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Check out Steve's new fiancee! She looks like a real gem!

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Re: Check out Steve's new fiancee! She looks like a real gem

Postby davewe » Wed Mar 25, 2015 4:26 pm

WorldTraveler wrote:Steve is an intelligent guy and knows what he is doing. He would have spent more time with his girl in the Philippines if he could have. Not everyone can take months or years off to live with their prospective wife in their country. He certainly doesn't want to go through the fiancee visa process for the hell of it. It was a necessary way for him to get more time with his girl. Three months is nothing. I've spent years with girls to only find out that we are not compatible for a marriage, or at least a good marriage. Whatever decision Steve made I believe in Steve 100%!


I'm gonna disagree with this. I told Steve the same thing at the time he posted his plan, so at least I am consistent.

Marriage is a difficult thing; otherwise there wouldn't be a 50% divorce rate. Contrary to the popular reality show, the purpose of the fiancé visa is not to check each other out for 90 days and then decide. The purpose is that you have already decided to get married, and she can come to the US on a short term visa in order to do that.

I am sure that if I had told me wife to come to the US on the fiancé visa and then I would decide whether to marry her or not...well I don't want to tell you what she would have said - it wouldn't be family friendly :)

OTOH, in all fairness to Steve and others who do this approach, many people nowadays view marriage similarly. That is, with the ease of divorce they tell themselves or even tell their partner, "we'll get married and if it doesn't work out we can easily divorce." In my experience such marriages are doomed. It's tough enough staying married when you are 100% committed; it's impossible with a lesser commitment.

I wish Steve well. It's possible that just like Winston and others, he's not built for marriage.
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Re: Check out Steve's new fiancee! She looks like a real gem

Postby Winston » Wed Mar 25, 2015 5:18 pm

davewe wrote:
WorldTraveler wrote:Steve is an intelligent guy and knows what he is doing. He would have spent more time with his girl in the Philippines if he could have. Not everyone can take months or years off to live with their prospective wife in their country. He certainly doesn't want to go through the fiancee visa process for the hell of it. It was a necessary way for him to get more time with his girl. Three months is nothing. I've spent years with girls to only find out that we are not compatible for a marriage, or at least a good marriage. Whatever decision Steve made I believe in Steve 100%!


I'm gonna disagree with this. I told Steve the same thing at the time he posted his plan, so at least I am consistent.

Marriage is a difficult thing; otherwise there wouldn't be a 50% divorce rate. Contrary to the popular reality show, the purpose of the fiancé visa is not to check each other out for 90 days and then decide. The purpose is that you have already decided to get married, and she can come to the US on a short term visa in order to do that.

I am sure that if I had told me wife to come to the US on the fiancé visa and then I would decide whether to marry her or not...well I don't want to tell you what she would have said - it wouldn't be family friendly :)

OTOH, in all fairness to Steve and others who do this approach, many people nowadays view marriage similarly. That is, with the ease of divorce they tell themselves or even tell their partner, "we'll get married and if it doesn't work out we can easily divorce." In my experience such marriages are doomed. It's tough enough staying married when you are 100% committed; it's impossible with a lesser commitment.

I wish Steve well. It's possible that just like Winston and others, he's not built for marriage.


Yeah but people are changeable. How can you make a commitment to marriage when people change their minds all the time about lots of things? How can you promise that you will always love someone and never change your mind about her for as long as you live? Isn't that an unrealistic promise?

That's what I don't get it. How do you logically justify that?

Yes, perhaps Steve is not the marrying type. Some guys aren't. Maybe I'm not either, even though I try to be.

If that's so, then maybe Steve's subconscious mind sabotages his relationships because it knows he's not the marrying type, so it tries to get him out of them.

It's kind of like how if you take a job you hate just for the money, and your heart is not really in it, eventually your subconscious mind will want out and do things to make you screw up on the job, such as being absent, late, or screwing up something, to get you fired. It's because deep down, your subconscious mind wants out. You know what I mean? Same principle.
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Re: Check out Steve's new fiancee! She looks like a real gem

Postby S_Parc » Wed Mar 25, 2015 7:13 pm

Winston wrote:Yeah but people are changeable. How can you make a commitment to marriage when people change their minds all the time about lots of things? How can you promise that you will always love someone and never change your mind about her for as long as you live? Isn't that an unrealistic promise?


I'm not too sure if I agree with this. I think for the most part, after one's mid-30s, a person really doesn't change all that much.

So what I think is happening is that you've converged upon a poly-amorous personality, and thus, want life to be a Whitman Sampler of women, which is fine, esp if you're an Oil Sheik :D or George Clooney (prior to his 2014 wedding).

Other guys like the steadiness of having the same companion but may occasionally prefer a fling for variation. Now that I'm in my mid-to-late 30s, I've also converged upon the idea of monogamy and have even lost interest in doing esc@rts regularly for fun and variation. This is why Mel and I are settling down, I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else. As far as love goes, I'd say that that was already there from back in college times, except it was in its platonic form back then.
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Re: Check out Steve's new fiancee! She looks like a real gem

Postby droid » Fri Mar 27, 2015 5:55 am

davewe wrote:OTOH, in all fairness to Steve and others who do this approach, many people nowadays view marriage similarly. That is, with the ease of divorce they tell themselves or even tell their partner, "we'll get married and if it doesn't work out we can easily divorce." In my experience such marriages are doomed. It's tough enough staying married when you are 100% committed; it's impossible with a lesser commitment.

+1 that's very wise
I don't know what the whole point of "marriages" is today if they can be easily dissolved Lol. I'm pretty open minded to debauchery or whatnot, but something as marriage/kids has been defined should be seriously taken, otherwise it's pointless.
It seems we're not willing to adapt to the slightest defects on the other party anymore.

I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out for Steve, his girl looks pretty cute and sweet on those pics.
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Re: Check out Steve's new fiancee! She looks like a real gem

Postby Hero » Fri Mar 27, 2015 9:44 am

How old is Steve?
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Re: Check out Steve's new fiancee! She looks like a real gem

Postby MarcosZeitola » Fri Mar 27, 2015 3:22 pm

Hero wrote:How old is Steve?


Too old to be too picky.
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Re: Check out Steve's new fiancee! She looks like a real gem

Postby Winston » Fri Mar 27, 2015 9:06 pm

Here's what Steve told me about what happened. He said it was ok to copy and paste what he wrote me.

Steve:

"And regarding Jobie, well, she had a great time spending the last 2 months of her visa time in California with her relatives , but she felt it best to cut ties with me and my friends also . I can understand that. She said maybe years later, we can reconnect .

The good thing is that she was prepared that it may not happen for us , I pretty quickly undid the "fiancé" label I impulsively put on her photo album on my FB . So, it's not as bad as it could have been given I prepared her well ahead of time

I just couldn't feel any physical attraction at all. International dating works for a lot of guys and maybe it can still work for me, but i guess I'm too picky or just lack good judgment

Next time , if there is a next time, I'll plan to take it slower and be far more sure . With Jobie and my last filipina Jeanizle, I was primary going off their Facebook photos and email chats and that's my downfall. With both Jobie and Jeanizle , I had left the philippines not intending to stay in a relationship with them, and both times I later decided to sponsor them without seeing then again in person and there is the mistake. Though, Jobie knew I was treating her visit more like a 2nd chance date , as I had originally tried to meet up again with her in Israel to see how our 2nd meet up would go . I told her to treat her visit here as a substitute for the Israel trip or in place of me returning to the Phil's . So, again, Jobie was never "technically " my fiancé and she knew that coming here.

I think that due to the fact that I'm probably different than most guys in that I'm way more picky and need many visits with a girl before deciding anything, I will try to date in South America since it's way closer than the phils

Anyways, sorry if it bothered or offended you that I left the forum , and I only announced it cause I guess it was spur of the moment follow up to the other dude who was doing the same thing . I did want the guys to know about it and say bye to them, though that was the natural way to do it.

I needed to break the habit if hybernating there cause even though it's 100% true, it's still kind of negative and though I believe it's good to get the message out, I didn't want to swim in it anymore. I'm not string enough to handle so much constant negative topics.

And by doing that, I am far better off cause my mind isn't so entrenched in that world anymore. It's been a huge benefit clearing my mind of focusing on such negative stuff , even though it's true.

Yes, I spent a week with her towards the end of my trip. I left with no intentions of seeing her again. But her Facebook photos drew me back in. The weird part is that I remember having a certain degree of physical attraction during the time I was with her but for whatever reason, I had zero attraction when she came here. I can't really explain that. It just means I need to visit a girl many many times before thinking too seriously about her . Such a thing is far more possible in South America than the Phil's. Jobie would have married me if I was willing. She's a great girl. But even Christian articles on the subject do not recommend marrying someone whom you have no physical attraction to. You can post about it if you want to.

If anyone tries to criticize any part of it , they need to look at my previous posts at HA where I was clear with everyone (as well as with Jobie) that this was a 2nd chance date more than it was anything official. I never proposed to her, we were just hopeful at best. I basically just used the fiancé visa in place of a tourist visa is all. That's really what it boiled down to. Now I'm out of fiancé visas lol, that's 4 to date lol, but two of those 4 backed out on me not me them. If I do this again, I'll have to marry the girl in her country.

Up to you, you can paste my quotes or rephrase them. Yea, I didn't even feel enough romantic or physical attraction enough to even feel the desire to hug her much less anything else. That's really bewildering based on the fact I had some (admittedly not a lot) of physical attraction when I was in Manila with her. But again, I am too easy to like someone based off internet chats and Facebook photos .

Really though, I did learn that same lesson with my last one with Jeanizle and that's yet I was careful to tell Jobie early on not to expect anything definite and to treat this as a 2nd chance which was in place of waiting for me to come back to the Phil's. Many people are in the camp of to never use a fiancé visa unless 100% sure but I'm not a believer in that. Anyways, if I could have gotten her a tourist visa I would have done that instead and she knew that also.

She was dissapointed as was I too. Attraction isn't something we as individuals have control over. It is what it is."
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Re: Check out Steve's new fiancee! She looks like a real gem

Postby jtest28 » Tue Mar 31, 2015 7:16 pm

I saw the same effect when my Filipina got here too. She literally looked different after she got here than when she was over there. I thought it was just in my head until I saw one of my Fiance's Filipina friends who moved here who now looks just somehow less pretty than when she was over there. And I'm talking IMMEDIATE too, not that she had time to age and get fat, the change was instant. Even my Filipina noticed it about her friend. And in fact, the pics we saw of her friend's American husband showed he also looked younger and more virulent somehow, (or something) when he was in the Phillipines! Climiate or what it is, radiation, who knows. . . But I went ahead and married my Filipina anyway. Still better than life with a Goddamned white woman. :D
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Re: Check out Steve's new fiancee! She looks like a real gem

Postby jamesbond » Wed Apr 01, 2015 11:42 am

Hero wrote:How old is Steve?


I think Steve mentioned in one of his posts that he is 47 years old.
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