Discuss and talk about any general topic.
Becoming happier abroad is a process. For most of us, it will never happen all at one time. It will happen in steps, or perhaps not at all. We can say there are several levels of happier abroad. One use of going abroad is beating incel. On the higher, nobler end of things there is the issue of having a wife and family. That version of happier abroad means building a life. Those of us who have desired that really have our work cut out for us.
You have plenty of options, especially at the onset. There are about 200 countries in the world, many cultures, languages, people, women, economies, foods, geography, weather, and more to choose from. The first step is to overcome fear and go. Many here unfortunately never get to that point. Beyond that, though, it becomes ever more difficult.
I’ve known traveling types. They are never happy unless they are traveling…except that then they aren’t happy either. They are always pushing for some ever elusive thrill of travel that never gets met. I wonder what they will become by the time they are middle aged. If that’s what you really want, then great, I suppose. To each his own.
But if your goal is to build a life, you can’t travel forever looking for that perfect place: this is the tragedy of the traveler – blowing about like the wind looking always looking for a new and better place that ultimately doesn’t exist.
To build a life abroad, you have to strike the correct balance, and that is difficult to say the least. If you travel too much, (and for example keep engaging in p4p forever) you may never build a life and eventually return to your home with an eternal bittersweet feeling, having lost all ability to bond with any place or woman. Or you just keep traveling until you go bust at some point. If you never travel, then obviously being happier abroad will never happen.
So there’s a balance to be struck somewhere. But you don’t know where it is until you hit it, nor do you know the point at which eternal dissatisfaction will take over and make building a life impossible. (The only extreme you know for sure is that nothing happens if you don’t take action.) Roots do not grow deep if you don’t stay very long. And if you invest your time somewhere and then leave to try another country, you uproot yourself entirely. You’ll keep the experience you gained, but you are otherwise hitting the reset button. When I left China after living and working there for a year, I was overcome with a profound sadness. It was something I had never experienced before, uprooting myself entirely and losing all of my friends, connections, and a life I had started building. It was sorrow at ending a story.
Unless you are some natural polyglot, language learning is more or less a limited thing for you. Perhaps you have the wherewithal to become bilingual, but no more than that. Then you had better choose wisely where you will try to build a life. If you spend a few years in Japan learning Japanese and trying to build a life, and then decide to give Peru and Spanish a try, you are hitting the reset button and may not recover from that. The world is big, but you are much more finite. You might make it to 20 countries but have extended yourself too much and find yourself unable to settle anywhere. Perhaps 10 countries will be just enough to be happy and feel you aren’t missing anything. Some might be able to try out 30 or more countries and still find somewhere to be happy and build a life.
This is what I find most challenging about being happier abroad. It can’t be entirely quantified. The limits of it will change from man to man. Once I go abroad again, I’ll get another chance but I’m not certain if I will be able to make something lasting out of it. And if I can’t, I have to face the fact that I won’t get unlimited chances to make good on being happier abroad.
Good point, and well-written post!
The way I see it, there's different types of travellers. There's the romantic ones, always looking for new places to discover. There's the ones motivated only by sex. There's the ones seeking thrill and new experiences, new cuisines, dishes, exotic locations. Most of these men have one thing in common: they have quite a lot of financial means, allowing them to travel as much as they do. They often have no wives or children, although they may be divorced. They are often a little older, a little wiser, a little more wordly. They are unhappy in their lives, miss something, but don't know what. And they hope to find abroad what they never found at home.
The second type is the dreamer... too broke to travel, very young, little experience and little wisdom. He know he's missing something and also hopes to find it some place else. He idealizes foreign countries, foreign women, believing every piece of the puzzle will fall together the minute he steps off his plane in his dreamed-of destination. Both types are a little naive in their own right, and the only cure for it is actual travel, and actually living in the countries of their choice for enough time to get to know the people and the culture.
As far as types go, I do not know mine. I am more of a pioneer myself, an A-to-B type of guy. I do see the appeal of "trying out" many countries and tasting the culture of different places, before making a choice on where to settle down. But for me it was not my ultimate goal: my goal was to raise a family, far away from the Western(ized) world. Since I went abroad very young, married young and started my family young, my wife and I will have a lot of freedom once we hit our early fifties. With some luck, we could travel later in life when we still have thirty-something good years ahead of us. By then it would be elevated above the level of sex tourism; no different lover in every city, no hookers, no craziness. Just visiting different places and discovering the cultures, eating the food, exploring nature... by the time I reach middle age I intend to move closer to the sea, and buy a small ship, then pick up sailing or fishing. I'm personally happy with very little, and knowing this I make my plans and ambitions to match.
most guys here have no plan.
They want to run to the 3rd world but then what? They dont want to bring the wife back, they dont want to live in said country. so they wind up hitting the bars or becoming 3 month sexpats. In the end you go home and your back to square one. T he girl has moved on or is cheating behind your back or you see her for a couple more years but then end it as you get tired of coming just to see her only. You got some memores and an empty wallet and you repeat this with a new girl every year or 2.
I realize this now so in the future im gonna try to make my trips more focused on adventure and less just plopping myself into a hotel for a girl.
..Very Well Said...
I did not believe it - until i myself went through the process - I thought I'm very dynamic and fluid individual who could take over anything and before I knew. - I'm touching my 40s and not nearly as healthy as I thought I'm with work load plus night life - now I'm wondering where did all the time go.
Moving from one country to another and starting the process all over is very difficult. I think if someone really wants to settle down abroad - he should try 2-3 countries really deep and then surf other countries around. Learning the language, adjusting with the weather, budget, women, food, corruption, politics, visas, adjusting to people behavior etc etc takes its toll on ones soul. Its not as easy as I thought it would be.
The same Condo inquiry, Banking inquiry, where to eat, night out places, dating women - Having to repeat the whole cycle again in a different environment gets you eventually.
I think the world is the playground of Millionaires...Anything short of a million and you will struggle - One should hire a secretary, office assistant, to do all the paper work , travel in first class, live in a 5star accommodation - anything below that - one can only aim for 2-3 countries at best to know them.
starchild, a personal assistant would be great. That was also a topic with Henry in the PI. He wanted to make his ex lover his PA, though she declined apparantly because of village pressure.
Thought about same deal. In Ankara I met a hot now 18 year old girl from Kirgistan. She now lives alone and struggles with paying the bills. She earns like 10 euro per day, which is 12 hours long.
I said to her I will marry her and bring her later to Germany, or adopt her or maybe give her a job as a PA in my adventures. That would be quite nice.
If I would be a millionaire thinks would become much easier. Pretty PA´s whom´s ass you can touch when you get bored. Man that would be cool.
On the other hand it´s still very cool in Pattaya. I almost fell in love with an extremely sweet harcore whore. Things are interesting. But I have always have an eye on my budget.
It would just mean a lot more sex will happen. There will always be poor countries to exploit its not like asia is gonna be on the same playing field as 1st world. And money = sex. What is the difference between 1950 philippines and 2014? A whole lot more sex going on with foreigners due to westernization.
I think that the more you travel, the faster you can evaluate a new country. This means that you don't have learn the language in most countries to eliminate them as candidates for a good life. If you visit one third world country, say the Philippines, and you find that you don't like the dishonesty there, then you can eliminate about half the world. Most of us have eliminated the feminist West which is another big chunk. The Islamic world is one more block to evaluate, and won't appeal as a place to settle for most. What does that leave? Only a few countries.
I have seen enough to conclude that no country is ideal for me. That is why I have turned to religion to look for cultural sanity.
Following the Old Testament, not evil modern culture
Good point. It is easy to eliminate several large swaths of the world without even going. I also eliminate Africa from my list. And the Middle East isn't going to work either. So that pretty much just leaves Latin America, Asia, and perhaps Eastern Europe, though I doubt it is any good. The only anglo country I do want to see is New Zealand. Still a lot of possible countries to look into, but possible to go to them all within one lifetime at least.
I thought about including a part about religion in my post, but it's another issue that I don't have a way to contend with. I may make a separate post about that later.
My whole point is my the time you get rich, there will be a massive reset and money won't mean a thing.
Guts Over Fear
Also, there can be great diversity within countries. Where did you go in China Ghost? Because where I went was nothing like this:
Xinjiang - I'd love to go there someday.
Northeastern China, a few hours from Beijing by train. Not a good place for foreigners, since the women largely aren't interested. And the winters are brutal.
I am already making plans to return there. But I will definitely change regions. China is interesting because it can change so much from province to province and even city to city. Going there once, twice, or even a dozen times won't even show you all of what the country has to offer. Nothing else I've seen yet even comes close to comparing. I really think I have a chance to build a life there. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, though. But the possibility is there at least.
By the way, I like your signature. I don't understand all of it, but it's something like "Chinese people are great and China is beautiful" right?
I do agree with your post that the definition of happier abroad varies from person to person. As Marcos mentioned there are these non-stop travelers, the sex tourists that just bang p***y from one place to the next, the wife hunters, and the ones who are serious about romance and marriage and ACTUALLY staying abroad / settling down. There are also career expats who were indifferent or unwilling to move abroad but have to for their career. Most of these never break the expat bubble because it was not their intention to immerse themselves in the first place.
The non-stop traveling type normally ends up miserable and lonely in the end because they never find WHAT exactly they are looking for. The sex tourists get temporary physical gratification but will never get the sense of fulfillment and long term joy from having a real partner. The wife hunters are basically screwing themselves over because we all know what it means to bring a woman int the West. As someone said, you escape prison but as soon as you find an inmate you two go back and share a cell. The ONLY type that will truly be happier abroad are the men that have a true spirit of inquisitiveness, adventure, and passion. They realize the problems of the West / Anglo capitalism and genuinely want to get out, but what truly distinguishes them from the other kinds is that they actually want love and marriage.
There is no such thing as a perfect place. I'd like to travel and live in a few but eventually I will still hope to settle down and really get to know a place well. Too many just hop around.
When I was in China I lived like a local, eating at many small restaurants and got to know almost everyone within a few blocks of where I lived. I actually lived in an area of Beijing (Wangjing) which is the Korea Town of the city. On the other hand, another Chinese-Canadian who also lived in Beijing lived a much more Westernized / party lifestyle. Now he is in the USA for university and adapts to Western culture while I never will.
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