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Yes fellows, it's finally happened.
True, for the past decade, I've only date abroad. But fact of the matter is that I spend 6-8 months per year stateside and thus, I've developed a type of inoculation.
What happens is that I have girlfriends a/o dates abroad but as soon as I'm back home, I'm on a type of scheduled regimen where I really don't give a rats about women, in place of work, exercise, coursework, meeting with clients, or meeting with old friends.
So nowadays, when I go abroad, I first hit the gentlemen's clubs (a.k.a 5 star brothels) and soon, I don't find myself interested in or even drawn to anyone anymore. It's like my physiology is satiated and the rest of the 'oh ah' drama feels trite and old. Romance nowadays seems like fodder for the baby making process than anything I really need, as a man.
I'm wondering if anyone else, in the blurred ex-pat/homeland arena, has experienced something similar?
My mantra for many years was "looking for love, settle for lust." Ended up spending all my time in pursuit of the latter, and it seemed to drive out the desire for the former. Don't think mongering is compatible with the idealism necessary for romantic love. Granted, that sort of idealism isn't warranted in the US, but maybe it should be cultivated in countries where it is more plausible.
For me, I think the idealism is what killed the ideal. In a sense, it was a type of cultural religion but applied towards intra-human associations as oppose to let's say *God*, or one's higher self, or some other spiritual medium. FYI, I'm not supporting any religion or spiritual practice, just drawing on the parallelisms.
Then, as the years rolled by, it withered on the vine until one day, I realized that it was a type of vain attempt at finding spirituality but with a woman.
Well, I'm 35, so I'm probably in your neighborhood. I understand what you are saying. The older I get the less marriage makes any sense. I think the hormones are there to convince someone to get married when they're in their early 20's. After that, they lose their ability to inhibit reason and here we are. To be honest, I couldn't tell you where my drive to get married comes from, but it's there independent of the sex drive and any sort of egoistic inclination to produce offspring. I've never wanted children. Maybe there is a fostering gene outside of all that. Who knows.
I think a lot of us want to have a *clan* of sorts.
I've always recommended those, who've desired an extended family, to pursue the ex-pat life in Brazil. That's a nation where having many siblings, in-laws, and perhaps out-laws, is a part of life.
For me, I was from a nuclear family with a hysterical sister, who made it difficult for the party of 4. I guess from those experiences, I've never had a thing for a clan but I understand others having such a need.
I feel the same about women. I still have the urges to have sex with them but outside of that I don't really want to deal with them on a regular basis or have a relationship. I'm 37 and started feeling like this a few years ago. I'm not sure I want to be a dirty old man with no woman in my life but whores, but I don't know if I want to saddle down with a woman in marriage or long-time relationship either. I'll just wait and see how the next 10 years or so go. I think having money and options opens up a whole new world for men, especially if they are living overseas. So if your not the relationship type bouncing around Asia or some other region is your best bet if you can still pull by keeping yourself in halfway decent shape as you age.
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and stoic philosopher, 121-180 A.D.
S_Parc, where are you located right now? I'm from a nuclear family too. Except the hysterical one was my mother.
Boston area, eastern Mass.
My sister was the hysterical armchair feminist, who barely passed HS (and later flunked out of college & couldn't hold down a job). Dad was the rabid anti-communist Reaganite and mom was this sort of depressed, "couldn't deal with anything" type. Yeah, as you can guess, family gatherings were no fun.
I guess if my sister piped up and got herself a career, it would have worked out but you know AWs, accountable to no-one. She drove the family members crazy and now, her Magina husband & his relatives.
So if a nuclear family is this precarious, I couldn't imagine an extended one with numerous siblings and in-laws. At least in America, we can avoid the problematic relatives w/o it costing us, our standing in society.
Abroad, in many places, people see the extended family as one societal department and thus, family members have to work at propping up (while hiding), the rotten apples.
What I've noticed is that you want sex the most when it's unattainable, scarce, or hard to get. But when it's readily available, like in Angeles City, then you don't want it as much for some reason. It suddenly loses its appeal. Weird how that works.
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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
Make sure all you guys over 35 like me get plenty of zinc, magnesium, L-arginine and a full range of B vitamins. The first two keep man feeling like a man and the last to help with function and mood. Give them a shot for a month and see how you feel.
"Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity"!!!
Principal of scarcity. You want a certain amount of something every day/week/month etc. If your demand is easy to satisfy, you take it as granted. If its hard to come-by, you crave and appreciate it more.
I generally find 'sex' easy to come by. But I don't value it much because its readily available either:
- with a gf who I've been with for a long time which tends to be boring.
- with a very unattractive prostitute which does not interest me in the least
What is a lot rarer and much more valuable IMO is full-on romance and intimacy with a woman who is an 8 or above by your own standards. Even a 6-7 would be very appreciated.
This is true.
I've also noticed a type of annealing process, when I shuttle back & forth between the US and abroad. This annealing is analogous to the ancient sword makers, who'd heat, fold, and cool steel numerous times to increase strength while maintaining similar weight densities or distributions.
For me, when I'm 6-8 months stateside, my free time quotient is removed from pursuing women and re-distributed towards old friendships, work, and getting things done. Then abroad, it's like old college again, where socializing and dating with the opposite gender is normal. But by going back/forth, a certain internal property starts to change and that's that I don't like some GPS-like compass setting my gyroscope so the basic internal attraction/repulsion factor starts to even out, across all borders, so while I maintain the same series of activities, in either respective country, I'm not really the same person doing them anymore.
Thus, if I ever needed to boink stateside, I can always make that 5 hr drive to Montreal for a quickie and back, and I'll never have to have a castrating lesbian c**t (CLC) in my day-to-day life. In itself, that makes my life in Massachusetts completely doable and then, I don't find myself in the quagmire that my other neighboring guys are in with bitchy GFs and wives.
It's mostly due to hormones bud. Not to insult your intelligence, but as you get older your body produces less hormones apposed to when you were younger. Every male is a little different, but testosterone for example, whatever amount of testosterone your body naturally produced at the age of 20, your body is producing much less of that testosterone today in your mid 30's
It happens to women as well and what's interesting is that as women get older they take on more masculine traits, and as men get older they take on more feminine traits such as becoming more passive.
Advancements in pharmacology and the ability to analyze blood profiles has definitely extended the window of feeling and looking young. And being that you travel overseas you can get what you need without a prescription in many cases.
These two websites can get you started:
Start here though and get some blood work done to see your base hormonal levels; you can then post your results the PH forum and the guys will interpret the data for you.
Well, I do supplement DHEA w/ DIM & I haven't experienced a drop off in my regular workout recovery.
It's mainly just the interest level in the opposite gender, in terms of wasting time with them, outside of gentlemen's clubs.