Depressed college student in the USA

[dusky]

I'll just give a brief background. I've spent most of my life living in the US but have spent some years living in the Netherlands as well, my father is dutch and I visit every summer and speak the language fluently as well. I'm 20 years old, white, 6 ft tall, dark blond hair and blue eyes. For most of my life I was quite socially inhibited. I always found it difficult to connect with others which I attribute to my lack of confidence in my own ability to socialize well. This summer everything changed. I went backpacking solo across Europe, starting in Amsterdam and making my way to Germany, Czech Republic, Poland, and Hungary. By staying in hostels I met countless people. I made close friendships and hooked up with a few girls, though I didn't have sex with any of them. I had good experiences and felt emotional bonding.

Now I'm back in the US and it feels like I'm in a bad dream, as if the journey across Europe was when I felt truly alive and now I feel like a zombie again. The past few days I've been wondering why it was so much easier for me to socialize with strangers in Europe, I realized a factor that stands out, almost every single traveler I met was not american. At college I'm applying the same tactics I used in hostels to meet people, but people in the US are just far less responsive on average. Its only my first week back at college and I've tried starting conversations with various people, only one went well. The others seemed shocked at first that a stranger was addressing them, and then gave the most trivial answers possible as if they wanted the conversation to fizzle out. Why are americans like this? Isn't it a natural human instinct to seek bonds with others? Also it seems like americans are meaner on average in comparison to other nationalities, the niceness and smiles they display on the surface are just a thin facade.

I'll say again that my journey was a life changing experience for me. It revealed to me how many possibilities there are, that it is possible to feel free and enjoy life. I came back to the US with this mentality yet slowly but surely I can sense the idealism and enthusiasm fading. I used to think the problem was me, now I lay the blame on the environment as well. The way America is set up is anti-social at its core. Most places have no centrum where people come together as is seen in most European cities and towns. Everything is so spread out that people spent much of their time in their car, oblivious to the other people living in their society. It seems like there's no unity, just every person out for themselves. I just want to form relationships with people, not just romantic but friendships as well, but its proving difficult in the US.

[jamesbond]

Now I'm back in the US and it feels like I'm in a bad dream, as if the journey across Europe was when I felt truly alive and now I feel like a zombie again. The past few days I've been wondering why it was so much easier for me to socialize with strangers in Europe, I realized a factor that stands out, almost every single traveler I met was not american. At college I'm applying the same tactics I used in hostels to meet people, but people in the US are just far less responsive on average. Its only my first week back at college and I've tried starting conversations with various people, only one went well. The others seemed shocked at first that a stranger was addressing them, and then gave the most trivial answers possible as if they wanted the conversation to fizzle out. Why are americans like this? Isn't it a natural human instinct to seek bonds with others?

The way America is set up is anti-social at its core. Most places have no centrum where people come together as is seen in most European cities and towns. Everything is so spread out that people spent much of their time in their car, oblivious to the other people living in their society. It seems like there's no unity, just every person out for themselves. I just want to form relationships with people, not just romantic but friendships as well, but its proving difficult in the US.

Welcome dusky, glad you found our forum. Your right, Americans don't like meeting new people and are very unfriendly and anti-social. A lot of people in the US don't even know who their neighbors are!

Your right when you say people in America just seem to be oblivious to other people, spending their time either driving in their car or sitting at home watching tv. There is no sense of connection between people and talking to strangers is considered "weird and creepy."

So many people have said the same thing you observed when you were in Europe, that Europeans are far more friendly and easy to meet than Americans are. Not only is it easier to meet women in Europe, it's also easier to make friends with people as well.

[odbo]

Americans let the media change the culture

[pete98146]

I'll just give a brief background. I've spent most of my life living in the US but have spent some years living in the Netherlands as well, my father is dutch and I visit every summer and speak the language fluently as well. I'm 20 years old, white, 6 ft tall, dark blond hair and blue eyes. For most of my life I was quite socially inhibited. I always found it difficult to connect with others which I attribute to my lack of confidence in my own ability to socialize well. This summer everything changed. I went backpacking solo across Europe, starting in Amsterdam and making my way to Germany, Czech Republic, Poland, and Hungary. By staying in hostels I met countless people. I made close friendships and hooked up with a few girls, though I didn't have sex with any of them. I had good experiences and felt emotional bonding.

Now I'm back in the US and it feels like I'm in a bad dream, as if the journey across Europe was when I felt truly alive and now I feel like a zombie again. The past few days I've been wondering why it was so much easier for me to socialize with strangers in Europe, I realized a factor that stands out, almost every single traveler I met was not american. At college I'm applying the same tactics I used in hostels to meet people, but people in the US are just far less responsive on average. Its only my first week back at college and I've tried starting conversations with various people, only one went well. The others seemed shocked at first that a stranger was addressing them, and then gave the most trivial answers possible as if they wanted the conversation to fizzle out. Why are americans like this? Isn't it a natural human instinct to seek bonds with others? Also it seems like americans are meaner on average in comparison to other nationalities, the niceness and smiles they display on the surface are just a thin facade.

I'll say again that my journey was a life changing experience for me. It revealed to me how many possibilities there are, that it is possible to feel free and enjoy life. I came back to the US with this mentality yet slowly but surely I can sense the idealism and enthusiasm fading. I used to think the problem was me, now I lay the blame on the environment as well. The way America is set up is anti-social at its core. Most places have no centrum where people come together as is seen in most European cities and towns. Everything is so spread out that people spent much of their time in their car, oblivious to the other people living in their society. It seems like there's no unity, just every person out for themselves. I just want to form relationships with people, not just romantic but friendships as well, but its proving difficult in the US.

Welcome Dusky. You hit the nail on the head, America IS anti-social at it's core. Do like my brother did and volunteer your time at the foreign student desk. He went as far as to move into a foreign student dorm and ended up with a large group of friends. He still stays in touch with many of them to this day.

Another option would be to get involved with intermural sports. This would atleast be a decent ice breaker because of common interests. The key is to break the ice. Most Americans are pretty cool once they know who you are an you're on a first named basis. But dating American women is a totally different problem area. RED ALERT. Stick with the foreign girls.

[S_Parc]

What you've basically discovered is that America is a high school-ish culture.

So while it's possible to meet a lot of people, in let's say some big state school campus in the boondocks... as time goes by, those associations will start to resemble HS in almost every way.

Thus, you'll have a reformation of the HS cliques, but in an adult-like manner, once you hit your 20s.

As someone above stated, you need to stay busy ... like playing intramural sports, joining clubs like Sci-Fi/astronomy, short independent film making, etc, and make friends through a clique or two. The key here is to realize that at any time, these folks can drop you like a hot potato, if you don't buy into the group think.

But again, regardless of what you do to be a more social animal, stay clear of American women. If anything, they're the primary reason why so many blackjack clubs, boating clubs, etc, go south is because they get formerly normal guys to compete against one another for their attention and affection. In fact, I suspect that if AWs weren't around, America would actually become a social country once again, since people of similar interests, do tend to find each other over time.

[momopi]

I'll just give a brief background. I've spent most of my life living in the US but have spent some years living in the Netherlands as well, my father is dutch and I visit every summer and speak the language fluently as well. I'm 20 years old, white, 6 ft tall, dark blond hair and blue eyes. For most of my life I was quite socially inhibited. I always found it difficult to connect with others which I attribute to my lack of confidence in my own ability to socialize well. This summer everything changed. I went backpacking solo across Europe, starting in Amsterdam and making my way to Germany, Czech Republic, Poland, and Hungary. By staying in hostels I met countless people. I made close friendships and hooked up with a few girls, though I didn't have sex with any of them. I had good experiences and felt emotional bonding.
<snip>

Welcome to reverse culture shock. Check with your school and see if they have study abroad programs in Europe. If not, transfer to another school that does. Next time when you're in Netherlands, try visiting Almelo -- it's a very friendly place!

[The Arab]

Curious, where do you live in the U.S ?

[dusky]

Curious, where do you live in the U.S ?

The south.

[Think Different]

When I was at the university in the US I joined a bunch of International Clubs (German Club, Turkish Club, Russian Club, International Students Association, etc.). Pretty much all my friends were foreigners or those who thought like I did. With those clubs I got the chance to learn foreign languages, go to foreign events (Moscow Circus, Turkish parties, eat foreign cuisine, etc). If it hadn't been for that opportunity I would have lost my mind in the US. If you university doesn't have these things, seek one out that does, including community colleges. Then, when school's done, get the hell out of the US and go to NL. It MUCH better there, and actually has a good job environment now, while the US doesn't.

[boycottamericanwomen]

America is a horrible place, and the women are even worse. Have you seen the Boycott American Women blog? It explains fully how sick and nasty American women are:

http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com

My advice is to get out of America forever, go live in Europe or anywhere else. America is a miserable place, the people are shitty, etc. Get out of this country as fast as you can, America is like a hell on earth.

[Jackal]

Hi Dusky,

You might feel depressed now, but you have a better chance than many other men of going abroad because you're in college. So milk all the foreign experiences you can from college: study abroad for a semester or year, hang out with the foreign students, go to foreign cultural events, apply for funds to go to conferences abroad, apply for research grants in foreign countries, apply for scholarships to study in other countries.

You're in a much stronger position than a guy who is 40 with no college degree. So fire up your motivation and get to it!

[dusky]

Hey, thanks for the advice. I'm not going to give up completely yet here. Although I plan on living in NL eventually, I figure being surrounded by so many people my age on campus on a daily basis there must be some like-minded people. Its just so hard to meet people in America. I've put in the effort to starting conversations with people but its like most people aren't interested in reciprocating and putting in energy themselves to get to know someone new. I've stopped believing there's something wrong with me because I've had too many positive social experiences abroad for that to be true. I'm at the point where I'm considering just walking up to strangers and introducing myself instead of waiting for the appropriate moment. This probably wouldn't be seen as normal behavior in this country though.

[E_Irizarry]

Hey, thanks for the advice. I'm not going to give up completely yet here. Although I plan on living in NL eventually, I figure being surrounded by so many people my age on campus on a daily basis there must be some like-minded people. Its just so hard to meet people in America. I've put in the effort to starting conversations with people but its like most people aren't interested in reciprocating and putting in energy themselves to get to know someone new. I've stopped believing there's something wrong with me because I've had too many positive social experiences abroad for that to be true. I'm at the point where I'm considering just walking up to strangers and introducing myself instead of waiting for the appropriate moment. This probably wouldn't be seen as normal behavior in this country though.

It`s not seen as normal behavior, but don't let that stop you, dude. You may strike up a conversation with something positive that may change the rest of your life. However, just be aware of scammers. There are too many of them out there.

I tried with the residual-income pyramid-leveled business THREE DIFFERENT COMPANIES, and I never made a penny. This is truly an evil elitist oligarchical country.

[sushiman]

The really cool thing is how people like yourself, even though you are very young, can see these things.

I really get it when you say "bad dream". I'm in Asia but a couple times a month I have to do a business call with the American team. Wow, even on the PHONE thousands of miles away it is like a bad dream! Talk about a bunch of small minded, argumentative, insecure, rude, creepy f***ing pricks. I just have a nice daydream while they argue with themselves about inconsequential nothingness.

Get out before you join the workplace! College was a dream compared to that shit.

[boycottamericanwomen]

America is a hell on earth. Consider yourself fortunate that you can see the truth, that you are not a blind and brainwashed robot like everyone else. Your discontent is good, because it means you are not satifised being a robot like everyone else. One day you will escape this hell called America, and will be much happier.

-coming from an American who escaped the hell known as America.