How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in America?

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longzing
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Post by longzing »

as cyrus so rightly pointed out - that women in general, both in taiwan and usa, would prefer a guy who would hold a steady job to be considered a dating material or, possibly, a potential marriage; or they'd prefer to meet you outside of a class, if she liked you. but i dont know of that whether it would be the case in europe or phillipines.

could it be that, in europe or phillipines, girls are more romantic and more open to the guys who haven't held a steady job to be considered a possible dating material - could it be even possible that the social vibes or dating scenes in those regions are to be more diversified, as the Master Wu has described time and again in many occasions?

but i'm making a general assumption here about taiwan and usa, and, i'm sure, there could be the exceptions and/or some occasions that girls would go out with you under certain circumstances in these two countries - since i mainly resides in taiwan, the southern part of it, and, briefly, in Los Angeles in the past.
onethousandknives
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Post by onethousandknives »

longzing wrote:as cyrus so rightly pointed out - that women in general, both in taiwan and usa, would prefer a guy who would hold a steady job to be considered a dating material or, possibly, a potential marriage; or they'd prefer to meet you outside of a class, if she liked you. but i dont know of that whether it would be the case in europe or phillipines.

could it be that, in europe or phillipines, girls are more romantic and more open to the guys who haven't held a steady job to be considered a possible dating material - could it be even possible that the social vibes or dating scenes in those regions are to be more diversified, as the Master Wu has described time and again in many occasions?

but i'm making a general assumption here about taiwan and usa, and, i'm sure, there could be the exceptions and/or some occasions that girls would go out with you under certain circumstances in these two countries - since i mainly resides in taiwan, the southern part of it, and, briefly, in Los Angeles in the past.
I think one thing is in the "third world" countries, regarding steady jobs, it's very possible for your "side hustle" to make more than a real job there, without a lot of effort. I really wanna get my girlfriend working selling things on ebay as she'd be making about 4x the money with 1/3-1/2 the hours she puts in at her real job there.

I had a big post here in this thread and deleted it. But basically, the biggest thing, as cliched as it sounds, is hobbies and interests in common. Even if people are friendly enough to strike up conversations at coffee shops or whatever, without shared interests/hobbies/something you can't make a relationship go too far as there's quite little you can talk about or do together. The problem more in USA is people are quite paranoid of each other, and it's very hard to make relationships... stick, for lack of a better term. As in, people just stop talking suddenly, as people are afraid of being "awkward" or people bottle up perceived slights and are so incredibly self conscious and socially anxious. In USA you'd be surprised at the number of people you meet now that seem "normal" but claim social anxiety, simply because social engineering to be "cool" is so high here.

But as far as Winston, obviously he has this website, and various political and social opinions. Thing is, people mostly don't care about other people's political and social opinions, and while generally you want people more in common with you than not for opinions, I don't think you can totally base a relationship off that. For me, most of my friendships are kind of... activity based. Doing things together. Whether it's cooking, working on a car or bike, hiking, exercising, whatever. This doesn't mean sign up for bowling league for example if you hate bowling, but find something you'd like enough to keep doing alone, and you'll (probably) make friends or at least acquaintances from doing it. This doesn't even have to be a traditionally social activity, for me even in my neighborhood, I've at least gotten introduced to a lot of my neighbors from working on my car and them walking by and asking what's going on, and them lending me a tool, helping me with something, or vice versa. It can be this way with a lot of things, even building computers or messing with electronic stuff.

This is not saying my social life is good in USA, it's actually not, because over the years my friends have gotten incredibly boring and just sit at home and play video games while I have the desire to do stuff. They all act like decrepit housebound old men in their late 20s, whereas at least in Taiwan people go outside and meet in public and do things together. I also think overall in USA, it's a bit harder to make friends after high school or college for a variety of reasons, though not impossible, but truthfully most adults I know of Winston's general age actually have very few friends, as they just ran out of their old high school, college, etc, friends, and never bothered making new ones. However, some guys like my dad are always making new friends, because they do stuff like work on cars, whatever.
gravity25x
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Post by gravity25x »

"How do normal people make friends or get dates in America?"
Most don't. But say they do. :lol: If you can't have the American dream, at least make people think you do! 8)
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Post by Eric »

Winston wrote:
jamesbond wrote:I do think that a lot of people in the US do make their friends in high school and college and some meet their future spouse while they are in school. The others, just rely on their friends to introduce them to someone.
Maybe high school. But I don't think most couples in the US formed in high school. And as for college, I doubt it because when I got to college, the girl didn't want to socialize with you outside of school. They only talked about school stuff. But outside of school, you were just a stranger. If I asked girls out in college, they acted upset as if I crossed the line. I had some luck with foreign girls though, such as my Vietnamese girlfriend. But not the white girls. There was no free flowing social vibe in either college or high school. So that doesn't solve my riddle.
Eric wrote:I think this has been a particular obsession for you. It's the same everywhere - you just talk to people. Smile, and be engaged and open. Lead with your heart, don't worry bout all that shit...

You're overcomplicating it with rules and expectations. Just go in simply, live. Laugh, love...find others that should do the same.

It's really that easy, happy people are happy everywhere. Miserable people are miserable everywhere, just live with your dreams and, be happy.
Eric, I thought you were an intellectual. Why are you full of shit now? You can't just smile and be open and make friends in America. WTF are you smoking? If it was that easy, no one would be lonely in America. Duh. Stupid. Why are there so many imbeciles in this forum? I thought this forum attracts intellectuals and freethinkers. Yet Eric's post is one of the dumbest here.

Why don't you try that Eric. See if you make friends that way. See if people invite you out. You are in for a big shock. Have you been to America or Taiwan? No honest person there will claim it's easy to make friends or meet people.

Says the intellectual guy who can't make friends - ever with people. I'm going to be honest I've never ever had that problem you talk about. If you want to talk to someone, do it... I met random people, chatted up cashiers, made friends wherever I went..... I didn't keep those friends for long term for various reasons. You have to accept that you need to stop being an obstinate ass, and change your attitude.
People that complain constantly I noticed, no one likes to be around; do you know why? Because they are anti life, they expect the world to bend to what they've set and not the other way around. You have such a stinking negative attitude.

I gave up being an "intellectual" because it got me nowhere...just like you are nowhere. Maybe, try what I'm saying and you won't be such an anti-social bore to hang out with, and you"ll be seen as positive. You'll get girls by the boatload with this positive energy, emotional ability to connect.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Post by CB8 »

I think making (or NOT making) friends in an America centers around our culture of fear and arrogance. Because, as Winston mentioned, what should be regular avenues for starting friendships (like work or parties) are off-limits, normal people must first take extra time to evaluate whether you are friend material. In America, almost every stranger is considered a psychotic rapist until proven otherwise, so before you can make a friend you'll have to keep being seen by someone and also appear as nonthreatening as possible. You also can't appear to be too "different," since America's culture of arrogance makes the average person intolerant and threatened by different viewpoints and lifestyles.

So, while it takes normal people a while to make friends in America, they do make friends eventually. But for the abnormal people who don't fit into any stereotype, we are seen potential murderers and/or threats to the American way of life, so we rarely pass the friendship test.
Last edited by CB8 on December 25th, 2016, 8:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Eric
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Post by Eric »

Exactly this is why it is important to develop as a person - not just rely on broad sweeping generalizations and start THINKING in those things, about America and everywhere else. If you're personable, you'll make friends, it's that simple. Winston isn't personable. I wasn't before either - but for different reasons, I was too highly controlling, and really didn't want to make new friends. Winston is too afraid and cautious and people interpret that badly.

Not the universes fault.
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CB8
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Post by CB8 »

gravity25x wrote:
"How do normal people make friends or get dates in America?"
Most don't. But say they do. :lol: If you can't have the American dream, at least make people think you do! 8)
Heh. As I've been talking to more people I find this is very true with younger people. Older people are more likely to outright say if they're single or don't have any real friends, but younger people will start getting shifty-eyed and awkward if you ask what they're doing for the weekend. It's kind of funny, but it does make you wonder just how many Americans actually have a genuine social life out there.
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Winston
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in America?

Post by Winston »

Question for everyone or anyone:

I've never understood how social life in America or Taiwan works. I mean, you can't talk to strangers unless its business related and approaching a girl you like is taboo. So how do people make friends or get dates? I know in high school, you see people forming cliques. The cliques are exclusive and you are supposed to socialize within your clique. But the thing is, you can't just join any clique you like. You gotta vibe with the group and fit in and prove that you are cool. You can't just be open and friendly and expect people to like you for you. No way. I found that out in the last year of high school, when I became very outgoing and friendly, but no clique wanted me. It sucked and was very sad and depressing, because I always assumed that if you were friendly and outgoing, you could make friends in school. But it turned out not to be true, especially if you are on a different wavelength and are not hive minded or into groupthink or don't know how to conform.

So the problem is: What if no cliques accept you or you don't vibe with any of them? Finding a clique seems like a natural process for most normies. But not if you're an outcast. Even rebel cliques that wear all black in high school have a certain code or style that you have to fit into. If you don't fit into any clique, including the nerdy clique, then you are screwed, aren't you?

A clique can tell if you fit in or not. If you don't, they will shun you and ignore you. And even if they are nice and accept you, if you don't vibe with them, you will still feel like you don't fit in anyway. So the key is to find a clique you vibe with. But what if there are none in your area? Then what?

How do normies make friends exactly? If they can do it, it must be easy right? So why is it so hard or impossible if you are a misfit or outcast? It seems that if you are a normie, finding a clique is natural and effortless, like flowing in the wind. One doesn't try to make it happen. It's supposed to happen naturally right? But what if it doesn't? That's the key question. What do you do then?

Have any of you wondered about these things too? If so, have you found any answers? I've been wondering these things since the 1990s and none of it makes sense. And you also think: If normies don't ask these questions, then I must be some freak or weirdo if I ask these questions right? So what's wrong with me? Do you ever ask yourself: "What's wrong with me" too?
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Outcast9428
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in America?

Post by Outcast9428 »

I've asked normal people this question often and their answer has always puzzled me...

They said "it just happens."

For me this just doesn't work. I don't approach any interaction with people without a purpose. This doesn't mean all my interactions are cold or business-like. Many times I approach an interaction with somebody just because I want to talk or get to know them better. But with girls for example, I cannot approach a girl I am physically attracted to without thinking about romance or sex. What puzzles me about the guys who seem to get girls more often is that they describe sex as happening the way I think of a rainstorm just happening. Its not something they think about or actively attempt to achieve. For me it is impossible for me to understand such a mindset.

Friends is a very different matter from getting a girlfriend though. Its the kind of the thing that builds. Like you know one person and then that person introduces you to another person and then that person introduces people they know to you. Its like a network. Sometimes though its just you and the other person and the two of you don't know many other people. Occasionally you get lucky and people approach you, or you talk to a classmate or co-worker and get along well. Lately, most of my friends I've been meeting on the internet. People say having online friends is lame but I'm building enough of a social life online that I do feel that it covers most of my social needs. I have a friend I know in real life too but, while my social life could be a little better, I'm mostly satisfied with it. Its really just the girl situation I'm bad at.
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Winston
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in America?

Post by Winston »

Right Outcast. It should happen naturally. If you think about your closest friends, those friendships always happen naturally. You don't "make things happen". So I don't understand why Americans and self help books claim you can make things happen or force them to happen. Total fallacy.

This means we are either destined to be lonely or there is some fundamental disconnect between us and mainstream normies. We can't connect to their hive mind or we don't belong with the human hive? Have you noticed how social cliques tend to ostracize you too like they know and sense you don't belong? It's not a choice. It just happens. Like its destiny or something.

How do New Agers explain this? What's their solution?
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in America?

Post by dancilley »

The reason why I do not have any friends (I have an older lady friend though) is because when I do have friendly conversations or receive attention from people, I have anxiety, and I am afraid of asserting to the person what I want, because they may reject me. And I don't want to reject them either. Having to reject a person is stressful. Interacting with human beings is very stressful for me. I would like to think that it is not, but the truth is, that for me, whenever I interact with a person, it is very stressful. Only if I know the person very well is interacting with the person not so stressful, but then if I have a disagreement with the person, it is very stressful. And I hate when people make fun of me. Only if I were happily married or in a happy situation, would I be able to joke around. Only when you are in a harmonious social situation can you afford to joke around. I hate when guys make fun of me. That's not what a friend is. I hate being in a group of people who put me down in a supposedly funny way that makes them laugh at my expense.

I rarely, or almost never, approach women, or people in general. When they approach me, I do not reciprocate, and the interaction dies. I have had many, many, many opportunities to make friends with people in my life, but I rarely express a desire to take things further, to get the person's number or whatever. I do have a desire to, but I perceive it as awkward to do so. I have low self-esteem. I feel guilty if I attempt to get what I want, in general. I hate offending people, but at the same time, my needs go unmet, because I am too apprehensive. When I try to lead people, if the followers object to my suggestions or commands, it is very stressful for me. I want to be a leader, but failing at being a leader is very stressful. I want to figure out how to not worry about failing, just how Arnold Schwarzenegger says that he "was never afraid to fail." I am always afraid of failing, all the time. Only in high school when I was a good baseball player did I somewhat lose the fear of failing, for example, the apprehensiveness in swing the bat at a pitched ball during a game. I never was apprehensive about how I swung the bat, the mechanics of it, because I practiced so much. The general mechanics were second-nature to me. On each pitch, I just had to decide if I was going to swing, but not how I was gripping the bat, how to follow through, etc.

Many girls and people in high school initiated communication with me, but I was uneasy about talking to them further. I never tried to get to know a girl further who had initiated communication with me, because I was judgmental about the girls looks, and I didn't want to date a girl who I would eventually marry and be monogamous with, if she wasn't up to my standard. I didn't want to date any girl who was not "the one" for me. Only until a girl who was 5'9" and blonde who I thought may be "the one" initiated communication with me in a flirtatious voice in senior year of high school did I become obsessed enough to approach her and take things to the next level. When I finally did though, I was insanely nervous and I could barely speak. It was retarded. I almost never spoke in school anyway, so how was I supposed to attract a hot girl if I didn't even have any social circle already established? I think that is why I was so nervous...because I did not have high social status. Also, I did not play football, and I think you essentially had to play football in order to be respected in my school. In my junior year, I earned the title of Most Valuable Player of the baseball team...so the next year, I received a lot of attention from people...but a lot of guys asked me, "Why didn't you play football?" or said, "You should have played football." It was as though most people liked me, but at the same time, they disrespected me because I did not play football. I also had insane anxiety all the time, and just brute-forced my way through it. Sometimes I would not give speaking presentations in class due to my anxiety. I never seriously thought of running for class government or joining school clubs. I also never attended school functions such as the football games, dances, plays, etc. In junior high, magically, I attended a dance and danced with 3 girls...and I ascended to a higher emotional height that night...and I made it happen...it was all my idea...and I went to the dance by myself.

I was too scared to hang out in the quad at lunch or during recesses in high school due to my anxiety. I had no social life at all in high school or college, other than playing baseball. But I never went out downtown, or anywhere purely to socialize. My parents never encouraged me to do so, and I had a negative attitude toward it. For example, I never left campus for lunch during junior or senior year (the years when it was allowed). Now, I know that if I had had a car, I could have asked a girl or guys to go with me out to lunch, and that would have been fun. I did have a job all throughout high school, so I did have thousands of dollars saved in my bank account at the time...but I had a negative attitude about spending the money. I did not want to spend it because I was literally working for $6.50 or $7.00 per hour at the time. But in hindsight, being able to take out a girl to a fast food restaurant during lunch and build up a social circle is extremely important. I never went out to lunch, and never built up a reputation for going out to lunch. A lot of guys went out to lunch and developed friendships and dated girls that way probably. I know that many guys had girlfriends in high school. One guy who got cut from the baseball team due to not being good enough had a hot girlfriend. And also, 2 guys who were not good players had girlfriends too. They were very socially skilled though, and had automobiles of their own. They had a more extroverted, casual, care-free attitude (that actors have in sitcoms) that I didn't have.

In order to make friends, I think you have to have a respectable motor vehicle and you have to have money to take people out. They may take you out later, but I think your willingness to take them out and pay for it is very attractive. You also have to have a very pleasing personality. You have to be happy and not take things too seriously. You have to be fun to be around. The type of clothes you wear matters. And your looks in general matter. Getting a haircut matters. But if you are ugly, that will turn off a lot of people. Of course, if you are tall and good looking, you will have an easier time. But you have to be happy with your general life situation and be in a good mood. People won't want to be around you if you take things too seriously. The people who were popular in high school were generally in a positive state of mind all the time, and it was fun to hang around them. I was silent and in an anxious state all the time, so it makes sense why I did not attract people and build friendships. Like I said, I did attract people, but I was not able to connect with them and get them to desire to continue to be around me.

Actually, I just remembered that in senior year, I used to eat lunch in the multi-use room, also known as "the cafeteria." I used to sit on the stage, and I did reliably have several guys who would eat lunch with me. Remember, I was MVP the year before, so I am very sure it was because of that. And other guys would sometimes attempt to break into the clique...but the clique only consisted of three other guys and me regularly. I never thought of it as a clique though. It was never a planned location that we would eat lunch at, and we were never serious about keeping anyone out of the clique. We just happened to eat there at the same spot every day. The general vibe was one of boredom and trying to pass the time in whatever way that was less-than-boring. The random guys who came up to us probably felt awkward around the rest of us because one of them actually did not make the baseball team, but the year before he was on the JV team. Then there was this ethnic, shorter guy who sometimes would come up to us, but he didn't spend much time there. One time these two popular girls came up to us and asked to borrow $2. One of the guys gave the girl $2...but she never paid it back. Also, there was this huge yard duty employee who used to hang out on the stage also, who was in charge of supervising the multi-use room. In the multi-use room it was mostly underclassmen (because they were required to stay on campus during lunch). The upperclassmen always went off campus, every single day...so the "cool" kids always left school at lunch, and had a car. I wonder what they did during that time. Some kids had new cars, or large, raised trucks. I believe in junior year, I would play badminton at lunch in the gym (basketball court). I felt like a loser when I saw so many other kids walk to their cars in the parking lot and drive to lunch, but at the same time, I did not want to spend my hard-earned money. But like I said, looking back, that was not the right thing to do, because I literally never went out and socialized. I could have spent my savings on a vehicle and gone out to lunch every day and been the "big man on campus." In senior year I kinda did feel like the big man on campus...but girls did not respect me, and guys did not fully respect me either because I did not play football.

One thing I noticed is that, every single guy who had a steady girlfriend in high school ended up breaking up with her! So whether you felt awkward in high school or popular or whatever, even the guys who had a girlfriend got dumped! They probably got dumped once the girls had the courage to attend parties at colleges and meet older, better guys. If the guys were serious about their girlfriends, they would have proposed marriage to them at the earliest age possible. But no one did that back then. No one had the idea in their mind that a girl's virginity was important, and that having sex outside of wedlock was bad. I believe in abstinence until marriage now. To me it is wrong to have sex with a girl prior to marriage. But I believe that all girls should be married by age 14. I believe no girls should go to high school. They should be married already and producing babies. That's what makes a female happy anyway. So all girls in high school are low-value. Every girl who is not married by age 14 is likely to engage in sexual activity...and any girl who does that is low-value, if she is not married. Our society back then was pretty morally corrupt, come to think of it. With all this being said, I believe that we can change society so that everyone is healthy and happy all the time. We just have to implement a few principles.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in Amer

Post by jamesbond »

CB8 wrote:
December 25th, 2016, 5:22 pm
I think making (or NOT making) friends in an America centers around our culture of fear and arrogance. Because, as Winston mentioned, what should be regular avenues for starting friendships (like work or parties) are off-limits, normal people must first take extra time to evaluate whether you are friend material. In America, almost every stranger is considered a psychotic rapist until proven otherwise, so before you can make a friend you'll have to keep being seen by someone and also appear as nonthreatening as possible. You also can't appear to be too "different," since America's culture of arrogance makes the average person intolerant and threatened by different viewpoints and lifestyles.

So, while it takes normal people a while to make friends in America, they do make friends eventually. But for the abnormal people who don't fit into any stereotype, we are seen potential murderers and/or threats to the American way of life, so we rarely pass the friendship test.
Excellent points and very true.
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Re: How do "normal" people make friends or get dates in America?

Post by jamesbond »

Winston wrote:
December 5th, 2016, 4:59 am
Frankly, I've never understood how "normal" or average people make friends or get relationships or get married in taiwan and america. I mean, first of all, you aren't allowed to talk to strangers unless it's for business. Second, even if you go to a party and meet people, they will just be polite to you for a few minutes or maybe longer. But the next day, they forget you as if you never existed. They dont invite you out or cement the friendship more. Thirdly, at your work, the colleagues are all business and do not socialize with you outside of work. They have their own families and friends and do not usually invite you over. You are still an outsider to them. Also if you are single, you usually can only make friends with other single people. Married people prefer to make friends with other couples so its more evenly matched.

Thus its a logical impossibility. You are checkmated from every angle. Its a no win situation. It's like a game where you have no legal moves.

Theres no natural or smooth way to get a social life or dating life in USA or Taiwan. No normal way to make friends or acquire relationships and lovers. So how then do normal people get friends or girlfriends in taiwan and america? I've never understood it. Its always been a mystery to me.

Does anyone have a logical explanation or answer?

This is an excellent question, how do people in the US make friends or get dates? Studies show that most people meet their future spouse through their friends. Then the next question is, how do people make friends in America? I guess the answer is most people make friends when they are in school (high school and college).
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"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
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