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8 posts • Page 1 of 1
When a man notices a woman's beauty, he becomes attracted to her. Her beauty implies that she must be good on the inside, just like a ripe looking apple implies that it tastes good and has lots of nutrition. She may or may not be good on the inside, but her beauty implies it. Then, if he notices that she has a good heart and is capable of love and is loveable, he then loves her romatically. Without the love, it would merely be attraction. And without the attraction, he would merely love her platonically. But because of the attraction, the love becomes romantic love.
Attraction = attraction
Love = platonic love
Attraction + Love = Romantic love
When a woman notices a man's attractive qualities (looks, attitude, etc) she becomes attracted to him. His attractive qualities do not imply inner goodness to her the way that attractiveness implies inner goodness to a man. It's just attraction, without any implication of inner goodness / worthiness of love. If she notices that he's capable of love and is a good, loving person (and if she is sane), she'll respect his qualities. Without this respect, it would just be attraction, and without the attraction (and if she's sane) it would just be respect for his qualities. But because there's both, she is attracted and respects his qualities. Note that romantic love isn't in the picture yet.
The difference is that the thing that attracts a man to a woman (external beauty) easily lends itself to the hope / assumption of inner beauty, whereas for a woman, a man's attractive qualities do not imply anything else, they are merely attraction factors.
That's why men fall in love so easily, because men see beauty and associate it with inner beauty, and sometimes they fool themselves into thinking that the woman is really loveable even if she's not.
So why is it that that so many women don't love a man even if he's attractive in some way and is also a good person? It looks as though women aren't really capable of loving a man. It looks like all they can feel is attraction. But I disagree.
For a woman to really love a man romantically (attraction + what would on its own be platonic love) she has to feel loved by the man first, and she has to feel loved on the basis of her good qualities / lovingness / loveability.
Whereas a man's love for a woman is based on what the woman is to him, a woman's love for a man is based on what she is to him, rather than on what he himself is to her. So it seems that women are very self centred. But I think that's ok. Women deep down want to be good, but they also want to be recognized / acknowledged as being good. That's where her love begins.
To a woman, when a man recognizes her good qualities, that in itself counts as a loveable quality to her. So if he's just a good person, she'll respect him, but if he's a good person who sees the goodness in her, she'll love him. Women need to be romantically loved by a man in order to romantically love a man. Respecting his good qualities isn't enough. But for a man, respecting her good qualities is enough, because he doesn't have the need to receive first.
So for a woman :
Attraction = attraction
Love = platonic love / respect
Attraction + Love = .....almost romantic love
Attraction + Love + being loved first = Romantic love
If a man wants to be romantically loved by a woman, he has to have attractive qualities, good qualities, and acknowledge her lovableness. If a woman wants to be worthy of a man's romantic love, she has to be hot and capable of love.
That's why the number one quality that men should look for in women, before anything else, is a good heart. Otherwise she's unlovable, and also incapable of love. You won't be able to love her and she won't be able to love you.
When a woman isn't loved in the real sense, she settles for compliments about her looks, and she tells herself that she's loved.
And women need to be taught to be good. Otherwise they won't be loved and they won't be able to love.
I think that anyone who says that women can't can't love men is wrong. The problem is that the game has been played all wrong.
This award winning, humble post was brought to you by Johnny1975.
Well all love is conditional. Only God can love unconditionally. I think it's fine for human love to be conditional, as long as the conditions are noble.
This video by Turd Flinging Monkey goes over how men and women are different when it comes to how we show and express love to one another.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
So is the love of a parent to a child; unconditional. Or anyway, that's the way its supposed to be. As for noble conditions, it depends on your definition of noble. I know some couples who love God more then each other, for example. One might call them "noble", but to me their relationships seem devoid of any passion, more like a bible study group or siblings then lovers. Other couples are together for less 'noble' reasons but sure have a more satisfying physical union.
I believe in love, and that there may be different types and degrees of love. But true love is unconditional. Therefore, true love may be a rare and precious find.
Parent to child is the closest thing to unconditional. But in terms of romantic love, or even friendship, nothing is unconditional, and I've got no problem with that. That's just how it is and I don't think it's wrong. When I say noble, I mean based on someone's good qualities. A woman can love you, but she has to know that she's loved first, whereas a man can love a woman without knowing that she loves him, because his love is based on what he notices about her.
To a woman, a man's love of her is a good quality in itself, and it's a necessary one. I suppose she interprets that as him being capable of loving, and therefore having good qualities himself. I think men should compliment women less on looks and more on her good qualities. Women want to be good, but they need to be acknowledged for being good. It seems selfish to men, because men don't need that themselves as much, but I guess that's what they need, I suppose that's just a quirk that needs to be dealt with. As long as she's a good person, that's all that matters to me.
Boy Marcos, ppl like you have never met my dad. For him, it's very conditional. It's about whether or not you fit his vision of what a family is suppose to be. If not, then forget about it, he'll throw you out on the streets.
16 years ago, the Best Picture of 1999, "American Beauty", telegraphed the message of Happier Abroad to the world.
Beware of long term engagements with AWs, you may find yourself in a coffin.
AB discussion thread
BTW, despite settling down with an AW, myself, the warning is still in effect.
This is not an easy question to answer. However, I believe that true love is unconditional. Much more easily said than done, but I believe in it. I don't even bother posting on this forum nowadays because it is filled with talk but no action.