Welcome to our new upgraded phpbb 3.2 forum! The upgrade is now complete. See announcement and new features here, or report any problems or issues here. Enjoy the new forum.
Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar! See locations and dates here.
View Active Topics View Your Posts Latest 100 Topics FAQ Topics
Discuss and talk about any general topic.
6 posts • Page 1 of 1
In my opinion, women who go for the ambitious, driven, career-oriented types of men are making a huge mistake. I think the simple, kind, and family-oriented guys should be the prize. As a woman, it depends on what your goals and priorities are, and not every woman deserves the kind of man that I will describe (basically someone similar to myself), but if the woman is a decent woman that desires love and companionship above all but still wants to do something for herself, this kind of man will be much more suitable in the long run than a man who has many of his own ambitions and wants to become successful. Take my biological dad for example. He wanted to succeed in the business world, made "friends" that ended up wrecking his life, and his failures caused tensions in the marriage WITH my mum that eventually led to divorce, among other reasons. This is not to say that MY mum's a good woman, she is an abomination, but say if she were a good woman that happened to be born into a fairly well-off family and did something for herself, and my biological dad learned to compromise and devote himself to being a purely family-oriented man, things could have worked out well. My biological family would be intact and I might have grown up to become a different person. The point is: I think a man who could care less about asserting his "manliness" for others to see (ex: worldly success), and focuses on devoting himself to his wife and family, is one of the key ingredients to a happy and successful marriage.
Not everyone is cut out for the corporate world and career, at least not in the conventional sense. Trying to become someone that you are not has an extremely detrimental effect on your overall well-being, and it will only be a matter of time before the world sees through you for who you really are.I used to dream of success, to become well-respected in society, and admired as an extremely capable monetary provider. I was fed with these twisted values by the maternal side of my biological so-called family, who are feminazis (but that's not the focus of this post). I wanted to be popular in the prison known as school, where I did things and acted out to gain achievement and win the admiration of my peers. Not surprisingly, it backlashed. When I began to really come to terms and appreciate my true self at the age of 16 and-a-half, I started thinking for myself about what I really want. With my soft, sensitive, emotional, introverted and somewhat conservative / old-fashioned personality, I am anything but well-equipped for the capitalist, postmodern era. I began embracing my true self, that deep down I am someone who's family / relationship-oriented, a home-maker devoted to wife and children, and want nothing but a simple life. More of a homely guy that's far from what society defines as masculinity, but this is me and I cannot choose to be anyone else. I believe what truly matters in life is just finding that safe little corner, in a good place, where my loved ones and I can live in peace. I am a child of God, and God has made me this way for a reason. In fact I think the biggest pussies are men like my biological father, and the youth of today who put career first just because the modern world tells them to (I'm looking at you, the Anglosphere / Europe / developed Asia). Being ethnically Chinese, I truly appreciate how family-oriented / home-maker men are accepted and respected (as long as you find the right one) in China, but in Japan and South Korea they are stigmatized and viewed with contempt from both women and other men. In Japanese folklore, there's the story of a poor samurai who thought he wasn't being "manly" enough and divorced his wife, hoping to seek his fortune and end his poverty. His wife deeply loved him and did not think twice about leaving him, yet he succumbed to society's expectations and the ending was a miserable one.
There are those who say to "be yourself" is a big piece of bullshit. My take on it is that it depends on what this "yourself" is. If you are a total jerk of a guy that has no respect and is abusive in one way or several, then you shouldn't "be yourself". In this case "yourself" is someone that has no sense of decency at all. However, if you are a guy with good qualities that's sick and tired of the rhythm of modern life and just wishes for a simple life, this "yourself" is awesome. Once again, a family-oriented / home-making guy should be the prize for a good woman. Next, I will explain why the kind of guy like me (I might sound like a narcissistic snob, but it's not my intention) would ideally be more desirable to good women than the high-climbing CEO types / workaholic salarymen:
1. The family-oriented man spends a lot more time with the children. I believe it is absolutely crucial for the mother and father to be equally involved in raising a child, so that the love and guidance he / she gets from the family will be complete. The absence / near absence of one parent or both will more or less affect the child. The child may feel close to only one, but not both of his parents, or neither. I grew up in a dysfunctional environment and I do not want to impose the same tragedy on my children. When I become a father I'll want to take good care of my children, I guess you could say that in some ways I will almost be like a second mother / a nanny. However, by spending time with my children I will also be able to give them a loving and firm guiding hand when it comes to morals and the world in ways that my wife may or not be able to.
2. The family-oriented man does not have a lot of plans and goals for himself, so he will more likely be devoted to making his wife and children happy. He's more likely to be tolerant and forgiving, as long as he's mature enough to know that commitment means compromise and sometimes sacrifice. Since he is already not what society deems to be masculine, he is less likely to care about what others think of him, and less likely to have issues of inadequacy / self-hate that can lead to darkness. He has seen through the modern world for what it really is, and wishes not to take part in it. As long as his wife and children are happy, he feels secure and content with the simple things in life. He is also likely to be someone that has consistent morals and values, because it takes a lot of strength to be yourself when society goes in the opposite direction.
3. He is likely to be loving, gentle and respectful towards his wife and treats her as an equal. This is unlike many career-oriented men / high-earning breadwinners who think they can use and abuse their wives because they have the monopoly on income and finances. Family-oriented / homemaker men, due to a sensitive and emotionally-driven nature, are more likely to want to understand / understand how the woman is feeling and won't shy away from "girl talk."
4. While the trashy women will think that this kind of man is "boring", "dull" and "uninspiring", this is not true at all. If a woman constantly needs "fun" and "excitement" and to "admire" her man in ways that don't make her so pure of heart to me, she is too immature to handle anything serious. Two people will be spending a lifetime together, and it's not always going to be thrilling. The excitement dies down. What's left is rock solid companionship that actually lasts. Men who constantly need to expand their horizons, develop themselves (in worldly ways) and excite their lives just can't cut it when it comes to 白头偕老。On the other hand, these men who are simple-minded and happy about themselves will find happiness. And many family-oriented man are actually very knowledgeable and interesting to talk to, because they tend to be of the nerdy / geeky type (example: myself). You will be surprised at how much they know and how deeply intellectual / spiritual they can be, it's just that they have made a much wiser decision to not put themselves in the mainstream world. It takes courage to take the path less traveled by, but the reward is so much greater and one only becomes much wiser than average as a result of it.
5. From a spiritual point-of-view, these men are likely to have at least a moderately high level of spiritual development. It takes courage, strength and wisdom from the soul to navigate this ever-complex and confused world, especially when one is of a deviant type. One who is trying to seek truth in life is hard to come across, because most people just go with the flow and never acknowledge accountability for their own lack of wisdom, always saying things like "I'm helpless", "there's nothing I can do", "what use is there for xxxx." Some wake up and become wiser, the majority never do. Men of this type, if we follow the oh-so-beloved New Age belief systems, are likely to be mature / old souls while their peers are still at the youth stages. One's age often does not correspond to wisdom and spirituality.
6. Although there are exceptions such as myself (I've inherited a number of health issues from both sides of my biological "family"), family-oriented men are likely to be not only happier, but also healthier. There's enormous physical, mental and psychological strain in being the sole breadwinner. The mental and psychological impact of failure in the areas of money and finance when you are the breadwinner disrupts everything from self-esteem to the harmony of family life. It's the corporate world's goal to exploit, exploit, exploit. To destroy the traditional ties that bond us together so that we will have to depend on the elite instead.
Good post Bao3niang, of course the current confusion is thinking that the evolutionary "Alpha" is the brute that will defend and obtain resources with force only, when that ceased to be the main concern millennia ago, in the great majority of scenarios. Nothing wrong with that human aspect though, but all extremes are bad. The tattooed meat-head moron/scumbag seen as better being the perfect example.
I have a problem with this though, this is too extreme the other way. You need the girl to look up to you a little bit at least. I think it's ok to hear her out and have a natural conversation, but being "too nice" -which yeah is subjective- will land you in trouble. My point is it is possible to have a balance. But you really can't be
'equal' -if that means anything- there will come points where a decision needs to be taken and you will either lead or yield, even in petty situations.
Not to pierce here but could you be trying to overcompensate for your father's attitude?
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
This is blue pill thinking par excellance. Any man who buys into that is setting himself up to be a beta dupe.
I would suggest that you read The Manipulated Man by Ester Vilar as soon as you possibly can. If, after that, you feel the same, there is no hope.....
Of equal value as people does not mean equal in everything. So, the next time she hears a sound outside at night, the wife says, just stay put honey, I'm going out to check on that! Not likely .
Simple, Kind, and Family-Oriented Men Are Best?
To a woman born in 1949 or to an Asian girl, this usually rings true, but to the majority of today's Anglo specimens, this isn't the case, sadly.
Guys can still have these traits to an extent so long as they accompany them with an uncompromising/ruthless part of their personality. Like Droid said, there needs to be a balance.
Without this balance a woman most likely won't respect him and will just use him as a path to an easier life while banging the neighbourhood pretty boy behind his back.
Where exactly is the family’s money and social status meant to come from? Is it not likely that some women might want to be married to a man, as opposed to another woman?