Social Networking (Facebook) and Cliquishness

[Someone]

Am I the only one who sometimes goes out solo dolo? I've gone to bars alone with the intention of getting the craft beer special and walked out hammered because someone struck up a conversation with me.

Cliques exist everywhere though. When I was in the UK staying in a hostel, there was a group of French students who pretty much stayed to themselves so it isn't an American thing.

You're not the only one - I used to do it too in the past (althought not anymore). That's exactly why men and women never meet each other. Males tend to male things (what you described is fairly typical male behavior: going to a bar, alone, and/or drinking beer), while women tend to female things (getting together with their girlfriends to socialise). The two genders each have their gender-typical behavior. You can never get a woman to go to a bar to drink because that's just not what women do--or to do anything alone. And you can't get men to always do everything in groups, because that's not male behavior. Those are just a few examples.

I agree. The thing about Facebook is that there is no way to expand your social circle. Even contacting women on FB who look interesting, and/or went to the same high school as you, is considered "taboo". Facebook is virtually (no pun intended) useless in terms of making friends. I have, however, had success with start-up businesses using Facebook. It's completely free, has a predominantly large user base, and requires no programming knowledge. Essentially, Facebook can be used as a tool or "hook" to reel in fans rather than fake friends and flakey females who won't f**k you.

Same exact experience. FB has proven 100% useless for meeting women or making friends in my experience. On the other hand, as a business tool, FB can work in the same manner as "LinkedIn."

[Jackal]

I never used social networking sites when I was in the US, but the OP doesn't surprise me.

However, Hungarians (and I suspect people from many other foreing countries act differently). I've made new friends with Hungarians on such sites. If I don't know someone I send a friend request to, I usually write some intelligent message about why I want to add them as my friend on that site (it's of course more effective when I write in Hungarian).

But you might apply the same principal to talking with other foreign women on social networking websites. Maybe if you talk to Spanish-speaking women, it won't be as hard and it doesn't take much effort to learn some Spanish. Social networking websites are also a great way to learn a foreign language when you get to an intermediate level.

Want to break into new cliques? Learn a f***ing foreign language!! Switch off the incessant English chatter in your brains for a moment and just listen to a foreign language with an open mind! It's challenging, but not impossible. Our brains were made to learn languages.

Even if you still make lots of mistakes, you still have a chance of impressing some foreigners with your efforts.

[E_Irizarry]

I never used social networking sites when I was in the US, but the OP doesn't surprise me.

However, Hungarians (and I suspect people from many other foreing countries act differently). I've made new friends with Hungarians on such sites. If I don't know someone I send a friend request to, I usually write some intelligent message about why I want to add them as my friend on that site (it's of course more effective when I write in Hungarian).

But you might apply the same principal to talking with other foreign women on social networking websites. Maybe if you talk to Spanish-speaking women, it won't be as hard and it doesn't take much effort to learn some Spanish. Social networking websites are also a great way to learn a foreign language when you get to an intermediate level.

Want to break into new cliques? Learn a f***ing foreign language!! Switch off the incessant English chatter in your brains for a moment and just listen to a foreign language with an open mind! It's challenging, but not impossible. Our brains were made to learn languages.

Even if you still make lots of mistakes, you still have a chance of impressing some foreigners with your efforts.

Yup

1. English
2. Spanish
3. Brazilian Portuguese
4. some Patois LOL LOL (e.g."Nuh bwattyman gwaan romp wid meeh")

...and I might want to work on Japanese next since thre's a BR-JP population that exists.

[Adama]

I seriously think it is a waste of time to attempt to join any social groups or cliques with the intention to meet new women in the States.

If you are a single woman, everyone will pull out every stop to make sure you hook up with someone. Who are these guys they get hooked up with? Men who are already in the clique.

If you are a single man AND no one has ever volunteered to hook you up before, chances are it is not going to happen now or any time in the future while you reside in the USA. Why? Because unlike what Globetrotter would have you believe, it is 2%, 2% and 96%.

It is 2% will genuinely like you. 60% will pretend to be friendly while "hating on" you behind your back (so as to prevent you from making any social ties by trying to enforce "groupthink" on weaker-minded individuals), and 40% simply won't give a shit about you.

Probably the only way to get a girl in the USA is to wait for her to make the move. That is, she has to be the one to initiate the conversation from nothingness. That way she can't automatically assume you are a creep, and there is a lower chance she will randomly flake on you cause she discovered you listen to the unpopular type of music. In other words, it helps weed out psychos and flakes.

This can happen but only if the woman is really secure in herself and she has known you for quite some time already.

What are your chances of having this happen to you in "the Greatest nation on earth" ? <1%.

So forget the fantasies of joining a cooking class or becoming a hairdresser to meet women. It won't change a thing, because women in general (in general means all of them really) have already made up their minds that you (or what you represent in their minds) are not the type of man they are interested in.

The same goes for me.

I am starting to believe now, more and more, that if certain things were meant to be (in the USA), then they would have manifested already. It isnt for lack of hope or action on our parts. It just isnt in the cards because we are not meant to be a part of this culture.

If you transplanted yourself to Germany where the women are aggressive, or Colombia, or SEA, life would be very different, and it would send a blatant message that you dont belong in the Angloworld.

[momopi]

When a new IM or social networking site becomes popular, there's a limited "golden period" where everyone is "open and friendly". This means, their profile is unlocked, they're happy to chat with and befriend strangers, and so on. However, as more and more people join the new service, girls get harassed by weirdos online and after 6-12 months people start locking down their profiles. I've had several female friends who showed me the kind of messages they were getting on myspace, friendester, FB, etc., if I were them I'd have locked down my profile too.

For IM clients the dynamic works a little differently. When people first sign up to the newest popular IM client (yahoo IM, AOL IM, MSN, Google Talk, Skype, etc), there's a certain freshness and fun factor in using it. That goes away after few months to a year.

I've been meeting and dating women that I meet online since the BBS era. I used to be a SYSOP to local 4/10/12 line BBS's in Southern California from 1989 - 1990s, and we had lots of fun at BBS meets. I think that was actually a better environment, because everyone was relatively local (otherwise they'd need to pay toll charges to call in).

The BBS scene went into decline in the 1990s and I moved on to telnet & talk/ytalk with girls at the universities. It seemed a bit silly that you'd sit at the university computer lab and talk with someone online, while the person is probably sitting 2 rows over or in another lab on campus. But it was a fun way to meet people "blind" until everyone got together and went out on a group outing at California Pizza Kitchen. The girls were fun but I was stupid and bought CPK stocks, thinking that since I ate there so much, I mind as well invest in it. Well, the stock tanked. ;p

Pretty soon people stopped using ytalk and moved to IRC, then windows based IRC clients like mIRC. I was active on EFnet and Undernet. Meet a girl on Undernet that I should've married, but she decided to move abroad to Japan and that was the end of it. As time went on more and more weirdos joined IRC and wrecked it like they did to usenet. By then folks were moving from ICQ to Yahoo IM, and in late 1990s to early 2000's, many of the girls that I meet in TW were on Yahoo IM, average age ranging from teenager to early 20's. A few came to visit to the US and I went to TW to visit them from time to time. A decade later, they're now married with kids, running restaurants, or leaving their jobs to become full time home makers.

So forget the fantasies of joining a cooking class or becoming a hairdresser to meet women. It won't change a thing, because women in general (in general means all of them really) have already made up their minds that you (or what you represent in their minds) are not the type of man they are interested in.

I went to culinary school for couple months and did meet some girls, but I'll say that there was a big difference in attitude between class locations. My school has locations in Los Angeles and Orange County. When I went to attend class in the LA location, the young women in the class were kinda rude. The OC location is at Laguna Beach and the people were much more laid back, friendly, and financially well-off. There was a girl that I had a lot of chemistry with, but she was significantly younger and moved to France for college shortly after. It's like a cliché that this kind of stuff happens to me, because I've dated a number of foreign exchange students in the past and I'm "well experienced' at being left behind. IMO culinary classes are better at chatting up with your classmate than wine tasting classes, because the latter tends to be more formal and have less student interaction.

[Adama]

When a new IM or social networking site becomes popular, there's a limited "golden period" where everyone is "open and friendly". This means, their profile is unlocked, they're happy to chat with and befriend strangers, and so on. However, as more and more people join the new service, girls get harassed by weirdos online and after 6-12 months people start locking down their profiles. I've had several female friends who showed me the kind of messages they were getting on myspace, friendester, FB, etc., if I were them I'd have locked down my profile too.

For IM clients the dynamic works a little differently. When people first sign up to the newest popular IM client (yahoo IM, AOL IM, MSN, Google Talk, Skype, etc), there's a certain freshness and fun factor in using it. That goes away after few months to a year.

I've been meeting and dating women that I meet online since the BBS era. I used to be a SYSOP to local 4/10/12 line BBS's in Southern California from 1989 - 1990s, and we had lots of fun at BBS meets. I think that was actually a better environment, because everyone was relatively local (otherwise they'd need to pay toll charges to call in).

The BBS scene went into decline in the 1990s and I moved on to telnet & talk/ytalk with girls at the universities. It seemed a bit silly that you'd sit at the university computer lab and talk with someone online, while the person is probably sitting 2 rows over or in another lab on campus. But it was a fun way to meet people "blind" until everyone got together and went out on a group outing at California Pizza Kitchen. The girls were fun but I was stupid and bought CPK stocks, thinking that since I ate there so much, I mind as well invest in it. Well, the stock tanked. ;p

Pretty soon people stopped using ytalk and moved to IRC, then windows based IRC clients like mIRC. I was active on EFnet and Undernet. Meet a girl on Undernet that I should've married, but she decided to move abroad to Japan and that was the end of it. As time went on more and more weirdos joined IRC and wrecked it like they did to usenet. By then folks were moving from ICQ to Yahoo IM, and in late 1990s to early 2000's, many of the girls that I meet in TW were on Yahoo IM, average age ranging from teenager to early 20's. A few came to visit to the US and I went to TW to visit them from time to time. A decade later, they're now married with kids, running restaurants, or leaving their jobs to become full time home makers.

So forget the fantasies of joining a cooking class or becoming a hairdresser to meet women. It won't change a thing, because women in general (in general means all of them really) have already made up their minds that you (or what you represent in their minds) are not the type of man they are interested in.

I went to culinary school for couple months and did meet some girls, but I'll say that there was a big difference in attitude between class locations. My school has locations in Los Angeles and Orange County. When I went to attend class in the LA location, the young women in the class were kinda rude. The OC location is at Laguna Beach and the people were much more laid back, friendly, and financially well-off. There was a girl that I had a lot of chemistry with, but she was significantly younger and moved to France for college shortly after. It's like a cliché that this kind of stuff happens to me, because I've dated a number of foreign exchange students in the past and I'm "well experienced' at being left behind. IMO culinary classes are better at chatting up with your classmate than wine tasting classes, because the latter tends to be more formal and have less student interaction.

I work in the medical field and nearly everyday there is a woman that I "click with." However, by the next day or a few days later, the other shoe drops. She either changes her mind to pretend like nothing cool ever happened to us, she reveals she has a BF, or she flakes for unknown reasons.

My conclusion is that I am simply not compatible with the AWs.

I know some guys who have limited success with AWs. I happen to think I am taller, better looking and financially better off than the ones that I've met who are with some decent looking to very pretty looking women. There is something else that I dont have, or maybe I have too much of something I shouldnt have. Either way, it is moot.

When I was in Europe, I only had two women flake on me, and those were German women who became fluent in English. After that, my requirements for foreign women became non-English speaking only. English facilitates feminist indoctrination quite quickly and in subtle ways we can't imagine.

As I said, cooking classes and the like would be a complete waste of time "if you dont already have the desirable traits women want." And if you had those traits, other tactics arent needed.

[jamesbond]

I seriously think it is a waste of time to attempt to join any social groups or cliques with the intention to meet new women in the States.

If you are a single woman, everyone will pull out every stop to make sure you hook up with someone. Who are these guys they get hooked up with? Men who are already in the clique.

Probably the only way to get a girl in the USA is to wait for her to make the move. That is, she has to be the one to initiate the conversation from nothingness. That way she can't automatically assume you are a creep, and there is a lower chance she will randomly flake on you cause she discovered you listen to the unpopular type of music. In other words, it helps weed out psychos and flakes.

This can happen but only if the woman is really secure in herself and she has known you for quite some time already.

What are your chances of having this happen to you in "the Greatest nation on earth" ? <1%.

So forget the fantasies of joining a cooking class or becoming a hairdresser to meet women. It won't change a thing, because women in general (in general means all of them really) have already made up their minds that you (or what you represent in their minds) are not the type of man they are interested in.

The same goes for me.

I am starting to believe now, more and more, that if certain things were meant to be (in the USA), then they would have manifested already. It isnt for lack of hope or action on our parts. It just isnt in the cards because we are not meant to be a part of this culture.

If you transplanted yourself to Germany where the women are aggressive, or Colombia, or SEA, life would be very different, and it would send a blatant message that you dont belong in the Angloworld.

Yes, I also am also believing that joining things like cooking classes, dance classes and yoga classes in order to meet women are a waste of time. The classes I took in the past yielded no results.

The only women in the classes I took who seemed somewhat interested in me where single mothers. The young college aged girls I wanted had boyfriends already. Since I refuse to date single mothers, I was shit out of luck. I took a golf class, a paranormal class (class was about ghost hunting and ufo's etc.) and a meteorology class.

I plan on "transporting myself" to either Germany or another country in Europe or maybe a country in South America. Almost every day here where I live, I see women who are truely hideous looking dating guys who are either good looking or at least average looking. I even occassionally see a women who is morbidly obese dating a guy who is in great shape.

If ugly women and fat women have lot's of options in the dating field here in the US, then you know hot women have a SHIT LOAD of options available to them. If you want a young, good looking, physically fit woman in America, you either need to be rich or lie to the girl and tell you are wealthy!

[Jester]

I seriously think it is a waste of time to attempt to join any social groups or cliques with the intention to meet new women in the States.

If you are a single woman, everyone will pull out every stop to make sure you hook up with someone. Who are these guys they get hooked up with? Men who are already in the clique.

Probably the only way to get a girl in the USA is to wait for her to make the move. That is, she has to be the one to initiate the conversation from nothingness. That way she can't automatically assume you are a creep, and there is a lower chance she will randomly flake on you cause she discovered you listen to the unpopular type of music. In other words, it helps weed out psychos and flakes.

This can happen but only if the woman is really secure in herself and she has known you for quite some time already.

What are your chances of having this happen to you in "the Greatest nation on earth" ? <1%.

So forget the fantasies of joining a cooking class or becoming a hairdresser to meet women. It won't change a thing, because women in general (in general means all of them really) have already made up their minds that you (or what you represent in their minds) are not the type of man they are interested in.

The same goes for me.

I am starting to believe now, more and more, that if certain things were meant to be (in the USA), then they would have manifested already. It isnt for lack of hope or action on our parts. It just isnt in the cards because we are not meant to be a part of this culture.

If you transplanted yourself to Germany where the women are aggressive, or Colombia, or SEA, life would be very different, and it would send a blatant message that you dont belong in the Angloworld.

Yes, I also am also believing that joining things like cooking classes, dance classes and yoga classes in order to meet women are a waste of time. The classes I took in the past yielded no results.

The only women in the classes I took who seemed somewhat interested in me where single mothers. The young college aged girls I wanted had boyfriends already. Since I refuse to date single mothers, I was shit out of luck. I took a golf class, a paranormal class (class was about ghost hunting and ufo's etc.) and a meteorology class.

I plan on "transporting myself" to either Germany or another country in Europe or maybe a country in South America. Almost every day here where I live, I see women who are truely hideous looking dating guys who are either good looking or at least average looking. I even occassionally see a women who is morbidly obese dating a guy who is in great shape.

If ugly women and fat women have lot's of options in the dating field here in the US, then you know hot women have a SHIT LOAD of options available to them. If you want a young, good looking, physically fit woman in America, you either need to be rich or lie to the girl and tell you are wealthy!

I understand the fact that the young hotties don't go after a man outside immediate age range. Good point.

Still, one doesn't want to forget that women love competition for a man with status. And a man surrounded by women automatically has status. So if you're the only guy in Zumba class, or yoga class, or painting class, you will automatically get noticed.

I do agree with forgetting AW and going elsewhere. What I am suggesting is to get good at something like Zumba or yoga or painting, then do it overseas. Maybe even teach.

[Maker55]

Some men are just blessed to have really good social connections.

If you're socially connected as a male, you don't even need lots of money to get women in America.

[jamesbond]

As I said, cooking classes and the like would be a complete waste of time "if you dont already have the desirable traits women want." And if you had those traits, other tactics arent needed.

Winston has said when he was living in the US he took cooking classses, dance classes and acting classes and still couldn't meet any women.

The notion that if you just take some dance class or acting class, you then will be able to meet women. A lot of guys take classes just to meet women and don't meet any women.