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I'm a happily married man. But looking back at a diary of sorts, I can see that in my 20's, when I met my wife, I had some pretty good criteria for what I wanted, though my thoughts on this issue weren't as well thought out as they are now.
Here are some criteria I had and/or would suggest.
1. She has to be a serious sincere Christian.
2. A virgin.
3. Physically attractive-- to me. I was looking for what I'd consider a 9+. Thin.
4. Believe in submission to her husband.
5. Got to love me.
6. Want to cook, clean, care for husband.
7. Easy to get along with.
If I were to be young and single now knowing what I know then, I'd probably put a lot more detail. I'd be interviewing a woman on a number of issues. I'd discuss sexual expectations after marriage more thoroughly. After a while, when we discussed marriage, I'd say things that were a bit more aggressive about me being in charge to set expectations and to gauge her reaction. Then I'd look for an opportunity to be really assertive and to put my foot down early in marriage when she's still feeling out the boundaries. I wasn't firm enough about this stuff at first and had to try to recalibrate later.
My wife is Indonesian, and a lot of things I was looking for was culturally assumed. Women are supposed to cook, clean, take care of the home. They didn't have a lot of propaganda from local TV and education arguing against these things. Virginity before marriage is a cultural norm, there.
My wife was thin when I married her and I think she has some kind of skinny genes. Her dad is the thin type, and I think she inherited that. A woman can be mildly pudgy and attractive. But what is that going to look like at 40?
Of all my criteria, looks are probably the least important thing. You get used to how someone looks after time. I still appreciate my wife's good looks, but if I'd married a less attractive woman and slept with her for years, I'd probably still be happy sleeping with her years later. But it would have been hard for me to get over the looks hurdle to do that, if possible at all. So I'm glad I was blessed with a beautiful wife.
It also helps that we could both perceive God's divine hand in putting us together, from telling us things about each other, to answering prayers, to receiving a prophecy about us after I'd decided to propose that confirmed what I was doing, we were appreciative of his help and guidance. I still did my due diligence on my end to see what kind of woman she was, and I'm sure she was doing hers.
I notice something particularly foolish about American culture when it comes to dating and marriage. Some people think you are supposed to be with someone if you are 'in love' and just base it solely on feelings without even considering with their brains that God gave them, whether the other person is a good potential spouse, parent, or a good match for them personally. It makes no sense whatsoever.
- Meat eater
- 18-22 years old
- attractive face
- average or skinny body weight
- shorter than me
- willing to not work
- willing to move to usa
- native spanish speaker
- no law students
- no divorced parents
The only thing you really need to concern yourself with is whether or not she is submissive to you. If she is submissive to you, you can work out practically any problem. And if you want her to learn how to cook or to become a believer in Christ, well then she will probably figure out a way to get it done.
Society tells us that it is the man's job to please the woman, but that is submissive behavior, and if you try it, you will lose. But if you stand up and be the man, many women will respect that automatically, even the ones who think they are equal. They will fall in line, try to please you, and follow what you ask of them.
But if you get one of those women who will not do as you ask, then you will never have peace, and she will treat you with contempt. She will never appreciate you, and you will have to rely on her ability to be a righteous person in every situation, rather than knowing that she respects you and relies upon you.
Many of the things on your lists go without saying. You don't have to say them. Of course you do not want a woman who's extremely short, or fat, or who has tattoos. You don't even have to mention that. Of course you don't want a woman who has been trained to be an adversary, also known as an attorney. Of course you want a woman who is pretty.
Believe it or not, I do believe that God has written it on our hearts, and I do believe He knows what is best for us. So it is He who will bring the right type of partner to His sons. So you don't even have to worry about your list. I mean you should make sure she conforms to your list, but I don't think you need to make a long list of must haves. Everything should fall into place.
A good man is above pettiness. He is better than that.
That eliminates almost all American women. Thank goodness there are women in foreign countries who still believe in waiting until they are married before they have sex.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
I may be the last guy, marrying an American virgin.
Many years ago, the Best Picture of 1999, "American Beauty", telegraphed the message of Happier Abroad to the world.
Beware of long term engagements with AWs, you may find yourself in a coffin.
AB discussion thread
BTW, despite settling down with an AW, myself, the warning is still in effect.
Virginity is one of the most troublesome standards because it can be faked (hymen restoration surgery - although there are other ways to determine if she is a virgin) and because there are so few that are accessible to foreigners. The worst women in a given country will gravitate to foreigners first. Just get on, say, dateinasia.com and you can see the result of that. You have to really give it your all if you're looking for a virgin wife. And that's really just with Asia in mind. Going European? Keep dreaming.
Virginity is a prerequisite, but it alone isn't sufficient. I have found virgins before and there were fatal flaws with them. Two examples: too old or too crazy.
Some standards (like looks and weight) aren't set in stone for me because those things can be changed, at least somewhat. They don't need to be prerequisites either for the same reason.
Some guys get mixed up with what they should look for in a hooker with what they should look for in a wife.
Here's my criteria for a wife: (What I'm attracted to)
1.) Slim, curvy, or toned
2.) Height weight proportionate
3.) Long natural hair
4.) Beautiful face, eyes
5.) Nice thighs, breasts, legs, butt
6.) Nice foreign accent but, not required
7.) Smooth skin
8.) Looks, acts, and dresses FEMININE and takes pride in it, lady-like
9.) Can clean and cook
10.) Someone who is nice, kind, sweet, loving, not a feminist, has a respect for men
11.) Doesn't smoke
12.) Doesn't drink
13.) No children
14.) Open-minded, intellectual (but not required)
15.) I must find her physically attractive (I have my own scale)
16.) Mature on the inside/youthful looking on the outside
17.) A virgin
19.) Between the ages of 24-34
Things I don't want: (Complete turn off)
1.) Hair cut too short
3.) too many body piercings (except the ears)
4.) loud, rude, domineering personality
5.)Spoiled, entitled, gold digger
6.) Plays mind games
7.)Too tall or Too short
8.) Overweight or Obese
9.) Mentally unstable
Last edited by IraqVet2003 on December 30th, 2015, 8:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I found this post on another forum.
http://www.elitetrader.com/et/index.php ... 026/page-3
Over 5'2" but smaller than me
Does the housework
Not obese or too skinny
Preferably good size of breasts
Physically attractive to me
Good with money
Down to earth
Preferably a meat eater and non smoker
Not a heavy drinker
Not a feminist
Not high maintenance
No big tattoo's
No entitled spoilt women/gold diggers
No mind games
Not overly moody
No compulsive liars
Not a psycho
That should cover it...
Your quote about confusing the qualities to look for in a wife that a man should look for in a hooker is kind of funny. But it implies it's okay for a man to go to hookers.
I'm wondering how this is going to work out for you. I mean, usually girls who meet these criteria are looking for a man who fit their criteria. How many virgins want to be with a guy who thinks its okay to sleep with a hooker? You may either have to deceive her or else find a virgin who hast low self-esteem, is a bit foolish, or just naive because of youth.
If I were looking for a wife and I found out a potential candidate would be interested in a guy who slept with prostitutes, I would be less interested in her as a potential spouse.
It's not righteous to be rebellious against her husband.
I suppose I shouldn't have to list most of these things. But I'm surprised at the lack of criteria Americans of both gender have when it comes to making these decisions. Even when it comes to physical criteria, a lot of men marry fat women or women with lots of tattoos. If they like fat women, that's up to them I suppose. There must be some guys out there willing to marry fat girls or tattooed girls or none of these women would marry. There are fewer people marrying, percentagewise, than in the past, but it is still happening.
When it comes to character, I think it is important to have must-haves. I think a lot of men would benefit from being warned against marrying a loose woman or a woman who has been divorced. If men talked to each other about these things and men wouldn't marry divorced women, some of the women who file for 'no-fault' divorces might think twice if there were no marriage prospects down the road.