Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar!
View Active Topics View Your Posts Latest 100 Topics Mobile Theme Dark Theme
Discuss and talk about any general topic.
This is the thing James, the socialist Ponzi counterfeiting con job has allocated resources where they do not belong and created this whole gig for the most part. Our rulers pumped America up since WW 2 because it was a good bet because you had a small percentage of the masses who brought us here technologically speaking.
In the process the whole entire economy has become so efficient these jobs are no longer needed so the youth are chit out of luck, The college bubble is just another part of the Ponzi scheme to prop the debt bubble up till they are ready to let it collapse again then do more war and depopulate in the process.
You cannot blame our rulers totally, everybody for the most part signed up for planet Ponzi not really ?ing where it was going, what it was, and what it meant for future generations.
Yes we all allowed a system to be set up to where we are managed by spread sheet in a house of cards and now it's ready to collapse practically everywhere. The baton has been planned to be passed to China as the next world reserve currency and the US has been slated from the very top to loose the next great conflict and be arranged into mega cities as laid out in UN 21 after the majority of us are DEAD.
The youth has been dumped on hard by previous generations signing up for a infinite growth paradigm in a finite world of resources by monetary policy. Plain and simple the money completely runs this system! Just ask House MD " who cares as long as I get mine " as spoken by the good doctor..........
Time to Hide!
The most important a young person can do - any young person...is put their foot down and develop individual borders, a self, a healthy psychology.
Doesn't matter what your parents are like, if they're controlling, manipulative, whatever... to be able to just put the foot down, is important. That is the # 1 thing, because it saves you a healthy personality.
Later in life, you'll be thankful for it, because you won't be f*cked up, with loads of issues because you let someone walk all up side of you and down you, breaking your autonomy, that is the number one thing to developing a healthy self, confidence, value, a healthy self-esteem. Ignore family politics. These seek to drag you down at all costs, say f*ck you and walk away...nothing is worth giving away your healthy self-esteem. If your family really cared about you, they'd understand anyway - and respect your ability at your feelings, individuality. Right? That's the litmus test for a healthy or toxic family.
I came from a toxic family, unfortunately - It was one of those families that pretended it was all perfect on the outside, but really - it was f*cked up on the inside, there was guilt and shame everywhere. Anger, unhealthy enmeshment..politics. No healthy individuality - that's the thing. The family will say it's perfect, and that everything's fine, so it's confusing... it's very psychologically confusing to understand that. Some of the most dysfunctional families are the best on the outside - and they'll lie and say that everything's alright. Some of the most f*cked up families are like that, they are the "perfect" model families where they pretend that everything's perfect all the time, it looks perfect to "outsiders", like a model home.
No one can disagree, or else your committing heresy. Often times, there are issues inside the family like unhealthy dynamics, rage, control, abuse, manipulation. It takes a lot of work to try to create the "perfect family". You can guarantee families that are focused on that are not focused on a healthy way.
I came from such a family, and I'm really f*cked up. It took me a lot to write this, it's hard. You still have bastards on here who will try to blame you for how you are, oftentimes they have many reasons for saying what they say - often it's that they came from such a similar family; they are lashing out..it triggers something in them.
Sometimes, you just need to separate and put your foot down, and say "f**k you" I'm not doing that. "I'm doing what I want" and tell that person to go get f***ed.
Healthy families will respect you, and your feelings; and provide you room for your own autonomy; there'll be no struggle for your to find room to be yourself. Toxic families will run you down with shame, guilt, abuse, manipulation, GUILT. they will ostracize and excommunicate you for any way you choose to go different from them. The fact that this is tolerated as normal in so many families is proof that there's a lot of dysfunction out there, a lot of unhealthy families, and people, sadly.
It's this what I wish I'd done growing up, which I must sort of do 'now'.
Nothings more important than a healthy sense of self, autonomy. No matter what, not even your own family - because you have to live your life at your best, at what expense or/cost. It's your health, do it.
Or you'll do it later in life, when you're older. You'll still have to develop it, so why not now when you're young.
This goes for school, work, home, family and anywhere.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
It's narcissistic abuse. It's very real. It sounds like your family is narcissistic.
You know, I'm going over this...and I can't decide if you're right, or if I've adopted some liberal ways of thinking that made me ...hate control, and see it as oppressive rather than,a necessary function.
I'm so confused. It depends on how you look at the issue....but no matter how I see it they never say he's controlling. The holy wrath of God comes down on me from them at that point. I think there's something to this, what I'm saying.
Psychologys done a lot of meddling into family dynamics and tearing apart the family. Haven't you noticed that....
I don't know, I feel positively ill from thinking about this.
I honestly think it is how you see it. Yes, there is narcissism and control but none of it was ill intentioned.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
Start trusting in your own instincts. You've probably been confused all your life, if people have been lying to you all your life to get you to perform for them, like a monkey.
Before you dismiss narcissistic abuse, spend a few hours researching it. Not just the psychological definition, because those quacks want you to believe that it is a rare 2% of people, when it is probably closer to 85% of people.
After the boomer generation, this doesn't surprise me. They are the incarnation of filth and instant gratification, narcissism and selfishness. I'm putting it lightly.
You're right I am. I've had a rough, a very rough run of things in life... I've had a very hard time, and it's not fair - none of it is. Its, I think about how all my life I spent just filling someone else's vessel for them. It makes me so mad...nothing I can do. I've never been needy, I was in fact, the least needy in my entire whole family. I can say that with authority and the truth. I just wanted to please everyone and make everyone happy. It was the selfishness of others which trumped me, and eventually turned me into a rage-a -holic. I will not suffer for these people, or anyone else anymore; though it's not natural to me, I will try to get my needs met (probably because I've never had them met before, or ever even knew I had any ).
Such a disgusting sad world we live in, where the selfish come first, and the good are always suffering.
I can't even be selfish like that to meet my needs if I tried, I always feel bad; it's like I wasn't supposed to have any needs whatsoever. Just tried to be invisible.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
US culture values youth. Old people do not get due respect. It is normal for older people to talk to young people with little life experience as if they are young people with little life experience.
A lot of how you feel in response to how other people treat you has to do with the way you think about yourself. If you hang around people who really do treat you badly because you are young or don't have money, then find some other people to hang around with who encourge you.
These young people may have been given some bad advice at times, ("Go to college. If you want to major in Women's Studies/African American Studies/Psychology/Communications, go ahead.") The majors they take may not translate well into jobs that can earn them a living, but they choose to borrow and study. Under Obama, the government has made it so that many people will only have to pay off a percentage of their loan no higher than the maximum tax rate if their earnings do not go too high.
What country do you live in? American teenagers aren't allowed to work full time until they reach a certain age. Most of them have lots of free time, that they can use to watch TV, play video games, or do 'self exploration'-- whatever you mean by that.
For some reason, young people think that they are entitled to get a job, that society owes them. Maybe this comes from growing up under an administration controlled by the Democrats. Where does the sense of entitlement come from? Does it come from getting trophies just for showing up for T-ball games?
Medicating active kids is a problem. Before public education, the alternatives for many children were working on the farm all day or until working until dark in a factory.
Young people should respect their elders. They are entitled to less respect than their parents. That is the natural order of things, something US society needs to remember.
Old people are supposed to sit around all day worrying about your happiness? I'd like my kids to be happy, but if it is a choice between their happiness in the moment and preparing themselves to support themselves and function normally in society in the future as adults, I choose the later. Temporary happiness of the children should not be the top priority. They'd just play video games, swim, jump in the bouncy house, and eat ice cream and french fries all day if we did that.
Maybe you had a rougher time of it than I did. I think a lot of young people live with their folks until they are 30, though other young folks may look down on it. Public education isn't the most practical kind in the world. I think only the kids who can't take the regular math courses learned to manage their bills when I was in school.
That probably doesn't apply to most.
So you are female? That is rare around here. I hope you don't find most of the posts too incredibly offensive.
And that's normal. That's the way life is. Maybe you should try not to obsess about controlling such things and be concerned with what you can control.
Be content with such things as you have. If you don't try to measure the value of your life by the money and possessions you have, life might be less stressful.
Who owes you the money? If I were under 18, could I come to you and demand money from you for being 28 years old? I suppose you could campaign to overturn the overly heavy-handed child labor laws.
And parents spend a lot of money on their kids, even if they don't give their kids money. When I was a teenager, if I had a part-time job, I had money. If I did not, I had to hit my dad up for money on an ad hoc basis. I'd ask for so many dollars to eat out over the weekend at some kind of activity.
Btw, if I had under-18-year-old child who thought there wasn't anything else to do besides get wasted, I would be hesitant about giving him or her any money.
So what do you propose? Just vote it into law that everyone be rich and be allowed to lounge around on their own yacht all day? Where is the money going to come from.
A few hundred years ago, many of our ancestors had to build a fire to cook. Many of them made their own clothes by hand, or someone in the family did. They used animal urine or their own urine to treat the thread that they made the cloth from. They had dirt floors in their houses. Instead of flush toilets, they would use a hole in the ground. Men worked all day in the fields, and women worked inside and out, canning food.
There were no TVs, radios, or video games. There were no automobiles. If you wanted to go somewhere, you had to walk there, or if you were rich enough, use a horse. If it was hot, there was no air conditioner.
That's a nice rosey picture of the rest of the world. Most of the world is probably poorer than the country you grew up in.
Dentist at 19? Either this was a kid genius who went to school early, or someone I would not want to go to to take care of my teeth. In Indonesia, there are dentists who study for it, and there are 'tooth experts' who do an apprenticeship, I guess.
Calm down. Stop being mad at life. That's no way to improve things and get ahead. Learn to be thankful to God for the good things you have received. A change of attitude can work wonders for your emotional condition.
2 Timothy 3 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)
3 But understand this, that in the last days will come (set in) perilous times of great stress and trouble [hard to deal with and hard to bear].
2 For people will be lovers of self and [utterly] self-centered, lovers of money and aroused by an inordinate [greedy] desire for wealth, proud and arrogant and contemptuous boasters. They will be abusive (blasphemous, scoffing), disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy and profane.
3 [They will be] without natural [human] affection (callous and inhuman), relentless (admitting of no truce or appeasement); [they will be] slanderers (false accusers, troublemakers), intemperate and loose in morals and conduct, uncontrolled and fierce, haters of good.
4 [They will be] treacherous [betrayers], rash, [and] inflated with self-conceit. [They will be] lovers of sensual pleasures and vain amusements more than and rather than lovers of God.
Check this out. You know how when you sing a song that sometimes you feel better? Well instead of doing that, I just read my favorite Bible chapters and verses on these hypocrites and reprobates, in either the King James or Amplified Bible. It really makes me feel much better to read them aloud to myself, to hear it in my own voice, with even proper inflection. Specifically 2 Peter 2, 2 Timothy 3, Jude, and practically all the Psalms are about God's vengeance on these people, how people are aiming at King David's heart and soul to destroy them, how evil people are just seeking to hurt good people for no reason. They were meant to be sung. The whole book of Proverbs warns us about the proud and arrogant, those who are perverse and froward (perverse), the scorners and slanderers, those with subtil and deceptive hearts filled with guile, the evil workers. You should read those too. It will give you a really deep understanding into all these matters.
Adama, why is it not possible to send you a private message? I want to send you a message in your inbox but am not able.
With that said, it's a tricky call. Parenting, I'm honestly afraid to have kids myself because of I'm not sure of it.
I think in my house, I had a good chance of developing what you would call borderline traits...those happen when an environment I emotionally unexpressive - and a great deal of emphasis is put on restriction of emotions.
What this can create in some kids is that cycle where there are building emotions because the kid doesn't know how to express them, then they explode - then comes incredible guilt and shame because everyone around you in in almost perfect control of their emotions. Instead of a smooth line of emotional regulation.
To this day, too much acknowledgement of emotions doesn't occur in my family. They just don't think about it too much, just like any other family. It is only a problem with sensitive persons, or when someone goes through lots of problems, and then start to feel ashamed because they can't control it; they may think they appear weak or sensitive, then they start to develop all kinds of thoughts and feelings based around it, that's kinda bad.
This is kinda what happened to me. I also made mistakes trying to change my whole family and try this structured approach; that didn't work. I wonder how that affected me personally, development; I would've just gone with the flow otherwise. Anyway, The best thing you can do is try to ideally emotionally regulate yourself - this is a thing you do on your own, with time; it takes skills and some work at it. It will free you from others, and allow you more control autonomously of yourself - a problem if you mind being in with others in a group, like with a family...that's just sort of how humans are.
But the personal way allows more control and higher degree of flexibility and control over your own life. It takes work, though.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
His Inbox must have the maximum number of messages.
You have to take control of your life. There are going to be things in life that hurt like hell, one has to understand that... it is just how it/life is. It is very hard to get that separation I think - when you have a parent who has a very strong or a toxic personality over you, you sort of have to become like them.. you have to in order to survive.
He had many good traits, he was just so negative. It's perfectionism, he saw it as a way to avoid all bad, but you shut your life down, live in fear, stress trepidation, in control, seeing the glass always half empty. It's sort of absorbed into me all those years. It's a very negative, limiting way to be.
I don't know why he was like it. I think people just get stuck in their thinking. Maybe it was the military, perhaps he had some trauma. In any way, it's hard for me to say this. I've stressed myself out countless hours and years like this butting against this problem; this clash. It's either resolved
by just caving to be like he was, or disengaging it and choosing not to be. I don't think it's a good way. I wished I had his support growing up (sometimes I often did), but it was often trepidation and fear & control, it was often what he wanted to do. That definitely impacted me and made me less of a free and outgoing person than I could have been; what would have probably been healthy naturally. All teens want to grow, explore and dream...they need room to fill out. I didn't really have that, that's painful sometimes - a lot... everyone doesn't get what they want or need, that's okay, that's just life.
like I said, some things just hurt...but you have to go through it, or you just don't and then suffer later on; the feelings they always pass though. That was his way of coping with things, but- I disagreed and wanted to be myself it was always a fight; it's kind of like developing your personality under opposition...instead of a(n) ideal way of being that just let's you be and develop.
I think it's bad. It's not a redeeming way of thinking, for all his faults he was a great man, but that negativity was a bad thing - he thought it gave him control. It doesn't keep you safe, it limits you and turns you into an unhappy, unnatural automaton of a human being. I think he was successful- in spite of himself.
I needed his support, encouragement and his guidance. I got none of those things....at a time most crucial; do you think I'd grow up to be a happy, healthy human being? I don't think so. Not without some serious work done.
He did a shit job of raising us kids; he didn't really care about us. He cared about himself, his own feelings, reaching into himself and inflicting onto us all the things in himself; he was a deeply selfish man. I forgive him for that. It's for me, it's not for him. It's took me until 30 years of age to Iron out some things; and I'm still ironing them out. Some parents will say that you can have kids that they are yours, they can do whatever to you that they want, that they made you and own you...and they are preparing you for something; whatever. A family business.
If a parents job in parenting is to raise kids who are independent, healthy, happy and successful - who can leave the nest and make their own lives....
then, he failed miserably in this regard.
He wasn't preparing us for a family business, he did these things purely out of the control of his own heart - we were extensions of him as he thought, a vessel that's supposed to receive all things, and it's not it's own. It has no right to it's own life, . I had a miserable childhood. It's no wonder I hated him, anyone really would, that's natural. I don't know he expected us to one day thrive and be happy, independent and successful. He must have been delusional. Or he must have expected us to live a life of servitude as he has, with low self-esteem, low confidence, interpersonal skills etc...and a poor quality of life, he shaped and made us into that way. Children are not you, they have nothing to do with your past abuses, experiences, faults, skills, etc. They are their own persons. You should love them and support them and help them to grow into wonderful individual humans.
I needed his support, guidance and encouragement. I didn't get any of that. I have to talk about that, in order to release the painful emotions, heal and get what I need for myself now by acknowledging and giving those things to myself or seeking them out.
My brother until death will probably be like this. It's sad, he refuses to talk about it. Any mention of my father enrages him - as it's sacred, the pain, rejection and anger and sadness he'd feel would be too much, so he chooses to latch onto shame guilt etc., the same things my parents gave us, to prevent him from experiencing reality, effectively. He won't ever change. I don't think he'll ever truly be happy inside - how could he be.
Low self confidence, self-esteem, chronic anxiety and depression...an incomplete self will plague him for the rest of his life, he will always just be bitter.
Emotions didn't matter to my dad. Imagine growing up like that, how painful and dehumanizing. Emotions didn't matter to my Dad, and they still don't matter to my brother.
I could not have grown up in a more dehumanizing family... sometimes I thought.
I've had trouble relating to girls my whole life; I've never had a full range of feelings that I had access to...That is my dad's fault mostly. I've just realized that I have to face all of these things - or I will never be healthy.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
Yep., we're just fuel for the kikes that run Amazon, Google, etc. Work hard until you die. The payoff they keep promising is never going to come.
It seems like teenagers were expected to have fun but now teenagers who want to go out on a Friday night are all looked upon as trouble makers by their parents generation. The baby boomers had a lot of freedom in their youth but society changed. But they don't feel sorry for young people, it seems like they didn't want Gen X, Millennials and Gen Z to have the same freedoms they enjoyed instead they want them taxed by the police or locked up for normal behavior or minor infractions.
"Happier abroad" you say ? Only true men find happiness
American Society treats young people like shit? Are you kidding? This country practically worships youth! Why do you think good looking young men and women get all the star rolls on t.v shows and movies? In hollywood, you're considered over the hill at 23! Young pretty girls think all old guys are ugly and creepy! And as far as common employment is concerned if your 50 or older, the only kind of job american society will think you're good for is a greeter at Wal-Mart! Think carefully before you say "the grass is greener on the other side" because usually it's not!