Happier Abroad Forum Community

Yes, I want a relationship with someone. Someone I have been talking to, I said this. She told me (this woman was 40 years old and Black; she also talked about God a lot, typical Black woman Jesus freak) that I should not want a relationship, I should "work on myself first".

Honestly, correct me if I am incorrect, but what does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul? That means that what does it matter if I was the richest, most handsome, and successful man alive, but had no companion to share it with? That is what I am going to tell this woman when/if I speak with her again.

America teaches us to be "strong" and "independent"; not to admit that you want or need companionship.


Well, true strength is admitting that you are weak and attempting to change it. America teaches the exact opposite of this. In most other countries, they understand this concept perfectly.

What do you guys think? Do you agree or disagree with me? Why?

That's right!
Rather be in a hut on the beach with a nice lady, than alone in a mansion.

By the way, considering her religious stance, politely mention to her the biblical verse mentioning "it is not good for man to be alone". Expanding on context it is referring precisely to almost all men needing a female.
Yes, some are called to be single for special purposes, but most need to be with a female - it is simply how God designed the system of humanity and our spiritual interaction here on this earth. Granted, many relationships are a mess today, but this is beside the still core point that man needs woman, woman needs man.
Also, from a scientific standpoint, it is a deep innate triggering for us to connect in this manner, for if we don't we know inside as a survival mechanism, the species is in a type of danger of perishing simply due to not reproducing. Wired into us if you will.

Like several here I'm sure, we've already obtained a lot, but have been single, without, in those times and all the stuff didn't matter.
This is why for example when we travel to non-Western countries, where they may have less material items, but embrace more the care-free, connected, simple, natural lifestyle, we tend to be lured right in, intrigued, calling to the core aspects of who we are, which have been smothered by such a mess around us.

Not having this connection, intimacy and such with a decent female, is like trying to live on a candy bar a day, maybe you can get by for some time, but it's ultimately just empty calories. We need real food.

Also for sure, there are quite a few men out there that have gained massive amounts by the world's standard of success, but truly are miserable, and if you chisel in, it usually comes down to a lack of pure, true, sincere connections with not just a female, but others in general.

In life, so much really just comes down to having beneficial human relations, both general and intimate.

Nice thread topic to start.

Folks, no one here is gaining the world, only a sliver of peace of mind, which money can buy.

If one loses one's soul then I'd argue that he didn't have much affinity for it, to begin with.

I hate the term "work on yourself". It's so vague and is not constructive, and usually used to get someone to blame themself because the user of that stupid phrase doesn't want to accept that society is dysfunctional, insane and unauthentic.

Have any of you seen that old movie "Citizen Kane", which was hailed by critics as the best movie ever made? In it, Orson Wells plays a rich tycoon who had it all but ended up lonely and miserable in the end.

it was [primarily] based on William Randolph Hearst (and Hearst Castle)
and Hearst was the reason Orson Wells had trouble with his career, only further validating his point.

Winston wrote:I hate the term "work on yourself". It's so vague and is not constructive, and usually used to get someone to blame themself because the user of that stupid phrase doesn't want to accept that society is dysfunctional, insane and unauthentic.

Here's the glitch for AWs, if one actually does those things: meditation, hypnotherapy, etc, then the first thing which happens is that AWs become uninteresting & obsolete. And then, that person who was actually doing work on himself, develops some true personal power and moves on.

Thus, they don't really mean it. What they want is for you to feel bad and spend hours going through an endless loopback cycle of self-blame and taking direction from AWs to be more their vassals or servants.

Winston wrote:Have any of you seen that old movie "Citizen Kane", which was hailed by critics as the best movie ever made? In it, Orson Wells plays a rich tycoon who had it all but ended up lonely and miserable in the end.

Sure, but what's our *Rosebud* moment? Most likely it's when we stopped taking BS from others and finding our own way in life. For me, that was the ages of 24-25, not earlier. For us, that metaphorical sleigh was the lie, the American mythos of the simple happy life near some frozen over river with a loving Vermont gal, who sees things our way. Well, that dream ended during the 80s. I'd never dated Debbie Harry, Olivia Newton John, or Jane Seymour. Now, I could careless about those childhood wishes.

I see money as the facilitator; it makes things happen. If you lose your soul, it's likely that to some extent, you probably never had much contact with it to begin with. Sure, Hearst (the real life Citizen Kane) was a crooked robber baron media mogul but guess what? He chose that life. He could have sold the business and done exactly what many of us here are doing. But I suspected that he'd lost contact with his soul during his rise to power and was consumed by habits which made him self-loathing and despicable in the end.

Winston wrote:I hate the term "work on yourself". It's so vague and is not constructive, and usually used to get someone to blame themself because the user of that stupid phrase doesn't want to accept that society is dysfunctional, insane and unauthentic.

Well, of course you hate that term: it's a call for self-improvement, which is anathema to a lazy, gluttonous whore-chaser like you, Winston. You most DEFINITELY could work on yourself -- Christ, have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?? -- starting with cutting out the cake and cookies from your diet, Mr."Vegetarian." You might even try using those limbs below your waist -- they called "legs" and they're for WALKING, which believe it or not also helps to keep you fit and trim. Then you could go to the barber and ask him to give you a decent haircut for once in your wretched life. Trust me, Winston, it's really not that hard. I swear, I'll never understand what it is with you Asian-American guys and your seeming inability to get a haircut right. I see this too often on TV and in real life, and even my Asian business colleagues from Asia have remarked upon this.

And once you're done with that, you might try incorporating the idea of something called RESPONSIBILITY in your personal behavior, instead of acting out of blind emotion, impulsiveness, and a reckless disregard of the consequences as you have up till now. Yes, Winston, even in a poor non-western country where the hookers and child support payments are cheap, obligations and responsibilities do exist, and they are not so different from those in wealthier societies that you criticize.

swincor__ wrote:

Winston wrote:I hate the term "work on yourself". It's so vague and is not constructive, and usually used to get someone to blame themself because the user of that stupid phrase doesn't want to accept that society is dysfunctional, insane and unauthentic.

Well, of course you hate that term: it's a call for self-improvement, which is anathema to a lazy, gluttonous whore-chaser like you, Winston. You most DEFINITELY could work on yourself -- Christ, have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?? -- starting with cutting out the cake and cookies from your diet, Mr."Vegetarian." You might even try using those limbs below your waist -- they called "legs" and they're for WALKING, which believe it or not also helps to keep you fit and trim. Then you could go to the barber and ask him to give you a decent haircut for once in your wretched life. Trust me, Winston, it's really not that hard. I swear, I'll never understand what it is with you Asian-American guys and your seeming inability to get a haircut right. I see this too often on TV and in real life, and even my Asian business colleagues from Asia have remarked upon this.

And once you're done with that, you might try incorporating the idea of something called RESPONSIBILITY in your personal behavior, instead of acting out of blind emotion, impulsiveness, and a reckless disregard of the consequences as you have up till now. Yes, Winston, even in a poor non-western country where the hookers and child support payments are cheap, obligations and responsibilities do exist, and they are not so different from those in wealthier societies that you criticize.

Swincor, Swincor, Swincor... Was that really necessary?

Don't have discussions with women on women, feminism or relationships. They will only steer you wrong. I repeat: Do not ever have discussions about women, feminism or relationships with women (or even other men in America). As a man, you are always wrong. You will always have to "work on yourself." Women are inherently perfect, and even when they are bitches, it is cause some man did something to provoke the women.

There can only be conflict when discussing these topics with women. By the very nature of the conversation, there will be criticism of a woman or women in general, and no woman can accept any criticism of any kind from a man.


This is the best way to avoid having to listen to bullshit on relationships. Just as you would never turn on Dr Phil to take his advice, do not take any woman's advice (on anything, unless she is a proven leader in her field, like a female Bill Gates).