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How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in America?

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How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in America?

Postby Winston » December 5th, 2016, 1:59 pm

Frankly, I've never understood how "normal" or average people make friends or get relationships or get married in taiwan and america. I mean, first of all, you aren't allowed to talk to strangers unless it's for business. Second, even if you go to a party and meet people, they will just be polite to you for a few minutes or maybe longer. But the next day, they forget you as if you never existed. They dont invite you out or cement the friendship more. Thirdly, at your work, the colleagues are all business and do not socialize with you outside of work. They have their own families and friends and do not usually invite you over. You are still an outsider to them. Also if you are single, you usually can only make friends with other single people. Married people prefer to make friends with other couples so its more evenly matched.

Thus its a logical impossibility. You are checkmated from every angle. Its a no win situation. It's like a game where you have no legal moves.

Theres no natural or smooth way to get a social life or dating life in USA or Taiwan. No normal way to make friends or acquire relationships and lovers. So how then do normal people get friends or girlfriends in taiwan and america? I've never understood it. Its always been a mystery to me.

Does anyone have a logical explanation or answer?

Also i don't think the explanation is that people form all their friendships in high school and then have the same fixed friends for life. Most people lose touch with high school friends aftet they graduate and grow apart or move away. So i dont think thats the answer either.

And if the problem is me and my misfit friends on HappierAbroad.com, then how come i don't have a problem in most other countries? How come most of the other 200 countries are not so socially closed and respressed and antisocial? Only a few are, but not most. How come i am able to have a rich and exciting dating and social life in other countries? How come making friends and getting dates in other countries is so easy, smooth and natural for me? I have thousands of photos and 38 hours of video to prove this - but many of my videos are banned from YouTube and censored for some reason. They are taboo apparently.

So how do you explain this? I've been struggling with these questions for many years. Whats the logical explanation for these discrepancies and paradoxes and logic puzzles? Anyone care to take a crack at it?
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby jamesbond » December 5th, 2016, 2:03 pm

I do think that a lot of people in the US do make their friends in high school and college and some meet their future spouse while they are in school. The others, just rely on their friends to introduce them to someone.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby Eric » December 5th, 2016, 5:32 pm

I think this has been a particular obsession for you. It's the same everywhere - you just talk to people. Smile, and be engaged and open. Lead with your heart, don't worry bout all that shit...

You're overcomplicating it with rules and expectations. Just go in simply, live. Laugh, love...find others that should do the same.

It's really that easy, happy people are happy everywhere. Miserable people are miserable everywhere, just live with your dreams and, be happy.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby Yohan » December 10th, 2016, 3:08 pm

Winston wrote:Frankly, I've never understood how "normal" or average people make friends or get relationships or get married in taiwan and america. I mean, first of all, you aren't allowed to talk to strangers unless it's for business. Second, even if you go to a party and meet people, they will just be polite to you for a few minutes ....


I would not compare Taiwan and USA. Taiwan is a rather small island often not even considered to be an independent country and people living there are Chinese. USA is a huge territory and population is mixed up with any kind of people you can imagine.

You might however compare the dating situation in USA with those of Canada, UK, Western Europe, Australia etc. where feminism is rampant.

It is not easy as a man to meet nice women for a personal talk in such strongly pro-feminist countries. Most women already have plenty of boyfriends and a huge sexual experience, often are merely interested in men in case they have money and are willing to spend it for them but no intention to offer anything in return.

I never managed while still in Europe to work out any relationship with a woman, not even for 30 minutes as I could never fulfill their requirements - up to buying a private horse and similar ridiculous demands.

Dating on the workplace is an absolute NO, as in case something is going wrong you will be the laugh stock of the entire company.

I always had the impression, that men outnumber strongly women. I also found the way how Western women choose their boys rather despicable. Bad Boys fresh out of jail were served first, because they offer an exciting life-style often with drugs and alcohol, rich men offer expensive travels, designer goods and jewelry. Many women are plainly rude.

I think, in the Western world over 80 percent of women are running after less than 20 percent of men.
Not much left over for 'ordinary men', who have no criminal record, but a regular job.

I found the dating situation in Asia different from Europe. Much easier for 'ordinary men' despite being a foreigner from abroad. However I cannot comment really about China/Taiwan, as I am not interested in that region.

It is easy in countries like Japan, Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia to approach women without being at the risk to receive abusive replies or accused to be a stalker. Many girls are also willing to introduce their girlfriends. - It is also easy to meet families, who are willing to introduce you to other family members - so earlier or later some women will show up and are curious to know more about you.

The only problem you might face in wide areas in Asia is language as a foreigner. Do not expect that everybody can communicate in Western languages like English or French. For a long-term relationship a criteria is visa/working permit, available jobs and similar bureaucratic stuff which can make it very difficult to live in a foreign country with a foreign wife.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby pburgh » December 16th, 2016, 5:05 pm

I have always made friends through work or school. If you find someone you work with or have class with, get along with, and don’t mind talking to. See if they are up to do something after work one day or after class. It really starts by talking to people and seeing if you have anything in common. Then when you are out, you bring a friend, they bring a friend, you meet more people. It will continue to spread.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby Adama » December 16th, 2016, 9:14 pm

Yohan wrote:
Winston wrote:Frankly, I've never understood how "normal" or average people make friends or get relationships or get married in taiwan and america. I mean, first of all, you aren't allowed to talk to strangers unless it's for business. Second, even if you go to a party and meet people, they will just be polite to you for a few minutes ....


I would not compare Taiwan and USA. Taiwan is a rather small island often not even considered to be an independent country and people living there are Chinese. USA is a huge territory and population is mixed up with any kind of people you can imagine.

You might however compare the dating situation in USA with those of Canada, UK, Western Europe, Australia etc. where feminism is rampant.

It is not easy as a man to meet nice women for a personal talk in such strongly pro-feminist countries. Most women already have plenty of boyfriends and a huge sexual experience, often are merely interested in men in case they have money and are willing to spend it for them but no intention to offer anything in return.

I never managed while still in Europe to work out any relationship with a woman, not even for 30 minutes as I could never fulfill their requirements - up to buying a private horse and similar ridiculous demands.

Dating on the workplace is an absolute NO, as in case something is going wrong you will be the laugh stock of the entire company.

I always had the impression, that men outnumber strongly women. I also found the way how Western women choose their boys rather despicable. Bad Boys fresh out of jail were served first, because they offer an exciting life-style often with drugs and alcohol, rich men offer expensive travels, designer goods and jewelry. Many women are plainly rude.

I think, in the Western world over 80 percent of women are running after less than 20 percent of men.
Not much left over for 'ordinary men', who have no criminal record, but a regular job.

I found the dating situation in Asia different from Europe. Much easier for 'ordinary men' despite being a foreigner from abroad. However I cannot comment really about China/Taiwan, as I am not interested in that region.

It is easy in countries like Japan, Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia to approach women without being at the risk to receive abusive replies or accused to be a stalker. Many girls are also willing to introduce their girlfriends. - It is also easy to meet families, who are willing to introduce you to other family members - so earlier or later some women will show up and are curious to know more about you.

The only problem you might face in wide areas in Asia is language as a foreigner. Do not expect that everybody can communicate in Western languages like English or French. For a long-term relationship a criteria is visa/working permit, available jobs and similar bureaucratic stuff which can make it very difficult to live in a foreign country with a foreign wife.


The problem is that women are only attracted to CERTAIN types of men who have money. There are lots of men who get these women for free. It is that these women go for men they don't normally go for because the man has money.

I don't know why this is such a big deal though. You should be thankful. Any woman who prefers a criminal fresh out of prison or who will only date if a man has money IS A USER. Don't be resentful you couldn't get one. Rejoice! Because those women are universally destructive.

Those are the women to avoid. The problem was, because you were surrounded by them, and likely because your female relatives were not very nice to you, that's all you could see. There are normal women out there, but they are vastly outnumbered.

The other thing is, I would bet part of the reason a Japanese woman back in the 1950s would dare to have an interracial marriage might be because she's looking for a man less restrictive than the traditional Japanese man. That is, just as the man may be looking for someone more submissive than the women back home, the women might be looking for men who aren't so dominating. As a foreigner you can hardly say you attract women because you're normal. In fact, it's very radical for a woman to do, especially if she's among the first.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby Yohan » December 17th, 2016, 3:50 pm

This is indeed a surprisingly reasonable comment from Adama, I agree with him.

Interesting that he refers to some certain women as a USER and not as a LOSER.

Adama wrote:The problem is that women are only attracted to CERTAIN types of men who have money. There are lots of men who get these women for free. It is that these women go for men they don't normally go for because the man has money.

I don't know why this is such a big deal though. You should be thankful. Any woman who prefers a criminal fresh out of prison or who will only date if a man has money IS A USER. Don't be resentful you couldn't get one. Rejoice! Because those women are universally destructive.

Those are the women to avoid. The problem was, because you were surrounded by them, and likely because your female relatives were not very nice to you, that's all you could see. There are normal women out there, but they are vastly outnumbered.

The other thing is, I would bet part of the reason a Japanese woman back in the 1950s would dare to have an interracial marriage might be because she's looking for a man less restrictive than the traditional Japanese man. That is, just as the man may be looking for someone more submissive than the women back home, the women might be looking for men who aren't so dominating. As a foreigner you can hardly say you attract women because you're normal. In fact, it's very radical for a woman to do, especially if she's among the first.


Well, here in Japan, the question is not really about interracial marriage, but more about where to live in the future.

The average young Japanese man or woman is not so discriminating or choosy in general, there are not many Western foreigners/mixed-race marriages outside of the big cities anyway, no choice in rural areas.

In the Japanese cities in typical places for foreigners, you will see people who are 50/50, Japanese together with foreigners and their mixed children etc. Job is not really such a problem for the foreigner, as there are many international companies for export/import, large hotels, shipping companies, foreign government related offices usw.

As far as I can see since almost 40 years, if the foreign husband decides to live in Japan and has a permanent job, the marriage holds - I do not know even about a single divorce. - However in case the husband wants to move out of Japan and the Japanese wife has to move with him, it takes only one or two years and the wife is back in Japan, divorced.

I observed the same gender reversed too - man is Japanese, wife from Central Europe - after moving abroad to her country, the man is back to Japan, divorced.

Don't ask me why it is so...
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby Kradmelder » December 17th, 2016, 4:22 pm

Yohan wrote:This is indeed a surprisingly reasonable comment from Adama, I agree with him.

Interesting that he refers to some certain women as a USER and not as a LOSER.

Adama wrote:The problem is that women are only attracted to CERTAIN types of men who have money. There are lots of men who get these women for free. It is that these women go for men they don't normally go for because the man has money.

I don't know why this is such a big deal though. You should be thankful. Any woman who prefers a criminal fresh out of prison or who will only date if a man has money IS A USER. Don't be resentful you couldn't get one. Rejoice! Because those women are universally destructive.

Those are the women to avoid. The problem was, because you were surrounded by them, and likely because your female relatives were not very nice to you, that's all you could see. There are normal women out there, but they are vastly outnumbered.

The other thing is, I would bet part of the reason a Japanese woman back in the 1950s would dare to have an interracial marriage might be because she's looking for a man less restrictive than the traditional Japanese man. That is, just as the man may be looking for someone more submissive than the women back home, the women might be looking for men who aren't so dominating. As a foreigner you can hardly say you attract women because you're normal. In fact, it's very radical for a woman to do, especially if she's among the first.


Well, here in Japan, the question is not really about interracial marriage, but more about where to live in the future.

The average young Japanese man or woman is not so discriminating or choosy in general, there are not many Western foreigners/mixed-race marriages outside of the big cities anyway, no choice in rural areas.

In the Japanese cities in typical places for foreigners, you will see people who are 50/50, Japanese together with foreigners and their mixed children etc. Job is not really such a problem for the foreigner, as there are many international companies for export/import, large hotels, shipping companies, foreign government related offices usw.

As far as I can see since almost 40 years, if the foreign husband decides to live in Japan and has a permanent job, the marriage holds - I do not know even about a single divorce. - However in case the husband wants to move out of Japan and the Japanese wife has to move with him, it takes only one or two years and the wife is back in Japan, divorced.

I observed the same gender reversed too - man is Japanese, wife from Central Europe - after moving abroad to her country, the man is back to Japan, divorced.

Don't ask me why it is so...


Perhaps it should rather be called the Land of the Setting Sun, not rising sun: one has to end one's life there :lol:

Maybe it is because Japanese racism is such that it does not allow blacks and other trash in, only well educated civilised foreigners willing to adapt. As a result the japanese only get the best foreigners and have no reason to resent them, so mixed race works there. Go to europe or america, where the immigrants are trash or don't assimilate, and their is resentment and a mixed race family cannot be happy, no matter how decent they are. Certainly the kaffirs and muslims in europe do not behave in a way that europe can ever think they add value. So no matter what stupid multiculti policy the government creates, it is a failure. Same in SA. They can make all the laws they want. As long as blacks behave like kaffirs, whites will never accept them and there will never be equality. Like I tell my kids, you are not better than them because your skin is white. You are better because you try and succeed no matter of all the rules against whites, while they just sit under a tree and blame white people.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby Jeremy » December 18th, 2016, 3:32 am

Making friends is easy. Just be in the vicinity of age-matched peers, and people will talk to you and invite you out. At least that's been my experience. It's actually taken deliberate effort to maintain my hermit social life (I find social outings to be a waste of time).

Getting dates that lead anywhere is a whole other matter. How do normal guys manage? They don't. Most guys are hopelessly incel, whether they'll admit it or not.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby Winston » December 18th, 2016, 4:08 am

jamesbond wrote:I do think that a lot of people in the US do make their friends in high school and college and some meet their future spouse while they are in school. The others, just rely on their friends to introduce them to someone.


Maybe high school. But I don't think most couples in the US formed in high school. And as for college, I doubt it because when I got to college, the girl didn't want to socialize with you outside of school. They only talked about school stuff. But outside of school, you were just a stranger. If I asked girls out in college, they acted upset as if I crossed the line. I had some luck with foreign girls though, such as my Vietnamese girlfriend. But not the white girls. There was no free flowing social vibe in either college or high school. So that doesn't solve my riddle.

Eric wrote:I think this has been a particular obsession for you. It's the same everywhere - you just talk to people. Smile, and be engaged and open. Lead with your heart, don't worry bout all that shit...

You're overcomplicating it with rules and expectations. Just go in simply, live. Laugh, love...find others that should do the same.

It's really that easy, happy people are happy everywhere. Miserable people are miserable everywhere, just live with your dreams and, be happy.


Eric, I thought you were an intellectual. Why are you full of shit now? You can't just smile and be open and make friends in America. WTF are you smoking? If it was that easy, no one would be lonely in America. Duh. Stupid. Why are there so many imbeciles in this forum? I thought this forum attracts intellectuals and freethinkers. Yet Eric's post is one of the dumbest here.

Why don't you try that Eric. See if you make friends that way. See if people invite you out. You are in for a big shock. Have you been to America or Taiwan? No honest person there will claim it's easy to make friends or meet people.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby Cyrus » December 18th, 2016, 4:13 am

Gonna jump into this thread real quick (haven't read the other responses):

I do date in the USA, it's just never that fulfilling and it's a lot harder to come by. I don't think it's true that it's easier to approach people in many countries, but it IS easier to date girls. Like in Europe the attitude is often, "OK, so now we're kissing, cool". In the USA it's more of an ordeal with hoops to jump through. But I digress, there's two ways really:

1.) First. social circles through work or extra curricular activities. But it needs to be something you do with someone consistently. If you have a social job, you'll meet girls. Since people work so much, you end up as kind of like the focal point of their lives, and sort of by default you'll get a girlfriend this way. But it's almost like dating out of scarcity. This is how most relationships form that I've ever seen.

2.) The second way is to hack the system! This is by, of course, day game pickup. To successfully walk up to any stranger on the street and get their attention, be interesting, hook them, make them want to see you again, seduce them, etc requires epic skills, but it can be done. Just remember it's nearly impossible if you have any limitations. Like, if you don't like being told you suck and can go f**k yourself, you won't do good at this.. If you can handle harsh rejections and keep practicing, keep talking to strange girls.. you can reap the rewards like some guys I know. Me personally, I'm not there yet, but while I'm still in the USA for another year, I'm going to focus on expanding this ability.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby Winston » December 18th, 2016, 4:19 am

Yohan wrote:
Winston wrote:Frankly, I've never understood how "normal" or average people make friends or get relationships or get married in taiwan and america. I mean, first of all, you aren't allowed to talk to strangers unless it's for business. Second, even if you go to a party and meet people, they will just be polite to you for a few minutes ....


I would not compare Taiwan and USA. Taiwan is a rather small island often not even considered to be an independent country and people living there are Chinese. USA is a huge territory and population is mixed up with any kind of people you can imagine.

You might however compare the dating situation in USA with those of Canada, UK, Western Europe, Australia etc. where feminism is rampant.


Why not? Come to Taiwan and after a while you will realize that it is VERY similar to the USA, at least now it is. The social VIBE is nearly identical. Very cliquish and closed and standoffish. People are polite but not friendly or open. Talking to strangers feels taboo. Flirtation is out of bounds and creepy. The social vibe feels closed and repressed. Strangers only talk for business related purposes. Women are flaky and super picky and spoiled. It's very hard to make friends. People are paranoid. People are superficial and don't care about you. No one likes you for you. You don't feel accepted or validated. The girls are the furthest thing from down to earth. They are not open at all. The vibe and energy feel very NEGATIVE and BAD. It destroys your confidence and self-esteem. You don't feel accepted. You feel very alienated and isolated. No social connection. No authenticity. People are fake. Very politically correct. No value on honesty or truth. Women are very hung up about even going out with a guy for coffee, as if it's a big deal like marrying him. Women have no curiosity and do not ask men questions.

Etc. etc. etc. I could go on and on.

All these statements apply BOTH to Taiwan and USA. I could go on and on. Neither have the open free flowing social vibe that Russia and Eastern Europe have. No way. So YES in many ways, Taiwan and USA can be grouped together. I gave many examples above. Do you see what I mean now?
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby El_Caudillo » December 18th, 2016, 5:04 am

Here is what I think are important factors when making friends in Western Europe, Australasia, Japan, Taiwan, Korea and that place known to some as USAnia....

1. repeated, unplanned interactions

2. a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other

I remember I got my first girlfriend because I would constantly bump into her through mutual connections. I also got some interest from girls in my uni classes, but it was better if I could see them there AND bump into them at a party or something. When I went to high school there were no girls, boys only, and surprise surprise no girlfriend for me. Going to the gym is also not bad...but the ultimate thing is to be in a situation where there is alcohol and then people will let their guard down - not normally to strangers, but to people they know already. I have one friend who always seems to score at office parties. The other thing which helps is not being over thirty.

Now these factors go out the window when you are in more relaxed places in Asia and South America. Different places have different rules. When I was in Argentina I ran into some Aussie guys. They were all tattooed, muscular, very tall and quite good looking. These sporty and I hate to say slightly thuggish guys clean up in Australia and New Zealand. But in Argentina they got nowhere. They told me Argentina f***ing sucked and asked me why they were having no luck. I told them you actually have to talk to girls in Argentina and talk a lot. They seemed shocked. Girls in Argentina like you to be educated and well spoken - these guys were used to having looking cool and tough work for them. I must say I didn't have a drop of sympathy for them.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby El_Caudillo » December 18th, 2016, 5:28 am

So if you have a social circle, job and spouse why would you want to open up to strangers beyond politeness? Being an intellectual or a philanderer are a possible reasons.

But then what happens to all the people who get divorced and lose their jobs - seems like there is a need to connect them up somehow? Maybe we can start sending the men to the Ukraine and the women to Cuba? :D Is there anything like Dream Connections for women?
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Postby longzing » December 18th, 2016, 10:35 am

Winston wrote:Women have no curiosity and do not ask men questions.


this one that i think i could make a point besides those general impressions the Master have made.
that if the girl you date don't ask you questions back, this might indicate that your date is a test or preliminary step toward the next...you need to wait and see...and if nothing happens, then the girl might not be interested in you to go further...
@ Women, if you don't push her to do haircut in your way, you'd probably get pretty good haircut from her;
but if you do, hehe, you'd probably not appreciate the result
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