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I know I made a post about this in the past, but for those new members that recently joined, the content of this post should be taken into serious consideration.
Reasons Not To Have A Wedding
-Many people want to book a place that's considered high class for their wedding, which costs a lot to book and may or may not turn out to be suitable.
-Just imagine what money must be spent on. Food and drinks, decorations, music, lights and effects, clothes, photographers, and a presiding figure along with several other possibilites.
-There is the undeniable possiblity that the wedding gets cancelled for whatever reasons after everything is planned and all the money spent.
-For many families that do not have a lot of money, weddings can be financially ruinous. It would be much better if friends and family could simply go out for a celebratory meal and pay for themselves. Even if both families are well off, the money could be put to much better use.
-It is extremely time consuming and tedious to send out invitation cards or making phone calls.
-People may be invited at their inconvenience due to distance and/or having to compromise on matters that are much more important.
-Distant relatives, friends' friends, people you have no personal interest in and may likely never see again go to snatch free food and drinks. Also, no one knows what kinds of idiots could show up.
3. Clothing and Wedding Rings
-Women want to wear an expensive wedding gown and men want an expensive suit. It becomes a source of pride and ego satisfaction to demonstrate class and attract attention. Same applies to the wedding ring.
-The vast majority of couples want to have wedding photos. A good photography studio is not cheap, and it can be extremely frustrating having to pose for so long in what you would not normally wear, unless it is a model that gets paid to endure.
-It is expected that the guests also dress appropriately for the occasion by attending in formal attire. For someone like me that is very casual, just a little while in formal clothing is hard enough. I'd rather not have to dress up by avoiding these situations.
4. Weddings Can Cause Disputes
-Families often argue over who pays for the wedding, or how much each side should contribute.
-In many cultures, there is the tradition of a wedding gift demanded by one party or by both parties. Dissatisfaction can cause a strain in the relationship between the two families, and almost certainly have a negative impact on the couple.
-Quite often there are major disagreements on where and how the wedding ceremony will be held. These disagreements place unfair pressure on the couple, forcing both partners to each take their own sides, when then becomes an ongoing problem within their own relationship. These problems may continue even on the wedding day, ruining the atmosphere.
5. Rising Divorce Rates / Wedding Vows
-If I have a grand wedding and I get seperated or divorced with my spouse 2 or 3 years later, then in what meaningful way does having a ceremony help the actual marriage?
-Why make vows if you do not make an effort to keep them or if you have no intention of honoring? Not many people nowadays take their vows seriously. We live in a world of deceit.
6. Wedding Toasts
-These can be extremely awkward. 95% of the time I don't even know what to say. Again, avoiding the situation altogether is my strategy.
I know that 99.5% will think I'm strange for the mere suggestion that couples should not have weddings, but the points that I've stated have been proven countless numbers of times. Husband and wife have a whole life ahead of them to share. There are so many other things that can be much more memorable and meaningful. Consider me idealistic, but if two people really love each other, every day could turn out to be an adventure . Weddings are simply not worth the time, money, and resources. Of course, so many awkward things may happen before, during, and after. Instead of wedding ceremonies, I strongly recommend two alternatives.
First, I'd recommend going straight on honeymoon. In the course of traveling, both partners can discover both their individual and shared passions and learn to get along. The couple can also improve their ability to handle finances through negotiation.
Assuming both parties want their family involved, a friendly meal will provide the opportunity to know each other. However, the important thing to remember is that each side must pay their own share of the bill so that nothing is taken for granted.
I agree generally, good post.
One thought I would add:
Keep it to what the groom's family can easily afford - a party they would normally throw.
A keg or two of beer or a backyard barbecue, or a room rented in a restaurant.
The best clothes you would normally wear. No tuxes, unless you are a preppie who already own one. No white Cinderella gowns, unless you are a Disney character.
Fun, love, family...... keep it simple, then relax on your honeymoon.
"Well actually, she's not REALLY my daughter. But she does like to call me Daddy... at certain moments..."
Weddings are all designed for the bride in mind. The groom is basically just an accessory of the bride and can simply just be considered invisible. The toughest part about not wanting a wedding is to find a woman who doesn't care much for it or the impossible task of trying to convince a woman not to have one. Almost all women want a wedding because it's ALL about them. Wedding ceremonies should just be renamed as "Bridal ceremonies" instead.
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This is true, I remember Clint Eastwood saying that weddings are all about the bride and not the groom. The average wedding in the US costs $ 25,000. Wow, that is a lot of money to spend on something that has a 50% of failing.
A lot of people in America get married twice, so that's $ 50,000 spent on two wedding ceremonies! WTF?
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
American Disney culture is making it worse. Cinderella, Ariel, they all project the idea that every girl must have a dream wedding in order to be happy. Princess culture. Yes the difficult part would be to find a girl that doesn't care AND can tell her family to not give a f**k about it either, or even better just leave them behind and tell them to shut up.
I never attended any college graduation ceremony. Once I finished my last finals in college, the very next week I hopped on a plane to Asia. That was my true "graduation from America."
My word. The sum of what is wrong with the men on this forum.
Facts are, weddings are very important in a lot of cultures where you are looking for women. The fact that you are purposefully ignoring their culture and their values so you can save money is what makes you repulsive to the women in your home country but it also proves my theory that you are quite flexible with western concepts and values if it suits you and your needs.
If you thought about saving on the wedding, how about marrying a western woman? Plenty of them think like you do about marriage ceremonies.
Fat, balding, old, probably ugly, and no bloody money, remind everyone why you are such a great catch to women half your age?
Read my post carefully. Not all the reasons are about saving money. If you want to have a wedding ceremony then just go ahead, because after all it will be between you and the woman and maybe both clans as well. I'm not trying to dictate anyone's life here, but what I've written has been proved countless numbers of times that there is simply no denial. What I'm saying is that A) I'm not having one with my woman B) I highly suggest more people to seek alternatives
A female friend of mine also from Chongqing totally agrees with the content of this post, but I can't get involved with her because her mom and my mom are BFFs, throwing us into a vicious sphere of control by both parties if we actually developed a relationship. I also mentioned in another post that going and staying in the USA is a dream for her, which also ruins her chances with me.
The 2 alternatives I've come up with are actually starting to gain some ground in China. Of course it will still be a long time before these options are seen as acceptable and viable by a significant portion of the population, but no matter what I'd still do my own thing, and I hope I can find a woman that is at least willing to consider not having a wedding ceremony.
Having said all this I would still encourage you guys to follow my advice, because it is of great benefit to both partners in the short and long run. Again, feel free to disagree with me, but my ideal is getting engaged and married very quietly, then traveling together.
Many things that have meaning / significance to most people are impractical, unnecessary, or simply dumb to me. Is the world really stupid or is it because of my extreme rebellious rigidity?
No matter what you guys say, I've learned that in order to stay sane, quite often I must fight a crusade against almost everything so that I don't get sucked in and get brainwashed.
Seeing and knowing so much is a double edged sword. Great wisdom comes with great sorrow.
P.S. I'm not white, I'm an Asian rebel fully Chinese by blood
Last edited by Bao3niang on May 3rd, 2014, 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Well, my post wasn't squarely aimed at you and though you did mention social akwardness and not wanting to dress up, what you need to realise is that in certain cultures, the sanctity of marriage is a lot more respected than it is in the west and when you get a girl that you love and want to marry, a simple ceremony might not cut it. First of all, in places like Vietnam and China as well as Thailand - you have to pay a bridal price to the parents which could end up being tens of thousands of dollars, will you refuse to pay that also?
And your future spouse has a say if she wants a lavish wedding or not, the facts are in a relationship, you just can't swat her opinion away - it is not just up to you to say 'well, I am not having a lavish wedding'.
You are still young, it is not a big deal for you at the moment, I would advise on getting your degree and exploring the world. I wouldn't be worrying about marriage just yet.
However, Jester and his hilarious alternative of a 'barbecue and a few beers in the back yard' says loads about him, him and his ilk on here who decry western women and values and completely ignores the fact that the women he is after (Mexican? Filipina?) and their families would baulk at a 'wedding ceremony' like that, as they would in China or India or in West Africa or South America. You know yourself in China that weddings are a big deal, are about gaining face for the families involved and cheaparsing the whole thing is going to bring more negative consequences than positive, now there are plenty of western women who would only be too happy to marry in a registry office or not marry at all - so if this is a big factor then marry a western woman.
A long time? It will never catch on, it is like saying the 'bridal price' will go out of fashion, and again, it isn't about you and your wishes, you are marrying another person with their own needs and wishes and you have to respect them. (Despite what they all say on here).
Marry a nice, white Canadian girl, all that would fly with her and her family.