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Do you find it really hard being a loner?

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Postby Tsar » Fri Mar 07, 2014 6:27 am

It's not difficult for me being a loner in America. I'm use to it and I don't want to have to masquerade any more than I have to. I couldn't be genuine to many people in America because my views do not conform to the way the thought police want people to think. I am not brainwashed or easily swayed by others. I make my own choices and don't want anyone sabotaging them. I've also been betrayed and ignored many times by fellow Americans that I am better off being alone while I am in America, than risk another betrayal or being ignored. I never had too many good experiences. No one truly wanted to be a friend. Either a person is interested in trying to develop a friendship with me or I don't need them to be in my life.
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Postby Teal Lantern » Fri Mar 07, 2014 7:10 am

Winston wrote:That's a great point Billy. But can you explain this one: How come in Russia or the Philippines, when I'm around many strangers, and sitting alone and eating, I do not feel lonely or isolated? How come only in America? Is it because in those foreign countries, I'm surrounded by more genuine and friendly people that are giving off better vibes? Whereas in America, people give off toxic vibes?

The difference is you know (or at least believe) that you could approach those people and easily make a new friend (the occasional stolen camera and attempted mugging, notwithstanding :razz:).
In 'Murika, there is often the feeling that any stranger approaching you wants something or has an angle, and you pick up their apprehension.
Being in a place where you think people are inclined to be friendly vs one where you think they might assault you at "hello".
Media fear-pr0n doesn't help, either.
не поглеждай назад. 8)

"Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children." - FredOnEverything
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Postby HouseMD » Fri Mar 07, 2014 3:19 pm

Winston wrote:Hi all,
You know, I came back to Las Vegas just before Christmas and have enjoyed the time alone here. I've realized that being alone in a house is a wonderfully peaceful experience. There is no one to tell you what to do, criticize you, judge you, make you feel insecure, tell you that there's something wrong with you, argue with you, distract you, bother you, drain your energy, or steal your attention. It's like complete and total peace, which few people can appreciate. There's a great beauty in it, but you have to be a deep and spiritual person to appreciate it. Otherwise, the loneliness will make you unhappy.

It's interesting, I've only been in perhaps two relationships where I felt unhappy or not free to do as I pleased at home. The current gf never criticizes me at all, nor makes me feel insecure in any way, and the idea of us arguing seems ridiculous. I think you have some deep psychological issues when it comes to inadequacy, and that you've yet to actually date a girl that was a good fit for you. When you do, things just kind of "work" in a way is hard to describe.
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Postby somedude » Fri Mar 07, 2014 3:23 pm

Been a "loner" all my life. Have always seemingly had friends wherever I am currently living though. Maybe it's the way I carry myself but I rarely have any problems striking up conversations with people, some have even seemed delighted that I actually spoke to them... maybe they are loners too heheh

The area might make a difference also. In the uptight business districts of larger cities... I get the leave me alone vibe from many, or the "I'm too busy checking my stock tickers to talk, why are you looking at me" vibe, however that's my own fault for going to these kind of places during business lunch hours lol

Outside of those types of districts I generally never have a problem being alone. Most places I go out to eat in the evenings, within a week or so of going there a couple times, the staff or owners may know me by name at this point, which of course the other customers pick up on (more of a vibe thing) and have no problems joining in on chit chat, heck even made some new friends this way.

I rarely go to a place looking to meet new friends though, I go because I like the food or whatever, the chit chat and befriending just happens on it's own, at least for me.

Maybe the key is to not let the inner loner feelings project (you may not even realize it comes out in your body language), because in my experience this does show and gives a creepy vibe to those who are not super keen on reading body language.

Short story:
I was at a bar some time ago enjoying a glass of wine by myself, the bar was pretty full except for 3 empties near my end. A younger guy comes in alone and sits at the very end stool leaving one empty between us... which is of course normal bar protocol thing. His nervousness was showing quite a bit, fidgeting with his phone and overcompensating for his nervousness by talking to himself quietly a bit.

Whenever the bartender spoke to him he acted as if it was a life line. I spoke to him after he finished his meal, just a simple hey it's kind of a drag in here tonight, not many chicks eh? type of thing and he seemed almost relieved someone other than the bartender acknowledged his existence. His nervousness and body language changed immediately to that of any other normal dude.

Conversely however I've experienced this with groups too, regardless of gender. It depends on what they are talking about though, I have no problems butting in on a topic (or lack of one if they are just sitting around), of course this requires knowledge on it and keeping it alive until ice is fully broken lol. Most times they will keep talking to me, if not I do the nomad thing. Only once have I gotten a rude response to this type of thing to which I ask them why are they going to a social place then? lol

Anyway, my opinion is to just do whatever soul searching one needs to find happiness with yourself first. If you are happy and confident in yourself, this will come across in how you carry yourself. In regards to human interaction, I've learned and experienced that if I go out looking for something I generally never find it, but if I go out not giving crap and just happy to be alive, things find me with no effort on my part other than just being myself.

If all else fails visit a truck stop sometime, one can almost always find a friendly face there. Truckers have no problems striking up conversation, they desire human interaction like all of us and the truck stop is their oasis :)
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Postby CrazyCanuck944 » Sat Mar 08, 2014 12:46 am

somedude wrote:Maybe the key is to not let the inner loner feelings project (you may not even realize it comes out in your body language), because in my experience this does show and gives a creepy vibe to those who are not super keen on reading body language.

Yeah that's really the key. If you're not comfortable with who you are, I believe those inner 'creepy' feelings manifest themselves as a creepy vibe that's impossible to mask. A few women I've dated have told me I have this invisible shield up, or that I'm like a stone. This is an impression some people give when they're not comfortable in their own skin or around others....not good.
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