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Do you think marriage is good or bad?

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Postby E_Irizarry » Sun Jul 17, 2011 3:05 am

jamesbond wrote:Women do not want to marry a man that makes less money then them. This is a fact that has been studied around the world for decades. So, that is why men (at least in the US) get taken to the cleaners in a divorce. They made more money than their wives, so they have to give her a certain percentage of their assets.


Yup, that's called hypergamy and men-grab-their-own-ankles-while-being-arse-raped-with-no-vaseline in a court of law respectively.
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Postby djfourmoney » Sun Jul 17, 2011 3:49 am

So children aren't needed because we're not a Aggro Economy anymore? That's beyond ridiculous.

At our current pace of consumption we'll need two earths by I think its 2070 or something. The planet can sustain billions of people IF the economy was geared towards lowering consumption, while improving quality of life and easily solving issues if you eliminate the profit motive from it (Health Care, Starvation and Poverty).

Europe is on this path despite calls for ending the Euro and the smaller economies dragging it down. They'll have to adopt something like we have here in the US where the rich States like California offset the poorer States like Mississippi. California's economy alone is larger than the PIIG combined I think. At least though doubtful that Brussels will make German and French banks take it on the chin for example's Greece's debt we'll see if they actually do make them take some responsibility for the crisis.

Anyway, the "Nanny" state in much of the EU is still intact and will be for years to come. America will hit a rock bottom period that might be bad for race relations given the history of Slavery and scapegoating.

Having children I will admit is a narcissistic thing to do, but I see no harm in it if you can take care of your own children without being on the public dole.
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Postby fschmidt » Sun Jul 17, 2011 4:54 am

newlife, is your wife Thai? If so, I am surprised by the jealousy. My understanding was that it is pretty common for married men in Thailand to see prostitutes and wives aren't that concerned about it. But I haven't lived there, so maybe I'm wrong.

I have been married for 20 years and I am quite happy about it. The sex still doesn't bore me. The fact that she understands me and is really into me is a turn on for me that I won't find with anyone else. I think that if your main goal in life is sexual variety, then marriage isn't the best choice. But if you have some other goal in life like building a career or developing a talent, then marriage solves the dating issue and lets you focus your energy elsewhere, so it is a good choice.
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Postby djfourmoney » Sun Jul 17, 2011 7:38 pm

fschmidt wrote:newlife, is your wife Thai? If so, I am surprised by the jealousy. My understanding was that it is pretty common for married men in Thailand to see prostitutes and wives aren't that concerned about it. But I haven't lived there, so maybe I'm wrong.

I have been married for 20 years and I am quite happy about it. The sex still doesn't bore me. The fact that she understands me and is really into me is a turn on for me that I won't find with anyone else. I think that if your main goal in life is sexual variety, then marriage isn't the best choice. But if you have some other goal in life like building a career or developing a talent, then marriage solves the dating issue and lets you focus your energy elsewhere, so it is a good choice.


I couldn't agree more. Getting Married solves the Rubik's Cube issue that is Dating, allowing you to focus on other things. Being sexless and single soaks up quite of my though process throughout a day. Its only pushed back because I'm not working currently. But because I have moved other things I thought were important, this leaves this (marriage) as my only focus after I return to work.
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Postby Teamsatan » Sun Jul 17, 2011 9:18 pm

I was married for 20 years all going well until she started to earn a high income. Not as high as mine but still very good money. Then she realised that she did not need my money and therefore need me.

Better still the law says that no matter what she gets the major share of the assests for no reason except she is the female partner.

We started with nothing , so after 20 years of working the law is telling me i walk out with $100,000 less than she does. Considering that the children are older teens who live with me 50% of the time why does she get more?

Well its because she did not work as much as me and therefore she deserves more according to the law.

So there you go she does less work and yet recieves more money, not half which would be fair but at least 20% more.

There is really no reason to get married in the west.

Some men have been mothered so much that they really need to have a female in the house. Some of us are independent enough to not care about a permanent relationship and have found the joys of renting female company for our sexual needs.
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Postby NorthAmericanguy » Sun Jul 17, 2011 9:49 pm

Teamsatan wrote:
Some men have been mothered so much that they really need to have a female in the house. Some of us are independent enough to not care about a permanent relationship and have found the joys of renting female company for our sexual needs.


Spot on!
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Postby S_Parc » Mon Jul 18, 2011 12:40 am

Here's another approach... imagine yourself being not married and then, add in various reasons for you to be married, and see if the thought experiment works out. You might find that the non-married approach may be better if you don't find a reasonable partner.

In mainstream society, the thinking is reverse. The idea is being married and then, making it work out. I think the mainstream approach is a basically a walk in a minefield because of all the litigation & pitfalls which most males face in the west.
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Postby Winston » Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:46 am

Last edited by Winston on Sat Aug 20, 2011 12:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Winston » Sat Aug 20, 2011 12:00 am

WHY MARRY?


You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
__________

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'

__________

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
__________

A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
__________

A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________

Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.'
__________

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

__________


Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
__________

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
__________

'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man, to Love and to forgive him, and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'
__________

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'
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Postby lavezzi » Sat Aug 20, 2011 2:00 am

Winston wrote:Besides the divorce settlements, another reason not to get married is that there is no guarantee that you won't get sick of your wife, fall in love with someone else, or regret it. That is a huge thing, and society forgets that. It's a huge flaw. But of course, you are supposed to be a follower who believes that majority=right.

One cannot swear and oath or sign a contract promising to only like vanilla ice cream and no other flavors. It's not realistic. So why would one swear such oaths during marriage? It makes no sense.

Unless you really love children and feel empty without them and are committed to them and are a very giving selfless person, it's not a good idea to have children. Otherwise you get stuck with these little twerps who are a major resource drain on you and give NOTHING back. They are like energy vampires who are useless to you too, technically speaking. It's like having a buddy constantly leech off you without contributing anything to your goals, objectives, agenda or livelihood. A horrible deal, technically speaking. Unless of course, you really really love children and can't live without them.


I think it really depends on how you were raised. If you were brought up in this new age era that teaches how the individual is most important and how one should always look out for themselves, then having children is probably a bad idea. Previous generations were taught that they were insignificant in comparison to the importance of the family unit and the protection of it.

Because we live in such a technically advanced age, our families will almost always be living comfortably. Which will raise the question for males, "Why do I bother?." But for example, Winston, if you saw your girlfriend and son starving on the street and begging for food, wouldn't that give you a massive desire to help their needs? That is the standpoint from where generations ago, males learned their compassionate nature towards females and children. Stemming from an age when they could not fend for themselves and males were the only ones that could. It may not seem logical today because they appear so comfortable all the time due to the industrialized nature of most of our world.
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Postby djfourmoney » Sat Aug 20, 2011 3:58 am

Some of you should read books about divorce and how divorce affects adult children of divorce. Most of you are worried about it not working than you are making it work.

Does Teamsatan and a few of the other divorced men here think some outside force ruined their marriage? That's twice I have heard a similar story; she gets her education, goes out on the job market, succeeds and then wants a divorce.

Has it ever occurred to any of you that maybe these women where dependent on you and once that dependency ran dry and they proved to themselves they could do it without you, they did it without you?

That boils down to just marring the wrong woman for the wrong reason. Women only say Yes when asked, so without knowing all the circumstances I am not going to make more of a judgement than that.

Many women are not phased by success. They see their own success as a broader extension of the family prospering as a unit. These type of women are hard to find in Western Culture, but its possible.

I still fault men over stuff like this, because they didn't ask the right probing questions during the dating phase and still didn't after they moved the relationship from dating to co-habitation.
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Postby Winston » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:33 pm

Technically, I think marriage is unnecessary. There's no logic to it. Those who want a committed relationship can make an oral agreement to be exclusive. No need to involve messy complicated artificial government contracts which could become very expensive to nullify in the event of a divorce.

I think most people get married because they don't want to be left out, or they prefer predictability.

The problem is, if your sex life during marriage disappears after a while, then you become sexually deprived, just like a single person is. Doesn't that suck?

Btw, one of my cousins in America is getting married to a Korean girl, I hear. His mom is happy and relieved. What I don't get is, why do parents (especially Taiwanese) feel that their children are somehow "incomplete" if they are not married? What's the logic behind that?

Why is following such a tradition so important? It seems so cult-like and zombie-like. Weird.
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Postby Maker55 » Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:48 am

djfourmoney wrote:Some of you should read books about divorce and how divorce affects adult children of divorce. Most of you are worried about it not working than you are making it work.

Does Teamsatan and a few of the other divorced men here think some outside force ruined their marriage? That's twice I have heard a similar story; she gets her education, goes out on the job market, succeeds and then wants a divorce.

Has it ever occurred to any of you that maybe these women where dependent on you and once that dependency ran dry and they proved to themselves they could do it without you, they did it without you?

That boils down to just marring the wrong woman for the wrong reason. Women only say Yes when asked, so without knowing all the circumstances I am not going to make more of a judgement than that.

Many women are not phased by success. They see their own success as a broader extension of the family prospering as a unit. These type of women are hard to find in Western Culture, but its possible.

I still fault men over stuff like this, because they didn't ask the right probing questions during the dating phase and still didn't after they moved the relationship from dating to co-habitation.


I have disagreed with you on every post you have made in this thread. You are pro-marriage for some reason.

You do know that you can have a quality relationship without getting married?

When you're single, you have MORE time to focus on other things. When you're married or in a serious relationship, your woman isn't going to let you reach your dreams because she'll be afraid that you'll eventually leave her for another woman.

Many married men give up on their dreams because of the amount of work taking care of their families. As a single man, you can travel or start a business if you want.

Marriage doesn't work in western society because women have careers and focus on that more than their kids and husband.

Marriage was a good idea when our world was mostly agricultural.

It doesn't matter if you ask the right questions during the dating phase. ANYONE can change after you put a ring on their finger. It happens all the time.

Since you support marriage so much how does paying alimony to your ex-wife for the whole duration of her life sounds to you after at least 10 years of marriage?

If you are that dependent on women that you can't live along, I pity you or any other men.

You don't need a woman living with you for happiness.

In most cases, the woman you married will turn into a nagging, sexless hag.

What are you going to do when the sex stops? Or does sex not matter to you?

Even if you do get into a serious relationship, I would NOT advise letting the woman move in with you. WHY? Because legally, you cannot kick anyone out of your place if they have keys to your place and it's against the law to change the locks on your door, if someone else has the keys to your place.

I ask you what are you going to do when your wife stops having sex with you? Are you ok with a sexless relationship?

What are you going to do when your wife fools you into having a child before you are ready to have one, when she lies about being on birth control?

You do know that 90 percent of the time, the wife gets custody of the kids following a divorce?

How about this since you love marriage so much that men are 10x more likely to commit suicide following a divorce than women.

Does paying alimony for the rest of your ex-wife's life sound enticing?

How about splitting the marital property with your wife?

Besides having kids, I see no other benefit for a man in western society getting married.

Any guy with half a brain would know that you should NEVER marry a career woman.
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Postby DarkMinxMish » Thu Mar 29, 2012 1:26 am

I'm not sure if getting married is necessarily a detriment or a good thing.
No one in my immediate family is married so it's never been a really big issue for me.
I've never really thought about it either and when I compare that to other females then I'm the strange one.
I think marriage is a major commitment that's not to be taken lightly and that both parties should truly be ready to go through the highs and lows of life. The marriage has to be given 100% from both sides. Not 60%-20% or 10%-90% it'll never work that way.
I know some people feel the need to share all of themselves with their partner and that's cool your taking a risk out of love.
They should also make sure the partner is willing to give something of themselves in return and not shut you out.
Others keep secrets and pieces of themselves hidden and that could create a kinda mystery in a relationship or it could be the downfall.
Compromise is a major factor as well and just doing things together, learning, sight seeing, traveling if possible also helps. Stay curious and cherish the person sure the times are tough and what you liked about someone may have receded a bit, but it doesn't mean it's not there.

Other factors are that people change and no longer suit you. It's terrible and especially devastating if children are involved. The outcome is resentment and hate that slowly kills everything. I think the western view of marriage is flawed. It doesn't realistically show that marriage isn't glamorous and that sides you didn't see before are now reality you are still knowing someone frankly. No matter how long one waits before marriage you can never know everything about someone. Plus selfishness kills marriages, the lack of empathy and care as well. The roles Americans play aren't realistic you can't be everyone to everybody, but you can try. Time has to be spent together, money saved, and skills cultivated.
Also marriages should cost a fortune that starts things off badly..."Bridezillas" shows this perfectly. Materialism for the sake of status is corrupting unions as well. Though the U.S often pushes this agenda that people need marriage and in a society where it isn't really made room for.
Jobs separate people and the attitudes in the U.S towards fidelity also ruins things.
In my opinion not everybody needs marriage it's convenient, but it sucks when splits happen. Especially for the guys...I have to agree somewhat you guys get screwed at times. Even if the mother is shit she will often get the children and money. That ruins men.

I mean if your with someone, then you with them. And nothing can change that married or not. :roll:
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Postby smallcheese » Thu Mar 29, 2012 3:06 am

Marriage is an individual choice and every person should have the ability and freedom to make an informed choice. But for a man, I think this is the one of the most important decisions that you will make in your life. Because for many men, if you make a mistake here, chances are you won't be able to recover, emotionally or financially. Speaking from a man's perspective, I think that many men feel pressured into getting married due to their family, religion and society. Only men who are emotionally strong and intelligent have the ability to take a step back and decide for himself if marriage is what he really wants. Unfortunately, most men mature at a later age in life and only obtain their emotional intelligence and maturity when they get older. By then, it might be too late if you get married too early. But family, religion and society indoctrinate men into thinking that marriage to one woman is the end all, be all. And that's just not true for all men.

For many men, polygyny (where one man can have multiple wives) may be the way to go. But today, Islam is the only major religion that I know that practices that belief. Over time, polygyny has been frowned upon by society and laws have been passed that outlaws that form of marriage. Religions that used to approve of polygyny (like Mormons) have now turned their backs on their own history and turned toward monogamy.

There's nothing wrong with monogamy and marriage, if that is what you truly want and it makes your happy and fulfilled. But I think as a man, you shouldn't even contemplate getting married until you're at least, in your forties. That way, you can spend your young adulthood working and experiencing life and not tie yourself down due to family obligations. During that time, a man can earn and save money, travel and experience women from different cultures. Maybe by the time you're in your forties, you'll know what kind of woman you want. Maybe then you'll want a more traditional woman, who will be a loyal and dutiful wife and who is interested only in you and raising a family. Or maybe you want a career woman (usually Westernized women) that makes you happy enough that you want to marry her. Or maybe, after all those years, you decide that marriage is not for you. And you'd rather be single and free, then married and miserable.

Because men have the advantage of being able to produce children later in life, I don't believe that any man should marry when they're young. And if you really want to get married, wait until you're in your forties or fifties. And marry someone 20+ years younger than you, who is a more traditional woman who doesn't care about work and career. Hopefully by then, you'll have saved a good amount of money so that you can afford to retire comfortably. Chances are, you won't be able to do this in a Westernized society and you'll have to go live somewhere where your money can be stretched to the max. And chances are, marrying a Westernized woman would be the wrong choice. If you're going to get married, do it much later in life. Marry someone much younger than you so she'll have the energy to take care of you, your needs and your children (if you choose to have them). And make sure you always protect yourself and your assets, e.g. prenuptual agreements, regardless of whether a woman is Westernized or not. :-)

P.S. If you're wondering, I am divorced (married for 17+ years) and I have two boys. And this is the advice that I am giving to my boys. Whether they take it or not is their own individual choice. I feel that I am on the right path now for myself. But it may not be the right path for anyone else. I don't know if I'll ever get married again. Luckily I still have the freedom and means to make a choice again. But in the meantime, I need to do my research and development. :-)
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