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Disapproving Parents

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Disapproving Parents

Postby Teh Amasin Spoderman » October 6th, 2017, 7:39 pm

I am currently in a relationship with a Filipina, and I am planning to visit her this coming February, where I plan to stay for 6 months. I'm also planning on proposing to her, and hopefully get married in the Philippines so I can be with her.

I tell my parents about this plan, instead of support or congratulations, all I get is this negative feedback which leads to a pointless debate.

This is how it feels like communicating with them:



"SHE'S A GOLD DIGGER! SHE'S JUST USING YOU TO GET A VISA TO LIVE IN THE USA, WHERE SHE WILL LEAVE YOU!"

-She's not a gold digger who has not asked me for money once, and we plan on staying in the Philippines. Besides, she is offering to pay for my airfare, which I declined.

"WHY MARRY SOMEONE FROM THE PHILIPPINES? THERE'S PLENTY OF NICE WOMEN HERE IN THE STATES!"

-I'm not attracted to fatties, feminists, and obnoxious bitches. Besides, mom (she's a Filipino immigrant), why did you look for an American man when there's plenty of nice Filipino guys back at home?


" OKAY, YOU GOT YOUR PLANE TICKET, HOW YOU GONNA SURVIVE IN THE PHILIPPINES FOR 6 MONTHS?"

-I already got my plane ticket an I'm leaving in February, not tomorrow. Besides, whatever money I make here will go a long way there. My cousin/your nephew is also offering to let me stay over so I don't have to book a hotel room

" WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO IF THERE ARE PROBLEMS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?"

- We will work out the problems together, like a real relationship. Unlike in America, where you screw up once, and she gets half your stuff.





Anyone else dealt with something similar from their parents or other relatives? Any advice?
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Contrarian Expatriate » October 6th, 2017, 8:50 pm

Sometimes parents don't know when their children have outgrown their counsel. Mine certainly did not and I had to cut them off since they were against everything I was doing with my life. All if it turned out successful I might add.

I believe that experience is the best teacher. So you should go marry that person in the Philippines and learn about yourself and life. If it is not successful, then you will have learned and that is what it is all about.

I personally am philosophically against marriage in general for men because the issues you rightly pointed out about marriage in the US will exist in the Philippines but in another form.

This is the advice that your parents SHOULD have given you about female nature and so-called "good girls":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieAnQxkl4xk

http://www.MGTOW.com
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Man With a Plan » October 6th, 2017, 9:32 pm

Think twice about your marriage, but avoid everything to do with mgtow. There are much better communities to be part of.

Also, is that Marvel's Spider-Man from their new animated series?
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Zambales » October 6th, 2017, 10:36 pm

She offered to pay your airfare?

Unless she comes from a wealthy family or has an extremely well paid job (which isn't typical of the average Filipina), I would consider this "token of generosity" to be very odd.

Have you met her in person yet?
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Teh Amasin Spoderman » October 6th, 2017, 10:44 pm

Zambales wrote:She offered to pay your airfare?

Unless she comes from a wealthy family or has an extremely well paid job (which isn't typical of the average Filipina), I would consider this "token of generosity" to be very odd.

Have you met her in person yet?



Yeah, we met earlier this year back in March. We still keep in contact
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Zambales » October 6th, 2017, 10:49 pm

Teh Amasin Spoderman wrote:
Zambales wrote:She offered to pay your airfare?

Unless she comes from a wealthy family or has an extremely well paid job (which isn't typical of the average Filipina), I would consider this "token of generosity" to be very odd.

Have you met her in person yet?



Yeah, we met earlier this year back in March. We still keep in contact


Cool. Sorry, I had to ask because you didn't make it clear.

So what does she do for a living?
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Teh Amasin Spoderman » October 7th, 2017, 2:04 pm

Zambales wrote:
Teh Amasin Spoderman wrote:
Zambales wrote:She offered to pay your airfare?

Unless she comes from a wealthy family or has an extremely well paid job (which isn't typical of the average Filipina), I would consider this "token of generosity" to be very odd.

Have you met her in person yet?



Yeah, we met earlier this year back in March. We still keep in contact


Cool. Sorry, I had to ask because you didn't make it clear.

So what does she do for a living?



She just started her job as a nurse a few months back. Before that, a clerk at a store.
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby dragonsmack68 » October 7th, 2017, 4:07 pm

Interesting topic - A few questions

How old are you?
How old is she?
Are you giving up a career to live there for 6 months?

I do agree with your parents on what will you do if you have problems in relationship, I mean, saying you will just work it out is probably overly optimistic. You really need to prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Zambales » October 7th, 2017, 6:47 pm

Teh Amasin Spoderman wrote:
Zambales wrote:
Teh Amasin Spoderman wrote:
Zambales wrote:She offered to pay your airfare?

Unless she comes from a wealthy family or has an extremely well paid job (which isn't typical of the average Filipina), I would consider this "token of generosity" to be very odd.

Have you met her in person yet?



Yeah, we met earlier this year back in March. We still keep in contact


Cool. Sorry, I had to ask because you didn't make it clear.

So what does she do for a living?


She just started her job as a nurse a few months back. Before that, a clerk at a store.


There's no way she could afford your airfare with that occupation. If a flight cost $1000 for instance, it would equate to $5000 in her world. It's a strange comment to make and may point at a sign of desperation. Tread carefully.

Your mother's reaction was dismissive and typical of how women in the West think - even though she's Filipina herself. Having said that, this isn't a situation you can get overly excited with and making drastic decisions on. You've only met her the once, yeah? Far too early to even think about marriage yet dude!
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby MrMan » October 7th, 2017, 7:42 pm

What if you said, "What's wrong with marrying a Filipino woman. This may sound strange, but I think I may like her because she is so much like you, Mom." If that's true, of course.

About the time I was dating my wife, one of my fellow expat friends was telling me that men tend to be attracted to and marry women like their mothers. For example, some men are attracted to fat women. They might not advertise the fact in the locker room in high school. I always wondered how guys could bring themselves to date and go out with fat women when I was in high school. But maybe that's what they want. My friend was saying (according to an article in Psychology Today, I think), that men got their idea of what a woman was like from their mother when they were little.

I was trying to figure out at the time if I was like that. My mom was a very beautiful woman when she was young, in the 9+ range. I also dated a woman in the 9+ range (who I married). But she was Asian. Mom mom sewed. Not my wife. My wife likes to cook. They are both really hard workers. Their personalities are different. My mom was thin when she was young. My wife has always been thin, aside from pregnancy. She did not put on that much for pregnancy.

Your mom needs to agree to this. Other than respecting parents, honor thy father and mother, practically, you need it. Maybe your mom has kind of abandoned her Filipina identity (just guessing) and wants you to marry a white girl and blend into US society and have white grandkids. But if she's a Filipina mom, she may still want to walk you down the aisle with your dad. And think about your potential bride. How are she and her parents going to take the idea of your mom not agreeing with the marriage, maybe no participating in the ceremony. Maybe some Americans would go for that, but do you think a Filipina and her family, not Filipina-American, would go for that? Would you want to be cut off from your family and just be with your wife, if she went for it?

My wife is Indonesian. My experience with Filipinos is mainly with Filipino Americans and Filipino expats in Indonesia, but generally in these traditional cultures, you have to get permission from the father (or the parents) to marry a girl. If you don't, that's considered a bad thing.

Also, if you bring this girl back with you as your wife, not getting along with your family is a major stressor. Getting married can be stressful. Moving to a foreign country is stressful. If she gets pregnant later, major stress, especially after childbirth, post-partum baby blues, etc. Interaction with in-laws that you get along with well is stressful. But if your wife feels unwanted and your mom is upset you married her, and you try to get them all together after a wedding she didn't particpate in, that's very stressful.

And who does stress affect? Her, of course. But it will also affect you. You need your mom onboard. Some of the arguments you are giving, while sensible, may entrench your mom further in her position. The marrying a woman like your mom argument will probably go further.

You can also point out that Filippinas are known for making good wives (which you could tie in to your mom being a good wife). I read that 5% of Asians are divorced, which is lower than for white people. I don't know where the guy got the figure, but a guy on a forum said 25% of American-Filipino marriages in the US end in divorce. People say Filipinas are scammers who want Greencards. But 50% of marriages in general, in the US, he said, end in divorce. The women take you to court and get your money. So who are the real scammers?

Expose your mom to some horror stories about white women who were unfaithful to their husbands or who decided to ditch them and take their money in court. Say they aren't usually as good of wives as Filipinas are. Get her to see the dangers of marrying a white girl. If you don't date a lot, point that out to her.

How do you talk to your girlfriend? Do you Skype or use a camera on Facebook? Have some conversations with your wife and your mom, her and your parents, her parents and your parents.

Btw, do you have a scary-looking female friend? Maybe a fat, white unattractive goth chick with lots of tattoos. If you do, have your mom meet her, and then later ask your mom what she'd think about you starting a relationship with her. She might be open to the Filipina more if she saw some of the other alternatives.

Btw, a Filipina with a nursing degree is fairly high status as far as brides go there, right?
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Bao3niang » October 9th, 2017, 11:10 am

You are old enough to make your own choices, so follow your heart and do what's best for you. If this girl is truly worth committing to, just go for it. No matter how much your parents disapprove, they will eventually relent because it's not like there's any other option. So just keep going and hold out. Coming from an abusive family, being semi-estranged from my wreck of a mum who's emotionally abused me and said that she never wanted a child / family and having completely severed ties with my biological dad who's almost as abusive, controlling, manipulative, and has A NUMBER of issues (one of them being a total conformist p***y, but he's been re-married for quite some time already), I feel very much at peace. While I'm still a bit sad that I have no intact family of origin to speak of, having less ties frees me up to do what I want without any concern of unwanted intervention. My adoptive father will surely give me advice when I start looking for a wife (which will be soon, I'm currently 21), but I trust him due to his sanity and closeness to me. Unfortunately he's also had a wreck of a marriage with a much younger Angloskank from the UK. In the end it's my call, but I welcome good counsel. I walk my own path, and if anyone who's insane tries to stand in my way, I shall drive them away without mercy. When the door's closed, it's closed.
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Bao3niang » October 9th, 2017, 11:10 am

You are old enough to make your own choices, so follow your heart and do what's best for you. If this girl is truly worth committing to, just go for it. No matter how much your parents disapprove, they will eventually relent because it's not like there's any other option. So just keep going and hold out. Coming from an abusive family, being semi-estranged from my wreck of a mum who's emotionally abused me and said that she never wanted a child / family and having completely severed ties with my biological dad who's almost as abusive, controlling, manipulative, and has A NUMBER of issues (one of them being a total conformist p***y, but he's been re-married for quite some time already), I feel very much at peace. While I'm still a bit sad that I have no intact family of origin to speak of, having less ties frees me up to do what I want without any concern of unwanted intervention. My adoptive father will surely give me advice when I start looking for a wife (which will be soon, I'm currently 21), but I trust him due to his sanity and closeness to me. Unfortunately he's also had a wreck of a marriage with a much younger Angloskank from the UK. In the end it's my call, but I welcome good counsel. I walk my own path, and if anyone who's insane tries to stand in my way, I shall drive them away without mercy. When the door's closed, it's closed.
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Contrarian Expatriate » October 9th, 2017, 11:21 am

Bao3niang wrote:......Follow your heart and do what's best for you. If this girl is truly worth committing to, just go for it. No matter how much your parents disapprove....

I agree with you on principle, but men should NEVER follow their hearts. They should follow their reasoning and intellect.

Following your heart as a guide is a fool's game because feelings often lead to poor decisions which lead to negative consequences.

This is why some women decide to marry the axe-murdering, abusive, psychopath all because they were following their heart.
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby Jonny Law » October 9th, 2017, 12:58 pm

Teh Amasin Spoderman wrote:I am currently in a relationship with a Filipina, and I am planning to visit her this coming February, where I plan to stay for 6 months. I'm also planning on proposing to her, and hopefully get married in the Philippines so I can be with her.

I tell my parents about this plan, instead of support or congratulations, all I get is this negative feedback which leads to a pointless debate.

This is how it feels like communicating with them:



"SHE'S A GOLD DIGGER! SHE'S JUST USING YOU TO GET A VISA TO LIVE IN THE USA, WHERE SHE WILL LEAVE YOU!"

-She's not a gold digger who has not asked me for money once, and we plan on staying in the Philippines. Besides, she is offering to pay for my airfare, which I declined.

"WHY MARRY SOMEONE FROM THE PHILIPPINES? THERE'S PLENTY OF NICE WOMEN HERE IN THE STATES!"

-I'm not attracted to fatties, feminists, and obnoxious bitches. Besides, mom (she's a Filipino immigrant), why did you look for an American man when there's plenty of nice Filipino guys back at home?


" OKAY, YOU GOT YOUR PLANE TICKET, HOW YOU GONNA SURVIVE IN THE PHILIPPINES FOR 6 MONTHS?"

-I already got my plane ticket an I'm leaving in February, not tomorrow. Besides, whatever money I make here will go a long way there. My cousin/your nephew is also offering to let me stay over so I don't have to book a hotel room

" WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO IF THERE ARE PROBLEMS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?"

- We will work out the problems together, like a real relationship. Unlike in America, where you screw up once, and she gets half your stuff.





Anyone else dealt with something similar from their parents or other relatives? Any advice?


:twisted: Your parents want you to be a Man and stand up to them and ACT LIKE A f***ing ADULT!

"WHY MARRY SOMEONE FROM THE PHILIPPINES? THERE'S PLENTY OF NICE WOMEN HERE IN THE STATES!"
That is f***ing BULLSHIT!

Your parents will care for you no matter what!
SO STOP BEING A BABY AND GET YOUR ASS TO THE PHILIPPINES!
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Re: Disapproving Parents

Postby fightforlove » October 16th, 2017, 4:02 pm

If you are okay with leaving your job and coming back broken-up with this girl and no job in 6 months (worst case scenario), then go for it. Assert yourself and don't listen to your parents. They mean well, but they are out-of-touch with the current times and your situation.
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