Dating Many Women vs. Picking the First One

[rudder]

When I was 17 or so, I left home for the first time on a long train ride. It was the first time I had travelled somewhere without my family. On the train ride I managed to meet a girl who I hung out with for hours. At this point in my life I had never had a girlfriend and I was also extremely shy around women to the point where I could barely even speak to them. The girl was travelling to Seattle, Washington and I was travelling to Eugene, Oregon. My stop was first. When I got off the train I said goodbye to her and we parted ways, but I think she gave me her contact info in Washington.

Months went by and I was still fantasizing about this mysterious girl I had met on the train. I remember writing about her in my journal with poetic romance, and maybe I even sent her some handwritten letters. I was enthralled by her and dreamt of moving to Washington to go live with her and enjoy a lifetime of romance.

In hindsight, there was nothing special about this girl. She wasn't very sexy, she had drug problems, she was weird...but nonetheless I would have been so happy to be with her.

Now I meet women that are much better than her, but I have so much trouble giving myself to them or developing passionate feelings for them. What was once a part of my brain that was occupied with careless, beautiful, romantic fantasies triggered by women is now occupied with cold, picky criticisms and reasons why the relationship wouldn't be a good idea.

When I was younger the girls didn't want me because I was too inexperienced. Now I have some experience and I don't want them.

Is it cureable? Can the brain ever go back to the state where it was more prone to influence by oxytocin? Or do we condemn ourselves like drug addicts constantly requiring bigger and better dosages as time progresses? I feel I've downregulated the oxytocin receptors in my brain from meeting all the women that never liked me as much as I liked them.

[FlyingMoose]

I've been wondering the same thing lately...

[tre]

When I was 17 or so, I left home for the first time on a long train ride. It was the first time I had travelled somewhere without my family. On the train ride I managed to meet a girl who I hung out with for hours. At this point in my life I had never had a girlfriend and I was also extremely shy around women to the point where I could barely even speak to them. The girl was travelling to Seattle, Washington and I was travelling to Eugene, Oregon. My stop was first. When I got off the train I said goodbye to her and we parted ways, but I think she gave me her contact info in Washington.

Months went by and I was still fantasizing about this mysterious girl I had met on the train. I remember writing about her in my journal with poetic romance, and maybe I even sent her some handwritten letters. I was enthralled by her and dreamt of moving to Washington to go live with her and enjoy a lifetime of romance.

In hindsight, there was nothing special about this girl. She wasn't very sexy, she had drug problems, she was weird...but nonetheless I would have been so happy to be with her.

Now I meet women that are much better than her, but I have so much trouble giving myself to them or developing passionate feelings for them. What was once a part of my brain that was occupied with careless, beautiful, romantic fantasies triggered by women is now occupied with cold, picky criticisms and reasons why the relationship wouldn't be a good idea.

When I was younger the girls didn't want me because I was too inexperienced. Now I have some experience and I don't want them.

Is it cureable? Can the brain ever go back to the state where it was more prone to influence by oxytocin? Or do we condemn ourselves like drug addicts constantly requiring bigger and better dosages as time progresses? I feel I've downregulated the oxytocin receptors in my brain from meeting all the women that never liked me as much as I liked them.

This is a case of "ignorance is bliss". Remember how mind-blowing that first kiss was? I can still remember touching my lips and thinking about it all night....couldn't sleep. I was blown away. Sometimes I wish I could FEEL that way again, but it's not going to happen.

The good news is because women aren't particularly "special" to you anymore, you are less likely to be clingly, etc....an attribute the western women despise.

If you would have stayed with that one woman, you'd have outgrown her. With time, you'd have realized all of her shortcomings. The "special feelings" you'd had would be gone forever. I think most of this is lost with experience and age. Many things were wonderful when we were young that aren't so wonderful anymore. I guess that is the great thing about being young and inexperienced...blissful ignorance.

[rudder]

I feel I've downregulated the oxytocin receptors in my brain from meeting all the women that never liked me as much as I liked them.

This is what is boils down to for me nowadays. I just expect that the women aren't going to take the relationship as seriously as myself.

[Seduction Sebi]

Be thankful that you don't live in this romantic illusionary bubble anymore where you think about a girl you haven't even kissed for decades. That's not a healthy state to be in. Be happy that you are in a situation now where you can chose which girls you want to date and that you can think about the reason why she is either good or bad to date in a logical way.

[rudder]

Be thankful that you don't live in this romantic illusionary bubble anymore where you think about a girl you haven't even kissed for decades. That's not a healthy state to be in. Be happy that you are in a situation now where you can chose which girls you want to date and that you can think about the reason why she is either good or bad to date in a logical way.

OK, but how do you meet good ones? You just have to get burned by a large number of bad ones in the process of finding a good one?

[jamesbond]

OK, but how do you meet good ones? You just have to get burned by a large number of bad ones in the process of finding a good one?

You don't have to get "burned" by a large number of women to find a good one but even if that happens, it's not so terrible after all. I think it's better to date a great deal of women before settling down and getting married.

Marrying the first women you kiss or have a relationship with is probably not a good idea. You do not want to have any regrets after you are married, you won't have any if you date a whole bunch of women before settling down.

[polya]

.....

[re85with]

This relates to my blog post:

https://foreignloveweb.com/2020/05/24/w ... ght-woman/

I see this problem as this:

If you want to stay single, continue doing whatever you want, and keep wasting money and so, then date many women...

But, if you wish to find a woman who loves, accepts, supports, encourages, and brings out the best in you in the worst times, then find or pick the first one who enters your life.