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How are u supposed to get dates or make friends in America?

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Postby eurobrat » Mon Apr 29, 2013 1:22 pm

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Last edited by eurobrat on Tue May 28, 2013 11:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby momopi » Tue Apr 30, 2013 12:52 am

Hmm. I don't think I've ever heard of carrot soap. That's a new one to me.

One advantage of being in the US is that, this is a country of immigrants and there are women from all over the world here. I've dated girls from across Asia here in CA without ever leaving the country. However, the down side is that there's a lot more competition here.

My first job was a bag boy and shopping cart guy at a Chinese supermarket. My parents also owned 3 different restaurants that I helped out at. One common theme that I've observed is that although the girls working at the market or restaurants rarely have university degrees and made little money (my pay was $3.25/hr back then), it was still easier for them to "marry up" to the guys working as engineers at Boeing or whatever making $50k+/year, which was good salary back in the 80's. The guys who worked at the same place faced an uphill battle trying to date their female coworkers. It does happen but as soon as the parents find out, the girl's parents will try to introduce their daughter to someone who is financially well off. This actually happened to one of my female cousins.

Fast moving forward to present day, about a year ago there was a hotpot restaurant that opened in Rowland Heights. The owner was probably a pervert and he only hired hottie waitresses and had them wear skirts with black stockings. Within weeks I found rows of expensive cars parked in front of the restaurant. A month later I find the cars had "upgraded" and my doctor friends pointed out certain cars that were $80k+. By end of summer all but one of the original female waitress crew had left. I chatted with the remaining girl from the original crew and she commented that they all ran off with wealthy customers who hit on them over several months. @_@;; I had this mental picture of guys eating there 5 days/week and leaving $100 tips. The replacement waitresses were not as pretty, so I haven't been back since.
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Postby eurobrat » Tue Apr 30, 2013 2:38 am

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Postby E Irizarry R&B Singer » Tue Apr 30, 2013 3:18 am

momopi wrote:Hmm. .....I had this mental picture of guys eating there 5 days/week and leaving $100 tips. The replacement waitresses were not as pretty, so I haven't been back since.


I best believe this is the funniest sh.it that Momopi has ever written on this site!!! #ROTFLMAO
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Postby momopi » Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:39 pm

Rowland Heights is actually in LA County. La Habra / Rowland Heights is the dividing line between LA and OC.

About 12-15 years ago when I was in college, we had some kids from wealthy Chinese families trying to impress the girls by dropping $100 tips at Dennys when they go out to eat. We used to comment that this was an example of "wealthy doesn't last 3 generations".

It occurred to me that a waitress getting $100 tip today is actually getting less, considering that $100 will buy less stuff today than the 1990's. heh. My first job at age 16 paid $3.25/hr. Back then I could get a big Masala Dosa with 2 dipping sauces + small soup + small cup of mango lassi at Little India (Artesia) for $1.50.

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Postby eurobrat » Wed May 01, 2013 2:37 am

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Postby Hero » Sun May 05, 2013 5:30 pm

Christianfilipinacom wrote:Winston, you can start meeting people by volunteering or attending church services.

:lol: Church is the worst place to go to meet nice people. The nastiest people I've ever met have been regular churchgoers. These are people who will pray for the lonely old widow down the street but won't actually go visit her.
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Postby E Irizarry R&B Singer » Sun May 05, 2013 11:04 pm

Hero wrote:
Christianfilipinacom wrote:Winston, you can start meeting people by volunteering or attending church services.

:lol: Church is the worst place to go to meet nice people. The nastiest people I've ever met have been regular churchgoers. These are people who will pray for the lonely old widow down the street but won't actually go visit her.


Guy. Your reply could be a whole independent thread on its own. You single-threadedly smacked it down!
I have a female friend in E. Europe, and she said that Christianity is taken to a delusional level in the West.
And she's on my d.ick - figuratively - and she will be literally if I can ever get to her country in E. Europe.
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Postby celery2010 » Thu May 30, 2013 9:59 pm

Winston wrote:
Winston wrote:While we were furniture shopping, I did meet this really hot, tall and sexy Chinese girl who was working there because her parents owned the place. After I made small talk with her for 5 minutes, my parents and aunt began leaving. So before I left, I asked if she had a number. Then she looked confused and said "number?" I then rephrased it and said "Yeah, number or QQ?" Then she said "Oh I don't use QQ" and slowly began edging away, as if she was blowing me off. Do you all think I should go back there and try to chat her up some more and maybe change her mind? lol. However, she is pretty tall, taller than me even I think, and may see me as too short for her. But oh man. She was so sexy, feminine and white. I was mesmerized by her. I kept thinking "If only I could marry someone like that..." I kept fantasizing about rolling on the nice bed at the furniture store with her. lol. Her parents also rent an apartment from my aunt, which is why we were there. So with all these connections, I don't know why no one ever introduces me to any girls or even thinks to. It's like everything is against you.


.




Winston, here's a few tips for you.

You are 40. If you are not willing to look good for women, at least try to look like you have money or have a professional job. Walk around in a dress shirt with a sports jacket. Get a used Lexus.

Take girls out to restaurants that are ok, but still cheap, like Olive Garden. You have to be strategic and invest.

You still act like a clueless high schooler. Even the guys in China are better with women than you are.

Once you look like you have money, you can start talking down to Chinese girls, especially if they are younger.

**************************************************************************



As for the girl in the furniture store, you should have tested her, by flirting with her. If you get a positive reaction, then ask for her number. Many women need time to warm up to someone. DON'T ASK FOR HER NUMBER. Instead invite her a to a concert (use the whole, I have an extra ticket that my boss gave me and it will go to waste). In other words ask her out to an event that she would want to go to, and it just happens that you will be there.

On the night of the date, it's up to you to work your magic.

..
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Postby kai1275 » Thu May 30, 2013 11:48 pm

celery2010 wrote:
Winston wrote:
Winston wrote:While we were furniture shopping, I did meet this really hot, tall and sexy Chinese girl who was working there because her parents owned the place. After I made small talk with her for 5 minutes, my parents and aunt began leaving. So before I left, I asked if she had a number. Then she looked confused and said "number?" I then rephrased it and said "Yeah, number or QQ?" Then she said "Oh I don't use QQ" and slowly began edging away, as if she was blowing me off. Do you all think I should go back there and try to chat her up some more and maybe change her mind? lol. However, she is pretty tall, taller than me even I think, and may see me as too short for her. But oh man. She was so sexy, feminine and white. I was mesmerized by her. I kept thinking "If only I could marry someone like that..." I kept fantasizing about rolling on the nice bed at the furniture store with her. lol. Her parents also rent an apartment from my aunt, which is why we were there. So with all these connections, I don't know why no one ever introduces me to any girls or even thinks to. It's like everything is against you.


.




Winston, here's a few tips for you.

You are 40. If you are not willing to look good for women, at least try to look like you have money or have a professional job. Walk around in a dress shirt with a sports jacket. Get a used Lexus.

Take girls out to restaurants that are ok, but still cheap, like Olive Garden. You have to be strategic and invest.

You still act like a clueless high schooler. Even the guys in China are better with women than you are.

Once you look like you have money, you can start talking down to Chinese girls, especially if they are younger.

**************************************************************************



As for the girl in the furniture store, you should have tested her, by flirting with her. If you get a positive reaction, then ask for her number. Many women need time to warm up to someone. DON'T ASK FOR HER NUMBER. Instead invite her a to a concert (use the whole, I have an extra ticket that my boss gave me and it will go to waste). In other words ask her out to an event that she would want to go to, and it just happens that you will be there.

On the night of the date, it's up to you to work your magic.

..


Wow. Wanna help me write my China dating guide? LOL! You definitely know Chinese people!

Winston, I spoke lightly about this in my guide. If you do not know this by know, almost all Chinese in America are rich. Marriage becomes 100% business. You actually might be better off attacking on the parents angle, and barter through them. Just because they are in the US, does not mean she is able to marry for love or romance. At least not first, priority wise. Her parents will kill off anything they do not approve of.

At least you are ethnically Chinese. If you were ethnically anything else, even white, I would tell you to give up and stick to mainland China only.
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Re: How are u supposed to get dates or make friends in Ameri

Postby jamesbond » Tue Mar 25, 2014 11:12 am

Winston wrote:In America, the flow of life and the environment seems to revolve around the following consistent core norms:

1. Working or getting a job. This is considered the most important thing.
2. Shopping and consuming, since everything around you in civilization is commercialized.
3. Enjoying the privacy of your own home with your family, or alone.
4. You are not supposed to talk to strangers unless it's business related (e.g. talking to customer service). Neighbors may wave and say hello, but that's all.

The thing is, NONE of this is conducive to making friends, meeting people, or getting dates at all. It seems that virtually everything is built around the ASSUMPTION that you ALREADY have a partner/wife/girlfriend and that you ALREADY have a circle of friends to hang out with, and that these things are not an issue.

Have you ever noticed that? The catch 22 is this: If you don't already have a partner and a close circle of friends, then there's really no way to get one, at least not naturally and simply. In that case, you are screwed and you've hit a wall, because NONE of these cornerstones of American life above are conducive at all to GETTING a girlfriend or meeting girls! I mean, you can't just go out and "get one". You can't just go out and pick up a girl, ask for a date, or even chat up a girl, without looking like a creep or predator who is violating women's right to be left alone. As you know, you are only supposed to talk to strangers in America if it's business related (such as talking to someone in customer service). That's what everyone else does, so it must be the norm right?

So what I don't get is: How does society expect you to make friends and find love? It's kind of weird isn't it? Am I missing something here?

Also, how do couples who divorce or break up start dating other people again, as if it were a normal and easy thing to do, in spite of the above? How do "normal people" get around this? Am I missing something?

Everything you said is true, America is the loneliest country in the world. The anti-social vibe in the United States can be seen in people's body language, they don't make eye contact with others, they don't talk to anyone and they act as if other people do not exist. :shock:

I was wondering myself how people meet their future spouses and how do people who get divorced find someone to date and remarry?
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
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Re: How are u supposed to get dates or make friends in Ameri

Postby S_Parc » Tue Mar 25, 2014 2:41 pm

jamesbond wrote:Everything you said is true, America is the loneliest country in the world. The anti-social vibe in the United States can be seen in people's body language, they don't make eye contact with others, they don't talk to anyone and they act as if other people do not exist. :shock:

I was wondering myself how people meet their future spouses and how do people who get divorced find someone to date and remarry?


From what I'd observed, these folks tend to be in their late 30s to early 60s and thus, don't go to cityside bars/clubs. Instead, they join these college town (or suburban) book clubs, hiking clubs, meditation classes, and so forth.

But as soon as you start to get know some of them, at least from what I'd seen, many still have issues of attracting abusive ex's, belonging issues, hidden jealousies, etc.

All and all, Mel and I have slowly limited double dating with other couples. It's obvious that these dysfunctional American couples resent happy people, esp a happy man & woman pairing.

I think I've discovered a new Zen koan, a counterpoint to the old saying "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him"

and that's,

"If you meet a happy American couple, at least one of them may be gay"
16 years ago, the Best Picture of 1999, "American Beauty", telegraphed the message of Happier Abroad to the world.

Beware of long term engagements with AWs, you may find yourself in a coffin.

AB discussion thread

BTW, despite settling down with an AW, myself, the warning is still in effect.
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Re: How are u supposed to get dates or make friends in Ameri

Postby NorthAmericanguy » Tue Mar 25, 2014 7:52 pm

Winston wrote:Some new observations I have after being in America again. Here is a catch 22 I just realized.

In America, the flow of life and the environment seems to revolve around the following consistent core norms:

1. Working or getting a job. This is considered the most important thing.
2. Shopping and consuming, since everything around you in civilization is commercialized.
3. Enjoying the privacy of your own home with your family, or alone.
4. You are not supposed to talk to strangers unless it's business related (e.g. talking to customer service). Neighbors may wave and say hello, but that's all.

The thing is, NONE of this is conducive to making friends, meeting people, or getting dates at all. It seems that virtually everything is built around the ASSUMPTION that you ALREADY have a partner/wife/girlfriend and that you ALREADY have a circle of friends to hang out with, and that these things are not an issue.

Have you ever noticed that? The catch 22 is this: If you don't already have a partner and a close circle of friends, then there's really no way to get one, at least not naturally and simply. In that case, you are screwed and you've hit a wall, because NONE of these cornerstones of American life above are conducive at all to GETTING a girlfriend or meeting girls! I mean, you can't just go out and "get one". You can't just go out and pick up a girl, ask for a date, or even chat up a girl, without looking like a creep or predator who is violating women's right to be left alone. As you know, you are only supposed to talk to strangers in America if it's business related (such as talking to someone in customer service). That's what everyone else does, so it must be the norm right?

Is that f***ed up or what? lol. It's ridiculous how the movies make it look so easy to get dates or make friends, but in reality, the primary pillars of American life outlined above are totally NOT conducive to that at all! Doesn't that totally suck?

So what I don't get is: How does society expect you to make friends and find love? It's kind of weird isn't it? Am I missing something here?

Also, how do couples who divorce or break up start dating other people again, as if it were a normal and easy thing to do, in spite of the above? How do "normal people" get around this? Am I missing something?

Or could it be that we are just abnormal in that we aren't square like everyone else who is raising a family in the suburbs, has a stable job, and isn't asking any of these type of questions that I am here? I mean, if we were "normal" and had a home in the suburbs, a family to raise, and a normal job to go to, we wouldn't be on here talking about all this stuff right?

Does that make us weird losers or what? How come society or the media doesn't address this catch-22 I describe above? Do you ever wonder about that?

What do you all think? Am I missing something here? Is there a flaw in my linear logic here?


Winston, this is a good post. What you said reminds me of why foreigners come here to the States thinking that their life will be so grand, but they soon want to return to their home country and rather deal with a little less in life because life in America is so boring, depressing, and void of any meaningful human interaction.

I look at places like Brazil with their huge carnival and people dancing out in the streets having fun with such envy. The Macy's parade here in the States is no different then going to a funeral compared to the carnival in Brazil.

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Postby NorthAmericanguy » Tue Mar 25, 2014 8:00 pm

As far as getting dates and making friends in America, I said it before (as well as others) that if you do drugs and drink alcohol you will have plenty of friends, and girlfriends.
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Postby NorthAmericanguy » Tue Mar 25, 2014 9:37 pm

I want to add one interesting piece of information.... Back in the 1990's, you had men such as David Koresh, and a black guy by the name of Malachi York, who both independently started their own respective communities.

These communities (with zero relation to each other), though heavily based around religion, was much more of a real community, or communal society, that America has ever seen in a long time, and I'm convinced that the government saw this as a threat which is why both communities were raided and disbanded by the U.S. Government.

Just think about it... America gives you no room to live an alternative life. It's even illegal to sleep in your car and cops will harass you if you're homeless and have no place to go.


If I was independently wealthy, I would try to do what those guys did but without all the religious stuff. You figure, now days people are getting married very late, or even not at all, so what I would do is build low cost dorm room style apartments with a huge entertainment/club area in the middle of it all young single people could all live together post college and not be so isolated.

If this was in every city, new and upcoming artist and musicians could make a good living just playing gigs at these events, and again, young single people could have a nice place to live and not be so alone.
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