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How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby romparoo » Mon Jun 15, 2015 9:48 am

Banano wrote:Forget about marriage, thats artificial invention thats in decline in every country in the world.

Real question is How many guys are single vs how many have gfs?
Places where I worked most guys had gfs.
We cant be fooling ourselves thinking 90 percent of guys are lonely and unable to find partner, its just not true.


Places I worked most guys are married with kids. We need to be more specific about what we are referring to here. It is not difficult to get gf's especially during the school and college years. The issue I see is that for quite a number of us there is a huge mismatch, usually the women's desirability score a big gap lower than the men's. And I am very conservative in scoring myself. I had multiple chances to get a gf, but I chose not to. Now in work life there isn't any social scene for normal average people anymore, a fact that has been regurgitated countless times here. I am sure I am not the only one who experienced this.
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby metroman » Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:08 pm

Tinder seems to have replaced meeting people in person amongst a certain age group. People who do not rely on the electronic medium can still have an edge when carrying on a conversation with people. There is also the issue on how our communities and cities are now shaped and designed which has effected how people interact. Here in Australia for example poker machines or one armed bandits now occupy space which was once the domain of live entertainment, bands or solo performers, these were once a great opportunity for people to meet and interact. In recent years so many activities which involved interaction have been replaced, video shops are another one which comes to mind. Dating any many respects is an outdated word. In regards to looks, it seems that a certain percentage of people are taking care of themselves going to the gym, while a great deal of unattractive are still hooking up regardless and a lot are reproducing as well. To assume only the top echeleons of guys are hooking up is completely wrong, in todays western culture it is very rare to see people who dress well, in fact if you dress too well you can feel out of place. Only a fairly small percentage of people dress well or take a great deal of pride in themselves, the vast majority of people in our culture have become very sloppy.
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby fightforlove » Mon Jun 15, 2015 5:05 pm

Considering that my faith is the most important, most self-defining thing about me throughout my young adult life, I've recently started to search (again) for women in church circles. I suppose there's more churches I could visit, perhaps take a class at a Christian university. Yeah, it's pretty slim pickings. I might estimate that approximately 50% of women you meet in churches are hiding a dark "pre-Christian" history. They're picky, have lots of hang-ups. Many of them are single moms or unfeminine/unattractive. I would say there are three types of women you meet in church circles: 1) ugly women and women with emotional problems, truly tragic Omega females 2) Reformed Sluts, and 3) HIGHLY picky super-conservative women who have ridiculous expectations for a perfect Christian man who also arouses their biological attraction bells.

Dalrock has a solid article about this out this week: https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2015/06/13/dont-blame-heartiste-for-the-equation-of-alpha-with-virtue/#comments

I could bottom drag around more church circles, try more Christian online dating, but there's still no guarantee solution. Winston, your Post is solid. There is no well-refined way for men to meet women in America, particularly beyond the college undergrad age. There are a number of factors for this that I and the other posters to this thread have touched on, we are living in strange times in the USA where marriage is in serious decline, social structures have been torn down, and it's a bad dating pool. I assess that my situation is not total doom-and-gloom, but I estimate that my situation is indeed bad. I think we are all going to have to find our own unique way to find a partner in this hacked-up world today.

This is way I've opened myself to the option of meeting women in other countries. I've recently met someone in Mexico whom I think may be a very solid Christian gf/wife prospect, but I'm already receiving harsh criticism from my parents about it. Tried explaining the above to them, they're from a different generation, have slightly different values, have no clue about the way the country has changed since the 70s and the difficulty of today's dating/marriage market.
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby romparoo » Mon Jun 15, 2015 7:21 pm

fightforlove wrote:Considering that my faith is the most important, most self-defining thing about me throughout my young adult life, I've recently started to search (again) for women in church circles.


This is quite a bad deal. It's like you returning to the plantation, a worse one compared to the one you escaped from.

Many churches I had been to, there were always a group of mature women who never married, and that either due to being an overly religious nutter or having attitude problems many of whom found solace and acceptance under the grace of God. About the latter, well, I am not sure God accepts behavioral problem, but at least these women think that way. There are always younger versions of these type of women.

For the more mentally stable ones, I always find there are always very few younger women, and youth groups are like okcupid church edition. So if no one wants to date you, and you don't want to date anyone (being the sole person who attended a youth cell group for its original intended purpose), you'll quickly find that you just don't fit. I knew a guy who is now married, pretty much dated half the group's females at his prime. He's the church edition of Chad Thundercock LOL :lol:

Plus, you run the risk meeting 'born again virgin' and 'refomed sluts'. You will struggle getting intimacy from them but those were the women used to getting shafted by many Chad Thundercocks in their prime younger years. These women will selective quote the bible just so you know 'men still need to take care of their women'.

I'll say stick back to Happier Abroad.

Ps. As a youth I was a frequent church goer. Experience in churches in both Asia and western coutries (just so you know there is no free pass in Asia).
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby Adama » Mon Jun 15, 2015 7:24 pm

fightforlove wrote:Considering that my faith is the most important, most self-defining thing about me throughout my young adult life, I've recently started to search (again) for women in church circles. I suppose there's more churches I could visit, perhaps take a class at a Christian university. Yeah, it's pretty slim pickings. I might estimate that approximately 50% of women you meet in churches are hiding a dark "pre-Christian" history. They're picky, have lots of hang-ups. Many of them are single moms or unfeminine/unattractive. I would say there are three types of women you meet in church circles: 1) ugly women and women with emotional problems, truly tragic Omega females 2) Reformed Sluts, and 3) HIGHLY picky super-conservative women who have ridiculous expectations for a perfect Christian man who also arouses their biological attraction bells.

Dalrock has a solid article about this out this week: https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2015/06/13/dont-blame-heartiste-for-the-equation-of-alpha-with-virtue/#comments

I could bottom drag around more church circles, try more Christian online dating, but there's still no guarantee solution. Winston, your Post is solid. There is no well-refined way for men to meet women in America, particularly beyond the college undergrad age. There are a number of factors for this that I and the other posters to this thread have touched on, we are living in strange times in the USA where marriage is in serious decline, social structures have been torn down, and it's a bad dating pool. I assess that my situation is not total doom-and-gloom, but I estimate that my situation is indeed bad. I think we are all going to have to find our own unique way to find a partner in this hacked-up world today.

This is way I've opened myself to the option of meeting women in other countries. I've recently met someone in Mexico whom I think may be a very solid Christian gf/wife prospect, but I'm already receiving harsh criticism from my parents about it. Tried explaining the above to them, they're from a different generation, have slightly different values, have no clue about the way the country has changed since the 70s and the difficulty of today's dating/marriage market.


I go to church and have visited two churches this year. The women are either married or little girls. It will be hard to find a woman between 18 to 30 because they have gone after the world.

I wouldnt even bother with the idea. I much prefer the idea of finding a woman who doesnt hate God who is willing to convert. That is the best option.

For a long time I believed that I could only chase women who like the things that I like. Then I realized that I could just go with women and then ask them if they'll do some of the things I like, even if they've never done it before. Around 75% of the time the answer is yes. So to me it she doesnt have to already be a Christian. She can be agnostic. That is even better, because most Christians believe in the repent of your sins lie to be saved when it is really by faith alone. That belief is hard to deprogram out of Christians.
Look for women who automatically want to please you because it pleases them. Any woman who seeks to please her man is a treasure. Even better if you don't have to ask but rather suggest.
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby blueshogun96 » Mon Jun 15, 2015 8:08 pm

fightforlove wrote:Considering that my faith is the most important, most self-defining thing about me throughout my young adult life, I've recently started to search (again) for women in church circles. I suppose there's more churches I could visit, perhaps take a class at a Christian university. Yeah, it's pretty slim pickings. I might estimate that approximately 50% of women you meet in churches are hiding a dark "pre-Christian" history. They're picky, have lots of hang-ups. Many of them are single moms or unfeminine/unattractive. I would say there are three types of women you meet in church circles: 1) ugly women and women with emotional problems, truly tragic Omega females 2) Reformed Sluts, and 3) HIGHLY picky super-conservative women who have ridiculous expectations for a perfect Christian man who also arouses their biological attraction bells.

Dalrock has a solid article about this out this week: https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2015/06/13/dont-blame-heartiste-for-the-equation-of-alpha-with-virtue/#comments

I could bottom drag around more church circles, try more Christian online dating, but there's still no guarantee solution. Winston, your Post is solid. There is no well-refined way for men to meet women in America, particularly beyond the college undergrad age. There are a number of factors for this that I and the other posters to this thread have touched on, we are living in strange times in the USA where marriage is in serious decline, social structures have been torn down, and it's a bad dating pool. I assess that my situation is not total doom-and-gloom, but I estimate that my situation is indeed bad. I think we are all going to have to find our own unique way to find a partner in this hacked-up world today.

This is way I've opened myself to the option of meeting women in other countries. I've recently met someone in Mexico whom I think may be a very solid Christian gf/wife prospect, but I'm already receiving harsh criticism from my parents about it. Tried explaining the above to them, they're from a different generation, have slightly different values, have no clue about the way the country has changed since the 70s and the difficulty of today's dating/marriage market.


Sadly I have to agree with this. Even in church, you don't find many women who are marriage material for the reasons you stated. When I was a kid, I noticed that the ones my age were more interested in the world than in their own faith. The ones that took their faith seriously were a rarity, and more of them took their chances with the world than stayed on the narrow path of righteousness.

Chances are if you DO find Proverbs 31 material, then she's already taken. Last week, I finally did find one from Australia (of all places). Because I was honest about my intentions from the start, she was honest about her situation. She recently broke up with her first long term boyfriend and still can't get over him. Plus didn't want me to get caught up in the drama, which was fair enough and greatly appreciated because I've heard countless stories of women stringing on multiple men to manipulate for favours n' stuff. This one was better than anything I've ever found in Murica, as the vast majority of women here are rubbish. I'm surprised any of you even bother. Actively looking for dates is the most depressing thing I've ever done. Now that my self esteem has risen, I have minimal to no interest in pursuing women ever again. If a ruby among rubble appears, I may take a chance on it, but other than that, forget it.

Adama wrote:I go to church and have visited two churches this year. The women are either married or little girls. It will be hard to find a woman between 18 to 30 because they have gone after the world.


This because I noticed that the younger ones are typically in-and-out based on how they feel. On top of that, how often do you find young women in church? It's mostly older women in their late 40s and up. I am 30, and the youngest dedicated member of my congregation. The younger crowd tend to come and go, except me.

romparoo wrote:
fightforlove wrote:Considering that my faith is the most important, most self-defining thing about me throughout my young adult life, I've recently started to search (again) for women in church circles.


This is quite a bad deal. It's like you returning to the plantation, a worse one compared to the one you escaped from.

Many churches I had been to, there were always a group of mature women who never married, and that either due to being an overly religious nutter or having attitude problems many of whom found solace and acceptance under the grace of God. About the latter, well, I am not sure God accepts behavioral problem, but at least these women think that way. There are always younger versions of these type of women.

For the more mentally stable ones, I always find there are always very few younger women, and youth groups are like okcupid church edition. So if no one wants to date you, and you don't want to date anyone (being the sole person who attended a youth cell group for its original intended purpose), you'll quickly find that you just don't fit. I knew a guy who is now married, pretty much dated half the group's females at his prime. He's the church edition of Chad Thundercock LOL :lol:

Plus, you run the risk meeting 'born again virgin' and 'refomed sluts'. You will struggle getting intimacy from them but those were the women used to getting shafted by many Chad Thundercocks in their prime younger years. These women will selective quote the bible just so you know 'men still need to take care of their women'.

I'll say stick back to Happier Abroad.

Ps. As a youth I was a frequent church goer. Experience in churches in both Asia and western coutries (just so you know there is no free pass in Asia).

This, especially the 3rd bolded statement. So many women in church have far too much baggage. No man should be forced to accept it either.

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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby Adama » Mon Jun 15, 2015 8:25 pm

Actually there are kids in my church. A whole group of them of both sexes.
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby Winston » Mon Jun 15, 2015 9:02 pm

Teal Lantern wrote:
Winston wrote:But not young women, no way, they are the most averse to talking to strangers.

Sheeeiiiiit. :lol: Let her like your looks or think you have something she wants, she'll come up with a reason to say something to you.
They can be quite aggressive about this, too. Painting your house? Putting in a new driveway? Have a remodel going on? Doing some of your own car repair?
Suddenly soft voices and smiling faces are greeting you 'Good morning', when you're checking the mailbox or tending your yard. :roll: :lol:


Winston wrote:Now I know society has cliches such as "just go out and meet people" but as we all know, such cliches aren't realistic and don't work, since all the above obstacles don't make it easy or natural at all.

Nothing is 100%. A girl giving me the cold shoulder may well be all over you. YMMV.
As an aside, you're more likely to get chatted up at a DIY home improvement store than at a Walmart. :wink:


I don't need 100 percent anything. A 5 or 10 percent hit rate would be good enough. But that's very hard in the US. You are talking fantasy here. Your reality is in TV sitcoms, not in real life. Women in suburban neighborhoods are married and do not chat up single guys in the neighborhood who are outside doing stuff. Even if you have friendly neighbors who will chat with you or say hi, it's just superficial chat. They don't invite you over and stuff like they do on TV.

In America people keep a polite distance. It's a "You mind your own business, I mind my own business, let's just wave politely if we see each other" type of society.

Home improvement store? Excuse me, but women rarely go to Home Depot or Ace Hardware, and if they do, they are getting stuff for their family because they are married. What world do you live in? There are more women in Walmart. But women there do not talk to strangers. What fantasy land do you live in?
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby Winston » Mon Jun 15, 2015 9:46 pm

Adama wrote:I think it is very easy to find women in America, if you are perfectly American like everyone else.

If you are mostly normal or average, just like everyone else, then you will have no problem. It won't even matter if you are ugly or short or poor. On the surface you think it is about that. Don't get me wrong, if you are all three then there may be a problem, but if you are only one of those, then that is likely not the problem.

The problem is we aren't normal in some intangible way. It must be psychological, mental or spiritual.

Winston is right when he pegs it on culture. Culture is a significant part of it. If everyone in the culture is an idiot following stupid trends, you are going to seem very odd if you don't follow those trends. You will look even worse if you don't follow and openly start questioning why people are following ridiculous trends.

I think most Americans are far more mentally sick than the average person who isnt from North America (or Oz, UK, etc Anglosphere crap). You have to jump through more hoops to get with an English speaking woman, they are actively looking for reasons to reject you while foreign women mostly don't do that, and they are paradoxically less feminine while taking a very passive role in courtship.

Somehow most men adapt okay to this upside down culture. But we don't.

That's why I conclude that if you are mostly normal (everything is normal about you except for maybe one thing which can be overcome), then you'll have less of a problem than if you are abnormal.


Great points Adama. That's getting to the heart of the matter. Welcome back by the way. Nice to have you back again.

Yes there seems to be something intangible here. It's not something simple. Perhaps it's something that can't be put into words. That's why I mentioned stuff like "different wavelength" or "different soul".

Maybe it's because we are contrarians that like to oppose the mainstream. Something inside us wants to run against the CURRENT in a different direction than most people. We are like trying to swim UPSTREAM against the current for some reason. Maybe our souls are antimatter or something (or we are matter and this world is antimatter). lol. That's the best way I can put it. Maybe we just don't belong in this world, or at least not in modern Western countries.

Another plausible explanation is that we are angry, jaded, resentful and full of negative vibes, which turns off people. However, I would doubt that most Americans are positive people and we are negative people. Most Americans have a hot temper and short fuse too, which means that they are angry and boiling deep down too, because underneath a short fuse is usually a boiling anger that is suppressed subconsciously.

And besides, telling us that we are "too negative" or "lack confidence" are usually just shaming tactics. They aren't objective facts or measurable attributes that can be seen or touched or quantified.

I don't know. Deep down I just feel that we are swimming in a different current in a different direction than everyone else is. That's the feeling I get. We don't swim in the same current that most people do. That's the best way I can put it.

But then, I gotta wonder something else. Why can't we date those American girls who consider themselves freespirits and hippies and holistic focused, who are anti-corporation and anti-government? There are many of those types too in artsy towns such as Austin, TX and Ashland, OR. Aren't they rebels and freespirits too? Aren't they counter-culture too? Don't they hate big business, big pharma, and authority too? If so, why can't we vibe with them or date them? Any of you date such girls? If so, what was it like?
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby Adama » Mon Jun 15, 2015 9:56 pm

That is exactly it. Spiritual resonance. We don't resonate with many people. This is probably something beyond our control, except for possibly moving to a foreign country, which isnt a guarantee at all. It is probably more important to seek out the individuals you resonate with, rather than trying to switch continents, if that is possible.
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby Winston » Mon Jun 15, 2015 10:08 pm

I have another theory and explanation:

My friend Rock told me that he finds white American girls to be intimidating and scary, which causes him to feel withdrawn. But when he is in Asia, he can easily be social and talkative with Asian girls and be himself. So he's not like that with all girls, just with white girls. This might contain an important clue here.

It seems that if you are a HIGHLY SENSITIVE guy, you won't vibe well with white American girls for some reason. You cannot talk to them on the same channel and wavelength. They rub you the wrong way. Even if they are friendly and like you, it's still hard to feel comfortable around them. It's hard to explain in words. But I feel the same way. Besides being fake and not down-to-earth, there is something about them that "pushes our buttons" in the wrong ways that causes us to feel uncomfortable and intimidated. We simply can't be ourselves or feel comfortable around them or even have a decent conversation with them.

The thing is, when I talk to Rock in person or on the phone, I feel that he and I are on the same "radio station" or "frequency". It's like we are tuned in to the same wavelength on the same channel. But white American women seem to be on another wavelength in some bizarro world.

It's kind of like a shy timid cat trying to vibe with an extroverted dog. That's the best way I can put it. An extroverted dog is going to intimidate a shy timid cat. They aren't going to be attracted to each other and will not have any chemistry. Both will think the other is WEIRD and rub each other the wrong way. It's like oil and water trying to mix.

Do you guys understand what I mean? Do any of you feel the same way?

So the point is: If you are HIGHLY SENSITIVE, withdrawn and introverted, you just won't feel comfortable socially in America and especially around white American girls. They are like on some white trash frequency that we don't know how to vibe with or connect with at all. Know what I mean?
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby Adama » Mon Jun 15, 2015 10:48 pm

Winston wrote:
Great points Adama. That's getting to the heart of the matter. Welcome back by the way. Nice to have you back again.



Thanks. You guys are making me feel like Don Draper from Mad Men.
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby Adama » Mon Jun 15, 2015 10:56 pm

Winston wrote:I have another theory and explanation:

My friend Rock told me that he finds white American girls to be intimidating and scary, which causes him to feel withdrawn. But when he is in Asia, he can easily be social and talkative with Asian girls and be himself. So he's not like that with all girls, just with white girls. This might contain an important clue here.

It seems that if you are a HIGHLY SENSITIVE guy, you won't vibe well with white American girls for some reason. You cannot talk to them on the same channel and wavelength. They rub you the wrong way. Even if they are friendly and like you, it's still hard to feel comfortable around them. It's hard to explain in words. But I feel the same way. Besides being fake and not down-to-earth, there is something about them that "pushes our buttons" in the wrong ways that causes us to feel uncomfortable and intimidated. We simply can't be ourselves or feel comfortable around them or even have a decent conversation with them.

The thing is, when I talk to Rock in person or on the phone, I feel that he and I are on the same "radio station" or "frequency". It's like we are tuned in to the same wavelength on the same channel. But white American women seem to be on another wavelength in some bizarro world.

It's kind of like a shy timid cat trying to vibe with an extroverted dog. That's the best way I can put it. An extroverted dog is going to intimidate a shy timid cat. They aren't going to be attracted to each other and will not have any chemistry. Both will think the other is WEIRD and rub each other the wrong way. It's like oil and water trying to mix.

Do you guys understand what I mean? Do any of you feel the same way?

So the point is: If you are HIGHLY SENSITIVE, withdrawn and introverted, you just won't feel comfortable socially in America and especially around white American girls. They are like on some white trash frequency that we don't know how to vibe with or connect with at all. Know what I mean?



I am highly sensitive as well, and it has taken me this long to figure out that I shouldnt take things so seriously. Sometimes you just got to let it go.

But I agree entirely with your point. I think to further define the problem, it is that American women have masculine energy and they are mostly superficial and only care about money and status. So it leaves some men with an uncertainty as to how to handle these manly women. Do you try to out-masculine their behavior? Do you submit? And will they object if you try to lead them? These are delicate issues with the AW. Many will not follow you just because you are the man. They expect the man to know this delicate gender role balance, and even then, AWs are likely to try to fight a man for control. (American women's goal is to take control and maintain control while telling men it is about equality.) Whereas with the foreign women, they either expect the man to lead, or they have no problem leading when the man is unable.

So if you are a shy guy with a Swedish girl, you're in luck cause possibly she will ask you for a date, instead of you having to ask her. Whereas with an American woman, they expect things to run like clockwork and they expect the man to know exactly what to do in every step of courtship. If you make one misstep, she may call it all off. But she won't even tell you where you screwed up. That is also proof that you are unpopular and unsuccessful with women (or too introverted), if you don't know what to do, failing the social status test.

You will not have that problem with most foreign women.

Also, the first question Americans will ask you after "how are you" is, "So... what type of work do you do?" They call this small talk, but really it is a wallet biopsy for women, and rooster measuring for men.

I also think that many American women don't like men per se. They really like what men can do for them, rather than the men themselves. So if she determines that you can not do anything for her (make her look cool, "protect her" or some other nonsense she's made up in her head), then she will dismiss you.
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby MatureDJ » Tue Jun 16, 2015 1:11 am

I've never heard of anyone finding a great woman to date at a church singles social.


OK, I'll go through all the women, more or less that I've dated in the USA from the late '70s (when I was in 8th grade) up until the mid '90s (when I was about 30), when a combination of seemingly no decent women that found me interesting, and my discovery of Eastern European women made me more or less not look back.

I should start out by saying that I attended an all-boys school from 6th to 12th grade, so there was no "Fast Times At Ridgemont High" for me - followed by engineering courses in college (but at least did have women around.)

I guess my first "girlfriend" was 13 years old that somehow knew someone who knew someone, etc., who pointed out that she "liked" me. A few weeks later, she blew me off, and few weeks later, she was interested in a friend of mine. She continued to do this with my whole circle of friends. We came to find out that being white trash, she had had a reputation of being slutty before meeting us (and not acting slutty with us). I & one of these friends saw her a few years later, and she seemed pretty level headed.

I guess my next one was a few years later, that I met through a friend of a friend. I mentioned that i thought she was hot to her friend, and her friend just gave me her number. After a month or so, I took the hint that she seemed to not be interested (I think I barely got to do a small smooch on the lips.)

In college, I met a bunch of coeds at the bars, and had a few near-or-home-run ONSs, but either I or her didn't care to continue. However, there was a coed that played on an intramural team I was on that I had some interest. I blew it off until I saw the next year out one night, and we had a few months fling (no sex, but plenty of kissing), until I started to get the hint and just stopped calling.

Out of college a few years later, at a friend's wedding at my hometown (I was living on the other side of the country in CA, where for the first time I really felt like I had no chance with women), another friend's date told me that she thought I as sex (he was working in her office and kept on bothering her for a date, so she decided to go to this.) She was fairly good looking, although with a strange personality. It was bit awkward with my friend (we made up a few years later when he invited me to HIS wedding.) We were hot & heavy for that week I was there, and then did the long-distance thing, but when I invited her out to CA (I paid for her ticket), she didn't want to have sex with me, as she thought that we had been too quick. Suffice it to say that I was not in the best of moods. I ended up relocating back home (not to just get back to living near her, but getting back to my hometown), and she was very cold, and I told her I didn't want this any more. I don't know if this is true, but another guy that I knew that worked with her said she ended up getting with a prison-release inmate. I should say here that a few years later at a few other weddings, I was able to dance & talk with an attractive young woman while in my late 20's; unfortunately, these were women were age 16 & 15 (that 15 year old was long distance in any case, although the 16 year old was local; I asked for her number, but she said that she had a "boyfriend".)

When I got back home (working as an engineer with virtually no women around), I started hitting the pub scene with some of my old gang, but really didn't get anywhere with any women that way. The next one was one that was going to school with a friend's girlfriend, and I met her for a little while at a local festival. This friend's girlfriend called me and said that she really liked me. I could tell she really liked me, and at the time, she was pretty decent looking, but she started to gain weight very quickly and actually dumped me with a BS reason before she REALLY blew up (no sex involved.) I sort of figured out what was going on, and although it was a shock, I began to see that it was a good thing in the ends. A few years later she started calling me, and we started hanging out; it was weird as she was cool to hang out with, but I didn't feel any romance for her then, although I think she was trying to test to see if I did. She was a big-time Catholic and she got me to go to a single's dance that one of the parishes put on; ironically, she ended up meeting her eventual husband that night (he was quite obese, someone that she felt would continue to find her attractive.)

So I started to go to these single's dances. Now although a lot of times, the pickings were not so good (lots of 40-something women most of the time), occasionally, a decent young woman would show up. It seemed to me that the whole idea of a "single''s dance" tended to put just about any woman there into the mood to meet men, unlike the standard type of mood at the pub scene. Also, one didn't need to come up with a pickup line - just a simple "would you like to dance?". from which interest could be garnered. And I must say, although the pickings were light, for a few years, I maintained a pretty good percentage of getting a phone number and at least a date from any decent woman that ventured in. I got 2 notable girlfriends during that time - one woman that was very sensual but rather bitchy (she dumped me after a few hot & heavy months), and then another one with a very nice personality that wanted to "cool down" after after a few months as I had come to find out that when I had met her, she had just ended a relationship with a boyfriend of a few years, and only because he has to take a job out of town (the economy as a bit rough in my location at that time); along with that guy, she had 2 other men that had asked her to marry (i.e., she turned down 3 proposals!) We saw each other every now and then for another year or so, and gradually lost touch until I happened to meet her out one evening - but by then I was just getting interested in foreign women, and just got tired of women who didn't have strong interest in me, so I didn't proceed with rekindling anything.

Now I should also say that during that time in the early '90s as well, I started getting into the country music scene a bit and although I was totally blown off any time I tried to initiate anything, a few times, some decent women did the initiation, and I got a phone number and a date or two (including one cougar that was about 7 years older at age 34 with the smokingest body I've ever had a date with, domestic OR foreign!), but I was always got blown off. One of those women was rather interesting as she had an ex-stepfather that worked with me; of course I introduced myself to him (he was a man in his late 50s and was semi-crippled with a very bad limp - he turned out to be really cool!) Anyway, HE started going to some Baptist church socials where he met that woman's mother - who had 4 kids at the time! He said that although the mom would screw like a rabbit in heat, she had some "emotional problems", and he basically bailed out at after getting hit with dining plates too many times!

And all throughout the '90s, I've had slight hints by friends' wives about their friends, but they were all rough, if not fat as well. Interetingly I have a friend a few years older, and he's basically given up on a decent woman, and simply dates whatever his 40-something friends throw at him, or that he can pick up (this guy is a major pubcrawler and is almost as well known at a few places as Norm from Cheers!) i think he's dated a few grandmothers. LOL. He says that 3-date sex is as automatic as an NFL extra point.

After that, I started traveling to Eastern Europe, and pretty much blew off American women. There were a few times, when I started hitting swing dance nights at one particular pub, and even though there were some decent young women, they mostly seemed to be college-age at a time I was in my late '30s, so I wasn't getting much reciprocation. Of course there were some of those same 40-something women that I would dance with who were a pleasure to talk to and hang around with (and with whom I probably could have banged, but why?) Between that a little pubbing (which I did mainly just to hang out with friends and not really to pick up on any women), I really started to realize that after the mid-'90s, there were really hardly any decent women around. If I had been stuck with only American women, I would have been a complete monk after the mid-'90s.

Finally, for whatever reason, I heard about that same church parish having those same dances, and decided to show up. There were a few decent looking, but older women there that blew me off - but the interesting thing was that I met someone about my age that went to my high school (he was slightly crippled as evidently he had had some major head injury when he was young, although it didn't seem to hurt his intelligence, but made him obviously "defective" to any woman) and another one that went to my high school, but a few years younger (he was normal.) We got into a great conversation about how hard it was to meet women, both when we were in high school, and at that time in the early '00s.

So that's my story. I hope you all have enjoyed it.
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Re: How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

Postby BlackKnight » Tue Jun 16, 2015 5:16 am

Winston wrote:
Teal Lantern wrote:
Winston wrote:But not young women, no way, they are the most averse to talking to strangers.

Sheeeiiiiit. :lol: Let her like your looks or think you have something she wants, she'll come up with a reason to say something to you.
They can be quite aggressive about this, too. Painting your house? Putting in a new driveway? Have a remodel going on? Doing some of your own car repair?
Suddenly soft voices and smiling faces are greeting you 'Good morning', when you're checking the mailbox or tending your yard. :roll: :lol:


Winston wrote:Now I know society has cliches such as "just go out and meet people" but as we all know, such cliches aren't realistic and don't work, since all the above obstacles don't make it easy or natural at all.

Nothing is 100%. A girl giving me the cold shoulder may well be all over you. YMMV.
As an aside, you're more likely to get chatted up at a DIY home improvement store than at a Walmart. :wink:


I don't need 100 percent anything. A 5 or 10 percent hit rate would be good enough. But that's very hard in the US. You are talking fantasy here. Your reality is in TV sitcoms, not in real life. Women in suburban neighborhoods are married and do not chat up single guys in the neighborhood who are outside doing stuff. Even if you have friendly neighbors who will chat with you or say hi, it's just superficial chat. They don't invite you over and stuff like they do on TV.

In America people keep a polite distance. It's a "You mind your own business, I mind my own business, let's just wave politely if we see each other" type of society.

Home improvement store? Excuse me, but women rarely go to Home Depot or Ace Hardware, and if they do, they are getting stuff for their family because they are married. What world do you live in? There are more women in Walmart. But women there do not talk to strangers. What fantasy land do you live in?


Lol, that really depends on WHAT city/state you're talking about pal. Also your looks, race and class play a part... The whole USA isn't the SF bay area or Seattle. On the West coast, people are pretty simple minded and weak, so they don't have much to say about anything. In fact, most are absolutely BORING and don't even have bad personalities... they just don't have personalities. Same thing in parts of Australia. So good luck chatting up construction equipment. Now if you take a trip down south or the east coast you'll find a different story(that is if you look like me). On the West coast, if you want to find a smart bitch, aim for girls who are rejecting the mainstream culture (whilst not necessarily aware that is what they are doing). They will retreat to places where they can communicate ideas such a collage classes or events like salsa dancing and music performance. It's basically the same thing you do overseas. The bitches who dig foreigners are rejecting mainstream culture.
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