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Loveshy and Loveshy.com

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Loveshy and Loveshy.com

Postby Mitsumansion » Sun Jan 20, 2008 8:49 am

Has anyone ever heard about love shyness? Well, according to Brian G. Gilmartin, he describes it as a specific shyness that deals mostly with heterosexual males that have dificulty being assertive in informal situations with women, meaning they have trouble initiating conversations with women because of strong feelings of anxiety. This kind of chronic shyness is somewhat normal for American men, though it sucks having it. The good thing is that it can be curable, but nobody is doing that.

Go on this find to read more about it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_shy

I started reading about this condition sometime last year due to the fact that I had this condition myself, but as I tend to think that people can be or is shy, I wouldn't suggest we should be putting the blame on ourselves (Even though there are "shy" people around, don't get me wrong). Since I have traveled and experienced myself being less shyness around women there, I believe that shyness is mostly affecting American males. Though I'm Canadian, we tend to develope it as well.

So I believe the Love-Shy thing is American, it was studied mostly by Americans and for Americans obviously, I mean there is no proof on love-shyness in abroad countries. I get what they have been going through, I mean approaching a girl is somewhat very hard to break the bubble. They are afraid of being rejected, which in fact does happen in most cases men flirt with women. But I know that lacking the success in initiating contact with women, causes feelings of loneliness, alienation, and depression, sounds familiar?
I know the social life in America can be very hard at times, and I know that because I cross the border alot and experience this paranoia a lot, that women in America are hard sometimes. I have posted many replies on the love-shy.com requesting good advices or a mini cure for people to feel good, sort of, then stopped using it.
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Postby Jack » Thu Jan 24, 2008 4:14 pm

I used to think that I had that condition. I was very nervous around women, I found it nearly impossible to engage a woman in a conversation. I was convinced that was the reason I couldn't get dates. I was angry at myself for not being able to overcome this, but trying harder only made it worse. I spent a lot of time thinking about it and went to a doctor and was prescribed anti-anxiety medications but they didn't really help.

This problem came to an unexpected halt when I traveled to Asia and within a week I learned that I am really only abnormally nervous around American women. When I thought about it, this actually made perfect sense.

When I'm in a country like Thailand or the Philippines, I know that I am desirable to the women there (I get reassured of that everyday). So even if I get turned down by a woman, she probably has a good reason to say no, and she will be flattered rather than act like I'm some creep.
When I'm overseas, I don't subconsciously feel like I'm doing something wrong by flirting with a woman.

What it boils down to, is that foreign women are an entirely different species than western women. If I had been told 2 years ago that my love shyness/social anxiety with women could be solved simply by changing the type of women that I was pursuing, I probably wouldn't have believed it. It's one of those things you have to experience to fully understand.
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Postby jamesbond » Fri Jan 25, 2008 12:40 am

I have heard a lot of guys who have traveled to Russia, Europe, Asia and Latin America say they felt completely comfortable around the women there and the women are very easy to approach and engage in conversation (unlike American women). I really think the ultimate solution to this situation is to actually move to foreign country, so then instead of just visiting a foreign country for a few weeks you can live there and actually start having a great social life. Believe me, I think about this all the time while I am stuck here in America.
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Postby Mitsumansion » Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:17 am

jamesbond wrote:I have heard a lot of guys who have traveled to Russia, Europe, Asia and Latin America say they felt completely comfortable around the women there and the women are very easy to approach and engage in conversation (unlike American women). I really think the ultimate solution to this situation is to actually move to foreign country, so then instead of just visiting a foreign country for a few weeks you can live there and actually start having a great social life. Believe me, I think about this all the time while I am stuck here in America.


Gosh, the differences did impress my taste, I wish that kind of vibe would exist here, because people in North America are very cold that we aren't much friendly. For example, it is totally ok to greet: "Hey, how's it going" or just simply nod your head making yourselve notice to other guys and sometimes older women. But with young women, they would ignore your existance and go upon their business, I mean no wonder getting a girlfriend is hard. Even if you get their attention, you can tell by their expressions "I don't want to talk to youm leave me alone" kind of attitude they deliver while they try to be nice. No wonder many guys are shy. Women don't have to get so defensive to make themselves smarter, it makes them dumber by the way.
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Postby jtest28 » Sat Feb 02, 2008 6:20 pm

Oh Crap! I thought it was just me! When I went to Ukraine for the first time last week, the first woman I dated, I had none of that shyness at all! I surprised myself. And the increase in confidence seemed to turn her on and SHE was the one with the love shyness now! Thanks for posting this. I thought there was just something wrong with ME.
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Postby Winston » Sun Feb 03, 2008 1:30 pm

Great post and thoughts. You guys have echoed my sentiments exactly. So truthful too. I will be adding some comments in this thread to my ebook.

Now, this isn’t just about women being spoiled by higher economic status, privileges and entitlements. With American women, it goes beyond that. Besides being overly paranoid, anti-social and defensive, they also have an inherent subconscious hatred toward men as well as an assumption that men are creeps, which they constantly seek to validate for some odd reason. It’s very mentally unhealthy and dysfunctional to say the least, and contributes greatly to the horrid dating scene for men in the US.

This strange collective female hatred toward men, which seems to have begun in the early 1990’s, is what sets American women apart from the females in the other 200 countries of the world. If you look at the economically privileged women in Western Europe or Australia for example, you may find a bit of a snobby attitude too, but you will not find this deep-seated disdain for men that is so prevalent in the US, thank goodness.

As a matter of fact, it is like a collective psychosis that sabotages any possibility of a normal relationship or friendship with men, making them anything but happy, healthy, comfortable, natural, or symbiotic. In short, they project the “shitâ€￾ in their head onto others.

To make things worse, the US media perpetuates this by portraying negative images of men to validate this psychotic anger toward men. It’s all a sick twisted vicious cycle that makes America a nightmarish place for men who love women.

And what’s even worse than that is the fact that you aren’t even allowed to TALK about any of this in America, or else you are seen as a creep, loser or freak. There is an unspoken censorship and taboo in America against the mere mention that women are antisocial in America, that they hate men or treat them badly. It’s another classic case of The Emperor’s New Clothes. So much for free speech.

It’s kind of like being caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, women hate you and treat you like shit, and on the other, you aren’t allowed to speak out about it. It’s no wonder that many men have coined the term “feminaziâ€￾ on the internet. Like the Nazis, these men-hating women are all about hate and censorship.
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Postby Winston » Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:10 pm

Also, look what I saw in my guestbook today. Sometimes American girls will even call security if you flirt with them! This has happened to me a few times too!

http://www.ultraguest.com/view/1200586414

A friend of mine forwarded me several of your articals. I live in New Jersey. There have been times when I was just trying to be friendly with ladys in the Moorestown mall. Like girls working in the food court or clothing stores. There have been a few times. I have been even threatened by the mall security. Just for saying hi to the girls. Can you or anyone tell me. Whats up with this. Why are the ladys so paranoid in this country. I,m not a monster. I don,t even kill bugs. I,m a very kind gentle loving person.
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Postby Mitsumansion » Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:53 am

I myself am a little love-shy, I don’t have female acquiesces, never dated, never kissed (you know those types of guys), a virgin who gets desperate for having fun with many girls because I am sexually frustrated, but it is quite impossible for me to find at least ONE!! I admit, I do worry sometimes that I won't have any acquiesces with females because the lack of social values I have with them. Even my mother and peers keep telling me to take my mind off of girls and just do what you like to do (The right girl will come, just wait), but it is hard for me to even pursue that. That’s because I always think about women, think about sex, and always wanted girls by my side, but it takes time, and I see most every guy have girlfriends, and I mean EVERY guy. I am not typically worried, and don't want to make myself look like a loser, but this is something I do not want to be like. My mom wondered why I am shy with girls, and tried to have a deep talk with me dealing with the past history, and I just couldn't find a solution, yes I was bullied a little, but that doesn't make me shy with women. I am shy with women because...I don't know.
As I soon realizing that it is not me that is not being lonely since I did travel and met many cute honeys, though half of it is my fault, but I noticed that this is a Canadian thing (Pared up with Americans), we are very cold, unfriendly, boring and serious looking people where we are only depended on high status and money. It also makes me uncomfortable seeing girls like this, very cliquish, picky, don't like to smile, high maintenance, way too confident, some loud, and no personality. You'll notice it when you cross the border, the guards there are way too serious here compared to American guards where they smile and love to joke around.
So I guess I am nervous around North American women because I feel that block of ice that you shouldn’t be hitting on a girl in public or is working, it’s just taboo. Though we are at peace, multicultural, great landscapes, education levels are higher than the U.S. and have less crime, they are very cold, just like the weather.
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Postby jamesbond » Fri Oct 28, 2011 3:00 pm

jtest28 wrote:Oh Crap! I thought it was just me! When I went to Ukraine for the first time last week, the first woman I dated, I had none of that shyness at all! I surprised myself. And the increase in confidence seemed to turn her on and SHE was the one with the love shyness now! Thanks for posting this. I thought there was just something wrong with ME.


It's incredible what a change of scenery will do to one's social life. Where you live makes a big difference to how your social life will be.

I think a lot of guys who are shy with women will lose that shyness once they visit a country where the women are friendly and approachable. :D
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
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Postby Banano » Fri Oct 28, 2011 4:28 pm

I was always wondering why do i feel anxiety when Im around western women, I find them repulsive and distant, at first i was thinking its me that is the problem then I went abroad and realized its not me, its them :shock:

Does anyone on this forum remembers 70s and 80s; was it easy to talk to girl back then?Were they nicer, simpler and more natural?

Ive noticed in western countries there are a lot of people that have social anxiety/phobia, people dont seem to be comfortable in social situations;
also people are shy, insecure(especially men), have low self esteem

http://www.news.com.au/national/men-are ... 6177133432
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Postby jcris7 » Fri Oct 28, 2011 7:33 pm

Banano wrote:I was always wondering why do i feel anxiety when Im around western women, I find them repulsive and distant, at first i was thinking its me that is the problem then I went abroad and realized its not me, its them :shock:

Does anyone on this forum remembers 70s and 80s; was it easy to talk to girl back then?Were they nicer, simpler and more natural?

Ive noticed in western countries there are a lot of people that have social anxiety/phobia, people dont seem to be comfortable in social situations;
also people are shy, insecure(especially men), have low self esteem

http://www.news.com.au/national/men-are ... 6177133432


Put yourself in ANY public American venue where people gather that allows for social interaction (coffee shops, malls, etc). Your observations are 100% true. I did this as an experiment last night. After orchestra rehearsal at my local UC campus, I went to grab a tea at the on-campus Coffee Bean. Sat down, relaxed, and made my body language open to social interaction with women that came in. That meant no texting, studying or laptop bubbling. I would make eye contact and smile, and check out women I thought were attractive for my tastes. 99% of them saw me, but looked away quickly. They show absolutely no interest at all. I'm decent looking too. Only one chick, who was sitting across from me, waiting for her order showed miniscule interest. She made eye contact and returned my smile, but didn't SAY ANYTHING! She would then just look away, and once she got her order, got up and left.

There is a massive social disconnect here in America. Everyone is in their own world, worried about what is going on in their own day. Nobody wants to socialize, unless you are introduced through mutual social contacts. So many beautiful women, but its like the switch is turned off...shut down. I'm tired of just looking at them. I want to interact with them, but their vibe always says "stay away". Europe and the socially open Asian countries are the exact opposite from all the reports I hear. Almost EVERYONE is socializing. Strangers talk to other strangers as if they already know each other. There is air of ease and relaxed openness that IS natural.
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Postby Grunt » Fri Oct 28, 2011 8:39 pm

The idea of "male shyness" is a completely false premise.

The true idea at work here is "value vs. cost". American females, and all feminists, are simply not worth the effort.

Is a man "shy" because he chooses not to spend a million dollars for a Big Mac value meal? No, he is a pragmatist that knows he can get a better meal elsewhere, and for a far better price.

As far as interacting with those around us in America, f**k it. People are just plain assholes, unadulterated assholes. Ignorant, petty, boorish, assholes. I fully support and subscribe to the theory of "hey you, get off of my cloud". When people start behaving like humans again, then I will acknowledge their existence. Till then they are just props on the stage of life.
How to deal with newbies that talk much but do little.

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Postby lavezzi » Fri Oct 28, 2011 9:41 pm

"Love-shyness" places the blame completely on the individual. It says "Your lack of interest from women comes from YOUR lack of confidence" The truth is that the lack of interest from women may come from the lack of confidence, but the lack of confidence is only a symptom of, which is perpetuated by and originates from the real issue: Modern Anglo-women's disregard for men.

Naturally it is the female's job to display interest, and the male's to pursue that interest. Anglo-women only show interest to males that are exceptionally good-looking. In order to be successful without being so, it takes possessing exceptional confidence. The narcissistic social dynamics of the Anglo environment sets the average man as being perceived to be inferior. Which dictates that in order to have confidence you must feel superior. Therefore the guys who are naturally confident tend to be arrogant types. To conclude: If you're not really good-looking and are a naturally humble person, you will probably be shy with Anglo-women.

Modern Anglo-women's disregard for men comes from feminism. Feminism comes from narcissism. Narcissism comes from individualism which comes from wealth. Wealth, this is the root of the problem. Luckily we are able to go to places which have not been affected as badly by this. In these places we see much more natural women who hold men in high regard for being men first and foremost. A fact which Anglo women have no regard for.

To give you a metaphor as to how this works and make a comparison between Anglo and foreign women: Let's say a person lives in the countryside, this gives them a perceived need for a car as they would need one to get anywhere. This person would probably be willing to take any car rather than be car-less. But if they lived in the City, everywhere they feel they need to go is accessible without a car. So they're not too fussed with getting a car, but if they were offered a porsche they'd take it. That is an example of a physical issue. The issue at hand is a psychological issue. Anglo women are mentally living in the city. Foreign women are mentally living in the countryside. Men are the cars.


TD;DR: Anglo-skanks are worthless picky c**ts, GO ABROAD.
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Postby jamesbond » Fri Oct 28, 2011 11:40 pm

jcris7 wrote:There is a massive social disconnect here in America. Everyone is in their own world, worried about what is going on in their own day. Nobody wants to socialize, unless you are introduced through mutual social contacts. So many beautiful women, but its like the switch is turned off...shut down. I'm tired of just looking at them. I want to interact with them, but their vibe always says "stay away". Europe and the socially open Asian countries are the exact opposite from all the reports I hear. Almost EVERYONE is socializing. Strangers talk to other strangers as if they already know each other. There is air of ease and relaxed openness that IS natural.

How true that is! All the guys I know who have girlfriends met them through their friends. Not one of them met their girlfriends on their own.

Your really need to be introduced to woman by a mutual friend in order to meet any women here in the US. Thank God not all women in the world are like this, only anglo-women.

Guys have told me that when they traveled to foreign countries, strangers would talk to them like they already know each other. Even women would strike up conversations with guys who are strangers in grocery stores, bookstores and in shopping malls. This does not happen here in the US, women in America don't even make eye contact with guys!
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Postby Banano » Sat Oct 29, 2011 1:59 am

why there is so much discrepancy between Hollywood movies and real life? Society behaves in a completly opposite way

I dont consider myself shy, i approached 5 women in the past 3 weeks, daytime, 3 ignored me completly, 1 had a boyfriend, 1 tried to gimme wrong number, she deliberately changed the last digit of her number, then i called her straightaway to check if her cell phone will ring,it didnt:( and she was like 'you got last digit wrong', thats bs, after that she gave me real number....but guess what, i called a few times and she never picked up the phone...the prob is why they are theway they are is bc they have so many choices, horny desperate guys are everywhere

I met couchsurfer from Canada, she was 19 and she told me when she goes out to club or bar she picks up the best looking guy and she never gets rejected, she bragged how good it feels to be screwing with best looking guys ...she was just plain looking but she had young p***y; sure the guys she was screwing would be 8s or 9s

Thats why its not easy to be an average guy
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