Discuss and talk about any general topic.
One of the problems men face in American and other western countries is the fact that some women will divorce them, take their money and the kids, and then bleed them financially for decades through the courts. When a man looks for a wife, he needs to find one he can enjoy being with till death, who also won't divorce him.
But how can you tell if a woman will divorce you or not? You may not be able to predict the future, but you sure can try to talk to her and see if you can get an idea of her philosophy on life or marriage. The blogger Dalrock suggested mentioning stories you'd heard about regarding women who'd left their husbands because they didn't feel like they were in love or some other similar scenario. You could work an article you read or a story about a married couple you know into a conversation and see how she responds. If she sides with a wife who wants to leave her husband because she doesn't feel like she is in love anymore, that's a serious red flag. He suggested not marrying a woman who wouldn't oppose divorce except in cases of adultery and abuse.
Here is a true story that can be used to get an idea of what a woman thinks about divorce and remarriage. There was a German couple. After WWII, somehow the husband got stuck in East Berlin, while the wife was in West Berlin. They were still young. They were looking at decades of not being able to see each other. Somehow, the husband processed paperwork to divorce his wife so she could move on with her life. (They had children, but you can omit this.) She moved to North America and remarried.
Personally, I hated hearing that story. I think the man was wrong for divorcing his wife and the wife was wrong for remarrying. I'd suggest not marrying any woman who doesn't agree with that. You should only marry a woman who believes they should have both waited until they were old to reunite.
At least, in terms of her thinking, she needs to be committed to marriage for life. If she doesn't think that way before the difficulties of life, marriage problems, or whatever else she faces, how will she endure a rough patch in her marriage?
I get what you are saying, but in today's world it may not be realistic. You may not be being realistic. On a lighter note, here is a kind of test:
1. If a woman wants to wait until marriage to have sex, she's a keeper
2. If she wants to keep her own last name after marriage, that's a HUGE red flag
3. If her friends are a bunch of skanks and hos, that's also a red flag
4. Of course if she's already been divorced, that's bad news
5. Is she pro-choice? Dump her and dump her fast.
6. Before you get married, bring a load of your dirty laundry to her house and say to her, "I'm really busy, could you do this load of laundry for me?" If she has a problem with that, dump her.
7. She should also cook meals for you on a regular basis. And good meals that require lots of preparation. You certainly shouldn't marry one of those women who thinks that cooking is beneath her.
It's not unrealistic if you find a Christian who is really serious about her faith.
My wife hit all the major points here, but did not do the laundry test. There was a maid where I lived, and I didn't think of it. She would have had to scrub everything out by hand over there in Indonesia. She was wanting to cook for me, but didn't have a kitchen set-up where she could do it freely.
But she's been cooking those kind of elaborate meals for me since for 15 years.
I'd add she has to at least intellectually believe a wife should submit to her husband and consistently show her husband respect. She has to believe the husband is the head of the home.
Many years later, I found an area of disagreement that was kind of a big deal to me. She thinks it's okay to be a sperm donor for a couple wanting a child. She thought a wannabe grandma was hinting to her for me to make a donation. I just think it's unethical to have a child if you don't want to raise it. she didn't think it was a big deal. But it's not the kind of thing that effects us personally.
Yes, this is all very true! I know of men who have wives that HAVE NEVER COOKED A MEAL FOR THEM!
I also know a few married couples where the woman kept her own last name and refused to take on her husbands last name. Needless to say, these women are bitchy feminist type of women.
Studies show that divorced women are more likely to divorce again. So stay the hell away from divorced women and stay the hell away from women who are single mothers!
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
In some cultures, women keep their last names because China is clan-based. It's uncommon for a woman to change her last name in Chinese culture.
Good one. A lot of Filipinas say that they don't believe that the man should be in charge. But that's just bluster and posturing, intended to impress her friends and test her man. If the man is assertive, then his Filipina wife will do anything he asks to keep him satisfied, including cooking, cleaning, and all the sex and BJ's he wants
Not only that, but in the process of artificial insemination, a lot of living zygotes are created, not just one. A lot of those zygotes either die on their own or are destroyed. Even worse, some are frozen indefinitely, where they may be used for medical research or to create spare body parts for others. It's barbaric.
I don't get that idea at all. My religion is against pre-marital sex, so for me, waiting until I was 50 would have been a bad choice. You'd also be having the Honeymoon and first year married sex when you are 50 instead of when your drive is a lot higher when you are young and you can enjoy it more often. I'm not a cook. 30 or so years of eating instant noodles, canned food, and restaurant meals isn't that appealing.
And if you want to have kids, that's really old to start. You could be 70 at the high school graduation, and it's good to be working at that time for the children's education.
It's kind of retarded for a man to refuse sex before marriage for any reason, religious or otherwise, IMO. I have some Muslim and Christian friends who believe pre-marital sex is bad only for women to engage in; for men it is perfectly fine to gain some experience in bed prior to bedding your wife.
Just, live a little! Sex doesn't hurt you and you are not less of a man or less pious for not waiting. You can have nice, long lasting sex with your wife on your honeymoon or be an inexperienced beginner finishing after about a minute, leaving not much of a good impression on the missus.
Pre-marital sex for women a bad thing? Sure, I feel you. But for men, it's perfectly fine no matter what your religion. It is unmanly to "save yourself" if you are a man, it's a woman's task to preserve purity. A man does not lose purity through sex, he merely gains experience to be put to good use, and he reserves and strengthens his sexual potency this way.
PS: This is coming from a man who married a Christian girl who lost his virginity to him.
I totally disagree. I don't think God is going to think much of your speech when you stand before him to give account for fornication. There is more to life than sexual release. We are made to please God.
A man can get diseases from premarital sex. He can father children without knowing about it, boys out there who grow up without fathers. I'm not going to get slapped with a legitimate paternity case because I know who my children are. There is also the ethical issue of adding the damage to the damaged goods girls before they get married. She's hoping you'll love her, maybe even marry her. You just use her for 'experience' and throw her away. Women are human, too.
I got married in my 20's, and I've had plenty of sex since then. As far as not lasting long goes, I think I did okay given my experience level back then. But that first night and immediately thereafter, if the wife is a virgin, too, she's likely to be a bit sore and finishing quick isn't that bad of an idea anyway.
Last edited by MrMan on Thu Aug 28, 2014 9:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I think God will high-five me and salute me for my appreciation of His finest creation; the body of a woman. I believe it pleases Him to know that I enjoyed the world he created, and the good things He filled her with.
I also don't think I'd be "giving account"... isn't the guy supposed to be all-knowing? Anyway, if for a man to have sex before marriage was a bad thing, God would surely not have made women so beautiful, so willing, so available. Nothing sinful about having consensual sex between two adults, even if said sex takes place without a marry. You can't expect a guy to marry any woman he sleeps with.
Wasn't that sinful? I thought you weren't supposed to have sex before marriage in your religion?
Wow dude... if that's the way you think, you are SO going to Hell when you die.
The Bible says we have to give an account. If God were not all-knowing, then we might be tempted to lie when we give an account.
Think about it this way. You value virginity in women, right? Let's suppose you have a sister or daughter, a woman you care about but don't sleep with. She has a boyfriend who just sees her as someone to have sex with, not to marry. He takes her virginity and dumps her. Your sister or daughter, desperate to find love but confused in her morality and strategy, sleeps with a string of men who just see her as 'pump and dump' material, not marriage material.
Are you going to high-five these men who have sex with your daughter or sister? Are you going to think it's okay if they give this woman a disease or get her pregnant?
Also, if you think it's okay to sleep with other women before you are married, do you think it's okay to sleep with other women while you are married as long as your wife doesn't find out?
The thing is, women are people, too. Losing their virginity before marriage is not good for them. Multiple sex partners sets them up to be less happy in marriage (a new study I read about online today.) You may both get some temporary enjoyment, but what you are doing is not good to her. And there is always the chance of pregnancy. Children who grow up without a dad do poorer on a number of measures. You may be subjecting your own child to growing up without a dad. He'll be raised by a woman who lived like a slut, and you contributed to her sluttiness by indulging in it with her.
Thanks for catching that. I misworded it. I fixed it in the original post. I meant to say I've had plenty of sex since then.
That's another pragmatic reason to marry young, btw. I know there are players who talk women into bed, and men who have live-in girlfriends they sleep with. But I'd imagine both types have a lot of in-between time. And the players who manipulate women have to expend an awful lot of energy. A good marriage can get you an active sex on a regular basis without having to exert huge amounts of energy, manipulate, or hurt anyone.
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