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Do you find it really hard being a loner?

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Postby Tsar » Fri Mar 07, 2014 6:27 am

It's not difficult for me being a loner in America. I'm use to it and I don't want to have to masquerade any more than I have to. I couldn't be genuine to many people in America because my views do not conform to the way the thought police want people to think. I am not brainwashed or easily swayed by others. I make my own choices and don't want anyone sabotaging them. I've also been betrayed and ignored many times by fellow Americans that I am better off being alone while I am in America, than risk another betrayal or being ignored. I never had too many good experiences. No one truly wanted to be a friend. Either a person is interested in trying to develop a friendship with me or I don't need them to be in my life.
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Postby Teal Lantern » Fri Mar 07, 2014 7:10 am

Winston wrote:That's a great point Billy. But can you explain this one: How come in Russia or the Philippines, when I'm around many strangers, and sitting alone and eating, I do not feel lonely or isolated? How come only in America? Is it because in those foreign countries, I'm surrounded by more genuine and friendly people that are giving off better vibes? Whereas in America, people give off toxic vibes?

The difference is you know (or at least believe) that you could approach those people and easily make a new friend (the occasional stolen camera and attempted mugging, notwithstanding :razz:).
In 'Murika, there is often the feeling that any stranger approaching you wants something or has an angle, and you pick up their apprehension.
Being in a place where you think people are inclined to be friendly vs one where you think they might assault you at "hello".
Media fear-pr0n doesn't help, either.
не поглеждай назад. 8)

"Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children." - FredOnEverything
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Postby HouseMD » Fri Mar 07, 2014 3:19 pm

Winston wrote:Hi all,
You know, I came back to Las Vegas just before Christmas and have enjoyed the time alone here. I've realized that being alone in a house is a wonderfully peaceful experience. There is no one to tell you what to do, criticize you, judge you, make you feel insecure, tell you that there's something wrong with you, argue with you, distract you, bother you, drain your energy, or steal your attention. It's like complete and total peace, which few people can appreciate. There's a great beauty in it, but you have to be a deep and spiritual person to appreciate it. Otherwise, the loneliness will make you unhappy.

It's interesting, I've only been in perhaps two relationships where I felt unhappy or not free to do as I pleased at home. The current gf never criticizes me at all, nor makes me feel insecure in any way, and the idea of us arguing seems ridiculous. I think you have some deep psychological issues when it comes to inadequacy, and that you've yet to actually date a girl that was a good fit for you. When you do, things just kind of "work" in a way is hard to describe.
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Postby somedude » Fri Mar 07, 2014 3:23 pm

Been a "loner" all my life. Have always seemingly had friends wherever I am currently living though. Maybe it's the way I carry myself but I rarely have any problems striking up conversations with people, some have even seemed delighted that I actually spoke to them... maybe they are loners too heheh

The area might make a difference also. In the uptight business districts of larger cities... I get the leave me alone vibe from many, or the "I'm too busy checking my stock tickers to talk, why are you looking at me" vibe, however that's my own fault for going to these kind of places during business lunch hours lol

Outside of those types of districts I generally never have a problem being alone. Most places I go out to eat in the evenings, within a week or so of going there a couple times, the staff or owners may know me by name at this point, which of course the other customers pick up on (more of a vibe thing) and have no problems joining in on chit chat, heck even made some new friends this way.

I rarely go to a place looking to meet new friends though, I go because I like the food or whatever, the chit chat and befriending just happens on it's own, at least for me.

Maybe the key is to not let the inner loner feelings project (you may not even realize it comes out in your body language), because in my experience this does show and gives a creepy vibe to those who are not super keen on reading body language.

Short story:
I was at a bar some time ago enjoying a glass of wine by myself, the bar was pretty full except for 3 empties near my end. A younger guy comes in alone and sits at the very end stool leaving one empty between us... which is of course normal bar protocol thing. His nervousness was showing quite a bit, fidgeting with his phone and overcompensating for his nervousness by talking to himself quietly a bit.

Whenever the bartender spoke to him he acted as if it was a life line. I spoke to him after he finished his meal, just a simple hey it's kind of a drag in here tonight, not many chicks eh? type of thing and he seemed almost relieved someone other than the bartender acknowledged his existence. His nervousness and body language changed immediately to that of any other normal dude.

Conversely however I've experienced this with groups too, regardless of gender. It depends on what they are talking about though, I have no problems butting in on a topic (or lack of one if they are just sitting around), of course this requires knowledge on it and keeping it alive until ice is fully broken lol. Most times they will keep talking to me, if not I do the nomad thing. Only once have I gotten a rude response to this type of thing to which I ask them why are they going to a social place then? lol

Anyway, my opinion is to just do whatever soul searching one needs to find happiness with yourself first. If you are happy and confident in yourself, this will come across in how you carry yourself. In regards to human interaction, I've learned and experienced that if I go out looking for something I generally never find it, but if I go out not giving crap and just happy to be alive, things find me with no effort on my part other than just being myself.

If all else fails visit a truck stop sometime, one can almost always find a friendly face there. Truckers have no problems striking up conversation, they desire human interaction like all of us and the truck stop is their oasis :)
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Postby CrazyCanuck944 » Sat Mar 08, 2014 12:46 am

somedude wrote:Maybe the key is to not let the inner loner feelings project (you may not even realize it comes out in your body language), because in my experience this does show and gives a creepy vibe to those who are not super keen on reading body language.


Yeah that's really the key. If you're not comfortable with who you are, I believe those inner 'creepy' feelings manifest themselves as a creepy vibe that's impossible to mask. A few women I've dated have told me I have this invisible shield up, or that I'm like a stone. This is an impression some people give when they're not comfortable in their own skin or around others....not good.
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Re: Do you find it really hard being a loner?

Postby Winston » Mon Dec 19, 2016 11:57 pm

Here is a video that explains why intelligent people tend to have fewer friends.

Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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Re:

Postby S_Parc » Tue Dec 20, 2016 1:57 am

HouseMD wrote:
Winston wrote:Hi all,
You know, I came back to Las Vegas just before Christmas and have enjoyed the time alone here. I've realized that being alone in a house is a wonderfully peaceful experience. There is no one to tell you what to do, criticize you, judge you, make you feel insecure, tell you that there's something wrong with you, argue with you, distract you, bother you, drain your energy, or steal your attention. It's like complete and total peace, which few people can appreciate. There's a great beauty in it, but you have to be a deep and spiritual person to appreciate it. Otherwise, the loneliness will make you unhappy.

It's interesting, I've only been in perhaps two relationships where I felt unhappy or not free to do as I pleased at home. The current gf never criticizes me at all, nor makes me feel insecure in any way, and the idea of us arguing seems ridiculous. I think you have some deep psychological issues when it comes to inadequacy, and that you've yet to actually date a girl that was a good fit for you. When you do, things just kind of "work" in a way is hard to describe.


House, why do you always have to play some superiority game to Winston or anyone else? Seriously, are you really, such a special person?

In reality, Winnie was not meant for a meaningful relationship. He's way past that age, 28-38 (with a bit of a zone in that upper bracket), where a man can find a real match, for his personality type.

Once a guy is beyond that range, it's not very likely that a so-called *soul mate*, is in his horizon. Instead of accepting that and then, f*cking hoes, like Bosstone, who's honest with himself, Winnie insists upon lying and believing in the omnipresence of perfect relationships.
16 years ago, the Best Picture of 1999, "American Beauty", telegraphed the message of Happier Abroad to the world.

Beware of long term engagements with AWs, you may find yourself in a coffin.

AB discussion thread

BTW, despite settling down with an AW, myself, the warning is still in effect.
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Re:

Postby Adama » Tue Dec 20, 2016 2:48 am

Mr S wrote:These articles explain why Introverts act the way they do. I really dislike the over judgmental attitude that extroverts have against introversion type personalities. In today's Western society Introverts have to constantly battle it out with extroverts in everyday life activities, it becomes exhausting to us. I get tired of always having to justify my personality and viewpoints to extroverts. As an adult I've never been capable with having close extroverted friends, only with introverted types can I feel comfortable being around beyond casual friendship. I don't think I could ever get in a long term relationship with an extrovert female, she would slowly drive me crazy. I've discovered that it's much easier for a Westerner to be an Introvert in Asia than in Western society from what I have observed and experienced. Being an introvert seriously decreases ones dating capabilities, especially in Western countries but at least we can deal with the loneliness better than extroverts. I've come to terms with this possible inevitability in life.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html

23 Signs You're Secretly An Introvert

Think you can spot an introvert in a crowd? Think again. Although the stereotypical introvert may be the one at the party who's hanging out alone by the food table fiddling with an iPhone, the "social butterfly" can just as easily have an introverted personality.

"Spotting the introvert can be harder than finding Waldo," Sophia Dembling, author of "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World," tells The Huffington Post. "A lot of introverts can pass as extroverts."

People are frequently unaware that they’re introverts -– especially if they’re not shy -- because they may not realize that being an introvert is about more than just cultivating time alone. Instead, it can be more instructive to pay attention to whether they're losing or gaining energy from being around others, even if the company of friends gives them pleasure.

“Introversion is a basic temperament, so the social aspect -- which is what people focus on -- is really a small part of being an introvert," Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, psychotherapist and author of "The Introvert Advantage," said in a Mensa discussion. "It affects everything in your life.�

Despite the growing conversation around introversion, it remains a frequently misunderstood personality trait. As recently as 2010, the American Psychiatric Association even considered classifying "introverted personality" as a disorder by listing it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), a manual used to diagnose mental illness.

But more and more introverts are speaking out about what it really means to be a "quiet" type. Not sure if you're an innie or an outie? See if any of these 23 telltale signs of introversion apply to you.

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.

Introverts are notoriously small talk-phobic, as they find idle chatter to be a source of anxiety, or at least annoyance. For many quiet types, chitchat can feel disingenuous.

“Let's clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people," Laurie Helgoe writes in "Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength." "We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.�

2. You go to parties -– but not to meet people.

If you're an introvert, you may sometimes enjoy going to parties, but chances are, you're not going because you're excited to meet new people. At a party, most introverts would rather spend time with people they already know and feel comfortable around. If you happen to meet a new person that you connect with, great -- but meeting people is rarely the goal.

3. You often feel alone in a crowd.

Ever feel like an outsider in the middle of social gatherings and group activities, even with people you know?

"If you tend to find yourself feeling alone in a crowd, you might be an introvert," says Dembling. "We might let friends or activities pick us, rather than extending our own invitations."

4. Networking makes you feel like a phony.

Networking (read: small-talk with the end goal of advancing your career) can feel particularly disingenuous for introverts, who crave authenticity in their interactions.

"Networking is stressful if we do it in the ways that are stressful to us," Dembling says, advising introverts to network in small, intimate groups rather than at large mixers.

5. You've been called "too intense."

Do you have a penchant for philosophical conversations and a love of thought-provoking books and movies? If so, you're a textbook introvert.

"Introverts like to jump into the deep end," says Dembling.

6. You're easily distracted.

While extroverts tend to get bored easily when they don't have enough to do, introverts have the opposite problem -- they get easily distracted and overwhelmed in environments with an excess of stimulation.

"Extroverts are commonly found to be more easily bored than introverts on monotonous tasks, probably because they require and thrive on high levels of stimulation," Clark University researchers wrote in a paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. "In contrast, introverts are more easily distracted than extroverts and, hence, prefer relatively unstimulating environments."

7. Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.

One of the most fundamental characteristics of introverts is that they need time alone to recharge their batteries. Whereas an extrovert might get bored or antsy spending a day at home alone with tea and a stack of magazines, this sort of down time feels necessary and satisfying to an introvert.

8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.

Introverts can be excellent leaders and public speakers -- and although they're stereotyped as being the shrinking violet, they don't necessarily shy away from the spotlight. Performers like Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera and Emma Watson all identify as introverts, and an estimated 40 percent of CEOs have introverted personalities. Instead, an introvert might struggle more with meeting and greeting large groups of people on an individual basis.

9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -– not in the middle.

Whenever possible, introverts tend to avoid being surrounded by people on all sides.

"We're likely to sit in places where we can get away when we're ready to -- easily," says Dembling. "When I go to the theater, I want the aisle seat or the back seat."

10. You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.

Do you start to get tired and unresponsive after you've been out and about for too long? It's likely because you’re trying to conserve energy. Everything introverts do in the outside world causes them to expend energy, after which they'll need to go back and replenish their stores in a quiet environment, says Dembling. Short of a quiet place to go, many introverts will resort to zoning out.

11. You're in a relationship with an extrovert.

It's true that opposites attract, and introverts frequently gravitate towards outgoing extroverts who encourage them to have fun and not take themselves too seriously.

"Introverts are sometimes drawn to extroverts because they like being able to ride their 'fun bubble,'" Dembling says.

12. You'd rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.

The dominant brain pathways introverts use is one that allows you to focus and think about things for a while, so they’re geared toward intense study and developing expertise, according to Olsen Laney.

13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.

Because really, is anything more terrifying?

14. You screen all your calls -- even from friends.

You may not pick up your phone even from people you like, but you’ll call them back as soon as you’re mentally prepared and have gathered the energy for the conversation.

"To me, a ringing phone is like having somebody jump out of a closet and go 'BOO!,'" says Dembling. "I do like having a long, nice phone call with a friend -- as long as it's not jumping out of the sky at me."

15. You notice details that others don't.

The upside of being overwhelmed by too much stimuli is that introverts often have a keen eye for detail, noticing things that may escape others around them. Research has found that introverts exhibit increased brain activity when processing visual information, as compared to extroverts.

16. You have a constantly running inner monologue.

“Extroverts don’t have the same internal talking as we do,� says Olsen Laney. “Most introverts need to think first and talk later."

17. You have low blood pressure.

A 2006 Japanese study found that introverts tend to have lower blood pressure than their extroverted counterparts.

18. You’ve been called an “old soul� -– since your 20s.

Introverts observe and take in a lot of information, and they think before they speak, leading them to appear wise to others.

"Introverts tend to think hard and be analytical," says Dembling. "That can make them seem wise."

19. You don't feel "high" from your surroundings

Neurochemically speaking, things like huge parties just aren’t your thing. Extroverts and introverts differ significantly in how their brains process experiences through "reward" centers.

Researchers demonstrated this phenomenon by giving Ritalin -- the ADHD drug that stimulates dopamine production in the brain -- to introverted and extroverted college students. They found that extroverts were more likely to associate the feeling of euphoria achieved by the rush of dopamine with the environment they were in. Introverts, by contrast, did not connect the feeling of reward to their surroundings. The study "suggests that introverts have a fundamental difference in how strongly they process rewards from their environment, with the brains of introverts weighing internal cues more strongly than external motivational and reward cues," explained LiveScience's Tia Ghose.

20. You look at the big picture.

When describing the way that introverts think, Jung explained that they're more interested in ideas and the big picture rather than facts and details. Of course, many introverts excel in detail-oriented tasks -- but they often have a mind for more abstract concepts as well.

"Introverts do really enjoy abstract discussion," says Dembling.

21. You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.�

Many introverted children come to believe that there's something "wrong" with them if they're naturally less outspoken and assertive than their peers. Introverted adults often say that as children, they were told to come out of their shells or participate more in class.

22. You’re a writer.

Introverts are often better at communicating in writing than in person, and many are drawn to the solitary, creative profession of writing. Most introverts -- like "Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling -- say that they feel most creatively charged when they have time to be alone with their thoughts.

23. You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.

Introverts can move around their introverted “set point� which determines how they need to balance solitude with social activity. But when they move too much -- possibly by over-exerting themselves with too much socializing and busyness -- they get stressed and need to come back to themselves, according Olsen Laney. This may manifest as going through periods of heightened social activity, and then balancing it out with a period of inwardness and solitude.

"There's a recovery point that seems to be correlated with how much interaction you've done," says Dembling. "We all have our own private cycles."

6 Things You Thought Wrong About Introverts

If common stereotypes have anything to say on the matter, it's that introverts are socially awkward loners who abhor large crowds and don't like people very much. An introvert may not be a particularly friendly or happy person, but hey, at least they're smarter and more creative than the average extrovert.

Despite comprising an estimated one-third of the general population, introversion may be one of the most frequently misunderstood personality traits. But the silent revolution of introverts -- catapulted into the spotlight largely by the work of Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking -- is shedding light on the experience of introverts living in a culture that tends to value extroverted qualities like assertiveness and outspokenness over solitude and quiet contemplation.

Much of the problem stems from the lack of a simple distinction between introversion and extroversion -- the difference is far more complex than being shy versus outgoing, according to Sophia Dembling, author of The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World. The introversion/extroversion distinction has its roots in Jungian psychology, which views extroverts as being more naturally oriented towards the outside world, and introverts more focused on their own inner world.

“The description that introverts seem to relate most strongly to is the idea that Jung presented, that introverts are drained of energy by interaction, and gain energy in solitude and quiet, whereas extroverts gain energy in social situations with interaction," Dembling tells The Huffington Post. "It seems to be most strongly an energy thing –- where you get your energy and what takes it out of you.�

If you're an introvert, you might be used to feeling misunderstood (many introvert children are criticized for not speaking up at school, and grow up being told to "come out of their shells") and having your actions (or inaction) misinterpreted. And if you're an extrovert, there's a good chance that you have a least a few misconceptions about those mysterious quiet types in your life. Scroll through the list below for six of the most common false assumptions about introverts -- and why they're wrong.

1. All introverts are shy -- and all shy people are introverts.

Shyness is so often confused with introversion that the two words are frequently used interchangeably -- but in fact, they're remarkably different traits. As Susan Cain pointed out in a Psychology Today blog, Bill Gates is introverted but not shy: He's quiet and bookish, but isn't bothered by what other people think of him.

Whereas introversion, as Dembling explains, is commonly defined as recharging and gaining energy through alone time, shyness has more to do with discomfort and anxiety in situations involving social interaction. Many introverts aren't shy; they may feel confident and at ease around people, but simply require more alone time to balance out the energy they expend in social situations. Similarly, an extrovert may seek the company of others but feel insecure or uncomfortable in groups.

“The number-one misconception about introversion is that it’s about shyness,� says Dembling. “The best distinction I’ve heard comes from a neuroscientist who studies shyness. He said, 'Shyness is a behavior -– it’s being fearful in a social situation. Whereas introversion is a motivation. It’s how much you want and need to be in those interactions.’"

2. Introverts don't like to be around people.

Although introverts do generally need -- and enjoy -- more solitude than their extroverted counterparts, the idea that introverts are antisocial or don't want the company of others is completely false. They just tend to enjoy social interaction in a different way than extroverts do.

“There are a lot of negative labels placed on introverts -- socially anxious, don’t like people, judgmental (because we sit quietly)," says Dembling. "Introverts may prefer one-on-one interaction ... we might enjoy large parties but want to sit and watch the action from the sidelines. Extroverts may interpret this as not wanting to have fun, but this observation is fun for an introvert."

Introversion shouldn't be confused with misanthropy -- introverts do like people, but they typically favor quality over quantity in their relationships, choosing to focus on creating a smaller circle of close friends rather than a large network of acquaintances.

“I like to say that we may like people more than extroverts because we take the time to get to know them ... It’s just a completely different style,� says Dembling.

3. Introverts don't make good leaders or public speakers.

Many introverts enjoy and excel in roles that involve leading others, speaking publicly, and being in the spotlight. Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi and countless other leaders through history have been classified as introverts. These leaders may also foster a better team environment, as research has shown they might work better in groups than extroverts do. And according to USA Today, roughly four in 10 top executives test as introverts.

Research has found that individuals of both personality types can be well-suited to leadership and sales roles.

"The good news ... is that in some sense we are all born to sell and equipped to lead," writes author Daniel Pink in a Washington Post blog. "And that means a hidden but urgent challenge for organizations of every kind is to shatter the stereotype of who’s an effective leader."

And when it comes to public speaking, introverts aren't the shrinking violets they're often thought to be, and they might actually have the upper hand over extroverts. Because introverts focus on preparing projects and thinking things through thoroughly before acting, they can be excellent speakers, says Dembling. Susan Cain's charismatically delivered TED talk on the power of introverts, for instance, was one of the fastest TED videos ever to reach one million views -- and it's just one of countless examples.

4. Introverts have more negative personalities.

Because they actually like being alone, introverts are sometimes stereotyped as having more depressive or negative-slanting personalities. This misconception likely stems from the fact that extroverts -- who gain their energy from social interaction -- might feel sad when they don't spend enough time with people, Dembling says.

"When extroverts are in an introverted place for too long, spending time alone or being quiet, they can report feeling sad and depressed," says Dembling. “Because they feel sad when they’re alone, maybe they therefore think we feel sad when we’ve been alone. That misconception is coming from a genuine concern, but it’s more putting their feelings on us.�

Most introverts don't connect solitude with loneliness, unless it becomes excessive. That being said, although introverts do not innately have more depressive personalities, they do tend to spend more time thinking and analyzing -- and if this turns to ruminating, it could potentially lead to depression.

"There’s a definite link between rumination and depression," says Dembling. "Because introverts do like thinking and being alone, we need to keep ourselves in check.�

5. Introverts are more intellectual or creative than extroverts.

Many of the most celebrated artists and thinkers throughout history -- including Albert Einstein, Marcel Proust and Charles Darwin -- were thought to be quiet types. Introverts are sometimes touted as being "more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive," as Jonathan Rauch writes in an Atlantic article, "Caring For Your Introvert." But before any quiet types climb atop an intellectual high horse, it's important to note being an introvert doesn't innately make you a loftier, or more innovative, thinker. Extroverts are, of course, often incredibly intelligent and creative; there's just a good chance that their best ideas happen while they're in a more reflective, or introverted, mindset.

“Creativity occurs in an introverted space … but that doesn’t mean we’ve cornered the market on it," says Dembling. "Without both introverts and extroverts, things wouldn’t get done. We’ve got one person thinking it through and one person going out and slaying the dragon.�

6. It's easy to tell whether someone is introverted or extroverted.

Many introverts could easily go out to a cocktail party and talk up everyone in the room -- and they may enjoy themselves doing it. But at the end of the day, they'll look forward to restoring their energy by coming home and reading in bed with a cup of tea. Given our culture's bias towards extroverted personality traits, many introverts have become accustomed to being the wolf in sheep's clothing -- behaving like an extrovert in social situations, and perhaps acting more outspoken and gregarious than they feel on the inside. Or they may enjoy the social interaction and attention, but later crave time alone to recover.

“Most introverts are very good at behaving like extroverts," says Dembling. "A lot of us are out there behaving as extroverts ... but then we have to shut it down. I call it my ‘dog and pony show.’ But then you have to be quiet and regain your energy for the next time. The long I’m out there putting on the show, the longer I need to recuperate.�

"Introverts really do like people and we like socializing," Dembling says. "We just like it in different ways than extroverts."



I think the main thing that creates introverts is whether your parents respected you and treated you as your own person, or were they emotionally abusive. If the parents are cruel and cold to their own children, those children will grow up to be timid and introverted. I bet extroverts simply have parents who treated them fairly and respected them as individuals.

But probably most people who are extroverted as simply narcissists and sociopaths pretending to be brave.
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Re:

Postby Adama » Tue Dec 20, 2016 2:56 am

Winston wrote:That article is one sided with false assumptions.

1. First, most people are somewhere in between extrovert and introvert. They do not fit into such black and white categories.

2. Second, it falsely assumes that if you just go out there and be social, then everyone will be social with you too, as if it were easy to be social in America and meet lots of new people. That just isn't true. It doesn't take into account that Americans don't talk to strangers outside their clique and are not comfortable meeting new people, because they are programmed to be paranoid of strangers and see them as potential threats and enemies. They are not as social as in the movies. That might be true in most European countries, where it's easy to go out and be social. But not in the US. No way.

3. It claims that most people are extroverts, at least two-thirds. If that's so, then 2/3 of Americans would be very open and social with strangers. But we all know that that's not true. Show me a ton of extroverts in America who are very open and relaxed toward strangers socially (not for business purposes). Where are they?

Yet most Americans have no inner life either, so they aren't introverts. So what are they then? Closed, cliquish, paranoid extroverts?

The same goes for Taiwanese. Momopi calls them "shy extroverts" probably because I labeled them as such. That may be more accurate. But either way, it doesn't fit into the assumptions of that long article.

I'm going to try to post my comments into that Huffington Post article's comments section.


You're better off not dealing with most Americans. I don't blame people for not wanting to make friends. Most people, men and women, are backstabbers, gossipers, slanderers, and will try to ruin your friendships, employment, ability to get women, and reputation.

Imagine forming a friendship with an American that turns out to be one way. You think dude is your friend but he's not. He's just friendly with you. Meanwhile, with the psychos like him that he's really friends with, he's spreading your business around and twisting it to laugh at you and make you look stupid to others. If he finds out any embarrassing details about you, or if you reveal to him a secret, he immediately goes back and tells everyone, because it's funny to him to both expose you and to see that you can do nothing about it, because you're not violent. Imagine having a friend who keeps your secrets, until he finds an opportunity to embarrass you and destroy another relationship that you have.

Imagine realizing that your new friend is a jerk, and like a female dog of the species that everyone here despises so much, gets upset with you when you no longer want to be his friend. Lots of dudes I stopped being friends with after I realized they approved of murder, feminism, or who just thought they were going to be my leader instead of my friend.
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Re: Do you find it really hard being a loner?

Postby Kradmelder » Tue Dec 20, 2016 6:05 am

As an outsider one of the first things that strike you about america, after I've never seen so many fat farks in my life, is they are all so friendly. Everyone talks to you like they are lifelong mates. But it is false. You never get past the " hi how ya doin". It seems so plastic. Australians would come second in that department. Every one is mate.

In europe and sa people are more reserved but interactions are more real. They are civil and honest. After a while, if you respect and like each other they deepen.

Northern Europe and Canada are cold and reserved and they don't greet or showhatever friendliness. They are not hospitable. Sa and southern europe people are friendly and hospitable and easily take you into their homes.

Americans are also hospitable and appear welcoming. But there is something different about interactions with Americans. Relations don't seem to progress beyond a shallow level. Maybe not with foreigners but only amongst themselves?

Of course the above only applies if you are white. A non white person may have a totally different experience.
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Re: Re:

Postby Winston » Tue Dec 20, 2016 8:24 am

S_Parc wrote:House, why do you always have to play some superiority game to Winston or anyone else? Seriously, are you really, such a special person?

In reality, Winnie was not meant for a meaningful relationship. He's way past that age, 28-38 (with a bit of a zone in that upper bracket), where a man can find a real match, for his personality type.

Once a guy is beyond that range, it's not very likely that a so-called *soul mate*, is in his horizon. Instead of accepting that and then, f*cking hoes, like Bosstone, who's honest with himself, Winnie insists upon lying and believing in the omnipresence of perfect relationships.


Thats not true. People of all ages can find their soulmate. Mark davis is older than me yet he found his soulmate. I found a soulmate last year in china with lisa. But for some unknown reason my soulmate relationships go south or turn 180 even though i went with the flow and did nothing wrong.

Maybe it was just an infatuation. If a woman truly loves you, she will not change her love for trivial reasons or spin things against you.

Some guys are unlucky like that. Or their soul may repel relationships because they are freethinkers and are on a mission of spiritual growth in life and cannot be bogged down by a relationship. Maybe their own higher selves or guardian angels sabotage their relationships and believe they know whats best or because its not in alignment with their destiny. Or there may be a curse or bad karma. Hard to say.

Also intellectual types tend to have the hardest time. See my video above.
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Re: Re:

Postby Winston » Tue Dec 20, 2016 8:41 am

Adama wrote:I think the main thing that creates introverts is whether your parents respected you and treated you as your own person, or were they emotionally abusive. If the parents are cruel and cold to their own children, those children will grow up to be timid and introverted. I bet extroverts simply have parents who treated them fairly and respected them as individuals.

But probably most people who are extroverted as simply narcissists and sociopaths pretending to be brave.


I dont think so. Its mostly social environment and how kids treat you at school. And whether you fit in or not. Also whether you are deep and intellectual.

Extroverts are not more outgoing or social. They simply identify with the outside world and have no inner life. After all, if most Americans were extroverts then why do they have a cold wall and resist talking to strangers unless its for business related purposes? How come im an introvert yet i can talk to strangers easily, as long as they aren't trying to sell me something that is.
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Re: Do you find it really hard being a loner?

Postby Moretorque » Tue Dec 20, 2016 9:15 am

Winston wrote:Here is a video that explains why intelligent people tend to have fewer friends.


I don't see where Mr. Wu could have any friends at all considering his towering intellect....
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Re: Do you find it really hard being a loner?

Postby Winston » Tue Dec 20, 2016 9:53 am

Moretorque wrote:
Winston wrote:Here is a video that explains why intelligent people tend to have fewer friends.


I don't see where Mr. Wu could have any friends at all considering his towering intellect....


Well its simple. If you are very intelligent then you make friends with others who are very intelligent. Like attracts like. Birds of the same feather flock together.

Also super intelligent types can marry women who are simple and submissive and easygoing, such as filipinas, because they are easygoing and simple and the least complicated and will not create problems or trouble or argue.
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Re: Re:

Postby Adama » Tue Dec 20, 2016 1:44 pm

Winston wrote:
Adama wrote:I think the main thing that creates introverts is whether your parents respected you and treated you as your own person, or were they emotionally abusive. If the parents are cruel and cold to their own children, those children will grow up to be timid and introverted. I bet extroverts simply have parents who treated them fairly and respected them as individuals.

But probably most people who are extroverted as simply narcissists and sociopaths pretending to be brave.


I dont think so. Its mostly social environment and how kids treat you at school. And whether you fit in or not. Also whether you are deep and intellectual.

Extroverts are not more outgoing or social. They simply identify with the outside world and have no inner life. After all, if most Americans were extroverts then why do they have a cold wall and resist talking to strangers unless its for business related purposes? How come im an introvert yet i can talk to strangers easily, as long as they aren't trying to sell me something that is.


Because if you invite the wrong person in, who you know nothing about, they can ruin your life and turn it upside down quite easily. There is a reason people warn their children about strangers. That is because there are many psychopaths searching for innocent, naive people to take advantage of. At least when you meet the person through friends you can assume that this person has already been vetted by your friends, and therefore they are less likely to take you down. There are no guarantees though.

I don't think people lack inner lives as much as they don't focus on the things that you focus on. You focus on certain things while they focus on others. Theirs doesn't include making new friends but how to enrich themselves in other areas of life. Once they have one part taken care of, they are moving on to other goals. Making friends with new people all the time just isn't a factor.

Even as a sophomore in university we noticed this. That people who already have friends aren't seeking more. Heck, by the sixth week of the first semester as a Freshman, your friends are probably already established, and if not, you're in for tough luck the remaining years. Everyone will look at you as a loser for not having your own group to belong to and be reluctant to let you in. You might start on the fringes but only if they are forced to interact with you daily, and if you pass, you may gain entry into the group. Probably more difficult than finding a girlfriend.
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