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As men we tend to get caught up in how a woman looks and some can be intimidated by a woman's beauty. You hear men talk about how hot this one is or how hot that one is. Look at how hot she is. Oh my god she's sooo hot. Go talk to her because she's sooo hot. Or they hesitate to talk to a woman because of how she looks.
Too much emphasis is put on a woman's looks which don't matter. Yes, to a certain degree they do. We all want someone who is attractive in our eyes and whom we are sexually attracted to as well. Everyone has there own personal taste. But if she happens to lack personality and other necessary qualities to be deemed as wife material, then how important will her outer appearance be then?
So what I'm getting at is that we can't get caught up in how a woman looks because how she looks is not her.
She's a mind. A soul with thoughts, feelings, and desires. That body is just a covering.
After seeing someone you find fits your standards of attractiveness you need to train your brain to be more focused on her inner qualities; i.e. the inner person.
So you find someone who you find to be good looking according to your personal taste. Great!
Now as you get to know her you need to focus on how she is which is the person.
1. What are her thoughts and feelings about certain things? For example, marriage, a woman's role in the marriage, being a stay at home mom, her idea of being submissive, etc.
2. How does she react to conflicting situations? With a rabid outburst or is she mild-tempered?
3. Is she a compulsive liar?
4. How does she talk to her parents?
5. Is she argumentative?
6. Is she apologetic?
7. Is she supportive?
8. Is she lighthearted?
9. While dating, if you happen to get sick, will she be there by your side to help you? Will she take the initiative to call your doctor, go to the pharmacy to get your medication and buy anything else you may need? If so, this will take you deeper into the kind of person she is.
You get my point. Physical attractiveness or how a woman looks is just the tip of the iceberg. It's just the way a person looks. In some cases, it's obvious how a person is. For example, if she's dressed really provocative, with her face loaded with makeup and has a tattoo on her lower back then it's a no brainer the type of person she is. You know to leave that alone unless that's your cup of tea.
But those who are looking for a wife her physical look has to be secondary. Although it matters, it can't be the motivating factor for wanting to be with someone.
I know many of you may know that. I just wanted to throw this out there to wake up those who may not.
I can safely say >90% of guys will totally ignore everything else if the girl is beautiful. It takes a special breed of men to see past the looks in order to analyse their long term compatibility with the female in question. One needs to take the time to listen and remember what women say because it will tell you whether she is trustworthy, liar e.t.c
I've said it before and I'll say it again :
Character, honour, integrity
Gracious, plays fair
Easy to get along with
Level headed, sensible
Loving, generous, respectful
Loyal, makes an effort (to make things work)
Self esteem, positive, happy
Humour, fun, playfulness
Pride, dignity, class / self respect
Sex (attitude, etc etc etc etc etc)
Yes, of course. No one is saying choose one or the other. Attractiveness is a quality just like all the others. Some people aren't too bothered about attractiveness, but most are. But given the choice, hypothetically, between a woman with good inner qualities but not that good looking, and one who is stunning but not a good person, and you had to marry / stick with one, who would you choose? It's not an ideal choice to have to make, but it shows the importance of inner qualities. But yes, of course you can find women with pretty much everything.
Thanks Johnny. The post has nothing to do with choosing between a good looking or average looking girl with an endearing personality.
I'm just saying don't get so caught up in how a woman looks. Don't let her looks control you or be the motivating factor that makes you want to be with her. If she's attractive but doesn't possess those qualities that you're looking for don't stay stick around just because her face is pleasing to your eyes. Stay focused on the inner person.
Personally, I love plain pretty women with nice bodies. But if I happen to meet one whose personality sucks and one who is pretty with an awesome personality it's a no brainer who I'm going with. Why? Because I focused on her inner qualities and not just her outer appearance.
Last edited by OTB on October 27th, 2013, 4:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Some very good points, and an excellent thread. Thank you!
I had a rant some time ago about people being obsessed with looks, and rating women on scales of 1-10.
In regards to looks though I would like to add that I would never want to date/marry a woman who's obese, which I think it fair enough. I'm not too hung up with looks (the girl I'm with now would be slightly above average looking), as long as she doesn't stuff herself with food all day and never exercise.
@Voice of Reason
Thank you. I'm glad you learned something from it. You're another one who understands the outer appearance of a woman is trivial in the grand scheme of things.
You say you would never want to date or marry a woman who's obese. I don't blame you. Me neither.
Last edited by OTB on October 27th, 2013, 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
But if the female is fugly, that would mean that she would be likely to produce fugly and unhealthy children. In a functional society it is in fact the female's personality that wouldn't matter much, since aberrant behavior could be corrected by beating. Anyway, since Western females are essentially all giant vermin now, in their case their looks, before they binge eat, drink and f**k them away, is all they could possibly have to offer.
As long as she can cook? That's kinda my only criteria really. Sounds dumb, but in America a girl who can cook usually is fairly healthy (as you can't eat prepackaged food here and stay healthy/fit looking very long) and has wide and varied tastes, and likely has taught herself because her mother's generation probably didn't cook, or she comes from a fairly traditional values type of family and her mother taught her and that's great, too.
It might be a silly joke, but I'm serious about the cooking thing. If you find a girl unwilling to learn to cook things or eat reasonably (ie, not from a TV dinner box) you should run run run. To me also lack of cooking shows lack of self help skills. It's seriously just a basic life skill. Why would you want a girl who cannot handle basic tasks like that?
Keep in mind, this is coming from someone who can cook for himself, and does. So it's not like I "need" her to cook for me or anything, hell I'd probably even do most of the cooking, but I actually do not want a useless girl with zero skills who needs to rely on me for everything. That's way too much work. I want an actual strong independent woman, but not a feminist who proclaims strength and independence but can't even boil a potato or check her car's oil.
depends for what you need the chick. i mean people have women for different reasons. like in art things have their place. some like to see a pretty face in bed when the wake up in the morning. some want a loyal parner. there are many different reasons for everybody.
i am somekind of artist. aesthetics play a big role for me. donÂ´t know if itÂ´s good or bad or if i could change that or if it would make to change that.
the thing is i donÂ´t feel that i need a female partner so what itÂ´s left: probably looks. i donÂ´t want to make business with her so all other parts of her life ist good and so on. immanuel kant wrote like: marriage is a contrast to youse each others private parts. who i am to say kant was wrong though he didnÂ´t mention looks.
Being controlled by looks is a huge problem. And it's even more ridiculous when you know that what you're looking at is a cake of makeup. It's not even real. The thought of that ought to be highly embarrassing. Whenever I look at a picture of a female, the first thing I do is disregard what she's wearing including jewellery, what she's revealing (i.e. don't get distracted by the sight of a bit of leg or whatever), her posture, her hair, and her makeup. Then I look at 4 things only : her features one by one (eyes, nose, lips, ears), her complexion, the shape and structure of her face, and lastly her countenance / demeanour (in other words, how she "wears" (carries) her face). So basically I'm looking at what's going on neck upwards. It's surprising how much the nose makes a difference to the whole face. I mean, it's right in the middle of it, yet people generally don't think about it much. I have a saying : never underestimate the power of a woman's nose.
Another thing to do. Don't ejaculate. Masturbate until you're at the edge, then stop, and go and do something else. Do it every day. It takes a while but eventually it becomes quite easy.
Also, train yourself to not check out females when you're out and about, meaning don't just instinctively check out everyone. If they stand out, fair enough, but if you realise that you were just distracted by something superficial / titilating (instead of real beauty), look away. This is easy for me because I live in a town full of ugly, ugly people.
I think it's a myth that feelings are more powerful than logic, in this case. I think it's perfectly possible to be in control of your sex drive, and actually I also think it's possible to consciously stop yourself from falling in love (which is just glorified horniness). Imagine that. Imagine the hassle you'd save yourself from by being able to think clearly. All your decisions as to whether or not to pursue or stay with a woman would be based on what makes sense to you, rather than what makes sense to your dick. Your sex drive should become like a powerful laser that you can turn on and off, not something that turns you on and off and tells you what to do. Let women be swept up in all that, that's what they're built for, that's their jurisdiction.
A man is supposed to be like fire. Water bubbles up when heated, fire doesn't. Fire does the heating. There's no mystery. It's just all about unlearning everything that has gotten in the way of what is actually very simple. There's no problem to solve, just distractions to remove.
Well said Johnny though easier said than done. But probably worth the effort. But donÂ´t overestimate the power of evolution and the permanent seducing of women. Now I am older itÂ´s gets easier as itÂ´s no more an ego thing or less. - ItÂ´s makable when you also think that you do it not because you think itÂ´s beatiful but you also do it for validation and your image that itÂ´s why it all becomes so expensive and sucks energy.