Nice, define "Mixed Signals" though.DarthXedonias wrote:
Thought I would show you guys the girl I met. Since I've gotten mixed signals I'm going to tread carefully with this one.
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Ironically, learning the language in Japan and Thailand does not necessarily open doors, and if often makes things worse, not better. At least with younger women. The ones that want Western guys are those interested in the Western culture and who want to learn English or French or whatever. If you are a person who wants to fit in and who respects the culture, you go against the grain. You become a freak. A Japanese speaking Westerner is weird to them. Like a talking monkey or something. They can't play host, they don't know how to treat you and you still act different and you are of another race. That is why they giggle and often mockingly praise your language skills. Same in Thailand. Now if you want to meet older, divorced women or those who are out of the dating pool and no local man wants them, then I guess it is OK. With fresh younger ones, it is tough.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Cynical, yes, cold, well, only in the Baltics. The Slavs are very warm on the inside but they just appear cold and distant. The opposite of say Aussies who appear affable but who are cold and distant on the inside. Actually the Slavs always complain that most Anglos are as cold as ice.
You are spot on. It is basically the desire to have an All- American looking girl. A Marilyn Monroe look alike. Very few expats realize that the culture there is so radically different that you really need to study it and the language in order to be able to love them and be loved by them. When the guys discover that she does not act or think American even though she "looks" American there are all kinds of problems often ending in a divorce. And the girls look for an improved version of a Russian man and upon America as a better version of Russia. Then they are shocked at how different the things are.
Many Asian girls have a lot of common sense, especially Filipinas. And knowledge can be taught. No biggie
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Eh, well things didn't work out like I thought. Which I am actually glad about.
DJjourney: I got some mixed signals. Pretty sure the woman was not a scammer, and pretty sure she still isn't even though I'm about to break it off with her, but she does have a similar issue I had read about on these forums concerning certain Ukrainian/Russian women. I remember Winston posting the testimonials of certain men who had married Russian women. They said that their woman would do anything to win a argument, even make up events that didn't happen or words that their man had never said. Needless to say this happened to me. I have learned that "adversity tests the loyalty of a true friend". Well, I decided to see what she really believed (which you can only find out I believe by going through hard times). Needless to say I "tested" her. I won't go into much detail about how I did that but lets just say the change in her was like night and day. Basically, she acted like what those other guys had said. She was determined to "win" the argument no matter what and to have her way. To top that, even after I revealed to her it was a test she kept on arguing about those very things that I said were just a test. Her last letter to me Made almost no logical sense to me. Therefore, i think I am definitely ,leaving the eastern Europe route and going the Asian route for now on (particularly Central Asia). I mean, I'm ditching all of Ukraine. you could probably still find a good woman there but it seems like it would be harder than compared to 15 years ago. Besides, originally when I was interested in foreign woman I was more interested in Asian women at the time (mainly Japan). Also, I think I like the Asian Mentality on dealing with Conflict that I have seen so far. So, I guess it was learning experience and a interesting trip but I will definitely won't be going back. I will probably find the letter she wrote me and post it to see what I meant.
P.S. Almost forgot, there was a certain "issue" that I let be known at the onset of our relationship that I won't negotiate on, which she agreed to. Funny, when I tested her she tried to say "in order to continue in a relationship with me" you will have to basically bend to my will on this issue. Frak that, I'm dropping her like rock.
Wow! You ran into some bitches! There are many women that won't do that. In addition, a lot of misunderstanding again comes from lack of culture knowledge and language. If Asia is your thing - go for it! Although not every Asian girl is good too. I remember reading one of the threads here about Chinese girl with addiction to casino and gambling. I just can't believe how you ditch a whole region just because you ran into a few bitchy women I mean where is persistence and tenacity? I personally hate when Americans consider themselves unique and "chosen people" and that their foreign wife is a servant. That is a recipe for failure! Every person wants to be understood and every girl that grew up in foreign country has to adjust and you have to make sure you learn things about her culture and best learn some language. Not even mentioning that learning any language benefits greatly with jobs and overall thinking, knowledge and improves common sense, adds communication skills etc.
Have2fly: Thanks for the advice. I don't know if I have given up on the entire region to be honest. I do at different times contemplate whether I want to go back there. There was 2 other girls I had been in contact with that thinking about it now, I shouldn't have ruled out. Only thing is it would have been alot of travel. One lived in Nikolaev and the other in Kharkiv. What are your opinions about these cities? I will admit at the same time, I keep wondering if I should ditch the whole marriage thing for a little longer and instead focus on my career for the next 2 years or so. Thing that keeps on making me think other wise is that being in the Navy right now in Hawaii once I get married the military gives you extra money to take care of your dependents. So, I could easily get married and finish my education up to my masters degree , though it will be a "bit" more difficult than just focusing on just one at a time. Either way, until I make up my mind other wise, I will be planning a trip for May or June. It might be for Central Asia, or it might be for Ukraine again. We will see what happens. If you have any suggestions for cities to go to, I'm more than glad to listen to your opinion. Of course if you want to PM me that, I will understand.
I do have one question for you though. Is it true that Ukrainian women would let the man be the head of the household. Just wondering, because the one woman I mentioned would say she wanted the man to be the head of the house but that he would listen to her opinion. I had no problem with that and I would like to take a more leadership role in any family I do have (Don't misunderstand though, I don't want my wife to be sub servant or anything). But when I saw her true side, it would seem she was the one who really wanted to wear the pants in the family.
I would recommend you leave the service and get a stable financial source flowing. Getting married while in service might sound easy, but look at how many other seamen are getting divorce or wife will play while hubby is away. Seen to many of my friends while I was Active Army getting burned. Military + Marriage = disaster in waiting. Personaly I think you'll have less then 10% chance of successful marriage in the military while stationed in USA. But if you marry a foreign woman and do homestay ( keep extending your oversea tour untill you retire at that location) I've seen higher rate of successful marriage in the military. But its a difficult path.
Last edited by CheezeRaider on December 8th, 2011, 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Yes it true, that most FSU women expect you to be head of the household. Women from those countries want to be in a traditional role. That does not mean she isn't willing to work to help with the family's bottom line, of course she would work unless you guys agreed to something else.
I expect my wife to stay at home with the children before school age. In much of Europe they allow this with 1/2 pay (first 24 months at full pay), which takes pressure off you. You can also get paid family leave, unlike the US which has family leave but its unpaid.
Overall I think if you want a wife and children, you can't go wrong with European Women IMHO. Eastern Europeans want a traditional role, while Western European Women can take advantage of family friendly laws encouraging child birth.
As I've said in previous post man, just be careful there plenty of women to choose from. Meet as many as possible, as a Black Man, you're appeal is somewhat limited, but I honestly believe that's an advantage. The only problem comes when its more than one woman interested in you....
Zboy1 and CheezeRaider: Normally I would fully agree with you but given my rate and which station I will be working at, I won't have to worry about such problems as most military members would. I'm stationed at a communications shore command right now, so I won't be deploying unless I decided to stay in for another 4 years. Another benefit though is that i'm a rotation at my command, I'm only going to be working 15 days out of every month. So, I will have plenty of time to spend time with my family and get a education if I choose.
djfourmoney: Thanks for the information. I would like to ask a few questions if you don't mind answering them. If I go back, what number of dates minimum would you think I should set up before I go? I admit, I actually had more women set up before (like 6) but I slowly did narrow down the number mostly because the women I was interested in lived in different cities. Therefore, Would it be better to do everything from a more centralized location? I was thinking if I did, that I would do it from either Odessa or Nikolaev. Also, would you recommend countries like Estonia or Modolva?
Marriage while serving in the military =
Typical scenario that's played out again and again since the invasion of Afghanistan & Iraq:
Guy leaves for 1 year because of deployment to warzone. Comes back, wife's 9 months pregnant. Ponders, "Did I f**k her before I left? Ah who cares, it feels dam good to be home." Thanks to re-deployment it often happens more than once.
I knew a Filipina + Chinese couple. 1st baby was black! Filipina claimed African ancestry down the line. Next baby was Hispanic, she claimed Spanish ancestry down the line. And the poor husband believed it. He was content with life so neither his brothers nor his friends wanted to raise a scandal.
DarthXedonias: how old are you? What kind of education do you have at the moment or did I miss that info?
I will write a more extended answer when I have time. I have many thoughts on the subject. In general - Odessa, Nikolaev, Kherson, Lugansk and Donetsk are very good cities to go to. I would also consider Lugansk and Poltava - those 2 are often skipped, but those cities are much less rich and girls are absolutely beautiful there!
Kharkov is a second largest city and it seems like it is getting more expensive, almost like Kiev. Of course it depends what you consider expensive.
I know one story just to add to the topic. One very decent Italian guy went to Ukraine to get introduced to one girl that I recommended. I didn't know her well, but he loved her pictures, so he went there. Well, she came out to be a terrible gold-digger! She used him as much as possible for restaurants and shopping and dumped him at the end. He got SO upset, not even funny. So while riding the train back to Kiev to catch his flight back to Rome he had other people riding next to him in the train car. There was a girl riding with her mom. Amazingly, that girl was an old fashioned educated and VERY sweet down to Earth girl and her mother was feeding him home-made food. This Italian guy and that girl on the train fell in love, mother blessed them and they are getting married soon, he is taking her to Italy. (He is an engineer, make decent money).
THAT's precisely WHY I LOVE Ukraine! You never know where you can meet that special one! Even being so upset riding the train with strangers gives you an opportunity to meet a girl and get married. Romantic in the old-school way, just like in movies, but never happens in America unfortunately. Things that work to his advantage is that he is Italian and culture-wise he is much more able to understand Ukrainian culture and traditions compared to Americans that are very uncultured in a traditional way (ethnic way?), self-centered and closed-off to strangers.
Moldova is great, too. Many gypsies live there though. But the country is very poor, be careful with scammers though. I met one Moldovan girl who would go on dates with foreign guys and then her fellow local policeman would arrest the guy claiming he raped her and ask the guy for bribes to let him go. So just watch your back and know your crowd.
Given I have almost too much free time on my hands...
I think personally the same minimums apply, location doesn't matter much. Not that sex is an accurate measuring stick, I do find it the most accurate when it comes to creatures that use emotions = Women.
I'd say 3 dates is plenty.
I highly suggest you centralize yourself so you can get more done. That is sort of a problem when women are located all over the place. Women don't like to feel they are 2nd on the priority chart. I think that's why you sort of have to remain "pure" during the process.
From Germany which is pretty much central Europe, you can get cheap flights out of Frankfurt or Frankfurt-Hahn to just about anywhere in Eastern Europe.
I agree with 3fly about Poltava and other less traveled parts of Ukraine/Russia/FSU by Westerns. In fact I would recommend you look under EVERY ROCK you can. If you can get to her by plane, its likely worth it. Especially in places where Westerns are a rarity, then again anywhere outside of Moscow, Kiev or St Pete is likely has only seen Westerns and especially American Black Men on TV.
Good Luck and keep us posted.
Women from former Soviet nations, Mongolia and Kyrgyzstan included, are attracted to Western men. They see us as good husband material. Mostly due to the fact that Western men are hard workers, responsible, and tend not to get drunk and beat them shit out of our women. We are also less likely to cheat, and we actually listen to them when they talk, for the most part.
How to deal with newbies that talk much but do little.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Cool story, bro.