try or what I do or how many women I meet. Where is the justice in this universe?
Average looking men like me simply have no chance. They have all the upperhand, and whether we treat them right or not, it doesn't matter, cause we aren't their "type" and they look down on us.
In defense and in admission of having too many choices, an attractive close female friend of mine said:
"having a million choices doesn't mean you want any of them. so it doesn't matter.
if i meet a million guys all asking me out and YOU consider them GREAT, but they BORE me, i'm not any more satisfied than u are not satisfied with the offers u get. GET IT? it's all relative."
Uh geez! How picky can you get? If I had a lot of choices, I sure wouldn’t complain! At least she feels wanted. Later on though, I did get her to admit that if no guys wanted her, she would “develop complexes” about it.
Nowadays American women have such an off-chart sense of entitlement that makes it nearly impossible for guys like me to get dates. And to make things worse, American women always claim to be too busy to date or spend time with me, always, especially in this workaholic society where people make money and mind their own business. So what am I supposed to do, wait for them forever and masturbate while watching useless junk on cable TV? No way! I can just go ABROAD where lots of gorgeous women, most of them tall, skinny and pretty/cute, have plenty of time for me! Why stay in a sinking ship, simply because it’s TABOO to think or talk about getting off it? That’s crazy!
Perhaps my Expat Advisor put it best when he said:
1) It is not PC to admit that AW are racist and they do not like Asian men. So, they will advise you all kinds of BS and tell you to improve your hair style, your clothing, work on social skills. All while AW look ugly, have no social skills, often smell bad, are fat and STILL GET THE MOST HANDSOME GUYS AROUND. Something is wrong. Very wrong.
2) If you get advice from Americans, most probably they will not be travelers. So, again, they will not see the proper perspective on things.
Just get your ass over to
7) Bubble/force field around young modern American women toward strangers
women tend to
ignore those that aren’t part of their clique, talking to
strangers only for
business or money related matters. In
fact, they are defensive, anti-social, and paranoid toward them. They have this bubble/force field around them
that makes it feel inappropriate to try to meet them, making you feel
creep or if you even try (or dare to have desires for them). And if you
penetrate their "bubble", it causes an energy drain in your
vibe/aura, to the point where the more you try, the less will and
you have to try again. Thus, having nature-given genetically-encoded
for women makes you feel like a criminal in
Though Americans tend to be in a "bubble" more than people in other countries, due to our strong sense of individualism and lack of interconnectedness that other countries have, the females tend to have a much STRONGER bubble around them than the males do. This has been attested to as obvious by both men and women.
In fact, you rarely see American females even alone in public, but mostly males who are sitting alone and open to being approached. Females tend to hang in groups, with girlfriends, or with their boyfriends/husbands, out in public. And even if they are alone, they usually prefer being alone, for if you ask to join them, they will say that they are enjoying valuable time off and prefer to be by themselves. It is very difficult to find one alone and open to meeting strangers. But, of course, you can find that easily abroad.
unfortunately, even when
I do meet women in
a) They talk to me for a few minutes and then say, “Well it was nice meeting you” and then go off and I usually never see them again.
b) I ask them out and they respond with either “I have a boyfriend/husband” or “I’m too busy to go out and I work/study too much” or “I don’t date, I spend all my time with my baby” or “I just got out of a serious relationship and am not looking right now” or they agree to a date but flake out/not show up later.
So you see, in the big picture, there’s no way to win. Either way, I lose. Why should I play such a losing chess game?
8) High rate of flake-outs and making excuses
short, no matter how many girls I meet in
After meeting me, for some reason, probably a combination of the above reasons, women tend to make excuses not to spend time with me after meeting me, even if they enjoyed our time together and have a lot in common with me. After our first meeting or date, they tend to either 1- get too busy with work and life to make any time to see me, or 2- suddenly go through emotional stress/problems and claim to need to spend time alone. Or they come up with some other BS excuse, never offering or proposing an alternate or available date to see me again. And if I check back again later, they come up with something else. This happens even when I've done nothing wrong, treated them well, given them a great time, or even if we have tons in common and seem to connect well or are very compatible.
countries, all you
have to do to get a date is pay a few compliments and flattering words
woman you desire, and you got it. But in the
On the internet alone, over 90 percent of American females tend to stop talking to me and disappear after they see my photo (unless they're old and don't care), EVEN if we have a lot in common or they like what they hear about me and my qualities. This fact alone totally DEBUNKS the assertion of many naive Americans that women are rejecting me cause of defects in my personality or attitude, for clearly I am being rejected based on looks in this case repeatedly.
That almost never happens with foreign women, even if they're from industrialized countries. I'm not saying that foreign women don't care about looks. They are influenced by them too, but not to the degree that American girls are. Sure, foreign women have rejected me too, but the flake-out rate on me (in person and online) is nowhere near as high as in the states.
also met hundreds of
girls in person from the internet in
To those who tell me that I must lower my standards (albeit an unrealistic suggestion since first, I don't have high standards, and second, I can't force myself to be attracted to someone I'm not), consider this. Even fat ugly women have rejected me in the same way (before I can reject them too lol) simply because, although they can't get anyone either, I still don't fit their "tastes". A lot of chubby women that no guys want still prefer "punk rock" type guys.
The thing is, not only are girls hard to meet in America, but even when I do meet them, no matter how many of them I meet, whether it’s 10, 100, 1,000 or 10,000, they ALL make excuses not to be with me, even though I’m good looking, nice, interesting and I do NOTHING wrong. And when they blow me off, they do it as though it were a routine they’ve rehearsed many times before. That makes it the most unnatural dating scene in the universe! There is definitely something very out of whack and F-ed up about that for sure! It should not be that way at all, which you fully realize once you are in a culture and place where it’s not like that.
But it’s not just me and Asian guys that have this problem. Many decent white guys in American also report similar situations. For instance on my Forum:
“I guess I just need to vent.
I'm an American white guy. I don't think I look bad at all. Well groomed, fit, young, in college. Dating is the hardest thing in my life, it's harder than any job or class i've ever had.
Long story short, I've had to study huge amounts of dating material to have any luck with women at all. I've posted here in the past about how to actually get a date and meet women. But, sometimes it hits me, why does have to be so freaking difficult? If I didn't practically have a doctorate in pickup / seduction material I think I'd be totally shit-out-of-luck
There really is a 90/10 thing going on, or 10% of men in the
This week I got 3 numbers from 3 different hotties. In all the follow-up calls all 3 flaked on having lunch with me. Well the calibration of my game is clearly off... My voice tone wasn't perfect, maybe I didn't build enough comfort, maybe I waited too long / not long enough to call. Whatever the case is, my 2008 dry spell has been lasting so long that I almost feel like giving up... But, I know I can't do that:) But sometimes I get so frustrated that I reach my wits end.”
9) Being overly tough, aggressive, masculine, confident, they need someone stronger than them
Nowadays, for some reason, American women act overly tough, aggressive, overly confident to the point of being masculine, in their behavior and speech. They are very different from the classical feminine persona of being sweet, tender, modest, romantic, and empathetic. Rather than being gentle, soft, and tender on the inside, they are cold, harsh, abrupt, angry, hateful, snobby, bitchy and ready to diss anyone who accidentally steps on their toes. Also, they behave as though they own everything and have the final say on all.
Modern American women also tend to be harsh, abrupt, business-like, and are able to easily say cruel or hurtful things without remorse or regret. To me, that’s just sociopathic (or perhaps they just have an alien soul to me, who knows).
Therefore, of course, since we all know that women want someone stronger than them, so they can feel protected. That means I've got to be even more tough, aggressive, masculine and confident than they are, to even be considered.
Well it's not that I'm not. It's just that my true strength is inner rather than outer, and keeping it that way feels the most balanced to my overall persona. Outwardly, I am naturally gentle and tender, and so of course they will perceive me as weaker than them. Therefore, in that sense, I'm also not their type, besides not being the cultural ideal. But what can I say? I can't be something I'm not.
Foreign women, on the other hand, tend to be much more modest, humble, gentle, tender, and less aggressive. The difference is too obvious. Thus, who I truly am is a better match-up with them.
10) American women despise men and don't need them
Nowadays, American women have this inner dislike toward men, fueled by feminism and talk shows. You can see it on their faces in public, this anti-men look on their faces, expression, and vibe.
In addition, they are so independent, strong, overly confident, and masculine that they don't really even need men. They believe in having productive, fulfilling lives without them. Many are perfectly happy to just work and go shopping in their spare time. They see themselves as complete, independent and view men as an unnecessary luxury that often causes more trouble than good.
You can see it in the way they walk and behave, as if they have no need to bond/connect with others, seek romance, open their hearts and minds, etc. Instead, they are business-like and cold, only speaking to strangers if it's business or money related. It's as if they are incapable of loneliness and are too fulfilled and busy to bother investing in others. And they walk around with their nose in the air and give men this vibe that subliminally conveys “You are not to have desires around me. You are to act girly and emasculate, UNLESS I give you permission to want me by coming on to you. I call all the shots. Not you.”
I just don't agree with that. I believe that men and women should need each other. Why should I pursue someone who doesn't need me, won’t emotionally attach herself to me, and doesn’t even make time to spend with me? Why give your heart, feelings and emotions to someone who won't truly give their heart/emotions back? It just seems pointless. And very unromantic as well.
would say that
The things above happen to me constantly even after meeting thousands of women. It just never changes. They all either tell me that they are taken, not looking, or flake out. And if an exception seems to be brewing, getting me all excited, it always turns out to be just a farce and temporary. That’s just unacceptable to me.
Even if I was in a situation where the women far outnumber the men, such as a cooking class, yoga class, swing dance club, or college girls dorm, I’m still never “in the game” because they see me as “not dating material”, not their type, and project asexual, prudish vibes at me, keeping interaction with me to a bare minimum, and humoring me at best. In fact, even when I meet a girl who complains that no one wants to date her, and I say that I am interested in dating her, she will usually act as though she didn’t hear it.
Dating in the US is a ZERO SUM game for me. You see, even when I meet a girl I have a lot in common with who shares my intellectual interests, passions and outlook on life, it still doesn't work out. She either likes me as a friend only, flakes out, or has some excuse why we can't date. There have been times when I met such a person and could swear we were soulmates. There was chemistry and stimulation between us, the kind you see in romance movies, and the gazing into each other's eyes for hours and forgetting the time and food on the table, etc. In such cases, it seemed an absolute certainty that we were compatible and meant to date at least. All the ingredients of the love formula were there. But yet it all fell apart for some odd reason, every time, leaving me bewildered and in denial. This has happened on numerous occasions. Always something goes wrong, even when I try my best to prevent it.
What this means that even in the BEST CASE scenario, I still LOSE! Thus it’s a ZERO SUM game. This is yet another reason why I am forced to date abroad through NO FAULT of my own.
Read my story here about the 20 years of loneliness and datelessness I endured through America, where I tried everything you could possibly imagine, and more, and you will see that I had no choice in the end. It’s easy to blame the victim, but I did nothing wrong and had no other choice. In the end though, when I found my salvation overseas, I realized the problem wasn’t me after all, and that I had a valid case to blame my antisocial culture and society, or at least my incompatibility with it.
Eventually, I decided that it was time to stop being a loser and start being a WINNER!
reasons help explain
why I hate the dating scene in
Whatever the case, I won't give up. If going overseas is the only remedy that works, then so be it. And even if the critics of overseas love-seeking are right (which they are not) that I would get "used" overseas by "desperate women", it's still better than the aforementioned conditions of being totally shut out of the game. Besides, a desperate man is better off going for desperate women anyway, than pursuing super picky Western women with too many choices who don't need him, don't find him to be her type (preferring football players, punks, and bad boys), and don’t ever give him a chance. At least with the former I have a chance, whereas with the latter I have no chance.
But for some reason, these critics don't get that and don't see the big picture.
Expat Advisor said
above, “The USA for women is like
Logical reasons why my
standards are not too high in
Let me tell you something horrible. The dating scene in America is so bad for men now, that I can’t even get fat ugly chicks anymore. You see, even they have their tastes and sense of entitlement. They don’t just want any good guy that’s nice to them, for they’ve been taught by their culture not to settle until they get what they want, which is the very best. Likewise, they are not my type or taste either, as I am attracted to tall thin women.
What’s strange and irrational though, is that critics, especially American women, like to claim that I am reaching too far out of “my league”, that my “standards are too high” and ought to settle for women that I’m unattracted to who are more in “my league”. Now this is very hypocritical, because these same women who claim this often have overly high standards themselves. Yet they do not feel that they need to lower their standards, whereas I do.
But technically, there are some core problems with that.
a) First, I can’t force myself to be attracted to someone I’m not. That just does not work and would not produce any chemistry. It would make me unhappy, and wouldn’t be right, nor even possible.
b) Second, even if American dating culture put me in the same “league” as fat ugly women, it still wouldn’t matter, because as already mentioned, I’m not their type anyway and they aren’t my type either. So it could never work, even if I’m in their “league” by cultural standards.
c) Third, there is nothing wrong with wanting thin feminine women, because that’s how NORMAL women are, in most of the world and throughout history. (If you go to Ukraine for example, that’s how AVERAGE women look – thin, pretty and feminine) It’s only in America that thin decent looking females are placed so high up in the hierarchy that make them unattainable to average men because there are so few of them. Since average women in America and fat and ugly, while normal decent looking women are so cream of the crop, they are placed so high up that even many normal decent looking men who should be in their league, are actually out of their league in this artificial scene that favors women. What this means is that me and other decent looking men are not in a position to date women who are in our league, lookswise, because every thin decent looking woman in the US becomes a goddess! Thus it is America’s standards that are unequal and imbalanced, NOT mine! By international standards, my standards are NORMAL. Therefore, again, it’s American dating culture that is the problem, not me.
Also, technically I should not be in the same “league” as fat ugly women because I am NOT fat or ugly. Sure I may be a few pounds overweight, but I am not obese. So there is no logical reason why I would be in the same “league” or category as them. Thus, these female critics are not making any sense, nor are they being realistic. They are merely making excuses to defend the messed up US dating culture that gives them all the power.
The only thing I have in common with fat ugly chicks is that we are both considered unattractive by US cultural standards. However, everyone who is unattractive in US culture should not automatically be put in the same category, especially since I don’t look anything like them, and even more so, since attractive women abroad consider me in their “league” or sometimes even above their “league” (as the case is in the Philippines). Therefore, there is no logical reason why we should be in the same “league”.
Therefore, technically there is nothing wrong with me or my standards. That is not the problem. I am simply a mismatch in US dating culture. The logical solution then, would be to go abroad where my “standards” are not considered “too high”, but are normal and attainable, where my dating opportunities and likability are vastly greater. So far, that solution has proven to be the correct endeavor.
Discuss this article here: http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1543
- “…….. A quick comment on the essay you sent me, I agree with your argument but want to point out that many white men are also having issues with American women! The truth is American women are more standoffish and guarded than women in other parts of the world. I will put it this way, even if American women were approachable I would still prefer European women just because they are so beautiful and feminine by comparison.
people may think you are bitter because you have been rejected by
women but I think that once you have been to Eastern Europe and
things the way they ought to be, you would never want to turn back to
this shit again! I went to
Take care and have a great trip!
"Don't feel to bad about being rejected by your looks, as I have a
who is even a male stripper, that moved here from Mexico City. The
he noticed was that he couldn't get a girlfriend or even one single
save his life. He came to me one day, just beside himself, saying "what
the hell is wrong with this country"? He told me how women would even
flirt with him first, so then he would ask them out, only for them to
him in the rudest manner he had ever seen. And in
also the tall, athletic Caucasian type that you mentioned. I agree with
women do go for that type, but even I can't hardly get a girlfriend. I
my first girlfriend until I was 27! Being good looking or built will
laid pretty easily in the
a trip planned to
You have been a big motivation for me looking abroad. Thanks for all of your articles! Maybe something good will come from this. I seem to attract FSU women effortlessly. The only problem I have ran into with them, is they just simply don't believe me when I say I don't have lots of women. They seem afraid that I am some kind of playboy who has slept with a hundred women. I explain that I have only been with one, and they refuse to believe me. One of the few FSU women who rejected me, did so because she didn't believe that I was sincere about marriage. She said a guy with my looks would have no problem with women at all. So she stopped writing me. Can you believe that? But I have plenty of others to choose from."
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