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Conforming to find love in the US

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Conforming to find love in the US

Postby OTB » Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:00 am

A guy I went to college with made the statement one time, while hanging out, that if we were like everybody else we would have girls. I said exactly.

He had a bad relationship with his American girlfriend who left him after 4 years for another guy without an ounce of guilt. He was devastated. About a year later he met a German girl who was here as an au pair. She made him feel like a king. However, she went back to Germany and that was the end of that. He said after she left that he was done with AW. He was just going to date foreign women. His reason for saying that was obviously due to his experience with the German girl. But also, he said it was too much of a task trying to meet AW. It was a breeze talking and getting to know the German girl. He met her on the train and sparked up a conversation. But anyway, we talked about this topic of AW many times. But what he said is absolutely true. If we were like everyone else it would be easier to meet girls and start a relationship. However, we don't fall into those categories I just mentioned in the last post.

So in order to get along with and find a woman in this country, well, I think you'll have to conform. If you don't it will be very difficult trying to find someone who thinks outside the box i.e. a non-conformist AW. Are they out there? Yes. Is it easy finding one? NOOO!

I WILL NEVER CONFORM. I am who I am.

I know I said in a previous post I would give American women a chance. I'm referring to those who dig my personality and mindset and someone that makes me smile just at the thought of them.

What's your thoughts on this about conforming to find love?
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Postby ErikHeaven » Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:14 am

NEVER! Too much pride.
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Postby FREEDOM1 » Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:40 am

I think you have already answered your own question
you are preaching to the choir
If you have to change yourself and pretend to be
someon else........... to have a girl like you - cmon really
are you going to compromise your values, your true spirit
you will never be happy
western culture is fake and materialistic - we all know this here
and thats why we want to go abroad
by the way how you going with that chick you were talkimg about
at work - hows that going for you - do you have to change yourself
to impress her??
if so - get rid of her
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Postby Winston » Thu Feb 16, 2012 6:17 am

Not exactly. Conforming to the crowd may up your chances, but there are many conformists who have no dates or girlfriends. They just party and get drunk. That's because women are very picky and you have to be her physical type too, not just a conformist.

The advantage of being a conformist is that you follow the crowd and attend more parties and group events and activities, and eventually develop a clique. All of this ups your chances, but that doesn't mean you will get what you want. You will still often have to settle and be rejected by the women you find desirable.

There are alternative hippie girls who are into smoking pot and alternative holistic stuff and are counter-culture minded. However, you still have to look like a hot and tall hippie guy to attract them. If you just have a lot in common with them, it's not enough.

Rock told me something interesting, that conformist preppy girls probably find "down to earth" guys like us weird and not very interesting.
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Re: Conforming to find love in the US

Postby FreeYourMind » Thu Feb 16, 2012 9:05 am

OTB wrote:I WILL NEVER CONFORM. I am who I am.



That says it all right there. Once you are awake you can never go back, or at least you can never go back and be satisfied. Be thankful you have the gift of your eyes being wide open, unlike the vast majority of men and women in the U.S. and the Anglosphere.
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Postby GuitarGuy996 » Thu Feb 16, 2012 9:42 am

I just woke up and yours is the first post I read.

I honestly have been thinking the exact same thing lately. I've been going over it in my head over and over again.

I had this new hypothesis: It seems that people who want relationships in America are those who know how to pick their battles. It seems to be ingrained in our culture now. Women nag, are entitlement queens, are selfish etc and etc, yet men put up with it because of their sexual appeal. I feel this has been going on for thousands of years. Men evolved to use logic, reason, and morality to survive in this world, and women learned to use their sexuality to reap the benefits of this civil society that men built without having to do any real work for it. I've constantly questioned, do I want to be happy (conform) or do I want to be right? Ironically, I'm the most internally happy when I'm right and single.

I'm no fan of the Bible nor am I a Christian, however I have read the Bible several times over the course of my life. In the letters to the churches, Paul makes mention of the fact that he is glad he is single. He says there is no mandate that says one must remain single, but he simply "wishes" more were like him. I can relate. I've been "single" in the sense that there is not one female I am dealing with right now on any form of sexual/romantic level for about 3 months now; it seems to remove the fog from your brain.

It is disheartening though. Especially this forum/site. When I first read all of Winston's articles I felt that I had a new lease on life. Then, after a few months on the forum, I came to realize that these problems exist in other countries as well. I don't WANT to accept the nature of women as an absolutely true, universal principle of life; but if it is true, I have to learn to deal with it.

Sex is so strong that it's able to transcend the logic of even the most brilliant, self actualized man. That amazes me. Women have alot of power make no mistake about it. Whoever "invented" patriarchal society really was on to something. This power needs to be controlled to prevent it from wreaking havoc on the lives of countless men.

However I would be being untrue to myself to conform knowing what I know and being who I am now. I have a strange feeling my life is going to be a string of meaningless sexual relationships that I'm going to have to learn to not take too seriously. I have yet to meet one woman in my life that I truly respect through and through. It's too easy to sell out having the power that they have. "Work hard or flash my tits?" Compromise/work stuff out or just nag until I get my way" "Settle for something good or do everything that I can to get everything that I want". For most women the choice is simple. We would probably do the same thing if we were born with a vagina.

This is what happens to countries. Look at the roaring 20's vs the great depression. When people have what they want, they just want more. When people have nothing, they will take anything; I've surely been on both sides of the coin multiple times throughout my life. When the good times get too good we get greedy and need to be humbled. When we are humbled we learn to do what's right and slowly work our way back up. Our country needs to fall hard again so people (especially women) learn how to behave in a way that doesn't just benefit them. Everything in life, and I mean everything, comes full circle.
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Postby Jackal » Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:05 pm

GuitarGuy996 wrote:Our country needs to fall hard again so people (especially women) learn how to behave in a way that doesn't just benefit them. Everything in life, and I mean everything, comes full circle.

By most indications, the US is in the process of "falling hard"--but not for the rich! So American women will still be attached to the fantasy TV sells them of being swept off their feet by rich men. TV is often what prevents American from seeing reality because they have no motivation to find out the facts for themselves. TV is such a powerful control mechanism that I'm surprised that the US government doesn't just hand them out for free!
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Postby GuitarGuy996 » Thu Feb 16, 2012 6:53 pm

Jackal, very true.

Ron Paul 2012
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get a grip

Postby lookin4happiness » Thu Feb 16, 2012 7:38 pm

Winston wrote:Not exactly. Conforming to the crowd may up your chances, but there are many conformists who have no dates or girlfriends. They just party and get drunk. That's because women are very picky and you have to be her physical type too, not just a conformist.

The advantage of being a conformist is that you follow the crowd and attend more parties and group events and activities, and eventually develop a clique. All of this ups your chances, but that doesn't mean you will get what you want. You will still often have to settle and be rejected by the women you find desirable.

There are alternative hippie girls who are into smoking pot and alternative holistic stuff and are counter-culture minded. However, you still have to look like a hot and tall hippie guy to attract them. If you just have a lot in common with them, it's not enough.

Rock told me something interesting, that conformist preppy girls probably find "down to earth" guys like us weird and not very interesting.


What Rock told you is not interesting at all. It is complete BS. If anything it is well travelled "down to earth" guys that find preppie american chicks to be completely typical and boring. I mean give me a break what are you talking about the local sorority sisters. Anyway I think we need to stop buying into the propoganda that society has brainwashed us with regarding boring guys vs "exciting guys"..
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@ OTB

Postby The_Hero_of_Men » Thu Feb 16, 2012 8:02 pm

You know, the title of this thread is a misnomer, right? Reason being is that if I have to "conform" to find "true love", then it's not really love at all, right?
Wielding the blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light. This man, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Men. The man's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend...
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Postby OTB » Thu Feb 16, 2012 11:01 pm

@The Hero of Men

Precisely. You're are absolutely right. That's why I say this is me, and if you love ME then you'll accept me for who I am.
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Postby Winston » Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:25 pm

Have you all noticed that down to earth type of people tend to have trouble fitting in to America? Why is that? And doesn't it speak volumes about how dysfunctional American social culture is, especially on the West Coast?
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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Re: get a grip

Postby Rock » Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:36 pm

lookin4happiness wrote:
Winston wrote:Not exactly. Conforming to the crowd may up your chances, but there are many conformists who have no dates or girlfriends. They just party and get drunk. That's because women are very picky and you have to be her physical type too, not just a conformist.

The advantage of being a conformist is that you follow the crowd and attend more parties and group events and activities, and eventually develop a clique. All of this ups your chances, but that doesn't mean you will get what you want. You will still often have to settle and be rejected by the women you find desirable.

There are alternative hippie girls who are into smoking pot and alternative holistic stuff and are counter-culture minded. However, you still have to look like a hot and tall hippie guy to attract them. If you just have a lot in common with them, it's not enough.

Rock told me something interesting, that conformist preppy girls probably find "down to earth" guys like us weird and not very interesting.


What Rock told you is not interesting at all. It is complete BS. If anything it is well travelled "down to earth" guys that find preppie american chicks to be completely typical and boring. I mean give me a break what are you talking about the local sorority sisters. Anyway I think we need to stop buying into the propoganda that society has brainwashed us with regarding boring guys vs "exciting guys"..


What I actually said was regarding a very specific context and not met to be taken in a general sense. I told Winston that I believed ABCs probably needed to fit into the preppy stereotype to do very well with Taiwan girls. ABCs stand-out for being more worldly, westernized, educated, fashionable, and self-confident when compared to the average local person. So it behooves them to play into that generally positive stereotype here. The situation for white guys is somewhat different however.
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Postby momopi » Mon Feb 20, 2012 5:06 pm

Here's a recent example of the "ABC (American Born Chinese) image" on TV, Harry Shum Jr playing the role of Mike Chang on Glee:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_2T44CSXj8&feature=related[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah161cPID4U&feature=related[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xS5BlSAgjV4&feature=related[/youtube]
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