Maybe your mother had more of a negative effect on you than your father. She sounds cold and distant. That must have been hard for you as a child.Winston wrote:There's not much to say. She doesn't talk much. She just cooks and tells me to go to bed if I stay up too late. lolgnosis wrote:Winston,
What was your relationship like with your mother? So far, you've focused on your father.
Ask Rock. He's met my parents. My mom is kind of in her own world. She doesn't say much. She doesn't say "I love you" or hug me either. Taiwanese aren't like that. They repress their emotions to the point of being emotionless and reptilian. lol
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Here was his response:
"We just got home after 6 hours stressful drive from California highway.
I read your post about how we f***ed up your life since 1981. I am really really sorry and sad about that. If I can change back those years of your life in any cost, I will. Maybe I was not paying enough attention to how your emotion were in those years. I assumed you were okay in school simply because I did not have being bullied, ridiculed, mocked in my own school years. I am totally regret about not paying more attention to your emotion in those years. You were very quiet and kept all your sufferings inside yourself. We did not find out until many years later that we found you a young man to be your advisor and companion. I forgot his name. A very nice young man. Again, I am really regret and sorry for not finding out sooner.
Maybe you shout thinking in the positive effect on you. Because you were suffering so deeply, you attended some short brief of enlightenment or nirvana state experience which will remain in your deep down consciousness forever and will appear again in your meditation practice to guide you.
Also, because that suffering, it prompted and manifested your deep philosophical mind into creating your Happierabroad forum. Just like all great writers, poets and philosophers, their great works were the results of the suffering experiences they encountered. Normal people are living their normal life and died normal. Besides, if you watch those spiritual videos, we all have some lessons to learn in our life. We won't advance until we learned. Maybe this is your lesson in this life to experience this sort of suffering yourself and recognize how others might feel if you do that sorts of behaviors to them. From this you learn to sympathy other people same suffering and forgive others ignorance that they will in turn suffer the same they have done to others. The universal intelligent will balance this, fair and square.
I don't know what else I could express how sorry and regret I am. Sorry! Tell me what else I could do to ease your pains. The best wise way for you is to forgive and forget and proceed to your life positively."
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Hey Winston, if it helps make you feel better ... my dad never apologized.
In fact, the last I'd spoken to him, was when Mel and I had our private security, esc@rt him out of our wedding celebration.
We'd prepped, long before the event, having two security guards, tail him throughout the event. When he'd finally started acting like himself, the guards took him away, telling others that he was ill and needed to leave.
And then, the lawyers filed their papers. My father is not allowed anywhere near Mel, her immediate family, nor I, ever again. He's forever a pariah now. Good riddance.
16 years ago, the Best Picture of 1999, "American Beauty", telegraphed the message of Happier Abroad to the world.
Beware of long term engagements with AWs, you may find yourself in a coffin.
AB discussion thread
BTW, despite settling down with an AW, myself, the warning is still in effect.
Only brainwashed people get married. You only have kids, if you have any Karma left.
Your kids pay for your bad deeds and they enjoy good deeds as well. Your Karma gets transported to your kids.
Marriage is a spiritual union and kids are born to clean your family Karma.
Anything other than above...Its bound to be f**cked up
what you say about children is true, but I would never think of such things. I would have thought asians, with their strong family values, would never think like is, just decadent whites with their Me me me attitude.
For fathers of all races and all cultures, there is great joy and pleasure in sacrifice for your family and children. It as been so for 1000s of years. My children are the best thing I ever did in my life and bring me the most satisfaction. Yes I have to pay R35000 when my daughter must go compete in europe for a week ($200 per night hotels and SA government does not pay for whites to represent them). Yes I had to get up before sunrise on weekends in winter to take her to train. My son goes overseas to compete as well. Yes coaches used to cost plenty each month. Yes many times I tell my friends I can't go on bike trips due to my kids. With all the money and time they cost I could have lived a playboy life travelling everywhere. Do you know Chad le Clos who won all the swimming medals for SA? On TV his father said it cost over a million to get his son there and he had to take a bond on his house to afford the Olympics. But so what? Fathers have always done this and have taken great pleasure in giving up their own needs for their children. For me no regret. That is what men are like. I see many asian men on here also think like this. Good on them. They are Good White Men, even if many of them are yellow or brown It is the highest compliment I can bestow, so I mean it with all due respect. I am not sure if there is an equivalent concept for asians; traditional men that are a rock for their families and will always give of themselves for their family, and derive pleasure from it. Although the values of traditional Good White Men are ridiculed by the jewish media and even on here, as being idiots, they could be out having fun instead of wasting their time and money on kids etc., they are men you can rely on and are the best of humanity.
I grew up the very old school white way. The asians here maybe have very much the same upbringing when they mention distant fathers. My mother stayed home and she was responsible for kid and discipline. Unless we got out of hand, then she would refer it to my father. Like if we disrespected our mother. Trust me, you didn't want to go there. The police or the school were mild by comparison to disappointing my father. My father was like being sent to the Sgt-Major for company punishment you would quake and feel very small, like a failure to live up to the standards. But each time I deserved it. He did teach us what it means to be a man and your duties and responsibilities. Being a man is not just chasing your own pleasure. Those lessons stood me well and I have raised will disciplined successful happy kids.
If I have one regret it is we didn't sacrifice more and continue to follow PW Botha's Total Onslaught campaign, tell the world FU, and continue sacrificing one month a year of our lives in the army. Better we give up our holiday, and 100 of us die each year than 1000 women children and old people get killed in their homes each year by darkies. Now my kids must grow up with no potential for work due to affirmative action, hold their ground against hostile savages, and surrounded by weak willed whites who prefer to run away. So I have raised them to get a skill and be very good at it, as only with technical skills will a white survive.
I still do my security duties every three weeks and am always on armed response stand-by. I asked a mid 20s white why don't you join us? he said no it is too dangerous. So I told him so you expect men your father's age who have day jobs, families, and who have done more than their share over the years to contribute so you can sleep safe? These young men today feel no shame at all. A few years ago when my son was about 11 or 12 while I was kitting up to go on an operation, my son asks' papa why do you always have to go?' I said because if men don'tgo he blacks will come kill us in our sleep. One day you will be 18 and you will also do it. He asks 'don't you get scared?' I replied every man is scared but you still go, because it is your duty and you must overcome it. 200 years ago boys of 6 would defend their families from savages when their fathers were on kommando. You can do it as well. I told him you have the radio, and if any alarms go off you call and someone will be here is less than 3 minutes. You also have your rifle so protect your sister. If you look inside of yourself you will find the strength. The kids must learn that as a man your feelings should not control you; your duties to your family, your God, race and volk should. You must Man up and face your responsibilities as men carry their societies.
Regarding bullying, I was once called in to the school because some darkie bully pushed my daughter's friend off the slide in the school yard. My daughter smacked this darkie proper onto his back (the advantage of being an athlete lol).. A bunch of darkies, like the pack animals they are, jumped her but a group of white boys intervened and routed the darkies. My daughter was accused of starting a racial incident. I told the school she did right by defending her friend because your teachers are too afraid to intervene or they will lose their jobs over a race case. I told them if would not or could not prevent racial problems in the school, my kids will stand up for themselves and their mates. I asked my daughter what did the school tell you? she said they told her that violence doesn't solve anything. I replied do the blacks bother you now? She said no, they are afraid of her. I kept quiet. Obvious lesson there for her to see: with darkies sometimes violence works and it is is the only way they understand. Eventually they had to segregate the school yard 'by age'. It was older black boys preying on whites. I tell my son the same. If you see a kid being bullied by a group, you and the other white boys, you jump in and intervene. You white boys must stick together or you will be prey and you must defend those not as strong as you. He is a big strong kid and has always been the biggest in his class. At 15 now he is well over 6 ft. Obviously they have never been bullied as both are strong and very popular. And their papa tolerates no shit from darkies . My son gets asked out by girls
Winston, the letter your father wrote, it shows he is a very decent Good White Man. A man worthy of respect from other men. It must have been very difficult for him to express that. It would be for any real old school man. He has done his best, yet you tell him he has failed as a father. In spite of this he still expresses remorse and feelings for you. Something men do not do easily. Every man feels he is failing as a father. I do as well. To be told that by your kids is hard. It is a real blow. My daughter wrote me a letter a few weeks ago saying thank you papa, you do so much for us and we sometimes don't appreciate it. You have taught us so much and we are eternally grateful. We might stray sometimes but we will always come back. Very different from what you wrote your father. I also got some nasty ones from the kids but they always reconcile and apologise and they know papa will always be papa and will weather their tantrums. You are a bit old to have tantrums at your parents.
My advice to you would be to reconcile with your father, as he is a good man and worthy of your respect. And your kid, if it not too late. A boy needs a father. Fathers instill and discipline. Without fathers society will collapse into a dung heap. Look at fatherless black american culture, and the kids of white single moms. I am not sure of the protocols and customs of asian cultures, but they seem to be similar to the ways of old style white values that have been cast away by the Me me me generation, of which you are subscribing to if you don't reverse this trend. Adopting modern western ways has not brought you joy. Perhaps what some of the asians say here is good advice for you. They would understand your ways far more than I can ever. Chanta and Marcos make perfect sense to me.
here is an idea, if you still have access to your son and he wants to go with you. Take him on a boy's holiday. Something that means a lot to you that you want to pass on. And no, not the bars and whores of Angeles City
I took my son on a 3000 km bike trip mid-winter when he was 12. When he complained of cold I told him put your hand's on the pipes to keep warm. Men should not be sissies. It is not easy to know your kid is on the back and you are responsible for his life and he may be uncomfortable and keeping quiet to please his father. By the end of the trip when it was raining if I asked do you want to stop, he would say no le'ts continue. I took him on a tour by dirt to see the wonder of nature, experience hardship, the love of biking, and to see many of my old friends he had never met. They told him the same, don't be a sissy this trip will make you a man and you are so lucky to be here on this trip He gained a few new fathers He got to meet their kids and went riding bikes in the sand dunes with them etc. He got to meet my old friends, ask how we know each other, and I told him you keep contact with these boys as after we fathers are gone they are a network for you of family who will look after you all over the country, and there will be a link going back many years. He learnt a lot of man stuff like old boy networks, long friendships that last beyond distance, loyalty, toughness, respect and comradeship between men etc. He will remember the lessons all his life. And so bonds are made, respect taught, and life lessons passed on. he had a ball and huge brag potential to his mates when he got back.
Take your son hiking, since you seem to like that, a few days in a tent. Take him to old friends, find something you want to teach him and which will make him learn his dad and respect him. Take him out on a boat trip, whatever it is asian fathers do to pass on their values and life lessons. You can survive a week with no bars. You may even enjoy it and find it very rewarding.
No one is cut out to be a father naturally. There is no training manual and you don't get a 1 year course on it. You just take these kids that are a part of you and you pass on what you think they need to learn in terms of like skills, culture and heritage, manners and discipline etc. You must just out how to do it in your way, swallowing the defeats that come along the way. The fist step though is take your essay and chuck it in the bin. That mindset is already a declaration of defeat.
You have a good man for a father, Winston. For a man of his age and his culture - to write that letter must have been really difficult, my dad comes from a generation that never said sorry - to anyone ever - he would never say sorry to me for anything - not that he isn't a good father - he is - but he f***ed up and I f***ed up in turn as a son. I understand that it is all give and take with your nearest and dearest.
He (your dad) didn't have the luxury of being American - he was a non-white immigrant in a very competitive part of the country, he couldn't just sit on his arse and put his feet up, he always had to strive for better because it could have all been took away from him tomorrow, I am sure what he did - he did it with the best of intentions in my opinion, like you said in a post somewhere, you lived in one of the best neighbourhoods in your town - where all the doctors and lawyers lived, you went to a good university and got a good degree - all that cost money and that was because your old man worked like a Trojan.
I saw pictures of you at 17 with your very pretty Vietnamese girlfriend - you were handsome hey - you made a great looking couple and there is a truth to that picture and to your place in America, the country is built for white men, it is not built for you, sure, they'll let you partake but the game is rigged, you were never going to f**k (with your insanely high sex drive) loads of white blonde girls - the cheerleaders - even if you had stayed in the town and the nice school where you got on with everyone. If your old man had stayed in Taiwan you would have dated loads of cute girls in your Taiwanese high school and university - but then what - you would have left school, done military service - hated that - been stuck in a drone life and now living in an apartment in Taipei with your nagging wife and ungrateful drone kids - their faces stuck to their phone 24/7.
So if you old man had the drive and the toughness to make it in America - he did it because he never wanted to settle, and moving up in America is the thing he had to do - he could have just stayed there in Taiwan - would that have been better for you, I don't know, but you haven't done badly out of America (except for the woman situation). I think you might need to reconcile with yourself and understand that you never had equal dibs with a white man with your education, opportunities and upbringing - all the stuff you wanted, it was always going to be harder for you to get than it would have been for Chad Thundercock - which is probably why your old man strived the way he did - because he didn't want you going without.
Yick I doubt many men of that generation said sorry. ever. It was one of the defining factors that made their generation successful and the men stand proud. Ours dropped the ball. All the shit happened under our watch. Now we can't very well blame our fathers. They did their duty.Our fathers did not have the benefit of travel, self indulgence, all this materialism. They were too busy feeding, housing, clothing their families. They left the domestic to their wives. They had their wives in place and as a reslt women were decent then. A married woman did not file tax; she filed under her husband. She did not have her own medical aid or housing subsidy. She had to fall under her husband's. She asked permission before big expenses. The wise men of the bible knew this as well.
My son says it was your generation that brought this about. He means this darkie cleptocracy. His generation must now live with it. In a sense it was, it was a whites only referendum in 1992 and 62% of whites allowed it. We didn't fight hard enough to resist, all say NO, rather choose to keep fighting. I voted NO. No negotiations with the ANC or discussion of a vote. We didn't stand defiant and say this is a white christian land and you will have to take it from us by force. We won't just hand it over to terrorist savages. We didn't reject the influx of jewish liberalism that weakens the spirit and seems so attractive at first. We didn't put all those liberal kikes undermining the nation on a boadt and dump them in Israel. We wanted it: the american movies, junk food, porn and all the shit jews inflicted on america. Now we can leaving nothing to wives as they are the most ruined and degenerate of all. It was us white men that allowed this to happen. We cannot now blame our fathers. It is modern Yellow men that also allowed these asian women with phones permanently attached and kids 24/7 on computer games, not their fathers of the generation we refer to. Those men, white brown and yellow, did their best and if anything they did it too well to make it too easy for us. They had hard lives and could never show weakness. So must we blame them if we didn't toughen up? For Winston, it is therefore only yourself to blame. Your dad his best for you, it is up to you to reconcile and shake his hand, or bow, or whatever asians do.
My old man was 12 years in the (British) army - fought in three wars (including Korea), did his bit, had his kids, never on the dole, been married to my mum now for 46 years and are still content with each other - all his kids went to uni in a place where hardly anyone goes to uni, I was in the army, none of us have a criminal record or brought the police to the door, dad worked six days a week until the age of 65 - he did his best, I am sure you did too - I will if my turn comes. We make mistakes but like you said - and my dad says the same - you leave the hospital with the bundle in your arms - no-one gives you a booklet - you learn as you go along - what you wrote in your next to last post, was spot on.
South Africa: The big mistake with South Africa wasn't 1992 - it was set well before then, probably Jan Smuts becoming a child of the empire - he was a massive anglophile when probably what the Afrikaners should have done was really set out on their own without the British - the British are not countrymen - they aren't your volk - they didn't exactly stab you in the back but they didn't have the same outlook as you do - they don't - they would have been good neighbours in Rhodesia - the problem was your society (white) was segregated - not that the British weren't racist - they were if you saw how Rhodesia was run - but you and the Soutpiels weren't natural countrymen, more natural neighbours with the appropriate fences - so - it wasn't going to take all that long before the rot set in.
Now, let me just state my own opinion on this, I am glad apartheid has gone - however - the Afrikaners could have had their way of life and still been prosperous if in 1910 (because even 1961 and Vervowerd leaving the commonwealth and becoming a republic was too late), they would have kicked the British out and sent them to Rhodesia, for Smuts not to have took his knighthood, to have kept out of world war 2 and the Korean war, not trusted the Americans or British and encouraged more assisted emigration from Germany, Argentina, Brazil, Netherlands and Belgium - gave out land, gave out farms - they would have come over. By 1992, people wanted peace, they had (probably still have) PTSD, I know that as a Brit with Northern Ireland - you are sick of fighting and being bombed - but 1992 - it was too late - you trusted English speakers, first the British and then the Americans - which you shouldn't have done.
Everything is pretty simple in theory. If you want to have children, then get ready to be responsible for them, if no- then use condom and other contraceptives. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work in real life. Tens or hundreds millions of children’s lives are broken because of carelessness of their parents. This story is sad, but not uncommon.
Do I condemn Winston? No. Because I don’t care. It is his life, not mine. I can feel pity of his child only.
Is his ideology applicable to me? No way! I am happy father of the beautiful preteen girl . The arguments about material aspects of fatherhood sound ridiculously for me, since I treat my daughter as a part of myself. She is my pride, and I barely can imagine someone, who can compare his children with a leech.
I have a sister, who is blind since the early childhood. My parents always took much more care and love towards her, than towards me. How can it be otherwise, if she is a particle of them, and when she needed much more attention? For me it is something took for granted. Now she is a happy woman. She is married. Her husband is normal guy, who loves her. They have children.
Love is irrational, but it is much more stronger than all this material shit. A one, who hasn’t experienced, wouldn’t understand. Although breeding could be based on instincts only. Let’s stay apart all youngsters, alcoholics and emotionally unstable individuals. There’s an interesting relation: as poorer people live, as more offspring they have. In the poorest countries, where people die of starvation, they are used to have 5-6 children and more. They are not capable to bring up even one child, but they have many. A half of them will die, a half will survive. I don’t know whether they love their children, probably they ought to. But anyway they are driven by instinct of reproduction. Like animals. Can we condemn a western guy, when he is driven by instinct? I am not in a position to answer.
Good post! My kids are the best thing I have ever done.
Russia and South Africa are scoring high here folks...
Not a bunch of space case conspiracy BS. Just the perspectives of men who have lived and are capable of reflecting on it.
For an Asian dad , Winston dad is pretty great. My dad is f***ing dick. I know so many other Asians dad that are just plain horrible. Controlling and high expectation.
I think Winston like many of us like to think it's this that messed us up or that person messed us up.Like a blame game. The problem with Winston and I don't want to be rude is lack of responsibility.
What dad isn't controlling and with high expectations?Mine wanted me to get firsts at school. Always win at sport etc. Anything else wasnt good enough. That is going to an extreme though when you hear of Asian kids committing suicide because their marks aren't good enough and they don't want to bring shame to the family.
Controlling I assume means trying to guide your life in direction he thinks will be best for you? That is an instinct of trying to protect his family even after he is gone.
Thankfully I never had to do that as my kids get firsts and are successful at sport. They help do house repairs and maintenance etc. So my controlling is restricted to the race of their future mate. Any nation. Just white. I might still bring the gun out later though if they come home with white trash . I also hammer them on table manners and not to eat like savages as they both stay at nice hotels in europe. My son has had dinner with a government minister (leader of a dept) and a provincial premier after coming back from Europe with a silver for SA and I tell him you eat like a civilised white man in front of them, even if they are savages and eat like savages. I've tried to make them use chop sticks and told them one day you will dine with important asians and must behave cultured, and not ask for a fork like an uncultured American. Not so successful as I can barely use them with my thick fingers. My daughter is quite good. A Chinaman taught her at a restaurant. The table manners of the average American are shocking.
Is there more that Asian father's do? Are you a father yourself so that you have tried to curb these instincts?
My point is winston wants to blame his dad . I think to some extent all kids do that but winston is a father himself. I wouldnt be surprise if winston son will blame winston for being a crappy dad.
Winston just doesnt want to deal with the responsibility of being a father. He prefer to monger instead. He isnt the only one. You have bus load of western men who knock up a filipina but dont take responsbility.
This isnt an asian or white thing. Its more of a me thing well .
For those of you who are dads know how much work there is to raise a child. Not everyone should be a parent but if they make a baby..they have to take responsibility because this is human life we are talking here.
There is no debate about that. I agree fully that Winston is blaming his father, who appears a decent man. Almost for sure his kid is doing the same. Boys take it hard when their father's abandon them and feel they are somehow responsible. I've taken a few fatherless boys shooting or on day trips on my bikes (at request f mothers). After that, they always want to come visit, offer to help me with chores like cut wood for me etc. My avatar, the second helmet was for a 10 yo boy I took. He took the photo. After a trip on dirt roads I took home to a tiny restaurant on a back road near no town. I bought him a hamburger but he was so impressed he told his ouma (grandmother) that i took him to a nice restaurant and bought him a really nice meal. Ouma wanted to reimburse me but I said it was only a hamburger and chips and a place for local farmers But for him a rare treat. Mother spends all her money on pubs, cigarettes and bars.
Usually they treat their mother like shit and with disrespect, as if they blame her that their father is gone, and the mothers are shocked at how polite and behaved they are with me. They are so craving a father figure. It is sad. But there comes a point when missing their dad turns to hatred, so Winston needs to reconcile before that happens,
Yes plenty of white dead beat dads. Probably far more than asian ones. My question was is asian upbringing really any different than for white families? Not modern western, traditional white families.
Yes. Kids are a lot of work, time and money. I hope you one day you have the pleasure of raising some and watching them mature and make their own lives. It is the most awesome privilege on the planet and one of the most joyful and fulfilling experiences you will have in life.
I don't believe there are bad kids. Just bad parents. Invest in your kids and they will grow up to make you happy and proud, not misbehaved brats. I've seen the worst back talking, unruly disrespectful brat of a single mom become a model boy when his mother is not around and you spend time with him doing boy stuff. At first they are trouble but if you are firm and tell them what is not acceptable they become good kids. They fear disapproval and rejection from another man, It is a feeling better than sex to take a kid to do something boyish he can never do with his single mom and see the gratitude and joy on his face. Even if it is not your own kid. You have opened a new world to him. I've got a few neighbourhood kids that like to come visit. I just don't their mothers around. Not even for sex. nada. nothing.