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Do people need cliques out of fear of being alone?

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NorthAmericanguy
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Joined: November 1st, 2010, 4:16 am

Post by NorthAmericanguy » April 22nd, 2014, 12:14 am

Winston wrote:Great question. I guess humans are conformist by nature and need to belong to a group or tribe. They do not do well alone unless they are either assholes, really tough, or spiritual people who have a sense of connection with the universe.

America's culture is cliquish. Without a clique, you have no social life or identity. So a clique is your identity outside of work. But I heard that most friendships in the US are acquaintances, not real friends. You can find hang out acquaintances in the US if you work at it.

But it's not exciting because you don't meet and interact with people freely everyday, like you would in Russia or Latin America.

I don't know why the US is so cliquish but many other countries aren't. It's weird.

Also, when you are alone in the US, you feel lonely, isolated and alone. But in other countries, such as Russia or the Philippines, when you are sitting alone, you don't feel alone, because people are cool with talking to strangers and relaxed about it. So you don't feel this barrier that you do in the US.


Over in Thailand I would take the skytrain towards the end of the line where the docks are and you can get on the boats to ride up and down the river... Well, I use to sit by the dock and watch these old men play some kind of Thai chess for hours while eating my fruit! In Thailand I never really felt alone even though I couldn't speak Thai. People were so open and friendly, very willing to go out their way and help me, and I could get laid anytime I wanted.

The only time I was jotted back to Western life is when I would try and talk to a foreigner. None of the Western foreigners were really that friendly with me and two westerners blew me off when I tried to connect with them. I think the backpacker group is the most open western group of people, but they're just too into living "ruff" for my tastes.

Mystery Writer
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Re: Do people need cliques out of fear of being alone?

Post by Mystery Writer » April 22nd, 2014, 12:28 pm

Temprano26 wrote:Have you gone out by yourself and just looked at people in their cliques? Have you noticed how they don't look anywhere outside of their small circle of "friends"? Have you thought about what an individual would do if they had to go out completely alone? How do you explain the psychology behind cliques? Do you think people really value their relationships or are they just clinging to a group of people because they are afraid that they will be alone like we are?

I used to go out to bars all alone because I thought that was the way to connect to people. It never occurred to me that I could be alone in a crowd full of people but there I was trying to talk to people that only showed me the back of their heads. Winston has written about this too - the ice barriers that exist between strangers so if you go out alone you stay alone.

Is the explanation really what I have suspected all along that mainstream American society is still trapped in high school with this mentality that we are the popular kids and nobody else is worthy of talking to us?

I think you'll find that most people are creatures of habit. They have a habit of dealing with those they know already. It's not a strictly American trait. Fear of the unknown will keep people stuck in groups and relationships that can be outright toxic, but at least they are familiar.

If you want to break down barriers and reach out to people, you need a bit of courage and a thickened skin. Expect rejection and don't be defeated by it. Just move on with aplomb and don't speak ill of those that reject you.

green1976
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Joined: September 8th, 2011, 10:24 pm

Post by green1976 » April 22nd, 2014, 4:59 pm

NorthAmericanguy wrote:
Winston wrote:Great question. I guess humans are conformist by nature and need to belong to a group or tribe. They do not do well alone unless they are either assholes, really tough, or spiritual people who have a sense of connection with the universe.

America's culture is cliquish. Without a clique, you have no social life or identity. So a clique is your identity outside of work. But I heard that most friendships in the US are acquaintances, not real friends. You can find hang out acquaintances in the US if you work at it.

But it's not exciting because you don't meet and interact with people freely everyday, like you would in Russia or Latin America.

I don't know why the US is so cliquish but many other countries aren't. It's weird.

Also, when you are alone in the US, you feel lonely, isolated and alone. But in other countries, such as Russia or the Philippines, when you are sitting alone, you don't feel alone, because people are cool with talking to strangers and relaxed about it. So you don't feel this barrier that you do in the US.


Over in Thailand I would take the skytrain towards the end of the line where the docks are and you can get on the boats to ride up and down the river... Well, I use to sit by the dock and watch these old men play some kind of Thai chess for hours while eating my fruit! In Thailand I never really felt alone even though I couldn't speak Thai. People were so open and friendly, very willing to go out their way and help me, and I could get laid anytime I wanted.

The only time I was jotted back to Western life is when I would try and talk to a foreigner. None of the Western foreigners were really that friendly with me and two westerners blew me off when I tried to connect with them. I think the backpacker group is the most open western group of people, but they're just too into living "ruff" for my tastes.


Well people in BKK are reputed to be less friendly than in the countryside as always.
Depends also what type of Thai is..is it the Isaan poor crowd or the wanabee hi so white chinese type?
If a western man is young and decent looking,he can use a limited day game in the malls,more in the middle sized towns,having skills in Thai is a big plus and he can get some numbers.

What is quit weird with Thai women in general,is that one day they send very clear signals like big smiles,wanting to talk and the next day they just ignore you.
That's kinda strange but i feel it has to be about their culture,their way of living.
I had some easy sex for one night,no money was involved but they just disappeared as fast as they came.
Numerous of my experiences where as stated.

This is why,i think in Thailand,contrary to the US,you get a lot of advantages if you are kind,extrovert,smile a lot and dare to speak to females in shopping malls and don't forget to not put too much expectation on a girl..remember plenty of others are there.

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