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Feeling Lonely After Seeing Couples

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E Irizarry R&B Singer
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Post by E Irizarry R&B Singer » June 16th, 2014, 11:16 am

abcdavid01 wrote:Alright, I'll say this. A lot of you guys are being total dicks to Tsar and it's not even constructive. I thought some of you were good posters too. By no means should Cornfed be banned because he's right on the money most of the time. I say that as a minority. Traditional societies follow the same rough guidelines no matter how far removed the cultures being compared. Civilizations rise through the same processes no matter the people being spoken of. It's absurd to think culture can explain all mental differences between races. Skin color is just perception? Bullshit. So even as a minority I find myself a lot closer to his line of thought. It'd be a big loss to this forum if he were banned.

S_Parc's right about how bad American culture is and it is certainly very pervasive, especially in the North East. The whole point of Happier Abroad is based on that truth, which we can see in Winston's own story linked to on the main page.

Tsar's post about his middle/high school experiences sound remarkably like my own. I also dropped out of college for a few years and just recently went back. But what I think is unfortunate for Tsar is that I've developed better coping mechanisms. Objectively, my life is even worse now than it was as a teenager. That's due to my parents divorcing, itself a sign of failed race relations. I'm not even technically opposed to race mixing, but Cornfed's still right about a hell of a lot. But I've developed coping mechanisms to deal with it and now I'm going to Shanghai for two months next week.

How am I paying for it? My grandfather, my mother's father, left me money when he died. My uncle went back to a village in China and picked out a woman to marry and has spent his whole life in my grandparent's household. It wasn't coddling because he's been building houses the whole time. My uncle and grandfather are respectable men who followed extremely traditional paths.

My father? Well he stole some of the money my grandfather left me and with divorce and an extra household he's made our whole family poorer. I was raised to be outcast from both sides of my family; civility is not love. That's what race mixing means to me. I'm not against it, but far too often it's the result of weakling shitheads like my father who believe in nothing. Cornfed's damn right.

I get angry thinking about it, but I'm able to handle it far better than I would have as a teenager. If all the shit going on in my life happened when I was a teenager I would've probably killed myself. But here I am taking he equivalent of two college semesters in just one term, I have no insecurity about my ability to get girls and I'm actually going abroad. On the verge of success.

So here I see Tsar as someone who's had an extremely similar life to mine, but for whatever reason wasn't able to develop the same coping mechanisms. What do most people here do? Shit on him. Call Cornfed a dirty racist or whatever, but at least he's supporting Tsar. And I can thank Matty for sticking up for my pal too. But what most of you guys are doing isn't even tough love - it's just unconstructive criticism. Swear to god, you guys are driving out good members here and are showing no sympathy for someone who's basically a representation of why Happier Abroad exists. It's like you want Tsar to become a school shooter instead of helping him. And I thought HA helped me succeed; I'm leaving in a week. Why not actually help Tsar? Scum, the lot a'ya.

TL; DR I thought Happier Abroad was a support system, but people are being jerks to my friend.
I don't ever think I had a problem wit you ever. I like how you put yourself on Front Street and in that you don't care what people say. I like realness like that. You seem alright in my book.
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MarcosZeitola
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Post by MarcosZeitola » June 16th, 2014, 11:19 am

Tsar wrote:My writing is that of a poet. I assume you dislike poetic writing? Can you please take some time explain what you dislike about my writing?
I do not dislike your writing, it just struck me as unusual. I find it almost Shakespearean in nature, and if you speak like this in conversation it would sound very strange, but kind of awesome IMO. Don't think for one second your writing bothers me, it doesn't. Be as authentic as you wish to be. Just remember that not everybody is as open to this as I am. To a woman it may come across as odd. Few people talk like this in this day and age, so what might help you woo a Victorian era lady from the 1890s, a sixteen year old girl may find weird. No matter how much of a pure and innocent virgin she may be. :wink:

It's a good thing that you are an idealist. I am an idealist myself. I dream big dreams and have certain high expectations of the future. I try to be a positive person and have always been an optimist at heart. Be an idealist! But do keep in mind there's also such a thing as reality. The best thing for us all to do is find the balance between realism and optimism. Between the harsh realities of every day life and the world in which we live, and the ideal views we have in our head.

I once spent a year at home. Unemployed, no work, few responsibilities. During that year I forced myself to write and be creative. I started and finished a 90,000 word novel that year. Most of it I wrote in a few short bursts of inspiration and energy. After some fine-tuning I am no looking forward to publish it so that I can make some money out of it. A year without employment therefore did not become a year without productivity.

You write well. You say you are a poet. Excellent! Go and write. Write opinion pieces, columns, poems, sonnets and stories. Delve into history, fiction, fantasy, find a genre that suits you and get busy. Start blogging, make a digital journal of your life, a diary of your days. Put into words whatever thought come to mind and start creating things! If you become a writer of some renown, chances are girls will fancy you. And they'd be fans of your work, so the type of well-read and intelligent girl that's probably your ideal partner.

How's that for an idea? Just make sure you do things! If you watch movies or play games you are enjoying a short period of happiness. But ultimately, you aren't creating things. Try to start writing and make it your hobby if it isn't already. It's something that has helped me a lot when I had my own lesser periods. It made me feel that even when I had little going on in my life, I was at least doing something. Anything. I've discovered that I feel my most miserable when I go to bed at night with the feeling that I have wasted my day, whereas when I produced something, made something, did something - ANYTHING! - I feel much, much better about myself.

You seem to live out a good portion of your life in your head, so remember: happiness, too, is ultimately a state of mind. Give yourself something of a routine if you haven't already. Work out or exercise twice or thrice a week. Socialize with people at least once a week. Do push-ups in your room, sit-ups, eat healthy, and write during certain designated hours. I assure you such personal development and creativity will already do wonders for your state of mind and your ultimate success in achieving your goals.

Good luck, Tsar! I know you can do this. Just keep moving. The train of life is moving too, you can still catch it if you take a good sprint! :wink:

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Post by Cornfed » June 16th, 2014, 11:27 am

eurobrat wrote:
Tsar wrote: The bad experiences are my past. A person that has experienced what I did could never turn out to be the typical modern guy.
I think everyone here needs to look at the following pie chart, especially the OP:
You went out of college into a career and are so so lucky. You should be falling down on your knees on a daily basis to praise your luck. Instead, you make yourself feel just that little bit better out of pure spite to insult those not so lucky. You are scum. Pure scum. The idea is to plan on us never meeting.

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Post by eurobrat » June 16th, 2014, 11:32 am

Cornfed wrote:
eurobrat wrote:
Tsar wrote: The bad experiences are my past. A person that has experienced what I did could never turn out to be the typical modern guy.
I think everyone here needs to look at the following pie chart, especially the OP:
You went out of college into a career and are so so lucky. You should be falling down on your knees on a daily basis to praise your luck. Instead, you make yourself feel just that little bit better out of pure spite to insult those not so lucky. You are scum. Pure scum. The idea is to plan on us never meeting.
LOL! If I'm scum, than what are you the Jesus Christ reincarnated? And I had never planned on meeting you anyways.

Why do you assume it's luck and not hard work? Or maybe 90% hard work and 10% luck? I'm not trying to boost my morale I'm trying to awaken and save those who fall a victim to themselves.

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Post by Cornfed » June 16th, 2014, 11:52 am

eurobrat wrote:Why do you assume it's luck and not hard work? Or maybe 90% hard work and 10% luck?
Dude, I know plenty of people who piss away more hard work in the morning than you could contemplate who are unemployed. Whole regions such as in the Appalachia have gone from proud, independent mountain men to crackheads on welfare in less than a decade. And you, who are handed a career and are so lucky, choose to insult them. So you worked hard. You probably didn't really, but don't you get it? - we all work hard. We are all driven. We all strive to do whatever. You are nothing special. The system could have chosen someone else for your job and could choose someone else tomorrow. You are lucky, yet instead of acknowledging your luck you would rather delusional aggrandize yourself at others’ expense. You are a really horrible person.

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Post by eurobrat » June 16th, 2014, 12:22 pm

Cornfed wrote:
eurobrat wrote:Why do you assume it's luck and not hard work? Or maybe 90% hard work and 10% luck?
Dude, I know plenty of people who piss away more hard work in the morning than you could contemplate who are unemployed. Whole regions such as in the Appalachia have gone from proud, independent mountain men to crackheads on welfare in less than a decade. And you, who are handed a career and are so lucky, choose to insult them. So you worked hard. You probably didn't really, but don't you get it? - we all work hard. We are all driven. We all strive to do whatever. You are nothing special. The system could have chosen someone else for your job and could choose someone else tomorrow. You are lucky, yet instead of acknowledging your luck you would rather delusional aggrandize yourself at others’ expense. You are a really horrible person.
What the hell are you talking abut? I have been unemployed for long periods just like everyone else. At the same time I didn't sit around and mope about it. I got out there, tried new things and reinvented myself which has been a method for me that has been proven to work.

Yea sure you could say I have been lucky but the luck came after I was motivated and made changes to my life.
Last edited by eurobrat on June 16th, 2014, 12:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Feeling Lonely

Post by fschmidt » June 16th, 2014, 12:31 pm

S_Parc wrote:
Tsar wrote:After analyzing society, civilization, movies, history, and culture I came to that conclusion. Almost every culture values a virgin girl. I know that all European, Asian, Indian, Arabian, and Jewish civilizations valued virgin girls and that virgin girls were the most prized. Marrying any girl other than a virgin was considered shameful and brought dishonor to a man.
This is sounding like a novelization of the world, as oppose to the world as it is.
Read "Sex and Culture" by Unwin and you will see that Tsar is right.

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Post by S_Parc » June 16th, 2014, 1:39 pm

MarcosZeitola wrote:Give yourself something of a routine if you haven't already. Work out or exercise twice or thrice a week. Socialize with people at least once a week. Do push-ups in your room, sit-ups, eat healthy, and write during certain designated hours. I assure you such personal development and creativity will already do wonders for your state of mind and your ultimate success in achieving your goals.

Good luck, Tsar! I know you can do this. Just keep moving. The train of life is moving too, you can still catch it if you take a good sprint! :wink:
Now this is what I'm talking about :)

What you've just outlined above is how I'd escaped from my dysfunctional family of birth.
16 years ago, the Best Picture of 1999, "American Beauty", telegraphed the message of Happier Abroad to the world.

Beware of long term engagements with AWs, you may find yourself in a coffin.

AB discussion thread

BTW, despite settling down with an AW, myself, the warning is still in effect.

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Post by abcdavid01 » June 16th, 2014, 6:25 pm

S_Parc wrote:
MarcosZeitola wrote:Give yourself something of a routine if you haven't already. Work out or exercise twice or thrice a week. Socialize with people at least once a week. Do push-ups in your room, sit-ups, eat healthy, and write during certain designated hours. I assure you such personal development and creativity will already do wonders for your state of mind and your ultimate success in achieving your goals.

Good luck, Tsar! I know you can do this. Just keep moving. The train of life is moving too, you can still catch it if you take a good sprint! :wink:
Now this is what I'm talking about :)

What you've just outlined above is how I'd escaped from my dysfunctional family of birth.
I'd add that even if you don't produce much, make it a point to learn. In my time off from college I didn't produce much, but I did read a whole lot, fiction and non-fiction. All that reading influenced the way I look at the world now. I needed it because my parents gave me no direction in life. I tried to be a dutiful son and look at my father for inspiration, but ultimately he's just a hedonist. I spent far too long doing that, but once I began intensive studying I really shaped my personality. Even being on HA helped, so I think it'd be horrible if Cornfed were banned or people weren't sympathetic to Tsar. So even if you don't physically produce, sharpen the mind. Eventually you read enough of a subject that it has diminishing returns and that's when you know you've learned enough about it and it's time to move on.

But the idea of sprinting reminds me of something I read during those days of learning. My favorite author is Haruki Murakami, though I admit some of his works can be repetitive. A few years ago he wrote a semi-autobiography called What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. He explained that he runs marathons and every day he'll get up really early to practice running before stopping at home to write his novels. So that kind of creative energy is holistic. Your whole life has to change.
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Post by publicduende » June 16th, 2014, 7:23 pm

abcdavid01 wrote:I'd add that even if you don't produce much, make it a point to learn. In my time off from college I didn't produce much, but I did read a whole lot, fiction and non-fiction. All that reading influenced the way I look at the world now. I needed it because my parents gave me no direction in life. I tried to be a dutiful son and look at my father for inspiration, but ultimately he's just a hedonist. I spent far too long doing that, but once I began intensive studying I really shaped my personality. Even being on HA helped, so I think it'd be horrible if Cornfed were banned or people weren't sympathetic to Tsar. So even if you don't physically produce, sharpen the mind. Eventually you read enough of a subject that it has diminishing returns and that's when you know you've learned enough about it and it's time to move on.

But the idea of sprinting reminds me of something I read during those days of learning. My favorite author is Haruki Murakami, though I admit some of his works can be repetitive. A few years ago he wrote a semi-autobiography called What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. He explained that he runs marathons and every day he'll get up really early to practice running before stopping at home to write his novels. So that kind of creative energy is holistic. Your whole life has to change.
That's an incredible dash of optimism and resolve from you, David. Congratulations! With a little tongue in cheek, I just don't know if your fresh mind stems from you being away from HA, or you digesting some of its contents offline, on top of your own reflections. :)

Well done. Whether you'll be in Shanghai looking love & fortune, as you say, or completing your degree and starting a career in Singapore, or chilling out where you are, you sound as if the worst is behind you and you're revving up your engine on a good track.

Now everybody's hope is that young members like Tsar could be inspired by your example, or Marcos', as well as the senior expats like Outwest.

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Post by Tsar » June 16th, 2014, 10:33 pm

MarcosZeitola wrote:
Tsar wrote:My writing is that of a poet. I assume you dislike poetic writing? Can you please take some time explain what you dislike about my writing?
I do not dislike your writing, it just struck me as unusual. I find it almost Shakespearean in nature, and if you speak like this in conversation it would sound very strange, but kind of awesome IMO. Don't think for one second your writing bothers me, it doesn't. Be as authentic as you wish to be. Just remember that not everybody is as open to this as I am. To a woman it may come across as odd. Few people talk like this in this day and age, so what might help you woo a Victorian era lady from the 1890s, a sixteen year old girl may find weird. No matter how much of a pure and innocent virgin she may be. :wink:
My conversation speak is relatively formal, no slang or rarely any slang, and respectable. Compared to most people my writing can be very poetic or descriptive, but my conversation is like most respectable people of this modern era.
MarcosZeitola wrote:You write well. You say you are a poet. Excellent! Go and write. Write opinion pieces, columns, poems, sonnets and stories. Delve into history, fiction, fantasy, find a genre that suits you and get busy. Start blogging, make a digital journal of your life, a diary of your days. Put into words whatever thought come to mind and start creating things! If you become a writer of some renown, chances are girls will fancy you. And they'd be fans of your work, so the type of well-read and intelligent girl that's probably your ideal partner.
I am in the process of creating a few websites. I've written a collection of poems and sonnets over the past few years. I am saving them to publish my own book of poetry. Now that I'm out of college and don't have any homework I have more time to actually complete some of the novels for which I have written overviews.

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Post by mattyman » June 16th, 2014, 10:51 pm

My conversation speak is relatively formal, no slang or rarely any slang, and respectable. Compared to most people my writing can be very poetic or descriptive, but my conversation is like most respectable people of this modern era.
I don't see this should be a problem, unless of course you're dealing with cretins. I think this is more of a blessing than a curse. You never know, some might actually like, to some that could be a refreshing change. I've dealt with working-class morons who have a go at me for sounding too 'posh'.

TBH, I think the typical teenage/youth culture, teen-speak and so forth. I find it pretty naff. One of my pet peeves with UK young people is this accent called 'estuary english'. Another thing I can't stand is Americanization of speech. Anyway, that's going off-topic.

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Post by eurobrat » June 17th, 2014, 5:19 pm

Tsar wrote:I am in the process of creating a few websites. I've written a collection of poems and sonnets over the past few years. I am saving them to publish my own book of poetry. Now that I'm out of college and don't have any homework I have more time to actually complete some of the novels for which I have written overviews.
Your pathetic, get your head out of your ass and get out there. Stop playing around with your blog ideas.

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Post by Jackal » June 17th, 2014, 7:04 pm

Tsar wrote:I am in the process of creating a few websites. I've written a collection of poems and sonnets over the past few years. I am saving them to publish my own book of poetry. Now that I'm out of college and don't have any homework I have more time to actually complete some of the novels for which I have written overviews.
Fine, but do you speak any foreign languages? Imagine that you are in Russia and you take the girl of your dreams out to a restaurant and you can't even order for yourself and you have to rely on her to translate the whole time! For the first month, that might be okay, but after a while, it will get quite embarrassing. Don't be like the typical ignorant American, and start learning the language you think you will have the most use for! You need to make it part of your daily routine like brushing your teeth.
Tsar wrote:If a person is too nice they get walked upon. If a person becomes too attached then they will be very hurt if they lost that person. Almost relationship in life is about power. Game of Thrones highlights that perfectly.
Stop this endless philosophizing in English and start taking small steps in a new direction!
Download some Game of Thrones episodes in Russian with English subtitles NOW!
eurobrat wrote:Going to Russia won't help this kid. He obviously has issues that being "happier abroad" will not fix.
Maybe, maybe not, but what is certain in that continuing his routine of staying in his home country and posting on HA all the time about the same stuff is guaranteed to do nothing for him. Any sort of change could potentially help him.

And learning Russian does not limit one to Russia. There are many countries, such as Kazakhstan, Latvia, etc. where there are lots of Russian speakers. And going to these countries might toughen him up and help him mature if he gets to hang out with some of the local men who are manly, tough dudes in way which you will never find in the US.
MarcosZeitola wrote: He's not a bad guy and I genuinely wish him well. But he has some deep-seated issues to fix, some demons of his own to battle. And he has to face these challenges and obstacles and strive towards overcoming them, if he ever wants to get ahead in life. He already wasted six years of his adult life from what I gather.
Well, shit, most of us have some "deep-seated issues" here! lol In fact, if a guy is just perfectly awesome, I am not sure why he would post here or waste time posting much on the internet in general for that matter.

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Post by eurobrat » June 17th, 2014, 8:22 pm

Jackal wrote:Maybe, maybe not, but what is certain in that continuing his routine of staying in his home country and posting on HA all the time about the same stuff is guaranteed to do nothing for him. Any sort of change could potentially help him.

And learning Russian does not limit one to Russia. There are many countries, such as Kazakhstan, Latvia, etc. where there are lots of Russian speakers. And going to these countries might toughen him up and help him mature if he gets to hang out with some of the local men who are manly, tough dudes in way which you will never find in the US
LOL!

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