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DJ - great post and thanks for your words.
I'm going no matter what. My plane tickets are bought. I was just making an observation about the rampant negativity in this forum.
Even Ladislav, who's supposed to be the "chief advisor" and has written a book about going abroad, quite frankly is constantly posting negativity. I mean no disrespect to Ladislav who has obviously done more traveling than I have, and I know people are going to be quick to jump on here and say things like "this is reality" and "he knows his shit listen to em" or anything to that effect, but I'm just stating what I see. He has way more, "don't do this's" then "do this's". He apparently also advocates picking up prostitutes. Again, all respect, but stating my observations.
Here's what I've learned from Happier Abroad:
Phillipines is Gold for men, they speak English, love westerners, are cute, humble, and sweet.
Russia/FSU has gorgeous women who don't have the options that Western women have and by and large have great character, are approachable, and easy to interact with.
so on and so forth. Thank you Winston. For all the flack you get on this forum you did an awesome thing creating this site and have helped changed many men's live for the better.
Here's what I've learned from the Happier Abroad Forums:
Phillipines is trash. The women are stupid. The food is terrible. The place is a dump.
Russia is essentially the same as the US, you have to go to some remote village to find women "not affected by western influence" or other random sweeping generalization.
AND the thing that pisses me off the very most is the SAME OLD conversation about pickup and game, even applied to foreign countries. I've made many posts on this topic and I'm not trying to beat a dead horse: I AM NOT GOING TO CHANGE MYSELF TO PLEASE A WOMAN AND "WIN" HER, I DON'T CARE WHAT COUNTRY I'M IN. I am a good person (yes, this actually matters) and know how to treat a woman right, love her right, and eventually be an amazing Father to my chidlren. Women in this country love men that are "dominant" (cruel, player, asshole, witty). I AM NOT THAT PERSON AND WILL NEVER BE. Thank you and goodnight. Please, please, please, for the Love of Christ...I ask any future poster who responds to this to not bring up evolution. Please. Don't. We are DEVOLVING as a society. A society that does not know how to work together is DEVOLVING. When men compete to be the best, at the perfect and complete expense of his fellow man to please a woman (Oh, and it DOES WORK), society is in decline. Few winners, many losers. I don't give a shit how Napolean, Alexander the Great, or Khangis Khan did it, we live in a civilized, peaceful society and I'm not going to apply some evolutionary, primal, domination tactic to pick up a woman.
I'll cut my dick off tomorrow rather than ever reflect upon or entertain the idea of PUA ever again in my life.
ALL THIS SAID
I am YOUNG: 26 years old. I have a fantastic relationship with my mother and know how to interact with women (NOT GAME, I mean basic social skills where you actually are concerned with the other person and LISTEN to what they say). I am good looking but a bit short (5'5). I have dated cute and 1 very beautiful girls in my life.
Why am I saying this? I am not a loser. I'm not ready to go to another country to pick up whores. I'm not going to another country to compete with the men there at our "game spitting" skills. Why? I cannot complete. I am not tall, rich, or good looking enough. I can't compete in that world. I "compete" in this world by caring, by being a team player, by loving, by putting relationships firt and self second. Unfortunately, these traits (that once made America great) are the VERY traits that are labeled as weakness now.
Again I say, America is in sharp decline.
I fell in love with this site and forum in November and will gladly continue to play a part, but the attitude is often times sour here. Russianwomentruth.org is sometimes a better place to go to read positive posts about men living a better live in Russia. "Oh they're being positive but just kidding themselves". Sometimes a positive post/note will give someone the courage to go over there and have his dreams of meeting a wonderful woman fulfilled. I'm not a name it/claim it, "The Secret kinda guy, but sometimes perception is reality.
I would agree with you that sometimes the negativity can be discouraging and it pisses me off. OTOH, a couple points to note:
1. Every forum on the Internet has negative posters; unfortunately it's a part of the online experience.
2. Therefore it's your responsibility to choose who to believe or who to ignore.
3. More importantly it's your responsibility to have your own experiences, so that you can determine what is true, or at least what is true for you. You're in the process of doing that, and partially HA inspired you to.
4. Everyone has his blind spots, both positively and negatively. Winston used to love the Philippines; now he hates it. PI didn't change, Winston did, which is certainly his right.
Let me tell you a story which may (or may not) relate to this. Many years ago when my son was a newborn I decided to make myself a guitar. Not just any guitar - an archtop guitar. At the time there was only one book in existence on how to make an archtop. I read it and it sounded pretty doable, so I announced to my then wife that I would be making an archtop. She rolled her eyes, said "whatver - but you can't use power tools and disturb the baby." "No problem," I said. "I'll strictly use hand tools. The book says it's easy."
I then bought another book on guitar making. Much more detailed, this book is still considered the Bible of guitar making. Reading it, the process sounded impossibly difficult and discouraging. But by then I was committed and decided to believe the 1st book.
Turns out that the process was more difficult than the first book made it seem, but less overwhelming than the 2nd more negative book. I successfully made that and other guitars based on the encouragement of the 1st book. Had I read the 2nd book first, I would never have started the process.
So while you should read the negative comments, be inspired by the positive ones and get out there and do it!
Hey GuitarGuy, just enjoy your time overseas instead of worrying about what some people have to say about a particular country or region. Everybody has different experiences so, take them with a grain of salt. Some experiences can be positive, others negative. It will vary from person to person. It's their opinion and they have a right to express themselves even if it what they may say is negative as you mentioned. Take some pictures and post them when you get back from your trip.
Dave - Thanks for an excellent post.
I think your analogy of the guitar is pretty relevant. I guess you have to find a healthy balance between the foreign utopia promoters and naysayers.
On the positivity/negativity note: I was picked on alot in high school for being short. I was the butt of many jokes in high school, but years later as I objectively view it, I see that was rooted in the extreme insecurity of our culture, especially in the youth.
Yet I'm still alive, had some success with a few girls, and taught myself guitar. I made it and am better off now for going through it.
The one thing that I learned from the negativity I experienced in high school was to be an encouraging, positive influence to others. Even one positive word can be enough to fuel their drive/ambition for months. It's amazing how deeply we are able to hurt others, even if it wasn't our intention, as the result of our extreme insecurities.
I now find strength in weakness, as many great thinkers before me did.
Problem with being too negative: You discourage people and pour cold water on their hopes and suggest there are no solutions to their problems out there. So they may give-up and do nothing.
Problem with being too positive: You give people false hopes and unrealistic expectations. So they end-up bitter and very disappointed cus for example they didn't find their dream wife after a $4,500+ marriage tour to FSU or they didn't get the bargains and girls they were expecting in Philippines (Ph_visitor).
I sincerely try to be balanced (realistic) and not fall into either extrme unless the reality is really so great or bad. I've lived and dated in foreign countries all my adult life. With very few exceptions, I've found that if you just 'show-up' and expect it all to happen, you will be bitterly disappointed. To a certain degree, women are women, no matter where you go.
In your case, you've got a lot going for you - good looking and young. If your height becomes a problem (I don't know how picky FSU women are about this in general), there are many alternative countries where it won't be. Your physical appearance will make it easy for you to meet and date very attractive young women in many of the countries often discused here. So give Russia a shot keeping in mind that in some ways, its defintely one of the more challenging HA destinations. At the same time, keep-in mind that you have many other great options just in case it does not deliver on what you are hopoing for.
Good luck. Is that positive enough?
The Philippines has it's problems, but you will not find me dwelling on them. If you were interested in going
and interested in doing more than screwing bar girls, you can private mail me and I will tell you EXACTLY
what to do to have success probably beyond your imagination.
A few other posters here have exchanged mails with me in that regard, and if they were to talk with you
they would tell you my advice is spot on. Its not some kind of special talent, just the result of
years of Philippines living, paying attention, and applying common sense.
I am married to a Filipina, happily, we have a home here and a small farm as well.
I deal with ordinary things here all the time- I have no interest in the bar girl nightlife.
Most of the content here is not about people like me- it is about sex tourism or "dating" girls, bar girls and all that.
To each their own, and I am sure the working girls need the work. For example, can anyone here point out one
forum participant who spoke of their courtship and marriage to a "foreign girl"? I cannot remember a single instance.
I have no issue with guys who screw all the bar girls they want, it's just that men who are seriously interested in
marriage can hardly expect this environment to be of much value to their search.
I am not negative. I just try to pop illusions on occasion...but if you can learn a realistic approach, you can
succeed very well.
I think you're doing the right thing, but IMHO, there are a couple of factors to consider about Russia:
* Russian girls tend to be tall.
* One other thing is this, are you Anglo/Nordic-looking, or ethnic (i.e. dark-haired)? If you're dark-haired, once again, Russia could be challenging because the girls are blonde. Significantly better choices would be Argentina, Brazil, Poland, Ukraine, or Bulgaria. These are all relatively pleasant countries with hot brunette girls who dig dark-haired guys. Note also, the girls are not tall in these countries, they're on the short side.
We have a lot of Russian girls here where I live. They are without exception blonde-haired, and 5'9-5'10. In heels they're over 6'. I find this combination unacceptable and undesirable, but that's because I'm a shorter ethnic guy, I don't know what your preferences are.
IMHO, Russian girls are an excellent choice for Anglo or Northern-European-looking men who are 5'10+. But not for dark-haired/ethnic guys under 5'10.
Having said all that, I really look forward to your report and a summary of your trip, I'd be very interested to hear how it goes.
I agree with you. We shouldn't be posting about bar girls or sex tourism because the real principle about this site is to find happiness abroad. I'm engaged with a wonderful Lithuanian woman myself and moving this year to Vilnius Lithuania. It's good to point out the good and the bad in the forums as a community that we are but in the end most people can't take our word for it cause every place has it's good and it's bad. The real purpose here is to share the experiences and help other men who have been on this rejection pattern in america for far too long and of course they can make a judgement based on their own experiences once they pack their bags and experience their countries of choice.
Denver and L.A. (note the periods, as LA stands for the state of Louisiana!) are both hotspots for sports (Denver -> skiing & other mountain activity, L.A., surfing & mountain activity), as well as defense work (i.e., lots of ale engineers & technicians) and of course, show biz in L.A., so there is a relative imbalance of men when compared to the already horrible imbalance in the USA in general. I have lived in both towns - although I can say at least that L.A. has some hot women (that were totally untouchable by a non-rich, non-badboy.) Denver especially has lots of athletic men who like to ski (like me ), and skiing is definitely a male dominated sport. So I can see how a wealthy and decently attractive man in Denver can struggle. (When I was in Denver - for a few winters in the last few years - I basically gave up and hit the quite wild strip joints there. )
Agreed. There are a lot of tall Russian women - although they are not quite as heightist as American women. I can attest that Ukraine has a certain number of shorter women. And the ethnic Ukrainian women are all have *natural* dark hair, with a higher incidence of dyed hair that virtually anywhere in the world. (It's quite sexy for a blonde haired woman to have a dark landing strip ) I'm at 5'5", and my dream is to get a 5'7" woman. Walking with my arm around a taller women almost always gives me a strong erection!
All these girls who dye their hair blonde are misguided and have no idea what they're doing. They're under the mistaken impression (popular in society) that blondes are more in demand than brunettes, and more attractive. Actually, nothing could be further from the truth. The blonde women that I see around me are all single and have trouble finding guys. Meanwhile, there are no single brunettes around, they all seem to be taken!
After years on the dating scene I kinda came to the conclusion that, contrary to the myth, "gentlemen prefer brunettes" and that my preference for them isn't unique at all, in fact all the other guys are competing for them too (I talked to some of my friends and they confirmed it). But society for some reason peddles the lie that "gentlemen prefer blondes" and wants you to believe that.
There's so many available single blondes that I've been approached by a few, but I turned them down, because they weren't my type. Why the myth is kept alive about blondes I have no idea.