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P4P stopped making me happy, what now?

Discuss and talk about any general topic.

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Postby newlifeinphilippines » Tue Jun 24, 2014 2:02 pm

my evidence is based on girls i chatted with online that were nurse educated (1 i met, the other i rejected after agreeing to meet at airport i figured out she was a shady gold digger ready to marry or cash out any monger she could get her hands on like her aunt :))

Im not looking for a wife so low hanging fruit is more fun anyways. you can't turn a educated girl into your sex and helper toy.
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Postby Zionosis » Tue Jun 24, 2014 3:25 pm

zboy1 wrote:Well...I disagree with Bstyle: I find the women in China much better than American women, but the term AWALT (All Women are like that) applies everywhere: you won't find perfect women anywhere in the world, due to Westernization and increasing materialism in the world.

But, dude, if you couldn't succeed with women in Asia, then...no offense, you're pretty hopeless. Having said that, why don't you try Latin America, Eastern Europe or Africa? You know...Asia is not the only destination in the world to get women.


Ah China isn't westernized. Western people make a mistake of thinking westernized and civilized mean the same thing.

Marco Polo found out that China was the center of the world in his time and growing up he always thought that he was born in the center of the world and his people were the most important. Turns out many people think that.
Most people in the west just look at everything around us and assume it's all western stuff and if any other country has similar things then they are westernized when in fact Asia has been responsible for making quite a lot of stuff that we use in our lives.

Remember east Asia is more technologically advanced and civilized than any western country. Japan is super high tech and low crime and simply on a whole other level compared to western countries. So are places like Hong Kong and SK and even Singapore.
These east Asian people are literally ahead of the west by at least 5 years in technology (not military technology). They live longer than us and have higher average IQ's than us.
If anything east Asia is the center of the world as far as civilization goes.

There are new screens called OLED (Organic light emitting diode) that are in east Asia already but won't be really hitting western markets for at least another 2 years. Basically they are screens that are as thin as a credit card and have gasses in them and electricity excites the gas and creates a color. These screens are also flexible and better picture quality and lower wattage than anything that we use in the west. The first working device was made by Ching W. Tang and Steven Van Slyke in 1987.

Remember CD players. The Japanese were the first to bring those into the world.
The Japanese also made the Blu-Ray diodes and Blu-Ray technology such as the Blue Laser.
The Japanese also made white LED lights possible. So when you get your new LED lights that are super low watt far better than fluorescent it was because of Asia.
The Japanese also invented the first Robotic exoskeleton and the first Android.

The Chinese are responsible for absolutely vast amounts of the stuff we use from the Toothbrush, Alcohol, Mechanical Clock, Iron and steel smelting, Compass, Spinning Wheel, Paper Money and so on.
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Postby NorthAmericanguy » Wed Jun 25, 2014 12:05 am

Zionosis wrote:
zboy1 wrote:Well...I disagree with Bstyle: I find the women in China much better than American women, but the term AWALT (All Women are like that) applies everywhere: you won't find perfect women anywhere in the world, due to Westernization and increasing materialism in the world.

But, dude, if you couldn't succeed with women in Asia, then...no offense, you're pretty hopeless. Having said that, why don't you try Latin America, Eastern Europe or Africa? You know...Asia is not the only destination in the world to get women.


Ah China isn't westernized. Western people make a mistake of thinking westernized and civilized mean the same thing.

Marco Polo found out that China was the center of the world in his time and growing up he always thought that he was born in the center of the world and his people were the most important. Turns out many people think that.
Most people in the west just look at everything around us and assume it's all western stuff and if any other country has similar things then they are westernized when in fact Asia has been responsible for making quite a lot of stuff that we use in our lives.

Remember east Asia is more technologically advanced and civilized than any western country. Japan is super high tech and low crime and simply on a whole other level compared to western countries. So are places like Hong Kong and SK and even Singapore.
These east Asian people are literally ahead of the west by at least 5 years in technology (not military technology). They live longer than us and have higher average IQ's than us.
If anything east Asia is the center of the world as far as civilization goes.

There are new screens called OLED (Organic light emitting diode) that are in east Asia already but won't be really hitting western markets for at least another 2 years. Basically they are screens that are as thin as a credit card and have gasses in them and electricity excites the gas and creates a color. These screens are also flexible and better picture quality and lower wattage than anything that we use in the west. The first working device was made by Ching W. Tang and Steven Van Slyke in 1987.

Remember CD players. The Japanese were the first to bring those into the world.
The Japanese also made the Blu-Ray diodes and Blu-Ray technology such as the Blue Laser.
The Japanese also made white LED lights possible. So when you get your new LED lights that are super low watt far better than fluorescent it was because of Asia.
The Japanese also invented the first Robotic exoskeleton and the first Android.

The Chinese are responsible for absolutely vast amounts of the stuff we use from the Toothbrush, Alcohol, Mechanical Clock, Iron and steel smelting, Compass, Spinning Wheel, Paper Money and so on.



+1
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Re: P4P stopped making me happy, what now?

Postby NorthAmericanguy » Wed Jun 25, 2014 12:57 am

Bstyle wrote:I'm 35 years old and lived in Asia for 7 years and recently just moved back to America. I lived in the Philippines and Thailand but did a little time in China too. Most if not all of the sex and even relationships I had in Asia were P4P arrangements of one kind or another. A couple times it took me a while to realize I was just getting used and ended up getting really hurt.

It really isn't about sex for me anymore. I just want a wholesome relationship with a woman who honestly loves me, and I was unable to find that in Asia. A lot of you guys only seem to be in it for the P4P and that's cool but what should I do at this point in my life? I feel like I'm having my midlife crisis a few years early.


I believe this thread has the potential to start a good conversation. I said it before that I feel for you guys who are looking for love because that means that you want more out of a woman other then p4p, and that's just a much more harder thing to do because you have to condition a woman (who starts off as a stranger) to really deeply care about you. That's a tall order in this day and age.

Let's get real here.. How many people really care about you? For most, all we have is family and 1-2 close friends, and once they're gone, that's it, we're on our own.


Bstyle also brings up a good point that I feel that your best bet for finding love is probably going to be found within a western country because the women here in the west are raised on the concept of finding and falling in love above all else, where as in the east, young girls are coaxed to chose mates and marry more out of pragmatic and practical reasons (i.e, poverty).

That said, I think any mans best chance of finding love is those critical 4 to 8 years between high school and college. That's when you have the highest chance of finding a girl who is still a virgin, she's young and healthy, and she's not bitter or jaded from years of being pumped and dumped. You get a young girl like that, and you're her 1st for everything, the bond created is nothing like later on in your life when you meet women who 28 and over.

I know this because when I was in high school I had a really good girl through and through and we were in love. Unfortunately, I had to break up with her because I not only wasn't able to provide for her, but I had to follow my dreams.

This is what sucks about modern life. In modern life, you have to do what you got to do first to take care of yourself in this dog eat dog world, then family, friends, and relationships all come last, if at all.
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Postby Winston » Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:42 am

To the OP:

What reason did the normal women in Asia give you for not wanting to date you?

Did you meet a lot of normal women from cold approaches and casual chat ups?

Did you try dating sites?
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

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Postby E Irizarry R&B Singer » Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:02 pm

Zionosis wrote:
zboy1 wrote:Well...I disagree with Bstyle: I find the women in China much better than American women, but the term AWALT (All Women are like that) applies everywhere: you won't find perfect women anywhere in the world, due to Westernization and increasing materialism in the world.

But, dude, if you couldn't succeed with women in Asia, then...no offense, you're pretty hopeless. Having said that, why don't you try Latin America, Eastern Europe or Africa? You know...Asia is not the only destination in the world to get women.


Ah China isn't westernized. Western people make a mistake of thinking westernized and civilized mean the same thing.

Marco Polo found out that China was the center of the world in his time and growing up he always thought that he was born in the center of the world and his people were the most important. Turns out many people think that.
Most people in the west just look at everything around us and assume it's all western stuff and if any other country has similar things then they are westernized when in fact Asia has been responsible for making quite a lot of stuff that we use in our lives.

Remember east Asia is more technologically advanced and civilized than any western country. Japan is super high tech and low crime and simply on a whole other level compared to western countries. So are places like Hong Kong and SK and even Singapore.
These east Asian people are literally ahead of the west by at least 5 years in technology (not military technology). They live longer than us and have higher average IQ's than us.
If anything east Asia is the center of the world as far as civilization goes.

There are new screens called OLED (Organic light emitting diode) that are in east Asia already but won't be really hitting western markets for at least another 2 years. Basically they are screens that are as thin as a credit card and have gasses in them and electricity excites the gas and creates a color. These screens are also flexible and better picture quality and lower wattage than anything that we use in the west. The first working device was made by Ching W. Tang and Steven Van Slyke in 1987.

Remember CD players. The Japanese were the first to bring those into the world.
The Japanese also made the Blu-Ray diodes and Blu-Ray technology such as the Blue Laser.
The Japanese also made white LED lights possible. So when you get your new LED lights that are super low watt far better than fluorescent it was because of Asia.
The Japanese also invented the first Robotic exoskeleton and the first Android.

The Chinese are responsible for absolutely vast amounts of the stuff we use from the Toothbrush, Alcohol, Mechanical Clock, Iron and steel smelting, Compass, Spinning Wheel, Paper Money and so on.


This. +∞ It's just too bad you think I'm an unmitigated charlatan when it comes to the number of women I slept with. Other than that, I guess we agree on many of the same things.
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Postby newlifeinphilippines » Sat Aug 23, 2014 5:08 am

this was one of the most refreshingly honest threads on this forum too bad most HAers are in denial to understand it
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Re: P4P stopped making me happy, what now?

Postby Dragon » Sat Aug 23, 2014 6:49 am

Array9 wrote:
Bstyle wrote:I'm 35 years old and lived in Asia for 7 years and recently just moved back to America. I lived in the Philippines and Thailand but did a little time in China too. Most if not all of the sex and even relationships I had in Asia were P4P arrangements of one kind or another. A couple times it took me a while to realize I was just getting used and ended up getting really hurt.

It really isn't about sex for me anymore. I just want a wholesome relationship with a woman who honestly loves me, and I was unable to find that in Asia. A lot of you guys only seem to be in it for the P4P and that's cool but what should I do at this point in my life? I feel like I'm having my midlife crisis a few years early.


Did the women you were "dating" have jobs or were they poor ladies waiting for a foreigner to save them?

It always amazes me that guys with money go to SE Asia and chase girls with no fruit on the tree. A lady should at least have a job or should be pursuing an education before she can be considered worthy to date. Ambition is something that you can't teach someone to have. If the girl is not actively pursuing something in life, I don't think she will be a good mate for a foreigner.


It's because they never fixed their fundamental problems. They think if they have bad luck with the western women, they just need to move to a non-western country and everything will be solved. The truth is that if you are low value in the western world, the bump you get from the 3rd world won't be enough to compensate andyou will have trouble finding quality women, because they don't know what a quality woman is or how to screen for it. How can you expect some guy who basically nailed hoes for 7 years to be able to distinguish it? This is why one of the first things I ask when guys are complaining about not finding quality women overseas is what they look like. Guess what? Women are visual creatures too. Hoes don't care if you are fat and slobby, but a quality woman looking for a quality husband does. Don't like it? Too bad.


Here's a short list on how to find quality woman:

1. DON'T BE FAT. Separate yourself from looking like all the fat white cargo pants wearing mongers in SE Asia.

2. Dress decently.

3. Never tolerate mooching. Unlike the dumbass known as newlifeinphilippines, if a woman even has the whiff of wanting to suck resources from you, you block her out from your life completely.

4. If a girl is willing to live with you unmarried, that means she is NOT a quality woman. No quality woman would ever want to live with a man she doesn't know that well, especially unmarried. Again, looking at a certain someone here.

5. She cannot be older than 24-25. The younger the better. This is something westerners don't understand because they grew up in an environment that was normal for obnoxious career women in their 30s to get married. In SE Asian countries, it's a god damn red flag. If a girl is not married by then, something is wrong with her. There are certain exceptions, but most guys are too dumb to do this, so just follow the youth rule.

6. Willing to split the check. Your girl may not be rich, but if she isn't willing or wanting to go dutch once in a while for a inexpensive meal in her own country, something is wrong.

7. THIS IS GOD DAMN IMPORTANT: is she living with her parents? If she is living alone, in a SE Asian country, assume she's a slut. No quality, traditional woman would ever leave her parents house. Ideally, the way it works is that she goes from her parents home to her husbands' when she gets married. There are no breaks in between. I know some guys will disagree with me on this, but I don't care. "But Dragon, plenty of women in the US live by themselves." Yes, you are right and all of them are sluts. NEVER MARRY A WOMAN WHO DOESN'T LIVE WITH HER PARENTS.

Source: http://www.rooshv.com/the-most-reliable ... -is-a-slut

8. Does the girl meet you with a chaperone? No quality, traditional woman would ever meet a strange man without a female friend or relative accompanying her. Again, this is something lots of guys will disagree with me on but it's critical. If you think that this will interfere with your date or the chaperone will cockblock you, then you have the wrong mentality and are not ready to get married. Remember: to a quality, traditional woman her family and friends are her life. Not college degree. Not career. Not social media profile. Instead of thinking it as a cockblock, you should think of it as an opportunity to make a good impression with the chaperone. If her female friend or relative likes you and thinks you are a good man, she will tell others in the family. This is a good thing.

9. This is something some married members on this forum brought up recently. Does your girl want you to meet her family right away? Remember, her family is dear to her life if she's a quality girl. If your girl wants you to meet her family right away, that a good sign. It means she wants to bring you into her life. This is weird for western guys, because it's the opposite here. You date a western woman and she only introduces you to her family once the relationship evolves enough or she feels comfortable with you. Guess what? Most western single women live by themselves (that means you automatically assume they are sluts) and aren't that close with their families.
Last edited by Dragon on Sat Aug 23, 2014 7:30 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby newlifeinphilippines » Sat Aug 23, 2014 6:55 am

Dragon, that is a high list and i agree if your looking for a wife. But how can you say im doing everything wrong? Haven't you figured out guys like me and will n dowd are looking for those type. Who wants to date a women for months and be alone in your hotel most of the vacation when you have work to concentrate on or are bored and spending money to be there? but what about the guys who are sex starved and are just happy with anything? Y ou think they are gonna turn down on the attractive women just cause they have no jobs or many other reasons? Some guys actually do like a woman to accompany and live with them on their vacation there. Who wants to sit alone i their hotel for months while on vacation? I have work to do personally online and if im chasing women i cant get it done if no one is helping me and staying with me. I could date but thats a lot of resources and its not as fun anyways running around. It takes a strong man which is why many guys even start having feelings for some bargirls.
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Postby Dragon » Sat Aug 23, 2014 7:06 am

newlifeinphilippines wrote:Dragon, that is a high list and i agree if your looking for a wife. But how can you say im doing everything wrong? Haven't you figured out guys like me and will n dowd are looking for those type. Who wants to date a women for months and be alone in your hotel most of the vacation when you have work to concentrate on or are bored and spending money to be there? but what about the guys who are sex starved and are just happy with anything? Y ou think they are gonna turn down on the attractive women just cause they have no jobs or many other reasons? Some guys actually do like a woman to accompany and live with them on their vacation there. Who wants to sit alone i their hotel for months while on vacation? I have work to do personally online and if im chasing women i cant get it done if no one is helping me and staying with me. I could date but thats a lot of resources and its not as fun anyways running around. It takes a strong man which is why many guys even start having feelings for some bargirls.


I understand everyone's goals and aspirations are different. Also, the post wasn't aimed specifically at you, it was aimed for people wishing to get quality woman. If I take a jab at you, that means it's a good thing. You should see my comment history, I make fun of winston more times than he's had STDs. Besides, weren't you the one complaining about there being no good women in the philippines in other threads and people were ribbing you for it? Lol.
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Postby newlifeinphilippines » Sat Aug 23, 2014 7:13 am

Dragon wrote:
newlifeinphilippines wrote:Dragon, that is a high list and i agree if your looking for a wife. But how can you say im doing everything wrong? Haven't you figured out guys like me and will n dowd are looking for those type. Who wants to date a women for months and be alone in your hotel most of the vacation when you have work to concentrate on or are bored and spending money to be there? but what about the guys who are sex starved and are just happy with anything? Y ou think they are gonna turn down on the attractive women just cause they have no jobs or many other reasons? Some guys actually do like a woman to accompany and live with them on their vacation there. Who wants to sit alone i their hotel for months while on vacation? I have work to do personally online and if im chasing women i cant get it done if no one is helping me and staying with me. I could date but thats a lot of resources and its not as fun anyways running around. It takes a strong man which is why many guys even start having feelings for some bargirls.


I understand everyone's goals and aspirations are different. Also, the post wasn't aimed specifically at you, it was aimed for people wishing to get quality woman. If I take a jab at you, that means it's a good thing. You should see my comment history, I make fun of winston more times than he's had STDs. Besides, weren't you the one complaining about there being no good women in the philippines in other threads and people were ribbing you for it? Lol.


There is a lot of good women in philippines but its a myth that you can easily get them and will be a "god". thanks will n dowd for perpetuating that myth. A god would get good and bad women not just low hangers.

yeah I know your being comical. All in all you have good advice actually about how if you can't find a good woman in america you just cant jump off the plane and suddenly they will be swooning at your feet. lol I thinky our requirements ar a bit extreme for the average wife hunter times are changing there unless the guy is looking for a virgin wife who has very little exposure to the real world. i dont want a girl who is too sheltered im way too worldly to be able to relate to a girl like that chemistry or sexually wise. those girls in teh provinces are boring lol
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Postby newlifeinphilippines » Sat Aug 23, 2014 8:31 am

This guy did a good video on the realities of online dating in philippines

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFqmkGZV030
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Postby MrMan » Sat Aug 23, 2014 9:22 am

ntm1972 wrote:For example, are you adverse to hierarchical structures, preferring instead to deal with bosses eye-to-eye and feeling free to question things with which you don't agree? Further, would you characterize yourself as an individualist, or as a collectivist? If a man favors top-down organization and group identification, then a country like the Philippines might be for him. If, however, he prefers decentralization and tends to self-identify, then East Asian nations such as the Philippines might not be at all to his liking, at least not in the long term.

Along these lines, I recommend that you consult the Geert-Hofstede web site for more information about where various nations stand in regards to hierarchy, individualism, masculinity, personal indulgence, and so forth. Here's the link to the Philippines web page:

http://geert-hofstede.com/philippines.html


I think a man can have a different tolerance for power distance from his woman and still be okay. Power-Distance was the weakest of Hofstedes constructs in his original factor analysis, statistically speaking. But it's still a useful construct.

The area where I can see where power distance could be a problem is if a woman is used to men being in charge (her dad, boss) etc., and then she marries a guy who is wishy washy and is too uncomfortable being in charge. So he doesn't take charge in the home. She doesn't respect him for being a wuss, and then starts to walk all over him after he shows his lack of a spine. If she pouts, he placates her. If she's disrespectful, he doesn't draw a boundary. Then she starts acting kind of like an American woman.

An individualist man can be married to a collectivist woman. He has an independent self-construal, an individualist way of looking at things. She gets her identity from her in-group, which now includes her husband, and thinks she must make decisions for the good of her in-group, which includes her husband. If they both love alone in the US, this doesn't create problems. But if they live near her family, he may be stressed out if they seem way too involved in his life. She may feel like his parents don't care enough if she lives near them, or that they aren't involved enough. But overall, I think it can work. What man is going to be upset if the wife puts the family, or himself, above her own needs? He's got to be careful to take care of her and be a little flexible when it comes to things like providing for her family and family influence in his life. A lot of this can be averted by living in the US.

Hofstedes masculine-feminine dimension is an interesting one. I prefer gender differentiation or whatever they call it. Similar to the issue of power-distance, if a man isn't comfortable 'being the man' and is looking for gender 'equality' and sameness in a relationship, he may make his wife uncomfortable, make her lose respect, and ruin a good dynamic where he could have been in charge, gotten more sex, more respect, etc. in the marriage. Women tend to have an innate need to be led, protected, and provided for by a man. Feminism suppresses this natural tendency. We need to recognize it and if a woman is socialized to appreciate gender differences, play the male role. It makes her more comfortable, especially with girls from high power distance countries, high on gender differentiation, who follow the trends for their nations on these dimensions.
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Postby MrMan » Sat Aug 23, 2014 9:30 am

Maybe you need to learn to find decent, quality women. The chances of finding one in a sexy bar are slim. If you aren't a high quality guy in terms of marriage, then you probably won't attract them. If you asked a Filippina married woman to match you up with one of her friends or relatives, and she knew you slept with prostitutes, whose she's going to match you up with? You have to be quality family man material for her to match you up. Change may mean finding faith, repenting of your old life, and changing the way you live.

A lot of the posters are talking about gold diggers. I wonder what the standard is for that. I'd consider a woman who wants to marry a man and divorce him, or see him die soon, to get his money a gold digger. I'd also consider a woman who wants to date a man, get new clothes and good food, and dump him to be a gold digger. But if a woman wants a successful stable man, and she's willing to commit for life and be faithful, I'm not sure I'd call that gold digging.

Women are attracted to a number of things including power. Power can be manifested in physical strength, a powerful physique, and things like that. It could be seen in wearing a uniform and carrying a gun. Business owners and successful managers who earn good money also have power, financial power, power over employees. Women can be attracted to a man for being successful without being gold diggers per se. The real gold diggers are just using a man to get to his money and don't care about the guy. I don't count women who are really willing to commit for life and love a man in that category.

My wife is from Indonesia. I took her out night after night. She'd was concerned that I was spending too much on meals. She'd order cheap items on the menu. She did not want me to call her much because we had to pay for every three-minute increment, even locally. That may have influenced her decision to find a boarding house close to where I lived so we could talk in person more. She wasn't trying to cost me money and wasn't after expensive gifts. There are women like that out there.
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Postby newlifeinphilippines » Sat Aug 23, 2014 6:15 pm

MrMan wrote:Maybe you need to learn to find decent, quality women. The chances of finding one in a sexy bar are slim. If you aren't a high quality guy in terms of marriage, then you probably won't attract them. If you asked a Filippina married woman to match you up with one of her friends or relatives, and she knew you slept with hoes, whose she's going to match you up with? You have to be quality family man material for her to match you up. Change may mean finding faith, repenting of your old life, and changing the way you live.

A lot of the posters are talking about gold diggers. I wonder what the standard is for that. I'd consider a woman who wants to marry a man and divorce him, or see him die soon, to get his money a gold digger. I'd also consider a woman who wants to date a man, get new clothes and good food, and dump him to be a gold digger. But if a woman wants a successful stable man, and she's willing to commit for life and be faithful, I'm not sure I'd call that gold digging.

Women are attracted to a number of things including power. Power can be manifested in physical strength, a powerful physique, and things like that. It could be seen in wearing a uniform and carrying a gun. Business owners and successful managers who earn good money also have power, financial power, power over employees. Women can be attracted to a man for being successful without being gold diggers per se. The real gold diggers are just using a man to get to his money and don't care about the guy. I don't count women who are really willing to commit for life and love a man in that category.

My wife is from Indonesia. I took her out night after night. She'd was concerned that I was spending too much on meals. She'd order cheap items on the menu. She did not want me to call her much because we had to pay for every three-minute increment, even locally. That may have influenced her decision to find a boarding house close to where I lived so we could talk in person more. She wasn't trying to cost me money and wasn't after expensive gifts. There are women like that out there.


yeah you can tell who is a gold digger or not its hard to explain. But i hope your wife was frugal when you were dating here you weren't having sex with her. Thats the thing most of these guys spending money on girls are getting sex during the dating process. who would be taking girls out all the time or spending money on a girl who doesn't put out? I sure and the hell wouldn't no matter if i was looking for a wife or not.
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