Understanding exactly what the American social schism is.
Posted: August 3rd, 2014, 1:37 am
Hey everybody,
Had some thoughts this weekend about what it is exactly that causes the phenomenon of American disconnection that Winston talks about, and that most of my expat friends who have been here for any length of time complain about. The reason that leaving the USA and entering "the real world" seems like this magical thing, whereas in reality it's just joining up with the rest of the civilized world.
First of all, I never went to public school. While I cursed this fact when I was a kid, it did provide me with a cultural perspective. I started attending college classes at 17, with no awareness of the social structures and systems in place.
I quickly learned, from an outsider perspective, the US social rules. Unbelievably, due to my inexperience people started asking me if I was foreign or European, I still get this comment today, at least once a week.
So the US social schism comes down to one thing: the coolness game. This is something taught 100% in American high schools and it does NOT go away, it persists into people's 20s or maybe permanently.
The rules are:
Don't show interest first, or else you're "clingy" and not cool.
Always have something better to do.
Put up the impression you have tons of friends and are well liked, even if you're not. Fake it until you make it.
Never be too eager for anything.
Turn down offers and attention from other people to become the higher status person
So, I could probably go on with a few other rules, but you get the idea.
This exists because high schools, from what i understand through my research (never been to one), there is little or no attention on academics or people's futures, but it's entirely about ascending teenage social hierarchies. Now here's the kicker: people get severely traumatized in high school when they become the outcasts who are disliked / unpopular, and they spend much of their lives trying to make up for this by never allowing high school to leave their psyches.
This is what happened to my kind of crazy ex-hippy parents. My mom was severely beaten down in high school (she was very pretty, but fell victim to jealous mean girls). My dad was a jock / football player, but something happened to him that made him completely lose it. They vowed not to let their kids ever go to public school (unfortunately for me).
In America, I've stopped trying to date. I've met many amazing American women. Beautiful souls full of vibrance. But they are held back by all these psychological knots related to their perceived rules of social interactions. I've met many women who are afraid of showing interest in me even if they WANT to, because they think if they do that--I'll think they're clingy or not cool. Meanwhile, it's the exact opposite, and because they're struggling to be unaffected and "cool" they end up frustrated / perpetually single.
And obviously the same happens among guys. It happens to everybody.
This is, my friends, why the US is the way it is. To solve this problem, our school system needs to be fixed.
I tend to hang out with certain artist and Bohemian crowds, as I'm still stuck in the USA until my business is making more money (living in Los Angeles). These people have the most success of breaking out of the high school brainwashing, but even these people are still inundated by it on a deep subconscious level that still stiffles interactions in a way that simply doesn't occur abroad.
Had some thoughts this weekend about what it is exactly that causes the phenomenon of American disconnection that Winston talks about, and that most of my expat friends who have been here for any length of time complain about. The reason that leaving the USA and entering "the real world" seems like this magical thing, whereas in reality it's just joining up with the rest of the civilized world.
First of all, I never went to public school. While I cursed this fact when I was a kid, it did provide me with a cultural perspective. I started attending college classes at 17, with no awareness of the social structures and systems in place.
I quickly learned, from an outsider perspective, the US social rules. Unbelievably, due to my inexperience people started asking me if I was foreign or European, I still get this comment today, at least once a week.
So the US social schism comes down to one thing: the coolness game. This is something taught 100% in American high schools and it does NOT go away, it persists into people's 20s or maybe permanently.
The rules are:
Don't show interest first, or else you're "clingy" and not cool.
Always have something better to do.
Put up the impression you have tons of friends and are well liked, even if you're not. Fake it until you make it.
Never be too eager for anything.
Turn down offers and attention from other people to become the higher status person
So, I could probably go on with a few other rules, but you get the idea.
This exists because high schools, from what i understand through my research (never been to one), there is little or no attention on academics or people's futures, but it's entirely about ascending teenage social hierarchies. Now here's the kicker: people get severely traumatized in high school when they become the outcasts who are disliked / unpopular, and they spend much of their lives trying to make up for this by never allowing high school to leave their psyches.
This is what happened to my kind of crazy ex-hippy parents. My mom was severely beaten down in high school (she was very pretty, but fell victim to jealous mean girls). My dad was a jock / football player, but something happened to him that made him completely lose it. They vowed not to let their kids ever go to public school (unfortunately for me).
In America, I've stopped trying to date. I've met many amazing American women. Beautiful souls full of vibrance. But they are held back by all these psychological knots related to their perceived rules of social interactions. I've met many women who are afraid of showing interest in me even if they WANT to, because they think if they do that--I'll think they're clingy or not cool. Meanwhile, it's the exact opposite, and because they're struggling to be unaffected and "cool" they end up frustrated / perpetually single.
And obviously the same happens among guys. It happens to everybody.
This is, my friends, why the US is the way it is. To solve this problem, our school system needs to be fixed.
I tend to hang out with certain artist and Bohemian crowds, as I'm still stuck in the USA until my business is making more money (living in Los Angeles). These people have the most success of breaking out of the high school brainwashing, but even these people are still inundated by it on a deep subconscious level that still stiffles interactions in a way that simply doesn't occur abroad.