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Why haven't we lost our need to connect with others?

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Why haven't we lost our need to connect with others?

Postby Winston » Mon Apr 22, 2013 3:47 pm

I was wondering something. We've discussed many times here how more money makes people less social, and thus middle class people don't talk to strangers unless it's business related, whereas poor people are more open to chatting up with strangers. It does seem that the more you live in a rich country or the higher your economic class, the less you try to connect with others. It's as though having more money erases your need to connect with others or subdues your loneliness. Can money really erase loneliness? Or am I missing something here?

Anyway, here's what I'm wondering about: Many of us here in the forum come from middle class or upper middle class backgrounds. Yet we are complaining about the lack of human connection in America, whereas most people in our situation simply mind their own business and don't care about connecting with others (or perhaps they are more normal than us so they have a clique of friends?).

So the question is: Why haven't we become like most others of our same background, who do not need to connect with others? Why are we more lonely than mainstream people? Even though we come from the same background as most Americans, why haven't we lost the need for social/human connection as others have? Why are we complaining about it? What makes us different?

In my observation, if you are a normal person who is materialistic and only cares about working and shopping (like you're supposed to be) then the more money you have, the less social you will be, and vice versa. However, if you are a freethinker, or more aware, or a nonconformist, or a spiritual type person, then this "more money=less social" rule doesn't seem to apply to you as much. You are still the same in terms of needing human connection, regardless of your economic status. Is that correct?

What do you all think?
Last edited by Winston on Mon Apr 22, 2013 3:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby abcdavid01 » Mon Apr 22, 2013 3:53 pm

Well yeah, we're more resistant to brainwashing attempts.
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Re: Why haven't we lost our need to connect with others?

Postby E Irizarry R&B Singer » Mon Apr 22, 2013 5:07 pm

Poor here in Chicago don't speak to each other as much unless they are the same nationality or race. Chicago, Boston, DC/NoVA, and NYC are probably the most-segregated cities in the U.S. of Gay.

I heard that SW US is more open.
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Postby clowny » Mon Apr 22, 2013 10:39 pm

The answer seems obvious to me. British colonialism and it's eventual consequence, multiculturalism (as evident in all british colonialist nations which are now multicultural cesspools such as usa, canada, australia & nz, uk).
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Postby Winston » Tue Apr 23, 2013 1:30 am

None of this addresses my question though. WHY have we not lost the need to connect with others, like other middle class people have? Why are other mainstream middle class people not complaining about the things that we do? Are they immune to loneliness? Do they have no need to connect with others (outside their family)? Why aren't we like them? Why do we have a need to connect with others? Why don't we enjoy the isolation like we are supposed to and like other middle class people do?
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Postby S_Parc » Tue Apr 23, 2013 1:53 am

Winston wrote:None of this addresses my question though. WHY have we not lost the need to connect with others, like other middle class people have? Why are other mainstream middle class people not complaining about the things that we do? Are they immune to loneliness? Do they have no need to connect with others (outside their family)? Why aren't we like them? Why do we have a need to connect with others? Why don't we enjoy the isolation like we are supposed to and like other middle class people do?


Actually, I'd say that I have even less need to connect to others, than many in the middle class. I'd chosen my friends carefully and I spend my free time with others, judiciously. All my social butterfly stuff is designed to make me appear mainstream (as oppose to Doc Brown), to help me in my business/vocation.

The so-called others, are kinda brain dead and in a routine. I realize that it's important to maintain a type of dragnet, esp in a society where contacts and tips are necessary to maintain long term employability. With that stated, I have been able to make acquaintances/friends through work and have maintained contact for a long time.

I don't want to say that you're in a sour grapes mode but what I don't understand is that after so many years, why do you insist upon making American people, the nexus of your existence? Why the belonging issue, when belonging isn't even desirable? Unless you have a type of high school-ish (perhaps collegiate) outlook on life, American society is kinda a dud.
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Re: Why haven't we lost our need to connect with others?

Postby AsiaBill » Tue Apr 23, 2013 2:21 am

Like the song "Sweet Dreams" lyrics by the Eurythmics ;
"Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas--
Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused."

It's extremely calming and at the same time exhilarating to be completely financially independent without needing to work nor need to interact with others for some private agenda involving the need for money, salary, business etc. People who have escaped salary slavery usually have experienced dozens if not hundreds of hustlers, scammers, salesmen, whores, con artists and "poor me" kinds of people trying to extract money or assets from their pockets. So it's no wonder they are very selective on who they choose to enjoy companionship with. Like the saying goes, "it's lonely at the top"

Winston wrote:I was wondering something. We've discussed many times here how more money makes people less social, and thus middle class people don't talk to strangers unless it's business related, whereas poor people are more open to chatting up with strangers. It does seem that the more you live in a rich country or the higher your economic class, the less you try to connect with others. It's as though having more money erases your need to connect with others or subdues your loneliness. Can money really erase loneliness? Or am I missing something here?

Anyway, here's what I'm wondering about: Many of us here in the forum come from middle class or upper middle class backgrounds. Yet we are complaining about the lack of human connection in America, whereas most people in our situation simply mind their own business and don't care about connecting with others (or perhaps they are more normal than us so they have a clique of friends?).

So the question is: Why haven't we become like most others of our same background, who do not need to connect with others? Why are we more lonely than mainstream people? Even though we come from the same background as most Americans, why haven't we lost the need for social/human connection as others have? Why are we complaining about it? What makes us different?

In my observation, if you are a normal person who is materialistic and only cares about working and shopping (like you're supposed to be) then the more money you have, the less social you will be, and vice versa. However, if you are a freethinker, or more aware, or a nonconformist, or a spiritual type person, then this "more money=less social" rule doesn't seem to apply to you as much. You are still the same in terms of needing human connection, regardless of your economic status. Is that correct?

What do you all think?
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Postby Ghost » Tue Apr 23, 2013 5:06 am

Because our emotions and needs evolved long before our technology and ways of organizing societies/countries did. So it is part of human nature and does not change. Technology and others can't negate it and anything that doesn't align with human nature or give it a beneficial way to be channeled won't last without everyone going neurotic, like in the U.S.
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Postby jboy » Tue Apr 23, 2013 4:39 pm

S_Parc wrote:
Winston wrote:None of this addresses my question though. WHY have we not lost the need to connect with others, like other middle class people have? Why are other mainstream middle class people not complaining about the things that we do? Are they immune to loneliness? Do they have no need to connect with others (outside their family)? Why aren't we like them? Why do we have a need to connect with others? Why don't we enjoy the isolation like we are supposed to and like other middle class people do?


Actually, I'd say that I have even less need to connect to others, than many in the middle class. I'd chosen my friends carefully and I spend my free time with others, judiciously. All my social butterfly stuff is designed to make me appear mainstream (as oppose to Doc Brown), to help me in my business/vocation.

The so-called others, are kinda brain dead and in a routine. I realize that it's important to maintain a type of dragnet, esp in a society where contacts and tips are necessary to maintain long term employability. With that stated, I have been able to make acquaintances/friends through work and have maintained contact for a long time.

I don't want to say that you're in a sour grapes mode but what I don't understand is that after so many years, why do you insist upon making American people, the nexus of your existence? Why the belonging issue, when belonging isn't even desirable? Unless you have a type of high school-ish (perhaps collegiate) outlook on life, American society is kinda a dud.



Right on the money bro.
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Postby JohnDoe » Tue Apr 23, 2013 4:56 pm

(snip)
Last edited by JohnDoe on Thu Mar 17, 2016 2:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby mattyman » Tue Apr 23, 2013 5:22 pm

I think that a lot of people probably are poorly connected but are afraid (or too proud) to admit it, or even to talk about such things openly. I think it's the taboo against opening up about loneliness that's the real problem. The expectation of shame and ridicule, or open aggression.

Money and possessions are certainly no substitute for genuine friendship and genuinely fitting in and belonging.

It could be that some of the people you're referring to are just dead-beats, who've got their little lot in life, and/or who's childhood curiosities have become exterminated.

Working all week then getting pissed in shitty pubs on the weekend? No interesting conversation? Yuck! I know the sort. I find such types rather draining and depressing.

In response to the rest of the question, I deep down don't think it's as simple as more money=less sociable. There's probably a whole host of other, mostly psychological factors.
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Postby Ghost » Tue Apr 23, 2013 5:47 pm

...
Last edited by Ghost on Fri Oct 28, 2016 8:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby celery2010 » Wed Apr 24, 2013 3:59 am

You have to look at the reality of most people over the age of 30. Most ambitious people need to work 50+ hours a week. A lot of their friends become people that they conduct business with, women that they date and well-connected friends that they have.

If you have something to offer to people, you will have a lot of friends. A lot of professions also have trade shows, networking events, etc. Between your business friends, your existing friends and the new friends you meet through business relations, you are busy enough in life.

Winston, you just don't understand this because you are becoming a middle aged Peter Pan with a high school style popularity mentality.

As you accumulate money, you meet other through investing workshops, exclusive clubs you join, etc. They invite you over to their house on the beach for the weekend or something like that.

If you want to hang out with younger people (25-40), you will have better luck in cities where young (single) people gather, as most young married people are more boring. Young single people tend to be in cities like NY, LA, Chicago, Atlanta, Denver, Austin, etc. Find a clique of friends, they will have parties, events, dinners, birthday parties, outings to the beach or mountains, etc.

I don't know why you judge a society on the approachability of strangers. It sounds like you want to be a pickup artist.

People are more approachable in many 3rd world countries for 2 reasons, i is that they are actually less busy that people in 1st world countries and 2nd that they are intrigued to talk to foreigners, (can even happen in 1st world countries, i remember some people in Italy were intrigued and happy to speak with me)
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Postby S_Parc » Wed Apr 24, 2013 4:23 am

celery2010 wrote:You have to look at the reality of most people over the age of 30. Most ambitious people need to work 50+ hours a week. A lot of their friends become people that they conduct business with, women that they date and well-connected friends that they have.

If you have something to offer to people, you will have a lot of friends. A lot of professions also have trade shows, networking events, etc. Between your business friends, your existing friends and the new friends you meet through business relations, you are busy enough in life.

Winston, you just don't understand this because you are becoming a middle aged Peter Pan with a high school style popularity mentality.

As you accumulate money, you meet other through investing workshops, exclusive clubs you join, etc. They invite you over to their house on the beach for the weekend or something like that.

If you want to hang out with younger people (25-40), you will have better luck in cities where young (single) people gather, as most young married people are more boring. Young single people tend to be in cities like NY, LA, Chicago, Atlanta, Denver, Austin, etc. Find a clique of friends, they will have parties, events, dinners, birthday parties, outings to the beach or mountains, etc.

I don't know why you judge a society on the approachability of strangers. It sounds like you want to be a pickup artist.

People are more approachable in many 3rd world countries for 2 reasons, i is that they are actually less busy that people in 1st world countries and 2nd that they are intrigued to talk to foreigners, (can even happen in 1st world countries, i remember some people in Italy were intrigued and happy to speak with me)


Celery, this explains a lot of what I find, incomprehensible about Winston's worldview of America. As President Coolidge once said, "The business of America is business". With that in mind, what I can't comprehend is an idea that we're all on this sprawling countryside college campus where people just hang out, listen to Pink Floyd, and talk about philosophy all day long. Trust me, those days ended a long time back for me. If anything, the folks who do the aforementioned past age 40 are corporate burnouts, who're tired of work and like to have shindigs in western Massachusetts and smoke a bong, while talking about Monty Python. That's a type of escapist mentality, not one found among busy individuals.
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Beware of long term engagements with AWs, you may find yourself in a coffin.

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