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Confidence? You guys must mean MASCULINITY.
You can go to a foreign, non-western country, be masculine or feminine, and get dates. It's about what the other person thinks of you and what you offer to them.
In a western country, people will tell you to be "confident" and persuade you to try and be someone you're not. A waste of energy! One must know that the dating game in the western world is purposefully rigged against successful people, unless you're useful to the elite. Obey them, and you're more likely to get female company, favors etc, but go against them and you get NOTHING. Women automatically qualify, as they don't usually rebel against society.
Well, I can tell you that confidence itself is a nebulous thing. There are lots of nebulous terms out there... "love", "respect", "faith". These mean different things to different people.
The problem with self improvement is that you can't see yourself from the outside. And the other thing is that all the stuff that people worry about means little to everyone else because the other people are probably just as self conscious.
And the problem with "inner game", hypnosis and nlp is that it gets you focused on your self so much that you become a neurotic walking basket case. Trust me, I know a few people who were into the PUA thing and at least one is in therapy because of it.
This is not to say that depression, anxiety, chemical imbalances do not exist. They do. I suffer from depression and I take anti-depressants.
So get that handled if you are prone to depression or anxiety. A good med can change your life.
Right now there is so much focus on technique and performance that people often don't enjoy reality. The thing people are trying to get to is just rapport and being genuine with people.
Skip the performance and just be genuine.
Focus on the other people and try to see what is attractive about them as a whole.
aaaahhh yes india, ... very jealous, have fun
As the old saying goes; 'to find yourself, you must loose yourself'
- It's easy to give, when you know what it's like to have nothing. -
- Develop a backbone, not a wishbone. -
Confidence is simply positive thoughts of successful past experiences being re-played in a man's head. If you ask a girl out and she says yes, you can re-play that happy memory in your mind the next time you encounter a woman that you want to ask out. If you have no positive experiences to look back on, then you have no confidence. This is why lacking confidence per se is not a bad thing. Women/society blast men all the time for "lacking confidence" as if they are bad people. But really, you're just simply a guy without positive experiences with women. You just have to break the ice, get a successful experience to rely upon and build yourself up from there. Open up your tolerances, ask out and date a few fat girls, MILFs, or something.
Obviously this has been your life story.
Have any of you noticed that New Agers will claim that if women reject you, then you must have low self-esteem, low confidence, or a negative attitude? Female New Agers are especially prone to do this.
But this is ridiculous and doesn't make sense. In reality, women reject men who are not THEIR TYPE. But if you are her type and she is attracted to you, then you can be an asshole, dickhead, and be as negative as you want, yet she will still cling to you and come to you. If you are not her type, you can have many wonderful qualities, and she will still reject you, or she will "friend zone" you. That's how it works.
Confidence or self-esteem has very little to do with it. Confidence alone does not create attractiveness to women. It only enhances attractiveness if she already perceives you as desirable. If you are "her type" then your confidence will validate her attraction to you. This is basic psychology. Only if she likes you, will your confidence be seen as an attractive attribute to her. Otherwise, if you're not her type, then it won't matter. An ugly guy who tries to act confident will still be perceived as a creep. That's how it works.
Looks are everything in America. The dating culture is very shallow. People are not judged by their inner qualities in the dating scene. We all know that.
Thus, for a woman to reject a man claiming that "he lacks confidence" is a mere shaming tactic, to hide the fact that she isn't attracted to him physically, because she does not want to appear shallow. I've seen American women do this countless times. It's very dishonest and cruel.
The truth is, confidence is a by-product of success. It has to be validated by some kind of actual worth or value for it to matter. Being confident for no reason does not create real value. For example, if I don't know anything about fixing cars and I tell you that "I'm confident that I can fix your car", it will not help or make it true. Such confidence would be baseless. But if I know a lot about fixing computers (which I do) then my confidence in being able to fix your computer will have a real basis. In other words, if I'm really good at something, then I have a right to be confident about it. But if I suck at something, I have no right to act confident about it. Fake confidence does not help and has no value, even in a fake culture like America.
I don't understand why New Agers can't accept that. It's like they have a need to believe that everything is controllable, including looks, attraction and other people. They can't seem to accept that some things are not controllable. But we all know that you can't control what others think and feel. So why don't they accept that? It's very weird. They are obviously out of touch with reality and logic.
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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
nothing alone creates attractiveness to women
for men, maybe
you've described competence in this paragraph. competence is the by-product of success, not confidence. confidence comes before the attempt is even made. confidence is not logical
is it better to have baseless confidence or baseless self-doubt