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Asian mother in law, I think she hates me

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Asian mother in law, I think she hates me

Postby DanielleNguyen » November 6th, 2013, 6:21 pm

So about two weeks ago my mother in law visited me and my husband for the first time. They both grew up in Vietnam and at first everything was ok and my mother in law seemed very nice but soon as my husband would go to work she changed from sweet mother to being mad at me. She wanted me to do more which was understandable so I would get up at 4:30 am make my husband's lunchbox after tending to our 7 month old most of the night, then wake up my husband at 5 and then lay out his clothes as he showered.
Things seemed to go downhill because my in laws took over the kitchen and the dinner making. They showed me how to use a rice cooker and I didn't cook dinner while they were there because they were cooking Asian dishes which I didn't know how to do. My mother in law then accused me of not knowing how to cook. I cook deep south dishes. I can make country fried steak, biscuits and gravy, meatloaf, and potato soup are just some of the things I can make.
After saying that about my cooking skills she then took out her anger and frustration that me and my husband had a court house wedding instead of a actual wedding. Apparently, big weddings are important in her family. She then went on about how everyone in the family loves her son and how I must have tricked him into marrying me.
( For the record my husband met me in September when I was pregnant and single and we got married in June of this year. Our son is my husband's step son.)
I kept most of it to myself and didn't tell my husband what was going on because I didn't want to be that wedge between him and his mother. however, yesterday we called his parents to tell them I am expecting and his mother went to downing me while on the phone with him. my husband furious told me never to call them again unless he dies.
I have worked really hard to hold my tongue to respect my elders. My mother told me my mother in law's mind is made up that she doesn't like me.Due to her opinion a lot of the family hates me too and doesn't call my husband. Any idea how to show her I am a good women?
Last edited by DanielleNguyen on November 8th, 2013, 9:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Asian mother in law, I think she hates me

Postby zboy1 » November 6th, 2013, 8:59 pm

DanielleNguyen wrote:So about two weeks ago my mother in law visited me and my husband for the first time. They both grew up in Vietnam and at first everything was ok and my mother in law seemed very nice but soon as my husband would go to work she changed from sweet mother to being mad at me. She wanted me to do more which was understandable so I would get up at 4:30 am make my husband's lunchbox after tending to our 7 month old most of the night, then wake up my husband at 5 and then lay out his clothes as he showered.
Things seemed to go downhill because my in laws took over the kitchen and the dinner making. They showed me how to use a rice cooker and I didn't cook dinner while they were there because they were cooking Asian dishes which I didn't know how to do. My mother in law then accused me of not knowing how to cook. I cook deep south dishes. I can make country fried steak, biscuits and gravy, meatloaf, and potato soup are just some of the things I can make.
After saying that about my cooking skills she then took out her anger and frustration that me and my husband had a court house wedding instead of a actual wedding. Apparently, big weddings are important in her family. She then went on about how everyone in the family loves her son and how I must have tricked him into marrying me.
( For the record my husband met me in September when I was pregnant and single and we got married in June of this year. Our son is my husband's step son.)
I kept most of it to myself and didn't tell my husband what was going on because I didn't want to be that wedge between him and his mother. however, yesterday we called his parents to tell them I am expecting and his mother went to downing me while on the phone with him. my husband furious told me never to call them again unless he dies.
I have worked really hard to hold my tongue to respect my elders. My mother told me my mother in law's mind is made up that she doesn't like me.Due to her opinion a lot of the family hates me too and doesn't call my husband. Any idea how to show her I am a good women?


Don't feel bad, Danielle! Asian mother-in-laws are notorious throughout the world, and especially in the Asian community. Even Asian spouses suffer the brunt of their cruelty and bullsh*t. I think...it's part of the reason why many non-Asian women won't date Asian men is precisely because of the bad reputation of Asian mother-in-laws, in general. ...

Your husband is doing the right thing! Telling them off...what kind of mother-in-law is that? I would've done the same thing, myself, if I was put in the same situation. Don't bother worrying about your in-laws: Eventually, they will have to learn to accept you.

I think the best you can do is endear yourself to certain relatives that like you, so that some of them could act as a 'wedge' against those family members that dislike you. Remember, even in America, most couples have problems with some of their in-laws...You'll never be able to get along with every single relative in your family, no matter how hard you try. ...
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Postby ladislav » November 7th, 2013, 12:52 am

Phew! I thought it was racial hatred. It's because of food n stuff? Small stuff.

Just like many Americans act uppety overseas and teach everyone "the American way", so do many Asians come here and try and impose their culture on the locals.

I'd deal with this the way locals in Asia treat arrogant Americans- they say: "This is ( put the name of the country here) and if you don't like the way we do things here, then get the f"" out! I'm in my country, Yankee, go home!"

When roles are reversed, no pity is due, either.
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Postby DanielleNguyen » November 7th, 2013, 10:06 pm

it's not just racial bullcrap. My husband and I want another baby and she is looking down on that and even hopes I lose it
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Re: Asian mother in law, I think she hates me

Postby Maverick » November 8th, 2013, 2:43 am

I'm also in the military currently. My job is such that I interact with a large amount of the people on my base. So I've seen a lot of things.

So that's why, when I hear stories like this....

DanielleNguyen wrote:For the record my husband met me in September when I was pregnant and single and we got married in June of this year. Our son is my husband's step son.


....I tend to become skeptical.

It sounds like you made some bad decisions and got pregnant by a guy that didn't stick around. Then you met this military guy, seduced him, and now you have those sweet military benefits for you and your child.

The amount of time between meeting (September) and getting married (June) supports this. That's an extraordinarily small amount of time to make such a big commitment.


DanielleNguyen wrote:She then went on about how everyone in the family loves her son and how I must have tricked him into marrying me.


She might not be too far off.
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Re: Asian mother in law, I think she hates me

Postby Bugs_Bunny » November 8th, 2013, 4:32 am

zboy1 wrote:
DanielleNguyen wrote:So about two weeks ago my mother in law visited me and my husband for the first time. They both grew up in Vietnam and at first everything was ok and my mother in law seemed very nice but soon as my husband would go to work she changed from sweet mother to being mad at me. She wanted me to do more which was understandable so I would get up at 4:30 am make my husband's lunchbox after tending to our 7 month old most of the night, then wake up my husband at 5 and then lay out his clothes as he showered.
Things seemed to go downhill because my in laws took over the kitchen and the dinner making. They showed me how to use a rice cooker and I didn't cook dinner while they were there because they were cooking Asian dishes which I didn't know how to do. My mother in law then accused me of not knowing how to cook. I cook deep south dishes. I can make country fried steak, biscuits and gravy, meatloaf, and potato soup are just some of the things I can make.
After saying that about my cooking skills she then took out her anger and frustration that me and my husband had a court house wedding instead of a actual wedding. Apparently, big weddings are important in her family. She then went on about how everyone in the family loves her son and how I must have tricked him into marrying me.
( For the record my husband met me in September when I was pregnant and single and we got married in June of this year. Our son is my husband's step son.)
I kept most of it to myself and didn't tell my husband what was going on because I didn't want to be that wedge between him and his mother. however, yesterday we called his parents to tell them I am expecting and his mother went to downing me while on the phone with him. my husband furious told me never to call them again unless he dies.
I have worked really hard to hold my tongue to respect my elders. My mother told me my mother in law's mind is made up that she doesn't like me.Due to her opinion a lot of the family hates me too and doesn't call my husband. Any idea how to show her I am a good women?


Don't feel bad, Danielle! Asian mother-in-laws are notorious throughout the world, and especially in the Asian community. Even Asian spouses suffer the brunt of their cruelty and bullsh*t. I think...it's part of the reason why many non-Asian women won't date Asian men is precisely because of the bad reputation of Asian mother-in-laws, in general. ...

Your husband is doing the right thing! Telling them off...what kind of mother-in-law is that? I would've done the same thing, myself, if I was put in the same situation. Don't bother worrying about your in-laws: Eventually, they will have to learn to accept you.

I think the best you can do is endear yourself to certain relatives that like you, so that some of them could act as a 'wedge' against those family members that dislike you. Remember, even in America, most couples have problems with some of their in-laws...You'll never be able to get along with every single relative in your family, no matter how hard you try. ...



Poor Zboy! Poor, poor Zboy!

He's ALWAYS in over his head!
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Postby DanielleNguyen » November 8th, 2013, 4:56 am

Maverick, I should have specified my now husband and I were friends before I got pregnant.
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Postby Maverick » November 8th, 2013, 5:25 am

DanielleNguyen wrote:Maverick, I should have specified my now husband and I were friends before I got pregnant.


So? People use their friends all the time.

Where's baby daddy now?
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Postby mguy » November 8th, 2013, 8:52 am

Wow a chick in HA!
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Postby DanielleNguyen » November 8th, 2013, 8:02 pm

as for where the daddy is he is gone Maverick. No I don't get child support. No I don't use my husband because I am a working woman myself. Plus people who marry to use someone are dumb. You will never be happy that way and it will lead to a dead end in a marriage.
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