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Girlfriend or wife as "best friend"...thoughts?

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Girlfriend or wife as "best friend"...thoughts?

Postby tre » November 13th, 2013, 8:18 pm

It seems that the majority feels that uneducated women in 3rd world countries are the best catch possible. However, it seems that these women only think in the most basic, simple terms. How can one be satisfied with a life partner that has no thoughts/opinions/feelings on more complex topics? Sure, they might be submissive and have sex with you whenever you want...but is that all you want? How can someone so simple ever satisfy an intellectual person over the long-term? How can someone so basic ever be your "best friend" who you'd be happy spending the majority of your free time with? Perhaps there are non-feminist women in some countries that have a thirst for knowledge and who will engage you on various topics due to their own legitimate interests? If so...where?

I just think there is so much more to life that eating, shitting, f***ing, sleeping and working....
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Re: Girlfriend or wife as "best friend"...thoughts

Postby OutWest » November 13th, 2013, 8:42 pm

tre wrote:It seems that the majority feels that uneducated women in 3rd world countries are the best catch possible. However, it seems that these women only think in the most basic, simple terms. How can one be satisfied with a life partner that has no thoughts/opinions/feelings on more complex topics? Sure, they might be submissive and have sex with you whenever you want...but is that all you want? How can someone so simple ever satisfy an intellectual person over the long-term. How can someone so basic every be your "best friend" who you'd be happy spending the majority of your free time with? Perhaps there are women in some countries that have a thirst for knowledge and who will engage you on various topics due to their own legitimate interests? If so...where?

I just think there is so much more to life that eating, shitting, f***ing, sleeping and working....


Maybe a good start would be for you to move beyond silly stereotypes of women in the "third world".
They are not all living in grass huts you know. Spend some time in such places- it will help la lot.
If you think Asian women are submissive lapdogs, you have never lived with one.

The terms Cooperative, non-combative and face-saving are far more important.

My wife is 25 years old, of Filipino, Spanish and one Chinese ancestry. She has a degree in civil
engineering and speaks 4 languages....but of course, she is not capable of having any "real" thoughts...LOL

Other men on this forum can attest to similar things...Pete or Dave for example.

And about the "best friend"...not sure. There are different dimensions. Friend...lover...confidant...personal nymphomaniac... VS the kind of camaraderie a man
might have with an old "comrade in arms"...they are just not the same thing...different realities.


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Re: Girlfriend or wife as "best friend"...thoughts

Postby tre » November 13th, 2013, 9:24 pm

OutWest wrote:
tre wrote:It seems that the majority feels that uneducated women in 3rd world countries are the best catch possible. However, it seems that these women only think in the most basic, simple terms. How can one be satisfied with a life partner that has no thoughts/opinions/feelings on more complex topics? Sure, they might be submissive and have sex with you whenever you want...but is that all you want? How can someone so simple ever satisfy an intellectual person over the long-term. How can someone so basic every be your "best friend" who you'd be happy spending the majority of your free time with? Perhaps there are women in some countries that have a thirst for knowledge and who will engage you on various topics due to their own legitimate interests? If so...where?

I just think there is so much more to life that eating, shitting, f***ing, sleeping and working....


Maybe a good start would be for you to move beyond silly stereotypes of women in the "third world".
They are not all living in grass huts you know. Spend some time in such places- it will help la lot.
If you think Asian women are submissive lapdogs, you have never lived with one.

The terms Cooperative, non-combative and face-saving are far more important.

My wife is 25 years old, of Filipino, Spanish and one Chinese ancestry. She has a degree in civil
engineering and speaks 4 languages....but of course, she is not capable of having any "real" thoughts...LOL

Other men on this forum can attest to similar things...Pete or Dave for example.

And about the "best friend"...not sure. There are different dimensions. Friend...lover...confidant...personal nymphomaniac... VS the kind of camaraderie a man
might have with an old "comrade in arms"...they are just not the same thing...different realities.


Outwest



I understand what you are saying, but I'm not talking about the educated women that many men here don't seem to want. I've been in many countries in Asia, including the Philippines. I have a GF from the Philippines who has been here about 6 years now. She is not at all a submissive lap dog...lol. She was one of the privileged ones though so she didn't live the typical 3rd World life that many struggle with everyday in the Philippines. She is not a go-getter like your wife is. I still have to direct her in all that she does to progress herself. I have to push her as she rarely pushes herself.

Your wife sound spectacular...in all seriousness. I've met MANY Filipinos and have never met any that are as accomplished. Many Asian women like fashion, dolling themselves up, going to nice restaurants and going shopping. If you try to get them to talk about something else, it's often a struggle. Where did she complete her degree (a very hard degree at that)? How/Why does she know so many languages? She undoubtedly lives beyond the simplistic life and could hold a conversation about many topics as she has obviously had to work hard and strive to excel in life. She absolutely cannot be a lazy person to accomplish what she has at such a young age.

Your wife is EXACTLY what many here seem to NOT want though. They seem to want to automatically attach "Feminist" to those attributes/accomplishments. This is likely due to their own insecurities. You don't have those insecurities and have something to offer and so have no problems getting and maintaining a woman of that caliber. I keep reading about those who want women who are dumbed down, subservient, and willing to have sex 24/7, 365 with them no matter what. That is what I'm curious about. How can these men have a meaningful and complete relationship with women who are not educated enough to be a true partner in that relationship or marriage? I can't imagine spending my life with an undereducated woman and they are everywhere...not just outside of the USA.

What you seem to have found is an intelligent achiever that is not a feminist. I think that is a rare combo these days. That's why I was asking which countries are most likely to have women with these attributes
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Re: Girlfriend or wife as "best friend"...thoughts

Postby ryanx » November 13th, 2013, 9:56 pm

tre wrote:I just think there is so much more to life that eating, shitting, f***ing, sleeping and working....


With the exception of working, just imagine if you could not do any of those four activities: If you don't eat you die! If you don't shit you die! If you don't sleep you die! If you don't f*** you die! (or move abroad)...sometimes even if you don't work you die!

So I'd say what is more important than things that literally mean life or death?

If you don't have a best friend you won't die :)
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Postby Johnny1975 » November 13th, 2013, 10:09 pm

My policy is : Find a girl who is intelligent enough to understand me, and has enough potential to gradually learn to understand, at least to a reasonable extent, those things that she doesn't yet understand, and whose company is intellectually stimulating enough to be able to spend large amounts of time just talking about this and that. Anything else is a bonus but not necessary.

There's always a price to pay for what you want, and compromises to be made.
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Re: Girlfriend or wife as "best friend"...thoughts

Postby davewe » November 13th, 2013, 10:16 pm

tre wrote:
OutWest wrote:
tre wrote:It seems that the majority feels that uneducated women in 3rd world countries are the best catch possible. However, it seems that these women only think in the most basic, simple terms. How can one be satisfied with a life partner that has no thoughts/opinions/feelings on more complex topics? Sure, they might be submissive and have sex with you whenever you want...but is that all you want? How can someone so simple ever satisfy an intellectual person over the long-term. How can someone so basic every be your "best friend" who you'd be happy spending the majority of your free time with? Perhaps there are women in some countries that have a thirst for knowledge and who will engage you on various topics due to their own legitimate interests? If so...where?

I just think there is so much more to life that eating, shitting, f***ing, sleeping and working....


Maybe a good start would be for you to move beyond silly stereotypes of women in the "third world".
They are not all living in grass huts you know. Spend some time in such places- it will help la lot.
If you think Asian women are submissive lapdogs, you have never lived with one.

The terms Cooperative, non-combative and face-saving are far more important.

My wife is 25 years old, of Filipino, Spanish and one Chinese ancestry. She has a degree in civil
engineering and speaks 4 languages....but of course, she is not capable of having any "real" thoughts...LOL

Other men on this forum can attest to similar things...Pete or Dave for example.

And about the "best friend"...not sure. There are different dimensions. Friend...lover...confidant...personal nymphomaniac... VS the kind of camaraderie a man
might have with an old "comrade in arms"...they are just not the same thing...different realities.


Outwest



I understand what you are saying, but I'm not talking about the educated women that many men here don't seem to want. I've been in many countries in Asia, including the Philippines. I have a GF from the Philippines who has been here about 6 years now. She is not at all a submissive lap dog...lol. She was one of the privileged ones though so she didn't live the typical 3rd World life that many struggle with everyday in the Philippines. She is not a go-getter like your wife is. I still have to direct her in all that she does to progress herself. I have to push her as she rarely pushes herself.

Your wife sound spectacular...in all seriousness. I've met MANY Filipinos and have never met any that are as accomplished. Many Asian women like fashion, dolling themselves up, going to nice restaurants and going shopping. If you try to get them to talk about something else, it's often a struggle. Where did she complete her degree (a very hard degree at that)? How/Why does she know so many languages? She undoubtedly lives beyond the simplistic life and could hold a conversation about many topics as she has obviously had to work hard and strive to excel in life. She absolutely cannot be a lazy person to accomplish what she has at such a young age.

Your wife is EXACTLY what many here seem to NOT want though. They seem to want to automatically attach "Feminist" to those attributes/accomplishments. This is likely due to their own insecurities. You don't have those insecurities and have something to offer and so have no problems getting and maintaining a woman of that caliber. I keep reading about those who want women who are dumbed down, subservient, and willing to have sex 24/7, 365 with them no matter what. That is what I'm curious about. How can these men have a meaningful and complete relationship with women who are not educated enough to be a true partner in that relationship or marriage? I can't imagine spending my life with an undereducated woman and they are everywhere...not just outside of the USA.

What you seem to have found is an intelligent achiever that is not a feminist. I think that is a rare combo these days. That's why I was asking which countries are most likely to have women with these attributes


It's such a complex issue and too many guys view "intelligence" or conversation skills in a Western way. My wife is somewhere in the middle. In many ways it is the best of both worlds but I would by lying if I didn't admit that there were times I was surprised by what she doesn't know. Of course that is not only the function of her culture but her age as well. She knew nothing about the Vietnam war for instance, but then at 25 it was old news by the time she was born.

She is a recent BS grad in Business Administration but is a simple province girl at the same time. For me it means she is smart enough to learn and absorb the knowledge but I can't expect her to have any of the cultural or intellectual references that I have.

OTOH she worked her ass off for 5 years to get through school and work full time, an experience few Americans have anymore. So she knows about hard work, which in my view is just as important as knowing about the crap most of us love to discuss.

I find that in the case of Janet, I always want her input on all decisions. Yes, she often defers to my judgment or decision making skills, but not before giving me her view, which often has a basic spin my doesn't. IOW, people who have lived in poverty do value the necessary and help us disgard the Western B.S. that isn't necessary.

The bottom line is if a guy values the American way of thinking, he might not be happy with a Filipina or many other cultures. If he values some of the more traditional ways of thinking regarding relationships, marriage, family and community - then Filipinas have lots to talk about.
Last edited by davewe on November 13th, 2013, 11:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Girlfriend or wife as "best friend"...thoughts

Postby PeterAndrewNolan » November 13th, 2013, 11:27 pm

Tre,
I tried to have my wife as my best friend...I had MANY women friends before I divorced. They will all hate on you if you so much as criticize a criminal, child abusing, prostitute ex wife.

Since I divorced I have dated 20+ eastern european women and had many "favs" among them. One lesson I have learned in spades is this.

"No woman will ever be your friend....not one....ever."

Personally? I am really disappointed in this because I have thought better of women. But this is the fact. If you want a friend? He has to have a penis. Because no one with a vagina will EVER....EVER.....EVER....really be your friend.

What a shame this is true...
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Postby ryanx » November 13th, 2013, 11:39 pm

How can two different species be friends anyways?...well except perhaps for man's best friend (which could never be a woman, unless she was a bitch, in which case you wouldn't).
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Postby tre » November 14th, 2013, 1:38 am

Great input guys, lots of input to digest and think about.

I have suspected that no woman would ever be your "best friend" but have wanted that to be the case. In the Western world, it seems that men pretty much abandon their male friends in order to spend time with wives or girlfriends. It's not like one has very much discretionary time and wives/gf's require time in order to maintain them in the USA. However, after many years of discussing the same things...it gets boring. I'm trying to stretch my girlfriend's interests so that we have more to do together and talk about...I guess that's all I can do.

Even single men will not hang out with friends if it interferes with their time needed to pursue sex with females. They also won't want you as a wing man if girls tend to gravitate toward you instead of them...which was often the case when I was single.

However, I was much more social overall when I was single and I really can't see anyway around that....at least in the USA.
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Postby S_Parc » November 14th, 2013, 1:23 pm

The main problem with women and friendship is that of judgement. Even non-romantic female friends tend to judgmental.

And this is where I'd ran into my weird paradox. The only woman I know of, who hasn't judged me negatively, at least on some account, is my lesbian ex-classmate, Mel. Granted, I know of older mothers, who'd always seen me in a positive light but I'm more referencing our current generational age bracket.

Mel's HA statement

My basic thread on the topic

My Brazilian ex-GF, despite having had a good relationship, judged me on the fact that I didn't come from a happy household. Well sorry, how's anyone suppose to change either psycho dad or histrionic sister? Aside from giving them lobotomies, it ain't possible.

These are things that Mel understands because in our world, meaning American society, ppl live fractured lives. I mean to some extent, she'd avoid the "Navy Brat" role, and instead, was a person who seldom saw her father, & lost her mother as a kid. But her dad was somewhat wise enough to leave her with cousins in RI, than in carting her around the various Naval bases. She can at least call the Providence/Newport/Narragansett Bay area her home. And yes, despite her dad not having spent time with her, this aspect of him, she gives him credit for, as it sucks to move every two years. Of course, once her dad got his full military retirement, he was permanently settled in RI.
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Postby quito » November 14th, 2013, 1:34 pm

my filipina gf comes from a family of farmers that live in barely more than a nipa hut.. but she has managed to obtain a degree in mathematics and is now a teacher in a private high school. i readily recognize that there are many subjects in life outside of her environment that she has no concept of... but based on her intelligence and efforts so far to learn new things i have found that she is in fact becoming my best friend. i think its when i realized how open minded and curious she was that i fell in love. i plan on bringing her here (usa) next year.
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Postby Ghost » November 14th, 2013, 1:39 pm

I think that the best thing is that a wife/girlfriend is a helpmeet instead of a friend, per se.
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Postby Grunt » November 14th, 2013, 5:31 pm

I think Ghost has it right. I am friends with my wife, but she focuses on helping me more than anything else.
How to deal with newbies that talk much but do little.

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Re: Girlfriend or wife as "best friend"...thoughts

Postby OutWest » November 14th, 2013, 9:58 pm

tre wrote:
OutWest wrote:
tre wrote:It seems that the majority feels that uneducated women in 3rd world countries are the best catch possible. However, it seems that these women only think in the most basic, simple terms. How can one be satisfied with a life partner that has no thoughts/opinions/feelings on more complex topics? Sure, they might be submissive and have sex with you whenever you want...but is that all you want? How can someone so simple ever satisfy an intellectual person over the long-term. How can someone so basic every be your "best friend" who you'd be happy spending the majority of your free time with? Perhaps there are women in some countries that have a thirst for knowledge and who will engage you on various topics due to their own legitimate interests? If so...where?

I just think there is so much more to life that eating, shitting, f***ing, sleeping and working....


Maybe a good start would be for you to move beyond silly stereotypes of women in the "third world".
They are not all living in grass huts you know. Spend some time in such places- it will help la lot.
If you think Asian women are submissive lapdogs, you have never lived with one.

The terms Cooperative, non-combative and face-saving are far more important.

My wife is 25 years old, of Filipino, Spanish and one Chinese ancestry. She has a degree in civil
engineering and speaks 4 languages....but of course, she is not capable of having any "real" thoughts...LOL

Other men on this forum can attest to similar things...Pete or Dave for example.

And about the "best friend"...not sure. There are different dimensions. Friend...lover...confidant...personal nymphomaniac... VS the kind of camaraderie a man
might have with an old "comrade in arms"...they are just not the same thing...different realities.


Outwest



I understand what you are saying, but I'm not talking about the educated women that many men here don't seem to want. I've been in many countries in Asia, including the Philippines. I have a GF from the Philippines who has been here about 6 years now. She is not at all a submissive lap dog...lol. She was one of the privileged ones though so she didn't live the typical 3rd World life that many struggle with everyday in the Philippines. She is not a go-getter like your wife is. I still have to direct her in all that she does to progress herself. I have to push her as she rarely pushes herself.

Your wife sound spectacular...in all seriousness. I've met MANY Filipinos and have never met any that are as accomplished. Many Asian women like fashion, dolling themselves up, going to nice restaurants and going shopping. If you try to get them to talk about something else, it's often a struggle. Where did she complete her degree (a very hard degree at that)? How/Why does she know so many languages? She undoubtedly lives beyond the simplistic life and could hold a conversation about many topics as she has obviously had to work hard and strive to excel in life. She absolutely cannot be a lazy person to accomplish what she has at such a young age.

Your wife is EXACTLY what many here seem to NOT want though. They seem to want to automatically attach "Feminist" to those attributes/accomplishments. This is likely due to their own insecurities. You don't have those insecurities and have something to offer and so have no problems getting and maintaining a woman of that caliber. I keep reading about those who want women who are dumbed down, subservient, and willing to have sex 24/7, 365 with them no matter what. That is what I'm curious about. How can these men have a meaningful and complete relationship with women who are not educated enough to be a true partner in that relationship or marriage? I can't imagine spending my life with an undereducated woman and they are everywhere...not just outside of the USA.

What you seem to have found is an intelligent achiever that is not a feminist. I think that is a rare combo these days. That's why I was asking which countries are most likely to have women with these attributes


You are right...my wife is very industrious...My wife is certainly intelligent, but not at all a feminist.
Her highest priority is to care for her husband in any way she can. She graduated from Mindanao State...it has a good reputation. I think if one is raised by industrious parents who have known some success themselves, it does help form their outlook on life. Her father is a mining engineer- so maybe it runs in the family. She speaks English, Spanish, Tagalog and Visayan. She is fundamentally at her core a good woman. Strong good fathers tend to raise daughters in the same mold.

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Postby Halwick » November 15th, 2013, 5:41 am

RE Girlfriend or wife (particularly from third world) as "best friend": Sounds like you're trying to have your cake and eat it too. May as well try to mix oil and water.

In my opinion, men and women are different, are wired and programmed different and have a different definition of "best friends".

The relationship with girlfriend/wife is on a completely different level compared to relationship between "best friends". The girlfriend/wife relationship is more intimate-, emotional- and physical-based with women, whereas the "best friend" relationship centering around camaraderie and mutual interests, e.g. intellectual, sports, hobbies, etc., have been with my male friends.

I wouldn't expect to have a intellectual conversation with a third-world woman of the caliber that we have here on "Happier Abroad" or with my best friends. If I want intellectual conversations or cameraderie, I have my best friends and "Happier Abroad." If I want to satiate a intimate or emotional need, that's what the girlfriend/wife is for.

On the hand, the only women I've had any decent "intellectual" conversations are with Western women. But the emotional and physical relationship wasn't as satisfying compared to foreign-raised, i.e, Asian and Latin American women.

This segregation and compartmentalization works for me and is less stressful and I'm satisfied with the different levels of satisfaction each provides.
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