Happier Abroad Forum Community

This is an addendum to my anti-soulmate piece on Winston, where everyone got into a tizzy about some racial/ethnic clash between the Chinese and the Filipinos.

Ppl, you're melding the concepts of dating, love, parenthood, ethnicities, and all that stuff, trying to figure out how it matches with Winston's story arc.

Really, it's a lot easier than all that jazz. The theme here is Winston's got a long term case of soulmate-itis. In a sense, it's the Hepatitis B (corrected by House MD) of longing, where no matter what, the treatments vary but the condition remains.

After the age of let's say 35, many ppl's psychic liver rejects this ailment and they settle down into some situation, whatever that may be. Yes, most ppl develop antibodies to this disease. Dealing with the reality of relationships is a lot different than longing for some religious experience.

In Win's case, this situation persists. If I had the ailment, living in the northeast, I'd stage my treatment plan a bit differently.

I'd basically create fake relationships with esc@rts in Nova Scotia, Quebec City, Montreal, Ottawa, and Toronto, seeing a different one every other month, and while I'm in those arrangements, be madly infatuated, but immediately ... move to the next hoe, while the prior one is still fresh in my mind. What this does is allow the illusions to persist, without ever having to come down to Earth. And since everyone is in "the know", there are no hurt feelings.

For Win, living in east Asia, this is a lot easier and considerably cheaper. He can easily bounce around between Chinese, Taiwanese, and Filipino regions, falling in love with different hoes, never spending enough time to really get to know them. In the end, it's all love, love, love without any connection to the realities of day to day life. If he did this and was actually honest about it, he'd be a very happy guy.

In fact, there's a 50 year old Bostonian, a friend of Mel and I, who may be doing exactly that, but he's wise enough, not to advertise it to the general public. I know that he's successful, jovial, and loves to drink like a fish. Plus, he's an exercise maniac, so between that and his vitamin/supplements, he seems to metabolize alcohol pretty well.

Yes, this guy is for real. He never frets about companionship or any of that stuff. He's relatively busy, fit as an ox, and has lots of friends and acquaintances.

I believe his last official GF was a Filipina nurse, working in the Boston area. Today, he's unattached but doesn't care. Sure, he bangs hoes up north (given his road trip schedule) but doesn't really put it on the loudspeaker. In a sense, he's like me but w/o someone like Mel in his life and thus, it's clear that a self-directed man can prosper in the US, if female companionship isn't center stage of one's life.

Teal Lantern wrote:Some years before joining HA, I was on a non-relationshit site and there was a guy who was retired and not married and had no kids.
He would occasionally mention his always-broke brother, and how his nieces and nephews always had their hands out, too.
Probably served as a regular reminder of the "joy" he'd missed out on.

Hey, sounds like a familiar situation.

What's interesting is that our 50 year old buddy is a high end computer consultant. I believe that during the post market crash period, circa 2010, he went a full 10+ months w/o being able to get a paid assignment, given all the budgets which were skewered during the post-crisis period. For that year off work, he didn't fret one bit, as he had plenty in the bank, for a no of years at a time. This was when he'd decided not to get married nor have any kids. I guess his Filipina nurse GF wanted the family/eggs nest during that time and he realized that being able to support oneself w/o a paying job was a better fail safe option in life.

Anyways, given the fact that a bottle of gin is at most some ~$40, he's able to support himself, pretty well. I mean even the biggest alcoholic can't consume more than $20 worth per day

Having sex with 1,000 different prostitutes doesnt sound very fulfilling to me. Don't get me wrong. It sounds like it could be A LOT of fun, but it would not be fulfilling. It would be empty, especially financially. <ouch> Sounds like a waste of money to me. Besides that, who wants to swap body fluids with someone who has done it with thousands of other people? I don't like the idea of licking a toilet seat, and unlike toilet seats, you can not clean out a woman by using bleach sani-wipes.

Personal question: Does your wife/girlfriend know you've had sex with hundreds of sex workers? I am not trying to be a jerk. I am just wondering if women are forgiving for that kind of past.

Teal Lantern wrote:Some years before joining HA, I was on a non-relationshit site and there was a guy who was retired and not married and had no kids.
He would occasionally mention his always-broke brother, and how his nieces and nephews always had their hands out, too.
Probably served as a regular reminder of the "joy" he'd missed out on.

I feel sorry for that man. He let his love of money stop him from having a wife and children. More than likely he was unable to connect with a woman, and like most MGTOW, he rationalizes by saying he would rather have/keep money than be married with children. Any man who would prefer to be rich over having a family doesn't deserve to have a family. But the truth is, almost none of those men were ever going to be rich, with or without a woman.

Basically I am saying the love of money is the excuse but not the reason. He's still talking aloud (to you) in an attempt to convince himself that is the truth. Don't fall for it.

Adama wrote:Personal question: Does your wife/girlfriend know you've had sex with hundreds of sex workers? I am not trying to be a jerk. I am just wondering if women are forgiving for that kind of past.

Seeing that her and I had made some road trips up north together, it's not an issue

Plus, if you're really worried about bacteria, if you look around nature, there are plenty of staph and other colonies, all over the place, even in ambient conditions. The truth is that as a species, we need to live in harmony with our lesser organisms in the neighborhood. Otherwise, chances are, everyone will end up like Howard Hughes, living in fear of every bacteria out there, holed up in some penthouse with Lysol pads in every corner.

Adama wrote:Any man who would prefer to be rich over having a family doesn't deserve to have a family. But the truth is, almost none of those men were ever going to be rich, with or without a woman.

Can't speak for Teal's friend but for my pal there, no one's getting stinking rich. I think this is known as the condition of upper middle-to-lower rich where after one's rent-or-mortgage/car/and basic bills are paid, the rest go into savings/retirement vehicles and thus, going for epochs w/o a job, doesn't cause one's life to go into a tailspin.

Even in my neck of the woods, here's a guy who went berserk and killed his wife and twins ...

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/11/20/mo ... e-revealed

This is basically the metro northwest 'burbs of Boston, where more or less, nothing ever happens. But when a guy loses his job and doesn't get the kind of support he needs from home, bad things happen

So the 50 year old friend there, spends his free time, presenting his work to the various technical schools in the regions and doesn't bother with women, in terms of relationships.

I believe, the age of *young, dumb, full of cum* is one's 20s and 30s. Afterwards, a lot of ppl adapt to reality and can live either with or without a spouse.

Adama wrote:I feel sorry for that man. He let his love of money stop him from having a wife and children. More than likely he was unable to connect with a woman, and like most MGTOW, he rationalizes by saying he would rather have/keep money than be married with children. Any man who would prefer to be rich over having a family doesn't deserve to have a family. But the truth is, almost none of those men were ever going to be rich, with or without a woman.

Basically I am saying the love of money is the excuse but not the reason. He's still talking aloud (to you) in an attempt to convince himself that is the truth. Don't fall for it.

He never claimed MGTOW or any other label, just a guy living his life sans ball-and-chain.
When he wanted "family" time, he could have the nieces & nephews over but he didn't have to live with them or pay their bills.

At a certain point, "no drama" beats "roller coaster of love".
Spend some time on the relationshit sections of reddit & city-data, you'll find people far more in search of sympathy.

Teal Lantern wrote:

Adama wrote:I feel sorry for that man. He let his love of money stop him from having a wife and children. More than likely he was unable to connect with a woman, and like most MGTOW, he rationalizes by saying he would rather have/keep money than be married with children. Any man who would prefer to be rich over having a family doesn't deserve to have a family. But the truth is, almost none of those men were ever going to be rich, with or without a woman.

Basically I am saying the love of money is the excuse but not the reason. He's still talking aloud (to you) in an attempt to convince himself that is the truth. Don't fall for it.

He never claimed MGTOW or any other label, just a guy living his life sans ball-and-chain.
When he wanted "family" time, he could have the nieces & nephews over but he didn't have to live with them or pay their bills.

At a certain point, "no drama" beats "roller coaster of love".
Spend some time on the relationshit sections of reddit & city-data, you'll find people far more in search of sympathy.

Go to health forums, you will find all kinds of people with all kinds of diseases. So what? If you want to become a monk, why not just become a monk? I know they call this ghosting. Why not go ghost?

BTW, I said "LIKE MOST MGTOW" meaning similar to most of the men who call themselves MGTOW. I did not say I thought he was an MGTOW, only that he was acting like them. If I wanted to say he was an MGTOW, I would said, "just like the rest of the MGTOW." Later.

S_Parc wrote:

Adama wrote:Personal question: Does your wife/girlfriend know you've had sex with hundreds of sex workers? I am not trying to be a jerk. I am just wondering if women are forgiving for that kind of past.

Seeing that her and I had made some road trips up north together, it's not an issue

Plus, if you're really worried about bacteria, if you look around nature, there are plenty of staph and other colonies, all over the place, even in ambient conditions. The truth is that as a species, we need to live in harmony with our lesser organisms in the neighborhood. Otherwise, chances are, everyone will end up like Howard Hughes, living in fear of every bacteria out there, holed up in some penthouse with Lysol pads in every corner.

Adama wrote:Any man who would prefer to be rich over having a family doesn't deserve to have a family. But the truth is, almost none of those men were ever going to be rich, with or without a woman.

Can't speak for Teal's friend but for my pal there, no one's getting stinking rich. I think this is known as the condition of upper middle-to-lower rich where after one's rent-or-mortgage/car/and basic bills are paid, the rest go into savings/retirement vehicles and thus, going for epochs w/o a job, doesn't cause one's life to go into a tailspin.

Even in my neck of the woods, here's a guy who went berserk and killed his wife and twins ...

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/11/20/mo ... e-revealed

This is basically the metro northwest 'burbs of Boston, where more or less, nothing ever happens. But when a guy loses his job and doesn't get the kind of support he needs from home, bad things happen

So the 50 year old friend there, spends his free time, presenting his work to the various technical schools in the regions and doesn't bother with women, in terms of relationships.

I believe, the age of *young, dumb, full of cum* is one's 20s and 30s. Afterwards, a lot of ppl adapt to reality and can live either with or without a spouse.

What is that article supposed to be proof of? Is it proof that people murder and suicide? Yes. Is it proof of much of anything else? Well, yes, it proves that man didnt love himself, his wife, and especially not his children. How do I know this? He murdered ALL of them. Could you see yourself murdering someone because you might lose custody? Would you kill your children for that reason? Would you then kill yourself? No, a rational person would at least foresee that his life would end in prison or with suicide, even if he didnt love those other people. So what you have are underlying factors involved, and probably some sick minded individuals (especially the murderer).

I can't believe you guys sometimes. Thinking in such extremes, and using an extreme example as if it is commonplace. Live life in fear, rather than taking a risk.

5. He Has Threatened Suicide in the Past

According to Wicked Local, in March 2010 he called Mei Kum Jones, his then-girlfriend, and threatened suicide. After she called 911, cops eventually tracked Jones down in the Break Heart Reservation in Massachusetts.

http://heavy.com/news/2013/11/scott-jon ... r-suicide/

Scott Jones had said he wanted to kill himself two years ago, the Boston Globe reported, citing police in Arlington, Mass. He'd attempted suicide at least twice and struggle with drugs and alcohol, the Globe reports.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nationa ... -1.1521752

You can either seek the truth, or you can believe whatever it is you tell yourself.

This man has no family, no dependants, no one to rely on him or require any sort of presence of commitment. You cannot compare him to Winston, a man with an incredibly complicated personal life - he has not only a son in elementary school, but also a Filipina girlfriend-babymomma who he never had the balls to officially break up with as he sluts around China.

While one may call Winston immoral and dishonest, your middle-aged Bostonian is at least upfront with himself and his bedpartners... he does not try to desperately "have his cake and eat it too" like Winston does. That's the difference, and that is why the man in your example is succeeding at living the type of life he wants, whereas Winston never seems satisfies.

Winston wants love and commitment, but he also wants to be a free-spirited Lothario. The other man has given up on the love part and just pays for his fix of hedonism.

I think Winston just wants the most beautiful queen he can get. He will always be searching, and with every new woman, he'll get closer to his ideal goal of beauty. But life may not be long enough.

Adama wrote:What is that article supposed to be proof of? Is it proof that people murder and suicide? Yes. Is it proof of much of anything else? Well, yes, it proves that man didnt love himself, his wife, and especially not his children. How do I know this? He murdered ALL of them. Could you see yourself murdering someone because you might lose custody? Would you kill your children for that reason? Would you then kill yourself? No, a rational person would at least foresee that his life would end in prison or with suicide, even if he didnt love those other people. So what you have are underlying factors involved, and probably some sick minded individuals (especially the murderer).

That man is linked to me by roughly ~2 degrees of separation, given the tight knit nature of the greater Boston area.

And from what that first layer had communicated to the other was that he was once a happy man, who'd lost it and there was another man involved, and thus, his wife was about to leave him for the 'other' guy. This is the stuff, not in the press because obviously, this family wasn't important stuff for the regional "TMZ" report. This gossip is coming from the triple point neighborhood between Arlington, Lexington, & Winchester where yes, a lot of couples are under pressure from the high costs of living while raising a family. Fortunately, most ppl bury their woes and play 'Keeping Up With the Jones', which is why you have a facade of happy families but misery, once the covers are removed.

In other words, while his reaction was psychotic, the nature of the situation isn't too uncommon. In fact, it's so mainstream that for a lot of families to fall apart, it just takes a single job loss. The good thing is that a vast majority of the future broken homes won't have a rampage killer on the loose.

MarcosZeitola wrote:This man has no family, no dependants, no one to rely on him or require any sort of presence of commitment. You cannot compare him to Winston, a man with an incredibly complicated personal life - he has not only a son in elementary school, but also a Filipina girlfriend-babymomma who he never had the balls to officially break up with as he sluts around China.

While one may call Winston immoral and dishonest, your middle-aged Bostonian is at least upfront with himself and his bedpartners... he does not try to desperately "have his cake and eat it too" like Winston does. That's the difference, and that is why the man in your example is succeeding at living the type of life he wants, whereas Winston never seems satisfies.

Winston wants love and commitment, but he also wants to be a free-spirited Lothario. The other man has given up on the love part and just pays for his fix of hedonism.

Marcos, I'm beginning to sense that you're in a partial *young/dumb/full of cum* age zone, and thus, don't see the nature of a delusion. I'm now past 35 and don't experience *love* as a rush of endorphins or some other chemical cocktail mix but more as a general state of being, kind like a post-meditation sense of satisfaction.

Winnie, however, still experiences the chemical cocktail and as a stereotypical Pisces (his Solar astrological sign), he's able to continually jump from one fix to another, in a round robin manner. IMHO, the reason why Win is never satisfied is that coming down from a high to earth is never fun. Ask any heroin user about that one. So you can think of Pisces as spiritual experience seeking drug addict. And thus, it's one high to another. All that other jazz is the fallout of not realizing that there's a reality side of using ppl for one's psychic/narcotic episodes.

Our 50 year old Bostonian, however, being outside of the *young/dumb/full of cum* age, is able to live life using episodes of intimacy, as a narcotic, but then moving on, knowing perfectly well that it's a temporary fix, just like a short term hit of opium.

And given the fact that he's normally sipping on some Gin or Tequila (with vitamins), whenever he's either not driving, exercising, or working, he seems to have a very keen management of controlled substance abuse. If it were Win in his place, Winston would have created a massive car crash, also making the news in the greater Boston area. Our guy, on the other hand, has the taxi ordered and booked, hours in advance, prior to meeting up at the Pub.

Now that I think about it, given the amount of alcohol he consumes, I practically seldom ever see him actually drive. It's like he's got motel rooms, scoured all over the place, ready to crash after several drinks. So if there's a place with a top Prime Rib special, he'd rent a motel room about 200-500 feet away, meet up at the restaurant with friends, have 5 Martinis with his steak and crash nearby. He doesn't make any mistakes. In fact, his motor coordination, even completely drunk, is remarkable.

.

Ghost wrote:

S_Parc wrote: In fact, there's a 50 year old Bostonian, a friend of Mel and I, who may be doing exactly that, but he's wise enough, not to advertise it to the general public. I know that he's successful, jovial, and loves to drink like a fish. Plus, he's an exercise maniac, so between that and his vitamin/supplements, he seems to metabolize alcohol pretty well.

Yes, this guy is for real. He never frets about companionship or any of that stuff. He's relatively busy, fit as an ox, and has lots of friends and acquaintances.

I believe his last official GF was a Filipina nurse, working in the Boston area. Today, he's unattached but doesn't care. Sure, he bangs hoes up north (given his road trip schedule) but doesn't really put it on the loudspeaker. In a sense, he's like me but w/o someone like Mel in his life and thus, it's clear that a self-directed man can prosper in the US, if female companionship isn't center stage of one's life.

The question is what is that prosperity worth? He builds wealth and freedom and then bequeaths the wealth to the government and the freedom to the dust? The MGTOW response says exactly that, and furthermore that this is perfectly fine. The blue pill response says he needs to give it all to a harlot. There are always other options. It is of course his choice - I'm merely pointing out what a waste it is. Aside from the crass materialism of feminism and the fervent nihilism of MGTOW, other roads would be worth exploring. Sounds like a good life on paper, yet I doubt that. In the end, what will it be for? Not much it seems. I'm struggling with this myself. It's easy to fall back into the bottomless pit of "f**k everything," even while potentially being on the verge of discovering what really matters.

I don't see this guy as a f**k everything type, as unlike the Cornfeds of MGTOW, he doesn't fret about companionship whereas many MGTOWs, esp the ones on HA, have a clear anger management issue. Just look at Cornfed, how he had a mental breakdown, upon hearing that Mel and I were dating? If relationships or sorry, in his case, a relationship with a white woman wasn't important, wouldn't he simply not care? Obviously, there's envy/rage towards anyone doing better than him.

Plus, where's this so-called prosperity? When this person loses a contract or paying client, it's not like he's able to jet set at will to places like Tahiti. That's when the savings becomes his unemployment insurance. The state doesn't provide for his well being. And everyone pays taxes. The fact that you think that by some magical thinking, that you're free of the Tax Man, is also a fantasy of sorts. If you live in a society, you're under someone's jurisdiction.

In addition, he works with computers. That's both his hobby and passion. If he didn't enjoy those seminars at universities, he wouldn't be doing them. Does that mean that in the end, he'll make contributions in the same vein as an Alan Turing? Probably not, but what I see in a lot of the folks who seek is 'higher purpose' is that they have a sense of religious conviction in that there's something remarkable about their own lives when in reality, they're just alive, just like any other species on the planet.

And remember, Melville's 'Moby Dick' didn't become a classic, until long after his death. So it's not like Herman was able to sit around and boast about his Yankee *Goethe* achievement. He simply wrote and let posterity take care of itself.

.