Fakeness: The TRUE reason why I couldn't fit in America

[Winston]

Breaking News!

I've finally found the ANSWER to something I've always wondered about from the early 1980's up til now. The real reason I could never fit into American culture no matter how much I tried, and still can't today, is this:

American culture is the KING when it comes to fakeness, bullshit, phoniness, illusion, and artificiality. In a fake culture, only fake people can express themselves and have fun. Only those who are "full of it" will thrive. In a fake culture, only fake people can fit in and adapt.

In contrast, those who are authentic, genuine, down-to-earth, deep and sensitive (like me) are on a different wavelength. Truly authentic people will feel SUPPRESSED around fake people in fake cultures, because their personality and persona cannot be expressed freely and openly. They cannot have fun or vibe with fake people, and thus cannot thrive. As a result, they become reclusive and more introverted. Not by choice, but by intimidation and invalidation. This is what happened to me.

I've discovered that this is the TRUE reason why I and others like me have never been able to fit into America and could never figure out why. It could be that those with aspergers may be in a similar situation. But America will not tell you that because a fake culture will never admit that it's fake.

However, if you can't be yourself in a fake culture around fake people, then how are you at fault? You are not the one that's fake and phoney, the culture and the people in it are.

It's not due to a lack of "social skills" as American culture would say. When Americans say that you lack "social skills" what they really mean is that you need to learn how to act more fake in order to fit into a fake culture, like America. It's ridiculous. If you do comply with it, you end up only becoming faker and more phoney. Ever notice that? It's also a shaming tactic, for if you don't act fake then there's something wrong with you. It's very upside down, like the Twilight Zone.

So the question then becomes: How is someone who is extremely authentic like me, supposed to fit into an environment which is extremely FAKE? There's no logical answer or solution. You cannot be something you're not, after all. The only real answer is to get out of such a fake culture and go to a more authentic one abroad.

But America cannot answer such a question because it does not acknowledge that it is a fake culture full of bullshit. Instead, America spreads all kinds of "fake" hype, illusion, propaganda and bullshit about itself, none of which is authentic, since it is not an authentic culture.

The truth is, America is the king of bullshit, fakeness, phoniness, illusion, and self-delusion. No other culture even comes to close to matching America in those areas. No other country in the world has as many people who are "full of it" to the extreme degree that America does.

Thus, as an authentic deep person, I cannot technically be at fault for not fitting into America.

Also, if the problem is me, then how come I can express myself a lot more openly and freely in authentic foreign cultures such as in Russia, Eastern Europe and Southeast Asia? And I mean A LOT more. And how come I could be myself in those cultures and have fun and be a lot more extroverted too?

The reason is because when you are in a culture that better fits your personality, you will be able to express yourself more freely, be yourself, be more extroverted and have more fun.

All this speaks volumes, and again, America and its mainstream people have no answer, because they are in denial of the truth about America. A fake culture is not going to admit that it's fake after all. Only a truly authentic person will see it.

The travesty in all this is that those who are truly authentic, deep and genuine will suffer in America, and be invalidated, suppressed and condemned for not fitting into a fake culture. They need to know the truth. So please send them this article.

[OTB]

I am so with you on this Winston. I've always felt this way.

[newjazz]

Very true!.......

[Banano]

Self-help industry(includes PUA) in america is bigger than economies of some countries

[newlifeinphilippines]

facebook has made philippines just as shallow and fake.

[The]

True in the truest sense of the word...

[Winston]

Thanks guys. Glad you appreciate my insight. I just revised the article by fixing mistakes and adding new paragraphs along with a conclusion. Please see the updated version above.

[Winston]

The Parable of the Poisoned Well:

“There was once a wise king who ruled over a vast city. He was feared for his might and loved for his wisdom. Now in the heart of the city, there was a well whose waters were pure and crystalline from which the king and all the inhabitants drank. When all were asleep, an enemy entered the city and poured seven drops of a strange liquid into the well. And he said that henceforth all who drink this water shall become mad.

All the people drank of the water, but not the king. And the people began to say, "The king is mad and has lost his reason. Look how strangely he behaves. We cannot be ruled by a madman, so he must be dethroned."

The king grew very fearful, for his subjects were preparing to rise against him. So one evening, he ordered a golden goblet to be filled from the well, and he drank deeply. The next day, there was great rejoicing among the people, for their beloved king had finally regained his reason."

"A time will come when the whole world will go mad. And to anyone who is not mad they will say: 'You are mad, for you are not like us.'" - St. Anthony the Great (attributed to)

[Winston]

One of the greatest quotes of all time. It explains why we suffer in America.

"The sick individual finds himself at home with all other similarly sick individuals. The whole culture is geared to this kind of pathology. The result is that the average individual does not experience the separateness and isolation the fully schizophrenic person feels. He feels at ease among those who suffer from the same deformation; in fact, it is the fully sane person who feels isolated in the insane society - and he may suffer so much from the incapacity to communicate that it is he who may become psychotic." - Eric Fromm, Swiss Psychologist (The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness)

[IraqVet2003]

Breaking News!

I've finally found the ANSWER to something I've always wondered about from the early 1980's up til now. The real reason I could never fit into American culture no matter how much I tried, and still can't today, is this:

American culture is the KING when it comes to fakeness, bullshit, phoniness, illusion, and artificiality. In a fake culture, only fake people can express themselves and have fun. Only those who are "full of it" will thrive. In a fake culture, only fake people can fit in and adapt.

In contrast, those who are authentic, genuine, down-to-earth, deep and sensitive (like me) are on a different wavelength. Truly authentic people will feel SUPPRESSED around fake people in fake cultures, because their personality and persona cannot be expressed freely and openly. They cannot have fun or vibe with fake people, and thus cannot thrive. As a result, they become reclusive and more introverted. Not by choice, but by intimidation and invalidation. This is what happened to me.

I've discovered that this is the TRUE reason why I and others like me have never been able to fit into America and could never figure out why. It could be that those with aspergers may be in a similar situation. But America will not tell you that because a fake culture will never admit that it's fake.

However, if you can't be yourself in a fake culture around fake people, then how are you at fault? You are not the one that's fake and phoney, the culture and the people in it are.

It's not due to a lack of "social skills" as American culture would say. When Americans say that you lack "social skills" what they really mean is that you need to learn how to act more fake in order to fit into a fake culture, like America. It's ridiculous. If you do comply with it, you end up only becoming faker and more phoney. Ever notice that? It's also a shaming tactic, for if you don't act fake then there's something wrong with you. It's very upside down, like the Twilight Zone.

So the question then becomes: How is someone who is extremely authentic like me, supposed to fit into an environment which is extremely FAKE? There's no logical answer or solution. You cannot be something you're not, after all. The only real answer is to get out of such a fake culture and go to a more authentic one abroad.

But America cannot answer such a question because it does not acknowledge that it is a fake culture full of bullshit. Instead, America spreads all kinds of "fake" hype, illusion, propaganda and bullshit about itself, none of which is authentic, since it is not an authentic culture.

The truth is, America is the king of bullshit, fakeness, phoniness, illusion, and self-delusion. No other culture even comes to close to matching America in those areas. No other country in the world has as many people who are "full of it" to the extreme degree that America does.

Thus, as an authentic deep person, I cannot technically be at fault for not fitting into America.

Also, if the problem is me, then how come I can express myself a lot more openly and freely in authentic foreign cultures such as in Russia, Eastern Europe and Southeast Asia? And I mean A LOT more. And how come I could be myself in those cultures and have fun and be a lot more extroverted too?

The reason is because when you are in a culture that better fits your personality, you will be able to express yourself more freely, be yourself, be more extroverted and have more fun.

All this speaks volumes, and again, America and its mainstream people have no answer, because they are in denial of the truth about America. A fake culture is not going to admit that it's fake after all. Only a truly authentic person will see it.

The travesty in all this is that those who are truly authentic, deep and genuine will suffer in America, and be invalidated, suppressed and condemned for not fitting into a fake culture. They need to know the truth. So please send them this article.

I agree with you Winston 100%!!!

[statnerd]

Yep. People smile in America, but they are fake smiles. It's pretty obvious, isn't it? People also act superficially friendly when they are around you, but they don't really care about you and many times they will badmouth you when you aren't around. People in the U.S. are two-faced and love gossip. I don't like that. If someone has a problem with me, I'd much rather hear it than have no idea that I'm just tolerated. Maybe it's something I can work on. How will I know if I just get the smiley, fake friendliness?

How many times have you heard "we should meet up again sometime" or "let's keep in touch" and then you either receive no response or the person is busy when you contact him later? I've been on job interviews where the interviewer has told me he thought I would be a good fit and that he looked forward to seeing me soon while wearing a smile, and then I never heard from him again. That's the American way.

[jamesbond]

Yep. People smile in America, but they are fake smiles. It's pretty obvious, isn't it? People also act superficially friendly when they are around you, but they don't really care about you and many times they will badmouth you when you aren't around. People in the U.S. are two-faced and love gossip. I don't like that. If someone has a problem with me, I'd much rather hear it than have no idea that I'm just tolerated. Maybe it's something I can work on. How will I know if I just get the smiley, fake friendliness?

How many times have you heard "we should meet up again sometime" or "let's keep in touch" and then you either receive no response or the person is busy when you contact him later? I've been on job interviews where the interviewer has told me he thought I would be a good fit and that he looked forward to seeing me soon while wearing a smile, and then I never heard from him again. That's the American way.

Americans have a "fake politeness" that is evident everywhere you go. I also think a great deal of Americans are 'passive aggressive' you can see this in their everyday behavior. Childhood upbringing is the reason for this, so is the media (fake movies, fake TV shows, etc.). Studies have shown that America has the highest rate of mental illness of any industrialized country in the world!

[MrPeabody]

Also, America’s obsession with ethnocentric Christianity has a lot to do with the phoniness. They have to pretend to be good, even though they are full of hate. When I lived in Europe, people were more genuine and religion was never mentioned.

[Neo]

Not everyone can have 1000, 100 or even 10 friends. Lots of people live lives with only their family members or even by themselves or just with their spouses and children. Not everyone has friends. There's no real requirement to have them.

Friendship is something that should only be sought for when the other person is a genuinely good person. Unfortunately, there are very few genuinely good people in this world, regardless of the country.

Now for a person who likes to party and have fun, there are lots of party-type friends they can make associations with, but those are likely not true friends.

A true friend is rare.

And then there is popularity, which I suspect is what many people refer to when speaking of a social life.

Other people form friendships at work, but soon after they leave that job, they typically lose those friends, unless they migrate jobs together or live close enough together. Even then, this may not be true friendship.

[kangarunner]

@Winston To provide a good answer to this perceived "fakeness", there needs to be a more thoughtful, deeper examination of America.

#1) Think about the value system in America. What do the majority of Americans value? Then contrast that with what people in non-Western countries value?

I personally think that most Americans value money, power, and status. While non-Western countries such as SE Asia value happiness, meaningful connections with others, and quality of life. With everyone racing around every day chasing money I think the majority of Americans are just nuts!!

#2) Also, think about how America is a relatively young country, officially founded in 1776 only 244 years ago. America just does not have a real, permanent culture unlike other more established countries which have had centuries to develop historically.