Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Thurs nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts with FREE Prizes!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE Live AFA Seminar! See locations and details.


Scam free! Check out Christian Filipina - Meet Asian women with Christian values! Members screened.
Exclusive book offer! 75% off! How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Filipina Wife



View Active Topics       Latest 100 Topics       View Your Posts       FAQ Topics       Switch to Mobile


Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Discuss and talk about any general topic.

Moderators: jamesbond, fschmidt

Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby Eric » Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:09 am

I know this must be a universal human experience, and it probably is a stupid question; but I can't help feel this way, and wouldn't be posting unless I felt I, in particular, was missing out on something others (most others) are not. In other words, perhaps there is something different fundamentally about me. I don't know.
I had a real strange experience yesterday. I went to Tienmen Square to the Forbidden City, to check it out, along the way a Chinese lady saw me and became interested; she started speaking English to me immediately and you could tell she wanted to tag along (even though I didn't want it, myself or..wasn't too thrilled). I just figured, what the hell, maybe I can get something out of this, like maybe she can help explain some things to me, etc., whatever. Anyway, things went from bad to worse.
I had this surreal experience in the crowds of this image/thought, idea of all of the women around me; noticing me (and they actually were) ...and suddenly I thought about a celebrity; they could get have so much sex with many girls left and right; I began to notice how I could just take advantage of it, that.... how wonderful that would be. I then began to feel sickeningly bad, because - I was stuck with this girl whom I didn't want to be with who was blocking that as I realized it in the crowds.
I also felt shame and pathetic.. like I was missing out, and just being lame. Like I should've been taking advantage of it but wasn't. I didn't know how to be bad/immoral. I wish I was better at it, at times.

Anyway,
she then asked if we should get tea. I didn't want to, but said what the hell...and went. She was obviously trying to hit on me, and I wasn't interested. It was the most awkward/difficult 1 hour of my life. I was fending off her attempts to get in to me, literally putting a wall out. She became angry, etc, started probing into me, why are you like this. I just wanted to get out of there, but was looking for a way to squirm out. The tab ended up being 300 quai, for tea! I found it ridiculous, when I said something ...she became enraged.
I really didn't like her, and didn't want to be around her. She was controlling and forceful - definitely she had it set in her mind what she wanted to do, and it was all about her.
Then the goddamn waitstaff couldn't function the card machine properly, so I sat there for 20 mins, while they're all struggling in Chinese to fix the stupid thing, probably ran my card 3x on that bill.
The weird thing was, this lady had a wedding ring on, she was married. I had a weird, strange feel about her right off the bat - but didn't know if it was just in my mind - something I thought. Maybe that was probably why things went bad from the start - but she was too old, I felt. I could do better... plus, I didn't like her entitled attitude, it put me off of her, it made me want to get away.

Anyways, this was a real terrible experience, but I have lasting thoughts.
Maybe I am missing out.
I feel many people, most people have more fun than me. A couple things:
I've often been told I'm difficult to communicate with, talk to..and I don't know exactly why, but I feel it's true, in me, but I don't know what to do. It's kind of like a great ambivalence that becomes chaotic/crazy and frenzied when I try, or someone else goes near it or tries to approach; it is hard to explain. It's like I know I have to be something, but am not. SO it panics because it knows the nothing will be uncovered/ revealed for what it is. I know that sounds weird but honestly that's actually what it is, it's not all the time..but when it is it is.
It's like this... I get many stares and looks from beautiful girls etc., but it doesn't go any farther than that. It never materializes, she just passes by and - that's it. All these wonderful scenarios on verge of reality that just remain on the brink of reality but never manifest.
I often think about my friend D****, le'ts just call him that, he gets girls left and right all the time. It seems so easy for him. Why does this not happen for me? I picture him getting so many girls, so much more satisfied and easily - like he'd laugh at me for saying how I feel I do. It's like this for most other people, I feel. I don't know why, am I different?

It also disturbs & concerns me that this thing that "I'm hard to talk to." It makes me feel like a freak or something, like that. Like, there's something deeper inside me that is missing or isn't there, right - or something. I hate that. ...it concerns me.
Maybe everyone deals with this, though, and we just imagine others to be living the life when - in reality they are not, it's not all that great - or they have to put in the hard work and things don't always add up to fantasy or what we think is perfect. In other words, we think and imagine it's easier for everyone else... but I do feel it's easier for them.
Maybe a little of both. I care too much about morals/integrity..... and things aren't perfect, maybe a combination of both.

thanks
Last edited by Eric on Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
-"Virescit vulnere virtus"
User avatar
Eric
Junior Poster
 
Posts: 627
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2016 3:07 am







Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby Ghost » Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:24 am

I don't think we'd be here if we didn't feel like we're missing out. I sure am missing out on a lot. When it comes to women, there are two things of extreme value: sex, and making babies and starting families. And I'm missing out on both.
Ghost
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 5749
Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:23 am

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby yick » Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:40 am

Beijing Tea House Scam - oldest con trick in the city, google it and you will find tons of threads on it.

Next time someone with good English comes up to you around the Forbidden City or other tourist traps - tell them to f**k off.
yick
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 429
Joined: Fri Oct 23, 2015 9:11 am

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby Eric » Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:48 am

I'm going back there to that tea house to get my money back. I will smash some Chinese heads together, if I have to. I will go back with the police.
-"Virescit vulnere virtus"
User avatar
Eric
Junior Poster
 
Posts: 627
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2016 3:07 am

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby droid » Fri Jul 22, 2016 4:42 am

Always, always, always, ask "HOW MUCH?" first, that and the numbers should be the first things to learn of a language.
My first week i got ripped of $13 by a bike-ride that should've been $2, and got charged $10 at a couple eateries without prices on the menu.
Those were the first and last, now i can negotiate haha and they crack up.

Also i don't recommend paying with a debit or credit card anywhere, especially abroad, you're not in a position to make any claims should they overcharge you or steal your information. Heck even in America Winston made that mistake -in the wrong place- and went through hell. Just get cash out of a trust-able ATM machine for the week, look at the $5 charge as insurance lol.
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
User avatar
droid
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2437
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 6:38 am

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby gnosis » Fri Jul 22, 2016 4:45 am

droid wrote:Always, always, always, ask "HOW MUCH?" first, that and the numbers should be the first things to learn of a language.
My first week i got ripped of $13 by a bike-ride that should've been $2, and got charged $10 at a couple eateries without prices on the menu.
Those were the first and last, now i can negotiate haha and they crack up.


You'll still get ripped off. :) It's Vietnam.
User avatar
gnosis
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 437
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 2:52 pm

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby droid » Fri Jul 22, 2016 4:56 am

gnosis wrote:
droid wrote:Always, always, always, ask "HOW MUCH?" first, that and the numbers should be the first things to learn of a language.
My first week i got ripped of $13 by a bike-ride that should've been $2, and got charged $10 at a couple eateries without prices on the menu.
Those were the first and last, now i can negotiate haha and they crack up.


You'll still get ripped off. :) It's Vietnam.


:lol: :lol: well yeah, the dirtbags at the moc bai border still ask an extra $5 to stamp the visa. But the overall savings on everything more than offset those small cases. A haircut + 1/2 hour head and torso massage by an 18yo in a nice setting, all for U$6, is really hard to beat!
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
User avatar
droid
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2437
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 6:38 am

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby adann » Fri Jul 22, 2016 2:10 pm

Advice for everyone,

If a person approaches you, always assume they want something (for their benefit). Especially in tourist places. It's best that you do the approaching, so that you are in control.
adann
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 46
Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2012 2:43 am
Location: Korea

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby livefreeordie » Sat Jul 23, 2016 3:02 am

I had a similar issue when i was younger, feeling like people were starting at me all the time. I think it developed from being picked on a lot at school, and a phobia of being singled out by the mob

Look into the EFT technique and looking at your beliefs is one of the most effective ways to deal with this. You probably have an erroneous story running in your head, which leads to the emotional reaction and difficulty in communication you are talking about. Its quite common for people to have social anxiety, but its usually best to deal with the cause then just use what others call 'exposure therapy', which is also important, in actually socializing with people as often as you can.

Unfortunately socializing with boring conformist people can make you feel like you are oftentimes the problem, which is societies defense mechanism to rewarding brain-dead conformist people and behavior, so i think its important to connect with people that have similar values/interests and continue to grow yourself.
User avatar
livefreeordie
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 177
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2016 8:18 am

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby jamesbond » Sat Jul 23, 2016 3:11 am

livefreeordie wrote:Unfortunately socializing with boring conformist people can make you feel like you are oftentimes the problem, which is societies defense mechanism to rewarding brain-dead conformist people and behavior, so i think its important to connect with people that have similar values/interests and continue to grow yourself.


I agree, find people who have similar values and interests as you do and avoid the people who are conformists.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
User avatar
jamesbond
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 7483
Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2007 5:45 pm
Location: USA

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby Winston » Sat Jul 23, 2016 3:36 am

yick wrote:Beijing Tea House Scam - oldest con trick in the city, google it and you will find tons of threads on it.

Next time someone with good English comes up to you around the Forbidden City or other tourist traps - tell them to f**k off.


He doesnt need to tell them to f**k off. He can play along and take advantage of them too. If the hustler girl is attractive or sexy, you can hold her or rub her arms, legs, shoulders, buttocks, etc and get free cops and feels. Lol. Thats what i do and i get a high from it, like taking drugs. Lol

Then if she wants to go to tea, i would insist that i be the one to choose where we go. Not her. If she insists on a specific place then i know shes a scammer and i will refuse and at least get some rubbing on her female flesh. Lol. Haha.

Anyway this thread is strange. First he talks about the tea scam, then getting stared at, then missing out. I dont understand what the point it. Or what eric wants exactly. This post seems psychotic.

Eric if people are staring at you then take advantage of it. Start approaching girls you like and see where it goes. This is the kind of thing that fuels me and gives me energy. I feed off this kind of situation. What are you complaining about?

My other friends in china, such as ethan_sg, bao3niang, zboy1 and even ghost, see foreigners with attractive chinese girlfriends all the time. Everyday. Even east Indian men get girlfriends in china. So whats the problem? What are you missing out on? Your post makes no sense.
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
User avatar
Winston
Site Admin
 
Posts: 23568
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2007 1:16 pm

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby Winston » Sat Jul 23, 2016 3:38 am

Also how come this tea scam is only in beijing? I never see it in shenzhen or guangzhou.

Can eric call his credit card company or bank and dispute the charge. Eric did you sign the slip?
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
User avatar
Winston
Site Admin
 
Posts: 23568
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2007 1:16 pm

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby Eric » Sat Jul 23, 2016 10:53 am

Winston wrote:
yick wrote:Beijing Tea House Scam - oldest con trick in the city, google it and you will find tons of threads on it.

Next time someone with good English comes up to you around the Forbidden City or other tourist traps - tell them to f**k off.


He doesnt need to tell them to f**k off. He can play along and take advantage of them too. If the hustler girl is attractive or sexy, you can hold her or rub her arms, legs, shoulders, buttocks, etc and get free cops and feels. Lol. Thats what i do and i get a high from it, like taking drugs. Lol

Then if she wants to go to tea, i would insist that i be the one to choose where we go. Not her. If she insists on a specific place then i know shes a scammer and i will refuse and at least get some rubbing on her female flesh. Lol. Haha.

Anyway this thread is strange. First he talks about the tea scam, then getting stared at, then missing out. I dont understand what the point it. Or what eric wants exactly. This post seems psychotic.

Eric if people are staring at you then take advantage of it. Start approaching girls you like and see where it goes. This is the kind of thing that fuels me and gives me energy. I feed off this kind of situation. What are you complaining about?

My other friends in china, such as ethan_sg, bao3niang, zboy1 and even ghost, see foreigners with attractive chinese girlfriends all the time. Everyday. Even east Indian men get girlfriends in china. So whats the problem? What are you missing out on? Your post makes no sense.



It seems kind of disjoint, that's not on purpose... should have segwayed into the last half when I was talking about something else sort of, unrelated - but related at the same time. I am not perfect.
There are reasons people do and don't do things and they are different.
I've had a bad day, that's probably why Im coming off hard on this post. It was another day in the office, these two western females I try to deal with - they treat me like garbage/crap. I'm sick of it. I try and be nice to them, they condescend and just act impossible and thorny at all times.
I'm tired of it.

What is your point Winston? Ever have a bad day.... ever have multiple thoughts about diff things, why is this so hard for you to understand?
I also have a problem with anger. I feel like I have to be perfect at all times - act proper and couth at all times, the moment you slip up and start to actually feel something, like anger or express it - which I feel is normal or healthy, you are jumped on from all sides by everyone; it is unacceptable. Why is anger the only unacceptable emotion?
It's really bad when I get like this, I don't like that I do, but ... it happens. I get irrational, do and say irrational things that I can't help myself from saying - its like I'm in a sort of trance of some kind. I can't see it when I'm in it, but when the anger's cooled, then I can see it.
Why do I get so angry? ...
I get angry about certain things, like those women in the office, etc; i get it in my head and feel put uponand depressed often; this just happens. If I start thinking of things like in a global scale I get real miserable, real angry, like "all western females are like this"... etc. etc. I don't know, if I start thinking f***ed up, then I feel f***ed up. I can't control or stop it - sometimes my thoughts lead me here. I dont' know which ones, but I kind of know.. it's weird.
Sigh. I am tired.
-"Virescit vulnere virtus"
User avatar
Eric
Junior Poster
 
Posts: 627
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2016 3:07 am

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby Rock » Sat Jul 23, 2016 11:38 am

adann wrote:Advice for everyone,

If a person approaches you, always assume they want something (for their benefit). Especially in tourist places. It's best that you do the approaching, so that you are in control.


I've pretty much always followed this rule. Sometimes I go overboard and treat those who approach me for any reason as if they've already done something bad, guilty till proven innocent.

Generally, I just politely wave off those who approach me without making eye contact. If they persist, I raise my voice and tell them to go away and leave me alone. If they try to get too close, I move away. If they block my path suddenly, I push them rudely out of the way. And if they touch me, I slap away their hands and arms.

Almost always, if someone approaches you out of the blue in public, they have bad intentions towards you. Never forget that and behave accordingly.

I'm the one who does the approaching and initiating, not the other way around.
Rock
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 4115
Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2010 4:16 pm

Re: Does Anyone feel like They Are Missing Out?

Postby cdnFA » Sat Jul 23, 2016 5:23 pm

livefreeordie wrote:Look into the EFT technique and looking at your beliefs is one of the most effective ways to deal with this. You probably have an erroneous story running in your head, which leads to the emotional reaction and difficulty in communication you are talking about. Its quite common for people to have social anxiety, but its usually best to deal with the cause then just use what others call 'exposure therapy', which is also important, in actually socializing with people as often as you can.

.


Sometimes those erroneous stories are actually true.
I was in a club during my first year of university and apparently people called me social disease behind my back. I didn't find out till a decade later when someone else at the club told someone I knew who told me. I trust the guy because he is actually the sort who would prefer not to tell harsh truths to people. Fast forward about 7 years, different university, different activity and out of 4 complaints three were about me. "X is freaking people out again". Two times I was told of this but allowed to stay because they figured I meant well, the third one I found out about when reading the admin logs during some down time while dispatching. That one got to me hard.
People go on about how it is all in my head but it really isn't. Oddly enough aside from showing romantic interest especially if she isn't showing any back which is pretty much never, I have no problems talking to people, I am very outgoing. Innate extroversion overrules experience sadly.
cdnFA
Junior Poster
 
Posts: 582
Joined: Wed Nov 18, 2015 4:51 am

Next

Return to General Discussions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Yahoo [Bot], Yohan and 3 guests