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15 posts • Page 1 of 1
Think about it for a second.. Be honest with yourself. If you met a really nice foreign girlfriend would you reciprocate all her good behaviors or would you let your history of insecurities from a lifetime of dealing with bad women get in the way of just being genuine?
Would you promptly respond to all her texts and phone calls? Or would you deliberately ignore her as if using some PUA style technique to get her to chase you even harder?
I have a pretty good foreign girlfriend now. She is definitely the best girlfriend I've had in my life, and seems to be a keeper by all accounts. Yet the sad thing is that I still find myself doubting the relationship due to all the bad past experiences I've had with american women and also other foreign women. On some subconcious level I'm expecting this girl to screw me over and disrespect me as would an american girl...but she seems to show no signs of doing so and I have a very good feeling about this one.
I keep catching myself thinking things like, "OK time to ignore her phone calls and text messages for a couple days, so I don't come off as being "needy." However, whenever I do this, she always just gets irritated and sends more text messages telling me to stop ignoring her. I actually think it's probably harming the relationship when I just tune out and don't check my phone for a couple days. I keep wondering how much of a softie I should let myself be...and I think the answer is that I should be as soft as I naturally am, without getting to the point where I'm allowing myself to be disrespected.
When finding a good girl abroad, it's important to treat her with a clean slate like she is the first girlfriend you've had in your life, before you learned about PUA, before you learned how shitty women can be, before your heart turned cold. Yes, it's possible to find a woman who just wants to be with you because she likes YOU. You don't need to be a provider, an "alpha" male, have a steady job, greencard, etc. Some women will strongly love you simply because of who you are. Your job is to find one of those women and treat her with respect. No more games.
I totally agree with what you are saying. My personal philosophy is that it is best to find a woman as a poor young man/kid, because if you can get a woman to fall in love you when you have almost nothing, the only way that it will work is by your personality and the way you treat her.
Now a lot of people will disagree with me and say that what happens in the future (ex: family problems, financial problems) can still tear these kinds of relationships/marriages apart, but I still believe that if an extremely strong bond can be developed in the early stages, it will be much more likely to last.
Again, this brings back to the fact that most foreign women have better values than the Anglo woman. So many marriages in English speaking countries turn sour when the couple gets older (35+), and it is normally the woman's fault for being entitled, bitchy, empty, and simply not appreciating what the man is doing for her.
You're living in a fantasy world, kid.
I agree with Cornfed. Thinking any woman will fall in love with a poor man is a fantasy. No women will love a poor young man or any poor man. Women want security and protection and a poor man can't give them that. A poor man will have very little luck with any woman anywhere in the world. Money does buy love and it makes obtaining love easier. A man without money will get no love.
The reason why game is so popular is because it works. There's nothing wrong with game. The problem is that with western women you have to really escalate it to unrealistic levels. But game is based on female psychology so there's a reason why it works. You should definitely take your time responding to her from time to time, tease her, but not too much, and do all that other stuff. It does work. It's not a question of doing it or not doing it. You should definitely do it, but keep it to the minimum necessary. You should do what you have to to make sure that she is attracted to you and bonds with you, no matter how great she is and how into you she is. It doesn't hurt to keep things exciting. People tend to think in extremes, i.e. lots of game or no game at all. That's stupid. Keep doing what you're doing but you've got yourself a good girl so there's no need to go overboard with it.
Hey Rudder, I know how you feel. I have a nice Filipina friend who I chat with online a couple of times per day. I always worry that I'm chatting with her too much and she's gonna think "Get a life, Hero" I have to keep reminding myself that Filipinas are different, and they like the constant attention from their BFs. In fact, they can't even stand to be alone for a minute. They simply don't need as much privacy and personal space that Americans do.
Actually he's not. It is not my fault that White men tend to be victims of getting rinsed and their wealth taking from them in various ways. Its not really about being "poor" but about not making wealth or status a prerequisite for mating.
I recently ran into a young couple at the bus stop and they had a baby. They were from El Salvador and first generation immigrants.
1) They were both well under 30
2) They were married
3) They had a child already
4) They took the bus because she's at home with the baby, he works, not enough money for a car at the moment
Go back in US history when we first got the Statue of Liberty, look at how many pictures of immigrants who were poor and didn't have much. Some married the women of their own ethnic group, others didn't which is why we have "mutts" in the US.
What has happen since the 1970's and the major entry of women into the workplace, they are unhappy overall - http://freakonomics.com/2013/02/24/wome ... o-podcast/
How do you please somebody who's unhappy and unsure what makes them unhappy? This is why hooking up with American women is bad news. They get information coming from all directions how they should be and its nothing but confusion.
You do want to meet women who want to build a life with you, no need to marry a poor woman, but a women from pretty much equal circumstances or just below it.
Relationships are about YOU as a person, not what you can give the in a material sense.
So many guys just can't seem to shake the "all women are the same" mentality. Some women are always going to inherently like you more than others. Some women will get sick of you really fast if you are uncommunicative and ignore her efforts to make contact with you. I've had this happen when one week a woman was so eager to go out with me, but then the next week, I just stopped responding to her for a couple days, and then I never really heard from her again. It's largely out of your control. That's why the most common piece of relationship advice for guys has always been to just "be yourself." The alternative is that you keep trying to fit some caricature of what you think women want. When you meet a women under such circumstances you'll live in constant fear of reverting back to "your old self" and her not liking you, because you failed to maintain your A-game.
That is not to say that a man should not strive to be more "manly" in general, and to improve himself and his life situation. But I hear so many guys on the internet giving armchair advice to other guys about specific details, as if they know 100% everything about the woman in question. For example, it's ridiculous to tell a guy not to do something like write a sappy love letter to a girl, saying that it will make him look like a wuss (beta), and kill his chances. For all these shoddy armchair advisors know, the girl could respond very well to such a sappy letter and feel even more inspired to reciprocate the man's intent.
What's more, advising against writing the letter shows that we expect women to be cold and unresponsive to such displays of male tenderness. In this case, men are favoring the cold and unresponsive women, by catering to what satisfies her, and not to what satisfies the other type of woman. It's better to take the risk of losing women that won't respond to male tenderness and vulnerability, because these women are not wife material anyway.
I think happier abroaders need a little reminder of this:
The tried and true method for most of the world.
Plus, whatever happens in the future, you got the better, younger, prettier, lower N-count years.
не поглеждай назад.
"Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children." - FredOnEverything
你们这些老头自己都那么失败，在很多方面没有任何权威。不管怎么样，我只需要一个适合我自己的伴侣，不管多困难我也不原意改变我的想法。我宁愿一辈子单身也不原意为了找到一个女朋友 / 老婆而牺牲自己个性成为另外一个人。
Translation: Many of you old fellas on here are failures yourself, having no authority whatsoever in many topics. No matter what, all I need is a partner that suits ME, and no matter how difficult this search will be I won't change my thoughts. I'd rather be single for my entire life than compromise my individuality / uniqueness and turn into someone that I'm not just to find a girlfriend or wife.
If a woman tried to change me into someone that I know I'm not, our chances are screwed. I've always said that it takes courage and acceptance to be with an outcast. In other words, the woman has to be strong in character and intellect herself. The average person cannot handle my intellectual and emotional Gs.
I have autistic and a few anti-social disorder traits as well.
Life is about failure kid, the secret of failure is to learn and bounce back from it, everyone has another chance as long as they learn from their mistakes and make better choices. I failed a bunch of times but still ended up with a masters degree, making a good living, happier abroad, it wasn't always that way though because there was once a time when I was some know-it-all teenager and as the 'wisdom' was knocked out of me, replaced by stronger truths then I became a better and more knolwedgeable person.
Compromise is part of any relationship, do you compromise with your parents? Your friends? Surely you do?
Which won't help, but good luck.
I also have a very good foreign girlfriend and putting aside all that bullshit PUA is important. Dealing with American women and foreign women are completely different. If you always ignore texts,calls, etc with an AW...you'll find that she may sometimes want you more but the opposite is true with foreign women. The more you play games with a foreign woman, the quicker you realize that she will leave you and find another man who can really be there for her.
Foreign women appreciate a man who is himself as opposed to AW who appreciate a man who acts like someone else THEY want him to be. If you are really serious about her, just be yourself, don't do PUA bullshit, and give her the attention she wants and deserves. All relationships carry risk and I know that you worry if she will screw you over based on bad experiences. Every relationship, whether it's with an AW or FW....will always carry some risk but the risk of being with an FW vs AW is far less with highly increased odds of success.
Put away all the bullshit and bad experiences you've had with AW in the past and treat her with respect. If you do , you'll see right away that she will give you the respect that you want and deserve too.
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I'd be as sincere with her as I have been with all of my romantic interests up to now. Since she is more likely to appreciate them than the average Anglo woman, I wouldn't be as hesitant or disillusioned. Thankfully, I'm not invested in any of the PUA snake oil or the philosophy of sociopaths in the Manosphere so I don't have to unlearn any of their crap. I'll properly build myself up while staying true to who I am and what I believe in.
My wife just accepted me the way I am. She said to me that I was very sincere and not faking or lying about myself to impress her and that's what pretty much attracted her to me. One thing I do like is that with foreign women you can be yourself and not have to use the stupid games that are played in America to attract someone. When it comes to relationships here everything flows naturally like it should be.