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It's how you spend your time

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It's how you spend your time

Postby Nailer » April 14th, 2017, 8:25 pm

The PUA folks say that self-improvement is the answer. Lift weights, dress well, develop a fake personality, and random women should instantly recognize your value and give you a chance.

HA says that location is the answer. America is uniquely dysfunctional, and you by going to another culture you can find people who are open and friendly. At it's heart, HA is still advocating the PUA approach and just changing the battlefield.

There is truth in both of these sites, but it's not the whole story.

You don't make friends by talking face to face with someone. You make friends by having shared experiences.

You don't get girls by being "good enough" and propositioning them in public. You get girls by being in their proximity, letting them get familiar with you, and then one day they decide they have a crush on you and they make it obvious.

This is very difficult in America due to a lack of appropriate venues. It is true that the entire public space is a no-talking-to-strangers zone. Bars, coffee shops, malls, etc. are all a waste of time. You're panhandling for sex and friendships. It doesn't work, and has led at least two men down a road to murder/suicide.

At the same time, all social venues are useless, with the exception perhaps of church. Every meetup group is going to be full of weird ugly people. Any club or physical activity you join will be a sausagefest, and most definitely will not attract hot chicks. Good-looking girls are ten times more afraid of going to a Meetup group than you are. There really is nothing out there. The suggestion that you should just "do the things you enjoy" is a terrible one.

The only thing that works is to have a part-time job in a highly social environment that attracts lots of good-looking women. This includes the high-end of the food service industry, the ski industry, the music industry, and maybe some artistic things. I have worked these kind of jobs, and it gives you insane amounts of social power. If someone's a jerk to you, you just next them because guess what, YOU are the center of all social activity in town. You are on the inside, and people have a huge amount of respect for you when they know you can drop them on a whim and replace them with ten more people. Suddenly other people are needy towards you, instead of you begging others for attention. You can get to know people easily and casually just by being around them and showing good character. Girls you had no idea were into you will come onto you once they feel comfortable around you and think you're a good guy. It's a way to live your life and have good social connections, not just a simple trick to get girls.

But don't ignore the requirement for girls! A good candidate for this kind of position needs:
  • A good balance of male and female coworkers, with plenty of attractive women. So even with the U.S. location matters!
  • Repeat customers. You don't want to never see the same person twice. Your goal is to date the regular customers, who have fewer social connections than you. For this reason, working in a ski rental shop or being a skydive instructor would be bad.
  • Your group of coworkers, who you will inevitably become friends with, should have lots of connections to other groups of coworkers.
  • It has to be something you enjoy. Make it your second career, even if the money is shit.
  • It should be something fun and cool, that everyday "boring" people think is exciting.

Yes, there are LOTS of shitty women in America. You know what the secret to dealing with them is? If one is shitty, get rid of her! Guys get stuck on this step because it is not easy to replace a woman in America. I am giving you the secret of how to handle that, you just have ten more in your proximity who already have a crush on you! The way to do that is to be in their proximity and actually know them! Yes, you have to have a good reputation and be cool. You have to be in decent shape. This is where self-improvement actually can be useful. But if they don't already know you, how are they going to start getting a crush on you in the first place?

You can look at this negatively like "why do I have to go get another job, I already have a good one?" or you can look at it positively like "Hey cool, money doesn't matter past a certain point and I am free to pursue something fun on the side and have a more exciting life with more friends and things I enjoy doing".

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I think this is really the missing piece that can change lives. It's not your fault you can't go out in public and "make friends" with strangers. It's not your fault everything you try to get involved in is a huge sausagefest. Now if you took these three ideas, location, game, and activity, and put them together so you became a bartender in Ukraine with a good wardrobe...DAMN you would be swimming in p***y. :D
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby Eric » April 14th, 2017, 9:23 pm

Stop looking to the outside to try to wrangle things or, get it just right. It is inside you need to change your attitude. Most people don't realize it, but they have included this secular "thinking" into their repertoire, which actually is forced and didn't come naturally. It's true, it was forced on us gradually over time, indoctrinated into us via political correctness in schools and in media/politics. You remember this happening....It was an infiltration. it gradually replaced your soul and who you are, but you didn't realize it because it wasn't stated. But you know that didn't feel right - you went with it grudgingly because you were told you had to, you were abused if you didn't. You were pressured.
You need to right now, make a choice to get "rid of it". And by that I mean embracing the values you know and are of God.

It doesn't matter how much society advocates or says it's right. It's not. Society is ruled by a Satanic evil cult - is that what you want?

I'm telling you man, just do what I said. Make a choice to go back to "the old way" and totally reject "secular humanism". Spit it out and don't even think that way. Choose Christ and choose God.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby mattyman » April 14th, 2017, 9:54 pm

OK, for the sake of lifestyle, there is a lot to be said for doing things to improve your social life, having hobbies and living life in your valued direction, not what some PUA has prescribed. The rationale behind having an active social life and hobbies is the following;
[*]It can give stories, talking points and common interests
[*]The more social opportunities you're pursuing, the more independent and in control you feel, the you're able to believe that opportunities will come and the less likely you are to put all eggs in one basket
[*] Having thing's going on gives you things to invite people into; having plans gives a natural opportunity to get people's contact information and an a reasons to invite people to tag along.
[*]The less likely you are to see a romantic relationship as the end to your loneliness and the less likely you are to suffer from one-itis
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby Nailer » April 14th, 2017, 9:58 pm

mattyman wrote:OK, for the sake of lifestyle, there is a lot to be said for doing things to improve your social life, not what some PUA has prescribed. The rationale behind having an active social life and hobbies is the following;
[*]It can give stories, talking points and common interests
[*]The more social opportunities you're pursueing, the more independent and in control you feel, the yoy're able to believe that opportunities will come and the less likely you are to put all eggs in one basket
[*] Having thing's going on gives you things to invite people into; having plans gives a natural opportunitiy to get people's contact information and an a reasons to invite people to tag along.

Okay, I have seen the argument "have an active social life" but no one can actually say HOW TO DO THAT. "Be outgoing"? You'll scare people away. "Be yourself"? Yeah, and be ignored except for the once a year attention you get from a stranger in public. "Do what you enjoy"? Yeah, along with the other 50 guys who thought of that, and are fighting over the same one girl who is basking in their attention. "Social circle game?" Yeah, great, you can hang out with the same eight people week after week and never meet anyone outside the clique. :cry:

You cannot make friends by being a customer. Being part of the staff puts you in the club. If you don't have the social skills or looks to get hired for a "cool" job, well then maybe it's time to focus on some of that self-improvement stuff.

I have never read this anywhere on the web, but in my experience it is completely true. Being in school does not put you in a club. Attending an event or going to a bar as a customer does not put you in any club. Being staff at the same venue gives you ridiculous amounts of social power, and people look up to you.

Only cool good-looking guys can do this. If that's not you then yeah, there is no hope within the U.S.
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby mattyman » April 14th, 2017, 11:48 pm

I was really on about the ways in which doing things to expand your social circle might be of help when it comes to attraction as a side effect.
""Do what you enjoy"? Yeah, along with the other 50 guys who thought of that, and are fighting over the same one girl who is basking in their attention"
No, no, no I was more along the lines of this scenario, person says they like x, 'we're doing x this weekend, you're welcome to to join us' sort of thing. Scenarios like that. That's what I was trying to illustrate by opportunities coming up naturally the more you have going on in your life.

Having hobbies and how you spend your time is not about impressing people or appearing 'cool', it's about giving you things to talk about and opportunities to invite people into your life and most importantly, making you happy.
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby Nailer » April 15th, 2017, 12:49 am

mattyman wrote:I was really on about the ways in which doing things to expand your social circle might be of help when it comes to attraction as a side effect.
""Do what you enjoy"? Yeah, along with the other 50 guys who thought of that, and are fighting over the same one girl who is basking in their attention"
No, no, no I was more along the lines of this scenario, person says they like x, 'we're doing x this weekend, you're welcome to to join us' sort of thing. Scenarios like that. That's what I was trying to illustrate by opportunities coming up naturally the more you have going on in your life.

Having hobbies and how you spend your time is not about impressing people or appearing 'cool', it's about giving you things to talk about and opportunities to invite people into your life and most importantly, making you happy.

Agreed. And most people have pretty boring lives, so being the guy with stuff going on makes you very appealing (and it's fun for you!). More muscle, more money, better "game", "negging" a girl, that isn't going to do jack shit. You have to be on the inside track. No, this is not "social circle game". :lol: :roll:

Granted, this does not automatically get you every girl, but who cares when you know hundreds of people and can replace any bitch in a few days?

Or you can keep trying to open one-sets and see how that works out, LOL!!!

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The PUA idea that women decide within 10 seconds if you are fuckable is probably the most inaccurate and wrong thing EVER:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1340868/Basic-instinct-Women-just-minutes-make-mind-Mr-Right.html

That kind of thinking is a recipe for desperation. What you need is a slow burn with 100 bitches on the line, and just get with the 5% that can make up their goddamn mind. The only way you will get that is to have a highly visible public-facing job in a fun environment.

Literally nothing else works.
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby Eric » April 15th, 2017, 2:19 am

mattyman wrote:I was really on about the ways in which doing things to expand your social circle might be of help when it comes to attraction as a side effect.
""Do what you enjoy"? Yeah, along with the other 50 guys who thought of that, and are fighting over the same one girl who is basking in their attention"
No, no, no I was more along the lines of this scenario, person says they like x, 'we're doing x this weekend, you're welcome to to join us' sort of thing. Scenarios like that. That's what I was trying to illustrate by opportunities coming up naturally the more you have going on in your life.

Having hobbies and how you spend your time is not about impressing people or appearing 'cool', it's about giving you things to talk about and opportunities to invite people into your life and most importantly, making you happy.



You can give and give this guy advice, and he'll just ignore it...; ) keep on trying though! I did... Whatever. you can try to help people, but one of the hardest things to know or to get across to people is that they can't keep going or doing things the same way - they have to totally change their mindset to get different results.

It's the hardest thing to do in life! ...people want things, but they fail to realize that it's a mindset underneath that leads up to those things which has to change.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby MrMan » April 15th, 2017, 9:28 am

If you played in a band and had a decent job, that might be a good combination for finding women. If music gigs get you opportunities to meet women or to be up on stage in front of them, then that may help. It also makes more sense to have a decent job that pays the bills and sing or play guitar or bass as a kind of hobby that you have a passion for, than to have a decent job and work as a waiter. If you have a decent job why would you work as a waiter?

If the relationship gets serious, she may ask that question. Why do such an undesireable food industry job on the side if your day job pays well? I suppose you could tell her it was to meet her.

If you are in a band, it could be something classy that marriage-material women might appreciate, not something that looks like KISS.

Volunteering for charity is another way to meet women. But if you volunteer at an animal shelter, you'd better like animals. If you don't want to live in a house full of cat hair, another charity might be better.
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby Nailer » April 15th, 2017, 3:23 pm

Eric wrote:You can give and give this guy advice, and he'll just ignore it...; ) keep on trying though! I did... Whatever. you can try to help people, but one of the hardest things to know or to get across to people is that they can't keep going or doing things the same way - they have to totally change their mindset to get different results.

It's the hardest thing to do in life! ...people want things, but they fail to realize that it's a mindset underneath that leads up to those things which has to change.

You talk in riddles about some Jew on a stick from 2000 years ago. I speak clearly and give real information.

MrMan wrote:If you played in a band and had a decent job, that might be a good combination for finding women. If music gigs get you opportunities to meet women or to be up on stage in front of them, then that may help. It also makes more sense to have a decent job that pays the bills and sing or play guitar or bass as a kind of hobby that you have a passion for, than to have a decent job and work as a waiter. If you have a decent job why would you work as a waiter?

The music thing, if you like it that's great, but it doesn't actually let you meet that many people. You won't play shows more than once a week, at most, and they only last 45 minutes. Yes it is fun, and you will meet lots of people, but a barista talks to 1000 people every day.

MrMan wrote:If the relationship gets serious, she may ask that question. Why do such an undesireable food industry job on the side if your day job pays well? I suppose you could tell her it was to meet her.

Because it's fun. Maybe you will want to open your own place when you retire and you want the experience.

MrMan wrote:If you are in a band, it could be something classy that marriage-material women might appreciate, not something that looks like KISS.

I don't think it matters what kind of music it is, just do what you like.

MrMan wrote:Volunteering for charity is another way to meet women. But if you volunteer at an animal shelter, you'd better like animals. If you don't want to live in a house full of cat hair, another charity might be better.

In one four-hour shift at an animal shelter you might talk to five people. Not all extracurricular activities are equal.
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby gsjackson » April 15th, 2017, 5:13 pm

Nailer wrote:
Eric wrote:You can give and give this guy advice, and he'll just ignore it...; ) keep on trying though! I did... Whatever. you can try to help people, but one of the hardest things to know or to get across to people is that they can't keep going or doing things the same way - they have to totally change their mindset to get different results.

It's the hardest thing to do in life! ...people want things, but they fail to realize that it's a mindset underneath that leads up to those things which has to change.

You talk in riddles about some Jew on a stick from 2000 years ago. I speak clearly and give real information.

MrMan wrote:If you played in a band and had a decent job, that might be a good combination for finding women. If music gigs get you opportunities to meet women or to be up on stage in front of them, then that may help. It also makes more sense to have a decent job that pays the bills and sing or play guitar or bass as a kind of hobby that you have a passion for, than to have a decent job and work as a waiter. If you have a decent job why would you work as a waiter?

The music thing, if you like it that's great, but it doesn't actually let you meet that many people. You won't play shows more than once a week, at most, and they only last 45 minutes. Yes it is fun, and you will meet lots of people, but a barista talks to 1000 people every day.

MrMan wrote:If the relationship gets serious, she may ask that question. Why do such an undesireable food industry job on the side if your day job pays well? I suppose you could tell her it was to meet her.

Because it's fun. Maybe you will want to open your own place when you retire and you want the experience.

MrMan wrote:If you are in a band, it could be something classy that marriage-material women might appreciate, not something that looks like KISS.

I don't think it matters what kind of music it is, just do what you like.

MrMan wrote:Volunteering for charity is another way to meet women. But if you volunteer at an animal shelter, you'd better like animals. If you don't want to live in a house full of cat hair, another charity might be better.

In one four-hour shift at an animal shelter you might talk to five people. Not all extracurricular activities are equal.


"Some Jew on a stick???" Maybe you can get a date with Sarah Silverman: "You're damn right the Jews crucified Christ. I'd fuckin do it again. I'd fuckin do it again." Hilarious.

Way beyond stupid to alienate millions of people gratuitously. And if you think anyone is going to give you credit for bold honesty, well, the post probably belongs over on the "social retard" thread.
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby Eric » April 15th, 2017, 5:16 pm

That's his problem, but he doesn't get it... he's acting like an idiot. Sorry, let him whine on and on about, working at a Pizza Hut while being a social reject with all women...well into his 40's and on, that's how he'll be unless he stops arguing and decides to listen.


I'm tired of talking to this guy, let him figure it out. I can see why no woman wants to be with him, because he's got no confidence in him self and shoots himself down at every turn...it's not women. It's him.
I could literally find a quality woman today if I tried. It's not that hard. You have to value yourself, first, then find value in others and others will value you.
Plenty of women come around me all the time, that's not an issue.

What is it exactly he's looking for? Hookup? A relationship.... I feel like it's self-validation he's looking for, somehow, from a woman; they won't give that.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby Man With a Plan » April 16th, 2017, 3:03 am

Nailer wrote:The PUA folks say that self-improvement is the answer.

It is. I think another problem worth discussing is that men place too much importance on women, rather than hobbies or other activities. Realise that all of that is too much pressure for women. Too much pressure for people period. Being one's sole focus and object of their drive. Or putting them on a pedestal/elevating them to angelic status. I've had women tell me this. That's one of the (many) reasons that nice guys finish last. There is some sense as to why. It's not because of some big anti-nice guy boogeyman. It's because they go about their approach in the wrong way. All of that energy from someone you barely know is going to jostle you out of your groove, so to speak. Men who have other things going on tend to do better because they can afford rejection. They'll go find another in fifteen minutes and barring that, back to one of their many hobbies to keep them busy meanwhile.

Direct your energy in a proper and responsible way. Find hobbies, find purpose in other things. They'll come. I'm not saying to stop looking. The "stop looking" line is nonsense. But don't go overboard. Don't shift your focus. Am I making sense?
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Re: It's how you spend your time

Postby Adama » April 16th, 2017, 11:18 am

Is it too late to get saved for someone who hates Christ so much that he reduces Him down to some Jew on a stick? Have they crossed the line into open rebellion like Korah?

Christ is the Creator, and prudent wives are gifts from God. He that obtains a wife obtains favor of the Lord.

Believe in Him and give Him the respect, honor and glory due to Him. Christ was crucified on a tree to pay for our sins, because the penalty for sin is death, and every person is a sinner except Christ because He is God. That is the expression of the ultimate love, rescuing us from eternal death known as hell. But just by believing in Him (trusting in His work and not our own), we receive the free gift of salvation. (Now if you doubt any of this, read Romans 3, 4 and 5, which explain that salvation is a free gift simply for believing in Christ, also read Ephesians 2:8-9).

However there are many who have already gone too far and cannot believe the Gospel. They're rejected from the truth.
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