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Im seeing this Philippines woman online right now but plan to go abroad since I'll be moving to Aus anyway within the next year. Well I brought up marijuana with her. She said if I ever used marijuana she would dump me. Seriously? Over getting a buzz poof she's done that easy. Yet she has a history of using alcohol but stopped. I have a history of using marijuana and she knows it but said if I do it again she is done. She seems brainwashed and said marijuana is illegal in her country and its so bad blah blah blah. Well I dont know, she seemed really too good to be true, and now I think this might be a deal breaker. She was almost perfect until now .. I explained that marijuana is slowly becoming legal in my country the U.S and still she said if I used while it's legal she will be finished. What? Even though she knows I have a lot of stress I guess I'm suppose to die of stress and never use marijuana again. I have not used in more than a year by personal choice but I don't want to never use again especially if it becomes legal status. Should I back out? Even though she seems perfect in every other way. This is getting me down because this is typical for American women to pull and control.
Brainwashed quite similar to folks in the USA 60 or 70 years ago. To the OP, you made a mistake ever talking about that subject, but now that you have, I couldn't dump her fast enough. Any woman giving me an ultimatum over such a thing would be history in a nanosecond.
Everybody has a plan til they get punched in the mouth
You can get you 6 to 12 years on your second offense of smoking, growing your own was a death penalty offense before the President ended the death sentence but it is still life imprisonment.. The laws tend towards zero tolerance, to meet someone willing to take the risk because of your need to get high would be seen as bad as someone who is a shabu or heroin addict.
I may be missing something here so let's go back to the beginning. You say you're "seeing this Philippines woman online." I assume this means you have never met her and never been to the Philippines - correct? If so, you're not in a relationship with her yet and therefore she can't "dump" someone she isn't in a relationship with.
So what might be true is this: she likes you and imagines your visiting her in the Philippines. But either she is worried that you will visit her there and want to get stoned or she imagines having a real relationship with you, coming with you to the US and finding out that you are a drug user. Either way she is rightfully scared and concerned about a guy she has never met but would like to.
Just trying to give you another perspective.
Both, alcohol and marihuana do not make much sense, the best is not to consume any drug at all, regardless if legal or illegal.
The possession of marihuana can bring you into serious troubles in many Asian countries. I think this girl is really worried about getting into troubles with the law in Philippines. Understandable.
Well I dont use it it anymore for over a year. It's not a drug. What's with it and older people still conditioned to believe it's a drug? Anyway I think the occasional hit of the bong doesn't warrent total disowning. Who said I was druggy? Making accusation much. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone
Ok I get it. But if I'm stressed out in my own country I'll hit the pipe occasionally legally. What's the big deal? It's not addictive. I'm not going to get high in asian countries. Why would I do that?
Damn I really liked her too. She's a bit nutters, brainwashed or not there's a world wide web we can find out facts about things. Ignorance isn't an excuse and it's not like 60 years ago even in asia they have endless info at their fingertips the exception of china with their censorship. Maybe I can convince her the occasional pot smoke isn't going to send me to a life of crime and ultimately death. If not looks like I'm going to get out of this one. Ultimatums with women just makes me think they will turn into bitches later on.
My point was, drug-no drug,use it occasionally or not at all - it's all irrelevant. You've never met her and therefore you're not in a relationship. Expecting someone you have never met to understand your perspective and why you are stressed and might need relief ain't gonna work. Keep chatting with her and hope she loosens up or drops the subject - or move on and find another girl(s). The broader question is - are you going to visit the Philippines and if so what are you looking for there: a vacation gf, long-term gf, wife, etc.
I mentioned the post to my wife and to absolutely no surprise she took the same attitude as the girl you are chatting with. She knows I did far more than just marijuana when I was young but of course those were conversations we had in person.
Drug use is rampant in the Philippines so they are not completely naive. My wife even mentioned that they are taught in school about the changing legalities regarding marijuana in the US. Personally, I wouldn't mention it to the next girl, particularly since you indicate you rarely do it.
I probably wouldn't date a girl who smoked pot, either. I'm actually for pot legalization because I'm fairly libertarian in my views. And I've tried it once. I don't like it and don't believe it's a healthful substance, especially used regularly.
Why would I not date a girl who smoked pot? Well, there's an entire "culture" behind it I don't particularly like. That and anyone that smokes pot almost never does it in isolation, they have friends who smoke pot, since they need a dealer or supplier. Some of these friends are fine people, yes, but many are either dumb or downright bad people with shady stuff going on, that likely do other drugs besides pot, too. Obviously whenever you become friends with someone you become friends with their friends to some extent. However pot is it's own thing as most people don't just light up a joint and smoke alone in their room, they smoke with other people. So there's that.
The other issue is legality. If we're driving somewhere and get pulled over. She has pot on her. She gets searched, she gets arrested by the cop. First off, you can get in trouble for having someone else with drugs on them in your car if the cop decides it to be so. Second off, even if you don't, she still gets arrested and I have to bail her out, she has to go to court, maybe jail (probably not for personal use quantities), be on probation, etc. Or she's already had these things happen and you're stuck in the mess in the middle.
I mean, there are some magical people that somehow have all their shit together and just smoke pot occasionally (and don't tell people about their pot smoking, generally) but generally the pot users I've met the pattern goes like that, either male or female.
I'm not arguing about the actual drug's harmfulness or lack of it really. I don't think enough is really known and everything that is known is anecdotal. Obviously it's not like alcohol where there's an actual lethal dose you can take, but I've been friends longterm with people who've smoked very regularly (as in more than once a week for over 5 years straight) and I noticed a steady lack of ambition that overcame them. Whether it's coincidental with life circumstances that got worse for them (and whether that's coincidental with pot smoking) or not, I don't know. I mean I guess you could say alcohol is worse and all that, and I do drink a little so this may be a bit hypocritical, but yeah.
Lastly, too, there's an issue of stress management. I'd argue pot (or drinking, for that matter) is a bad way of handling your stress. It's a negative way of handling stress, compared to if you did something positive. If you, for example, went swimming or went for a walk, that'd be a positive way of handling stress that'd cause a positive outcome and be constructive. You can't say the same for pot. Some people argue their creative capacity goes up with pot or whatever, but I think that's bullshit for the most part. I'm sure some people it does influence positively, but it's a small small minority. Most people when smoking pot don't actually create anything. If you wanna build your creative capacity up, you'd probably be better off spending the $10-20 on pot on a model kit.
But I don't wanna touch it, nor would I want to live in the same house with someone does.Sorry for being so harsh, but this is my perspective.
Those who use substances and those who do not rarely get along in a relationship. Whether your vice is alcohol, marijuana, or something more serious, it doesn't matter. A substance abuser will never see eye to eye with someone that is an abstainer.
You must also understand, marijuana is a big deal in the PI. If she got caught with you and you had some pot on you, she could end up sentenced along with you to years in prison. It isn't about it being a gateway drug or not, it's about protecting yourself from ending up on the wrong side of the law. Like, I don't mind if my friends smoke pot, but I will not let them transport it in my car or ride in a car if someone has any on them, because generally the cops charge everyone with possession that is in a vehicle carrying drugs and it is on you to prove otherwise. That isn't a moral judgement- that's just common sense. I don't have time to deal with a court case nor can I risk my career on it. Now look at it from these women's perspectives- why would they want to risk ending up in Filipino prison, or get involved with a guy who might do so himself? Whether you are morally right or wrong, you aren't on the right side of the law. Most people don't like dealing with police or the criminal justice system, especially in a country like the PI, and thus will avoid getting close to criminals.