How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

[celery2010]

Finally, i'd have to say that Winston has had worse luck than the average Asian. For 90% of Asian guys, they'd be able to find someone in Asia, but even in Taiwan or China, Winston hasn't found what he has been looking for.

He's quite intolerant to trying different methods or adapting to local culture. For example, everyone knows that in some poorer Asian countries, simply having money will lead to success--

[momopi]

Finally, i'd have to say that Winston has had worse luck than the average Asian. For 90% of Asian guys, they'd be able to find someone in Asia, but even in Taiwan or China, Winston hasn't found what he has been looking for.
He's quite intolerant to trying different methods or adapting to local culture. For example, everyone knows that in some poorer Asian countries, simply having money will lead to success--

He looks for things to be unhappy about.

[fightforlove]

Considering that my faith is the most important, most self-defining thing about me throughout my young adult life, I've recently started to search (again) for women in church circles. I suppose there's more churches I could visit, perhaps take a class at a Christian university. Yeah, it's pretty slim pickings. I might estimate that approximately 50% of women you meet in churches are hiding a dark "pre-Christian" history. They're picky, have lots of hang-ups. Many of them are single moms or unfeminine/unattractive. I would say there are three types of women you meet in church circles: 1) ugly women and women with emotional problems, truly tragic Omega females 2) Reformed Sluts, and 3) HIGHLY picky super-conservative women who have ridiculous expectations for a perfect Christian man who also arouses their biological attraction bells.

Dalrock has a solid article about this out this week: https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2015/06/1 ... /#comments

I could bottom drag around more church circles, try more Christian online dating, but there's still no guarantee solution. Winston, your Post is solid. There is no well-refined way for men to meet women in America, particularly beyond the college undergrad age. There are a number of factors for this that I and the other posters to this thread have touched on, we are living in strange times in the USA where marriage is in serious decline, social structures have been torn down, and it's a bad dating pool. I assess that my situation is not total doom-and-gloom, but I estimate that my situation is indeed bad. I think we are all going to have to find our own unique way to find a partner in this hacked-up world today.

This is way I've opened myself to the option of meeting women in other countries. I've recently met someone in Mexico whom I think may be a very solid Christian gf/wife prospect, but I'm already receiving harsh criticism from my parents about it. Tried explaining the above to them, they're from a different generation, have slightly different values, have no clue about the way the country has changed since the 70s and the difficulty of today's dating/marriage market.

I go to church and have visited two churches this year. The women are either married or little girls. It will be hard to find a woman between 18 to 30 because they have gone after the world.

I wouldnt even bother with the idea. I much prefer the idea of finding a woman who doesnt hate God who is willing to convert. That is the best option.

For a long time I believed that I could only chase women who like the things that I like. Then I realized that I could just go with women and then ask them if they'll do some of the things I like, even if they've never done it before. Around 75% of the time the answer is yes. So to me it she doesnt have to already be a Christian. She can be agnostic. That is even better, because most Christians believe in the repent of your sins lie to be saved when it is really by faith alone. That belief is hard to deprogram out of Christians.

I also keep my eyes peeled for the non-church-goer-that-I-could-convert. This is very do-able (I've seen it done) but only with considerably younger (early 20s at the latest) women. I would have to lurk for 18-23 year olds, most of the women I prefer to date are 23-28 year olds (I'm 33) and even by that age range most women have made up their minds about whether they're ever going to go to church.

[fightforlove]

The truth is Winston, there is no sure-fire way, or anything even close to it, to find attractive gf/wife material women in American society for a post-college man. At least in college, you are amongst many young single people, but I studied Mechanical Engineering and was surrounded by 99% males in college. Plus, I was a late-bloomer and didn't really have genuine interest in a gf/wife at this age, let alone the masculine self-confidence and attractiveness to procure someone even if I had been interested. Years later, I've improved my confidence/attractiveness/resources, but now I'm pretty isolated, busy working in a job in the suburbs (all engineering/manufacturing jobs are located out in far-flung exurbs where there's few single people or date spots), I have family obligations that also cut into my time. I'm isolated from meeting single, attractive women and the dating pool of women around my age (28-33) is depressing. I try to find young(er) women around 21-28, but I'm not in their areas and many American girls at this age are quite busy with school, partying, and are likely to not be open to a serious dating/relationship. American society is truly dysfunctional.

The best ways that I can think of to meet women involve scouring through church circles (which does indeed feel like going back to the plantation), scouring through dating sites (challenging and with poor ROI, the younger/attractive ones are less likely to respond or take it seriously), or hitting as many parties/social outings with friends as possible. I do get IOIs from a few women at recent parties I attended, but it's likely they're not what I'm looking for. I could do these things more and make myself marginally more visible, but it still doesn't change the fact that the dating landscape is mostly a wasteland.

This is why I've started communicating with girls in Latin America and have since met one in Mexico. I'd be willing to relocate to LA for a job, I believe there are Chemical Engineering jobs down there that I could be qualified for. Would love to keep pursuing this person in Mexico and/or get down that way with a job, get fluent in my Spanish and come back to the USA frequently to keep ties with family and friends.

[Adama]

That's part of the depopulation agenda.

Not only do they provide abortion on demand, and generous child support and alimony to actively warn you to stay away from making families as a man, but they also make it mandatory that the young, fertile women get caught up pursuing their various degrees in brainwashing, pushing back the very idea of marriage and family until age 28 at the earliest, which also happens to correspond with their drop in fertility (imagine that). They also actively encourage these women to slut around (and anyone who tries to warn them is slut shaming, another indication of how successful their brainwashing techniques are), reducing their ability to bond with a future husband.

[Bane]

I try to find young(er) women around 21-28


<sarcasm>
Good luck with that in the US. At 33, you're punching above your weight class. AW's rarely date 3 or so years above their age until they're around 33-35 and desperate for anything with a pulse. It's like applying high school mentality to their adult lives. You could always bang high mileage women in their mid to late 30s if the "thirst" gets too strong. If you can't get any from 33-40 year old AW (especially from the single mom variety), then there really is something wrong with you.

Of course, if you're rich and successful (and above all else, tall with a square jaw and less than a 2 on the Norwood baldness scale), then what I said above doesn't apply to you. However, since you frequent HA, I'm guessing you're not any of those things.

FW's are much more open to the old age thing, though. You need to have stability and something going for you, (looks, money, etc.), otherwise, you're SOL, brah.

<sarcasm off>

[fightforlove]

I try to find young(er) women around 21-28


<sarcasm>
Good luck with that in the US. At 33, you're punching above your weight class. AW's rarely date 3 or so years above their age until they're around 33-35 and desperate for anything with a pulse. It's like applying high school mentality to their adult lives. You could always bang high mileage women in their mid to late 30s if the "thirst" gets too strong. If you can't get any from 33-40 year old AW (especially from the single mom variety), then there really is something wrong with you.

Of course, if you're rich and successful (and above all else, tall with a square jaw and less than a 2 on the Norwood baldness scale), then what I said above doesn't apply to you. However, since you frequent HA, I'm guessing you're not any of those things.

FW's are much more open to the old age thing, though. You need to have stability and something going for you, (looks, money, etc.), otherwise, you're SOL, brah.

<sarcasm off>

I've been able to draw IOIs and a few dates in recent months from AWs in the 25-28 range. I look younger for my age, so that helps a lot, but as I said, I'm way isolated from the lives of these girls and they're usually not serious about a relationship.

[fightforlove]

That's part of the depopulation agenda.

Not only do they provide abortion on demand, and generous child support and alimony to actively warn you to stay away from making families as a man, but they also make it mandatory that the young, fertile women get caught up pursuing their various degrees in brainwashing, pushing back the very idea of marriage and family until age 28 at the earliest, which also happens to correspond with their drop in fertility (imagine that). They also actively encourage these women to slut around (and anyone who tries to warn them is slut shaming, another indication of how successful their brainwashing techniques are), reducing their ability to bond with a future husband.

Exactly, it's completely messed up. I've heard women even state themselves that they wait until 28 to finally start looking for a husband. Many years ago, women married at 22 and were virgins. Even as recent as the 80s/early90s, the average American woman married at 24-26, when they were still attractive, had youthful energy, and a solid window of fertility. Today, if they're exceptionally attractive, perhaps have a youthful appearance, and have 0-2 sexual partners, a late-20s woman is still a good prospect. Otherwise, a 30 year old woman with a pile of ex's and past sexual partners has little to offer, especially if they have kids. The looks have declined, the fertility window is tighter, the youthful energy that a man craves from a woman is gone, the liabilities that could stem from the past baggage... It's stupid really, and it's why I think we're going to see a lot of aged-out women who never married (even if they wanted to) in another 10 years or so. I look around at many of my peers from Gen-Y and can't help but realize that many of them are not going to have a spouse.

[Adama]

That's part of the depopulation agenda.

Not only do they provide abortion on demand, and generous child support and alimony to actively warn you to stay away from making families as a man, but they also make it mandatory that the young, fertile women get caught up pursuing their various degrees in brainwashing, pushing back the very idea of marriage and family until age 28 at the earliest, which also happens to correspond with their drop in fertility (imagine that). They also actively encourage these women to slut around (and anyone who tries to warn them is slut shaming, another indication of how successful their brainwashing techniques are), reducing their ability to bond with a future husband.

Exactly, it's completely messed up. I've heard women even state themselves that they wait until 28 to finally start looking for a husband. Many years ago, women married at 22 and were virgins. Even as recent as the 80s/early90s, the average American woman married at 24-26, when they were still attractive, had youthful energy, and a solid window of fertility. Today, if they're exceptionally attractive, perhaps have a youthful appearance, and have 0-2 sexual partners, a late-20s woman is still a good prospect. Otherwise, a 30 year old woman with a pile of ex's and past sexual partners has little to offer, especially if they have kids. The looks have declined, the fertility window is tighter, the youthful energy that a man craves from a woman is gone, the liabilities that could stem from the past baggage... It's stupid really, and it's why I think we're going to see a lot of aged-out women who never married (even if they wanted to) in another 10 years or so. I look around at many of my peers from Gen-Y and can't help but realize that many of them are not going to have a spouse.

I remember one particular Jewish girl who lived across the hall from me. She was a pharmacy major. She had no problem giving head to any Jewish man. Any of them. She must have had dozens, but she insisted upon remaining a virgin until marriage. As of right now at age 36-38, as far as I can tell, she is still unmarried. Did I mention that she wasnt pretty back when she was 18? And that she had a ball buster attitude? She said she wasnt going to get married til she was 30.

Meanwhile, her roommate who was first generation Korean American has children already.

I think nowadays women are really pushing the brink. They wait so long to attempt to do things right with marriage and family that it leaves for a very tiny window to make babies. But I guess that's what happens when women are tricked into believing that slaving away all day for the man is freedom, while working for their own husbands and children at home is slavery. You could almost laugh at how silly that is.

[fightforlove]

Yeah I think it's gonna take another 10 years for the sociologists to accumulate and crunch the data, but some columnists (even progressive ones) are already acknowledging that many women aren't going to have a husband. I know a few lawyers, doctors, business, and academia women who are 30-something and it seems almost unimaginable they'll be compatible to a man at this point. I've also known a few single mothers, 2 with 2 children from 2 different dads, who have more or less embraced the single mom lifestyle. There are a lot of 20-30s millennial women who are just completely un-wife-able.

[Ghost]

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[Adama]

Yeah I think it's gonna take another 10 years for the sociologists to accumulate and crunch the data, but some columnists (even progressive ones) are already acknowledging that many women aren't going to have a husband. I know a few lawyers, doctors, business, and academia women who are 30-something and it seems almost unimaginable they'll be compatible to a man at this point. I've also known a few single mothers, 2 with 2 children from 2 different dads, who have more or less embraced the single mom lifestyle. There are a lot of 20-30s millennial women who are just completely un-wife-able.

Yup. They are all independent women now. Independent means "I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle." They do not need anyone. Since they do not need men, they've forgotten how to be women. Then if they later change their minds and decide they want men, it will be far too late. You can't put the genie back in the bottle after a certain age. That's like teaching an old dog new tricks. They think they can later go back, but it is a one way road that leads to the single life in old age. There are women in my family who are proof of that. Act like a man AND miss the short window of youthful opportunity, then end up unmarried and alone after age 60.

[JollyBengali]

Social circles and college environment is the right answer. People form friends early on in middle/high school/college. Those friends will introduce you to other people, some of whom will become your friends. Those friends will introduce you to other people, some of whom will become your friends, and so on. It's a self-reinforcing positive feedback loop. As your network grows, you'll keep getting introduced to social circles, each with at least a couple of single available women.

Breaking into the cycle to begin with is the hard part, and comes down almost entirely due to luck/circumstance. If you have parents who moved around a lot making it difficult to establish a network in one location, or you made friends with people who then moved away (bad luck), or ended up with an antisocial roommate in college, or ended up in a team of older people in your first job, or have careers/hobbies that are not appealing to women, you're going to struggle. It's pretty rare that a person is so socially skilled that he can make the most of bad circumstances; most people would struggle if they, say, moved to a new city where they knew no one.

[jamesbond]

I have a curious question: How do NORMAL men find girlfriends and wives in America? I know that sounds like a stupid question. But let me explain why I'm asking it. Consider the following ways that you are supposed to, or expected to, meet women in America:

1. Public places: Out in public, you are not supposed to talk to strangers unless it's business related. So you can't go out and meet people as if you were shopping at Walmart or something. Out in public, you are supposed to mind your own business and leave others alone to mind their business too. Communication is only for business related purposes only. Otherwise, you aren't supposed to bother people. You are only supposed to socialize at parties, group outings, picnics and get togethers, if you're invited to one that is.

7. Online dating. As we all know, online dating totally sucks in America. Most guys who try it get zero responses, no matter how many women they write. And even when they do get responses, it's usually from flaky girls who are just taunting and teasing them to get a reaction or to get attention and are not serious about meeting up for a date. Occasionally, you get responses from girls who are semi-interested, but flake out or change their mind later or always make excuses not to meet up. Overall, it's a zero sum game and a waste of time.

All the above venues are ways you are "supposed" to be able to meet women in America, yet they don't really work, at least not most of the time. So basically, everything is against you in America when it comes to dating and social life. And no, having a "positive attitude" does not change the above, despite what people say. Cliches like that are useless and do not change reality or improve anything. It seems that if you don't find your sweetheart in high school or college, you are out of luck. But even in high school and college, the social cliques there still feel exclusive and closed. So even school is not exactly an inclusive environment.

American social life basically involves trying to break into closed cliques that don't want you. It's akin to trying to break down a wall that was designed to keep you out -- which is definitely not natural or friendly at all. Needless to say, trying to break into a social group that doesn't want you is the most awkward and unnatural thing.

How can something as simple and basic as human relationships be so difficult in America? That is so odd. Why does trying to get a romantic partner in America feel like you are going against the flow of things? That is so weird and negative. There must be something wrong with that.

So now do you understand why I'm asking this question now? There does not seem to be any easy, natural or smooth way to meet women to get a girlfriend or wife in America. You seem to be BLOCKED from every angle. Yet in spite of all this, whenever you go out in America, you see couples everywhere, so you gotta wonder how they get together. Am I missing something? What's missing from the equation?

So how then do most normal mainstream men find a wife or girlfriend in America? How does society expect you to find a partner in America? How do married men and guys with girlfriends in America find their partner in spite of all the above? Can anyone explain or provide logical answers to this valid question?

How would a mainstream person or psychologist or a defender of American culture answer this question, I wonder? Most mainstream people I know either avoid such taboo questions, or spout the usual useless cliches (e.g. just go out there and do stuff and you'll meet girls, etc). Have you guys had any luck getting mainstream people to answer such questions?

Now I know society has cliches such as "just go out and meet people" but as we all know, such cliches aren't realistic and don't work, since all the above obstacles don't make it easy or natural at all. There seems to be a cultural myth and assumption in America that people are friendly, so if you want to make friends, all you have to do is to go out there and be friendly and social, and that's it. But it obviously isn't that simple.

Great question Winston, how do men find girlfriends or wives in America? Most people meet their future spouse through their friends or family members. That's what it really boils down to I think. Most guys I know who have wives or girlfriends met them through their friends.

Also, men in America usually go several years in between girlfriends. The only access men in the USA have to sex is through their girlfriend (since prostitution is illegal in the US). So, there is a lot of dateless and sexless men in the United States!

[Joe_]

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