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Do we all have low self-esteem, as my female friend says?

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Postby Winston » Thu Mar 13, 2014 7:54 am

The self-esteem thing seems kind of pointless. Suppose you had very high self-esteem or confidence. And suppose AW can see it. Does that mean that you can just ask them "Do you wanna go out?" and they'll say "Sure!" like in the movies? lol. Yeah right.
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Postby ChampionKaji » Thu Mar 13, 2014 1:54 pm

Winston wrote:The self-esteem thing seems kind of pointless. Suppose you had very high self-esteem or confidence. And suppose AW can see it. Does that mean that you can just ask them "Do you wanna go out?" and they'll say "Sure!" like in the movies? lol. Yeah right.


Nope. It's just a bunch of bullshit people say. Ugly/unattractive people will have low self-esteem due to experience, and even if they did have high self esteem, it would get them nowhere. Likewise, a handsome or attractive man can have low self esteem but women will still want him, thus raising his morale most likely. For some, it might take a trip abroad to do this if they were born the right race and go to the right place. Self-esteem, confidence, etc. do not get women or even jobs; genetics and genetics alone do so.
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Re: Do we all have low self-esteem? Why do women say we do?

Postby SilverEnergy » Thu Mar 13, 2014 2:42 pm

NorthAmericanguy wrote:
Winston wrote:Hi all,
I've been talking to my close friend Elizabeth, who now lives in Reno, NV. I saw her when I was there and I've known her since 2001 when I was an actor in Reno. She insists that the reason why AW have always rejected me is because I have low self-esteem. When I refer her to the fact that 95 percent of AW on AOL rejected me online in the 1990's, after I sent them my best picture that I am proud of, she still insisted on this claim. I guess she thinks that low self-esteem can be transmitted online too. lol

I don't understand her basis. She is well meaning, honest, intelligent and a freethinker too. She's not the kind of woman that BSes or likes to shame others. And she agrees with many of our cultural comparisons of America vs. Abroad. So she is very aware. But she has a lot of New Age views as well.

Yet she honestly believes that low self-esteem is our problem, rather than looks or the spoiled ridiculous standards of AW. This is her honest view, not a shaming tactic.

So where does she and many other women get this idea that guys who are rejected by AW must have low self-esteem? What is the basis of this claim? What is the evidence for it? And why does she cling to it religiously? Does she know something that we don't?

She is somewhat New Ageish in her views and beliefs though. So could that be it? A lot of New Agers believe that there are no victims and that everything happens to you is a result of your attitude and thoughts drawing them to you. So someone who is always rejected by AW must be creating this rejection in their subconscious mind and drawing this rejection in a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's the logic of New Agers. They call it the "Law of Attraction" and take it very literally.

She has no explanation for why foreign women are friendlier to us, and why every guy does better abroad. She only says that in America, women see men as "all or nothing", so that if they are not romantically interested in you, then they want nothing to do with you, not even as friends. She acknowledges that in Europe, women are far more social toward men and are cool with going out with a guy as friends, even if she's not into him romantically. So she is well aware of such cultural differences. She's been to Hungary too. But she insists that low self-esteem is the cause of not being able to get dates in America.

At least she isn't one of those women who claim that foreign women are only friendly because they want your money and a green card. She is more evolved and aware than that.

Here is a photo of her and me when we were at a mall plaza in Orange County, CA. As you can see, she is attractive and obviously cannot relate to being dateless or rejected all the time. She is Eurasian - half Chinese and half Hungarian.



Winston, I'm just going to frank here. I'm not trying to be mean or anything. But, just by looking at your pictures, I can tell that you wouldn't be the type of Asian man that American women would want to date. It has to do with your style and personality.

Asian guys who do well with the girls here in the States are guys like Eddie Huang who have embraced the urban/rap clothing style, look a little mean, and have an extrovert and dynamic personality.

Image




As far as the self esteem issue. Growing up here in America, I have noticed and experienced that American culture builds up the self esteem of the female, but doesn't care about building up the self esteem of males. It's a hard time being a male (of any race) these days in America because this country is openly sexiest, and anti male, so many men grow up feeling inadequate and inferior to women.


Very true, or at the very least get ripped/more muscular.

Just start lifting weights, work out your upper and lower body and there are good muscle building supplements that are safe.

Too many excuses on this forum and an absolute lack of self improvement on HA.

Men are definitely placed underneath women in America but as a man, it's up to you to do what is necessary to boost up your confidence.
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Re: Do we all have low self-esteem? Why do women say we do?

Postby Winston » Wed May 07, 2014 3:33 pm

NorthAmericanguy wrote:Winston, I'm just going to frank here. I'm not trying to be mean or anything. But, just by looking at your pictures, I can tell that you wouldn't be the type of Asian man that American women would want to date. It has to do with your style and personality.

Asian guys who do well with the girls here in the States are guys like Eddie Huang who have embraced the urban/rap clothing style, look a little mean, and have an extrovert and dynamic personality.

Image

As far as the self esteem issue. Growing up here in America, I have noticed and experienced that American culture builds up the self esteem of the female, but doesn't care about building up the self esteem of males. It's a hard time being a male (of any race) these days in America because this country is openly sexiest, and anti male, so many men grow up feeling inadequate and inferior to women.


Well duh. We've established that I'm not the type of guy that AW like long ago, remember? The bottom line fact is that if you are not their type, they will reject you because you aren't their type, not because you have low self-esteem.

But the thing is, Elizabeth and other New Age women refuse to believe that. They claim it's due to low self-esteem. I don't understand why they have such a block in their minds that they can't accept that a guy gets rejected if he's not her type? Isn't that common sense? Why is that so hard for New Agers to understand that? Elizabeth is very smart. But she seems to be brainwashed by a lot of New Age claptrap.

Btw, I can be extroverted too. I'm very social and outgoing as long as I'm with people I clique with and feel comfortable around. If you watch the many hours of my Russia videos, you can see that. But Americans are on a fake/superficial wavelength that I don't connect with. So me being extroverted doing jive with them. So my extroversion is on a different wavelength and frequency. Being extroverted in America and being down to earth conflicts. Also, being around fake people makes you feel invalidated which lowers your self-esteem as well.

In reality, women reject men who are not THEIR TYPE. But if you are her type and she is attracted to you, then you can be an asshole, dickhead, and be as negative as you want, yet she will still cling to you and come to you. If you are not her type, you can have many wonderful qualities, and she will still reject you, or she will "friend zone" you. That's how it works.

Confidence or self-esteem has very little to do with it. Confidence alone does not create attractiveness to women. It only enhances attractiveness if she already perceives you as desirable. If you are "her type" then your confidence will validate her attraction to you. This is basic psychology. Only if she likes you, will your confidence be seen as an attractive attribute to her. Otherwise, if you're not her type, then it won't matter. An ugly guy who tries to act confident will still be perceived as a creep. That's how it works.

Looks are everything in America. The dating culture is very shallow. People are not judged by their inner qualities in the dating scene. We all know that.

Thus, for a woman to reject a man claiming that "he lacks confidence" is a mere shaming tactic, to hide the fact that she isn't attracted to him physically, because she does not want to appear shallow. I've seen American women do this countless times. It's very dishonest and cruel.

The truth is, confidence is a by-product of success. It has to be validated by some kind of actual worth or value for it to matter. Being confident for no reason does not create real value. For example, if I don't know anything about fixing cars and I tell you that "I'm confident that I can fix your car", it will not help or make it true. Such confidence would be baseless. But if I know a lot about fixing computers (which I do) then my confidence in being able to fix your computer will have a real basis. In other words, if I'm really good at something, then I have a right to be confident about it. But if I suck at something, I have no right to act confident about it. Fake confidence does not help and has no value, even in a fake culture like America.

I don't understand why New Agers can't accept that. It's like they have a need to believe that everything is controllable, including looks, attraction and other people. They can't seem to accept that some things are not controllable. But we all know that you can't control what others think and feel. So why don't they accept that? It's very weird. They are obviously out of touch with reality and logic.
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Postby Grunt » Thu May 08, 2014 1:21 pm

As Fred Reed says, if you have low self esteem, go out and do something that will make you proud of yourself for doing. Nothing more complicated than that.
How to deal with newbies that talk much but do little.

Pics or it didn't happen.

YES/NO

Cool story, bro.

Problem solved.
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Postby Mystery Writer » Thu May 08, 2014 8:44 pm

Sorry, Winston. Elizabeth is right. Guys with low self-esteem give off a vibe that's like a shit stink. You don't even have to speak. People (not just women) can tell you don't have the confidence that is attractive to people (not just women).

Whining about it won't fix it. Fixing yourself might...
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Postby Winston » Thu May 29, 2014 10:47 am

I just sent this email to my friend Elizabeth to ask her why she thinks "low self-esteem" is the sole cause of American women not being attracted to me, when in fact there are four major obvious reasons that make a lot more sense. What do you think? Do my points make sense?

----------------------------------------------------

My letter to Elizabeth:

"Hi Liz,
I've been meaning to ask you something for a while.
Why do you claim that my problem with American girls that have always rejected me, is due to "low self-esteem"?
People usually only attack a guy's confidence or self-esteem to shame him.
A hot guy that women like does not need any self-esteem or even any social skills. All he has to do is go with the flow. Women will put out flirtatious signs and signals to him and all he has to do is ask them out or say "sure" when they ask him out.

Let me ask you a key question:
Suppose I had all the self-esteem and confidence in the world.
Would YOU then be attracted to me romantically?
I don't think so. Your feelings toward me would not change. You would still only "like me as a friend or brother" etc. My looks and personality would still not trigger any romantic feelings in you. Am I right?
If so, then what does my self-esteem have to do with anything?
No one else that I know claims that American girls only reject guys with low self-esteem. That makes no sense at all. Self-esteem tends to be a by-product of how others treat you.

The obvious and simple reasons why American girls are not attracted to me and do not consider me "their type" and do not see me as "dating material" are:

1. My looks: I do not have the kind of look that is considered attractive in America. My face looks dopey, innocent and feminine. And my body is not athletic looking.
2. My height: American girls almost always say they want a guy at least 5ft9. I am under that.
3. My race: Over 90 percent of American girls will only date white guys. They aren't into Asian guys. Asian guys are considered the least attractive in America. White girls prefer black and latino men over asian men.
4. My personality: I am too down to earth and authentic, which is considered boring to American girls and also out of place in American culture, which is comprised of fakeness in all forms.
American girls thrive on drama and entertainment. And they tend to go for "bad boy" types too. Liz, even you said that the father of your baby was abusive and had a criminal record, right? So that would seem to apply to you too right?
In fact, it seems that every American woman I've met has said that their ex was abusive and did too much alcohol and drugs. Perhaps that theory we discussed about "American girls only going for "bad boys" is true after all?
How come you never hear an American woman say that her ex was "authentic and down to earth" like me? lol. Even you do not speak of your ex as "authentic and down to earth". This can only mean that guys like me who are "authentic and down to earth" do not attract American women.
Moreover, a fake person will not like an authentic person because the authentic person acts as a mirror that shows the fake person how fake they really are. This is another probable reason why American women do not jive or have "chemistry" with my personality.

So you see, I got four big major things going against me in America. And all of them make more sense than "low self-esteem" which I do not see as a factor at all.
Like I said, you gotta remember that New Age beliefs contain many exaggerations and oversimplifications. All beliefs and religions contain some truths as well as gross exaggerations, especially when they become commercialized and have many leaders. They cannot and do not explain everything. New Age teachings are no exception.

Also, I told you many times already that American girls online have rejected me many times after seeing my photo or finding out that I was Asian. Many of them at first said that I sounded like their ideal guy and had all the qualities that they wanted in their "Romeo". But my photos and ethnicity blew the whole thing. I have some chat transcripts to prove this. One time, I even met my soul mate online from NYC. We connected in every way, but she lost interest and everything went south after she found out I was Asian. You should see the transcript of that. It was very sad. I saved the transcripts because our chat meant a lot to me. I had never connected with anyone like that before. Our conversations were very beautiful. But race ruined everything and brought a sad ending to it all.

Why is that so hard for you to believe? I swear to God it's true.

Anyway, the point is: If you do not fit a woman's type and standards, she will not be attracted to you. It's that simple. Everyone knows that. It's common sense.

So why did you seem to disbelieve that and claim that it's all about "self-esteem"? Am I misunderstanding you? Can you explain?

Do you not see the obviousness of what I describe above? What part do you agree with and disagree with?

A final question for you: Suppose every guy you met in America said you were not his type and was not attracted to you. And only foreign guys abroad liked you. What would you do? How would you feel? Wouldn't you do what I did? Be honest in your answer.

Winston

PS - I would like to post this on my forum too, to get everyone's take on it."
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Postby TheLegendSeeker » Thu May 29, 2014 1:28 pm

You could have also asked her how do they exactly know whether a guy has low-self esteem if they don't seem to give a man a chance to talk to them or won't make any eye-contact, I mean a woman rejects a guy in a fraction of a second if his face is not at least "acceptable" by her terms. I read RooshV forum sometimes, men over there report their approaches, generally they are rejected rudely even before they open their mouths. I read about a man who approached a woman, basically she yelled "f**k off".
Good-looking guys on the other hand, don't have to try hard even at dressing style or conversation skills, the women will forgive these flaws aka "the hallo effect", now if for some reason a woman "allows" an average man to talk to her whether online or in real life, he has to be flawless in everything while entertaining her the slightest mistake he makes then he will never hear from her again,this is specially true online.
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Postby abcdavid01 » Thu May 29, 2014 5:40 pm

Winston, a woman told you that women don't want anything to do with men they're not romantically interested in. Sure she's not dropping hints?

Anyway, that NYC story sounds harsh. Stay strong, brother.
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Postby pete98146 » Thu May 29, 2014 5:53 pm

Winston wrote:The self-esteem thing seems kind of pointless. Suppose you had very high self-esteem or confidence. And suppose AW can see it. Does that mean that you can just ask them "Do you wanna go out?" and they'll say "Sure!" like in the movies? lol. Yeah right.


Maybe back in the 80's a guy could get dates on just pure high self esteem/charisma but not anymore. In today's world, having high self esteem would only qualify as a way of getting your foot in the door.
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Postby Teal Lantern » Thu May 29, 2014 11:13 pm

Winston wrote:The self-esteem thing seems kind of pointless. Suppose you had very high self-esteem or confidence. And suppose AW can see it. Does that mean that you can just ask them "Do you wanna go out?" and they'll say "Sure!" like in the movies? lol. Yeah right.

He will certainly hear "Sure!" more often than if he never had enough confidence to approach. Works with non-AW, too.
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Postby Jonny Law » Fri May 30, 2014 5:25 am

OF COURSE WE HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM AND THAT OF COURSE IS A GOOD THING.

Proverbs 16:18 - Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

Women complain about you being humble because women are almost always wrong about everything. According to the Bible and you are full of pride the way a woman wants you to be you will be destroyed and will fall.
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Postby Repatriate » Fri May 30, 2014 8:06 am

Winston you're so gullible. She's using obvious shaming language because she probably has a no small amount of contempt for you. You're what they call a "beta orbiter" in PUA terms. A man who is her sidekick and sometimes confidant. A clown who entertains her during her free time but will never catch a whiff of that p***y.
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Postby Winston » Fri May 30, 2014 7:07 pm

Repatriate wrote:Winston you're so gullible. She's using obvious shaming language because she probably has a no small amount of contempt for you. You're what they call a "beta orbiter" in PUA terms. A man who is her sidekick and sometimes confidant. A clown who entertains her during her free time but will never catch a whiff of that p***y.


Why would she do that though? Why doesn't she just admit the truth and acknowledge the four major reasons I cited above in my letter -- that my race, looks, height and personality work against me in America? It's obvious. So why would anyone want to deny it? What's her incentive to deceive or BS? Are you sure she's not just brainwashed by New Age ideas?

You don't know her. I do. She is not a typical Americanized Asian woman at all. She is a freethinker and nonconformist who also does not fit into the mainstream. She is friendly and social toward strangers, and she is very self-aware too, even of her own issues and baggage. So she's not a typical Americanized woman at all.

It's hard to believe she would say something she knew wasn't true just to shame someone. It's not in her nature or personality to do that.

However, she did say that the father of her baby was abusive and she later found out that he had a criminal record, as well as a history of abusing other women. Why would a New Age woman fall for such a person, rather than a good decent nice guy? Also, how come American women always describe their ex as abusive? How come they never say "My ex was very authentic, genuine and down-to-earth, like you are Winston"? lol
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Postby S_Parc » Fri May 30, 2014 8:19 pm

Winston wrote:However, she did say that the father of her baby was abusive and she later found out that he had a criminal record, as well as a history of abusing other women. Why would a New Age woman fall for such a person, rather than a good decent nice guy? Also, how come American women always describe their ex as abusive? How come they never say "My ex was very authentic, genuine and down-to-earth, like you are Winston"? lol


Isn't this a root mean average of today's women?

I mean New Age doesn't mean spiritually enlightened with amazing Qigong abilities, like some John of God in Brazil, it means flaky wishy-washy book club of a mish mash of Buddhist, Shamanistic, and other writings.

Seriously, I've done those seminars at the Omega Institute at Rhinebeck NY and other places in New England, and aside from perhaps adapting a meditation/yoga trick or two, I was never impressed by the types of women who'd circled around those places. They had no real abilities & no ideas beyond pilfering the writings of Cayce, Yogananda, and others. BFD, if I wanted those insightful conversations, I'd rather hang out with guys who're actually knowledgeable.

These women are basically spiritual leaning but normally fallback to the usual manipulations, head games, and so forth of ordinary women who don't do that stuff.

And yes, the "ex-BF is abusive" spiel is because that's what they want, a guy whom they can re-make in their image. But then, grow bored once those guys make those changes or accuse them of being abusive, if they don't make those changes.

All I have to say is that it's 2014 and this is yesterday's news, so I tune 'em out whenever I meet them.
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