WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??

[MrMan]

I went to a plastic surgeon.

He took photos of my nose and my lips. Then he showed me photos of other men who had nosejobs and lip surgery. Basically he was telling me that I was in no need of surgery. Then he inferred to me that my self esteem had been beaten to the ground.

This is what happens when someone makes fun of you. That doesn't make it true. But it actually warps your reality and makes you feel like a piece of dung. When the problem is, they are murderers of the soul whose job it is to destroy the glory of your life, to cast you down to death.

Sounds like you might have gone to a plastic surgeon who was a decent human being, who actually passed up the money from an operation to let you know that you did not need it.

[MrMan]

TamingStrange,

Vimeo doesn't work where I am at, so I can't see what you look like. Unless you were kind of hideous, I wouldn't be able to tell you much about your looks anyway. I'd ask women for their honest opinion on that if I were you. Some men claim they can tell if a man is good-looking, but they may have different perceptions from women. Who cares if a man thinks you are good-looking?

Women like men to look good. I heard that on Tinder, they swipe a 'yes' or whatever it is for a small percentage of men, much smaller than the percentage that men will accept when looking at women. I think that is because women, without other factors besides looks, will be picky about looks. But in real-life conversations, they are more open to men because personality, courage, charm, assertiveness, etc. really impact women. Most of them are only super-looks-oriented when looks are the only factor.

Do you see any men you think may not be that attractive who end up with reasonably attractive women? Some of these men may be charming or assertive, or come off as masculine to the women they date.

A friend of mine told me a theory he'd read in Psychology Today, that men like women like their mothers.
It sounds gross, but there may be some truth to it. There is also the possibility that girls tend to be attracted to men like their fathers, and men to women like their mothers. Some men had fat mothers when they were growing up. They may claim they like the model-looking girl, but end up settling down with a woman who is hefty like mom.

I remember in high school seeing boys dating girls who were a little stout or hefty. I thought, why would they be interested? That didn't float my boat at all. But my mother was thin and a really pretty woman in my formative years. Maybe that's why I had a high standard when it came to looks and why I preferred thinner women. If a woman really looked like my mom, that would be gross. My mom is white and my wife is Asian, but they were both thin.

From parental influences, there is probably some girl who considers you her type. If you don't look like tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, or whoever is supposed to be the best-looking guy out there, your looks might just be something that a girl out there likes, or that she would like if combined with you being assertive and outgoing. There are probably millions of girls that fall into this category. The world is a big place.

There is also the 'happier abroad' angle. I didn't have a lot of girls giving off signals to me when I was younger, but some liked me. Maybe they were. Looking back now, if I wasn't interested in a girl, I was blind to her signals, but recalling some incidents, maybe some of the girls liked me and I didn't care for them to so I didn't pay attention. Anyway... I digress. I didn't notice a lot of girls liking me in the US, but I sure picked up signals in Indonesia. I remember soon after I got there, a woman I sat next to on a bus gave me her business card with her phone number on it. Women would look at me. Girls I had not dated would give me gifts to give my mom. I had a mentally ill female stalker who was obsessed with me. (I asked about this, and they may have been hoping to soften up a potential mother-in-law beforehand.) Some were overtly flirtatious. I found myself being extremely selective, and even found a girl being a bit too interested and needy a turn-off. It's funny I'd think that way.

There are a lot of women in the Philippines and Indonesia who like light skin, 'pointy' noses, and some of the western features. These countries were colonized by western powers and white people were the top notch of society for hundreds of years, so there is still a carry-over there. For a lot of people in Indonesia, marrying a white is high status. Also, being different gets you attention, which can lead to girls being attracted to you.

These same sort of things may apply to other parts of the world. When I was in South Korea, some of the girls were attracted to western men, but customs weren't quite as open to intermarriage outside of the Korean people-group. Their farmers have imported a lot of foreign women as brides since. At that time, they were matching Korean farmers up with ethnic Korean women in China. But China is more developed now, and an arranged marriage to a farmer probably doesn't carry the same status it did back then. So they marry with Vietnamese and Filippinas.

I hear some of the girls in China like white men, too.

[Adama]

[Adama]

[Adama]

[MrMan]

Adama,

It sounds like you want to have nothing to do with women like this. That is good. Reading your story, I was thinking the way out of the cycle is just to realize you need to stay away from these types of women and not play their games.

But it its possible they were more concerned with the attention they get than sucking the life out of you or to drive you to suicide. Some girls just don't realize that men also have feelings. One of those girls might have also flirted with you to get the attention of some other boy to make him jealous. That's still mean to you, but the girls in these scenarios could be some messed up individuals who sense a driving need for male attention. Some girls that act like that could have gone through some really weird stuff, molestation, for example, where they learn to flirt and manipulate with men to get their way. Or maybe the way she was raised, she thought she was supposed to treat a man badly, and he was supposed to not let it bother him, and somehow win her over, or some messed up stuff like that. Kind of a *(&^ test, or fitness test as they PUA type guys call it. This might have been a nuclear fitness test of you. Some women do those things almost instinctively, without thinking it through That's not the kind of girl you want to be with, of course, the kind that tests you that way.

Her insensitive behavior might not have been aimed at getting you to feel bad and harm yourself, but rather at fulfilling whatever emotional itch she wanted it to scratch. In general, people are bad sinful beings, but thinking girls that did that sort of thing to you when they were teenagers emotionally messed up in other ways may not be the best way to think about them.

One of my girls heard a boy in class liked her. She didn't like him back. She was acting like "Eeewww. He likes me." She's young and doesn't have any experience dating.... and she knows no dating until she's old enough to get married. That's the rule for my kids, and it's a lot more acceptable where we live than in the US. Anyway, I told her to not do that 'Eeewww' stuff or say bad things about the boy. How would she feel if someone said that about her? I did that with girls, too. A girl in first grade made me a little book out of construction paper about how she liked me, kind of a romantic thing for a 6-year-old. I thought that was gross and scribbled on it. She seemed sad that I did that. Looking back now, I feel bad for my lack of sensitivity. In kindergarten, I used to play with one of the girls on the playground until they started chanting that 'Mr Man and whats-her-name sitting in a tree' (names changed to protect the innocent). Then we stopped being nice to each other to stop the teasing.

When I got older, I did things that, looking back, weren't good for girls feelings. One would be making out with a girl for experience or enjoyment, without having any real intentions toward her long term. That's a terrible way to mess with a girl's feelings, probably worse than twirling hair and flirty looks in a classroom. But it's considered a normal thing in our culture. Maybe you never did anything like that.

[Adama]

[Adama]

Adama,

Her insensitive behavior might not have been aimed at getting you to feel bad and harm yourself, but rather at fulfilling whatever emotional itch she wanted it to scratch. In general, people are bad sinful beings, but thinking girls that did that sort of thing to you when they were teenagers emotionally messed up in other ways may not be the best way to think about them.

That emotional itch is the satanic impulse to destroy others. You can't hurt somebody who's never done anything wrong to you and not be an evil doer. If they are doing you emotional harm when you've done nothing to them, they are workers of iniquity.

[MrMan]

Adama,

It sounds like you want to have nothing to do with women like this. That is good. Reading your story, I was thinking the way out of the cycle is just to realize you need to stay away from these types of women and not play their games.

But it its possible they were more concerned with the attention they get than sucking the life out of you or to drive you to suicide. Some girls just don't realize that men also have feelings. One of those girls might have also flirted with you to get the attention of some other boy to make him jealous. That's still mean to you, but the girls in these scenarios could be some messed up individuals who sense a driving need for male attention. Some girls that act like that could have gone through some really weird stuff, molestation, for example, where they learn to flirt and manipulate with men to get their way. In general, people are bad sinful beings, but thinking girls that did that sort of thing to you when they were teenagers emotionally messed up in other ways may not be the best way to think about them.

People never lay blame on the evil doing female. They always like to shift blame. Very interesting. And then they go on to justify it.

And even the fact that the girl's best female friend mentioned that I might commit suicide twice brings no understanding with it.

Actually, you should hear yourself. They don't realize others have feelings, they are trying to use one man against another, and yet even then, that is not a soul destroying thing to do, but just a small matter.

A girl who manipulates a man and plays with his feelings to gratify her own desires is to blame. But if she doesn't know that this has happened to him over and over again through life or that he is suicidal, is she to blame for his being suicidal? What if you said a grumpy word to someone with depression on the bus, and that person went out and killed himself or herself. Would you be totally responsible for their suicide.

It sounds like what the girl did is a bad thing, but is she any more an 'agent of Satan' than the average sinner on the street because of this?

I edited my other post while you were answering.

[MrMan]

And even the fact that the girl's best female friend mentioned that I might commit suicide twice brings no understanding with it.

If you mentioned that before, I must have missed that part. Did her friend tell her she knew you were potentially suicidal and tell her? If she did it knowing that, yeah, that's makes it worse.

Have you ever done anything that played with a girls emotions, maybe made out with a girl or gone further, when you didn't even have marriage in mind?

[Adama]

[Adama]

And even the fact that the girl's best female friend mentioned that I might commit suicide twice brings no understanding with it.

If you mentioned that before, I must have missed that part. Did her friend tell her she knew you were potentially suicidal and tell her? If she did it knowing that, yeah, that's makes it worse.

Have you ever done anything that played with a girls emotions, maybe made out with a girl or gone further, when you didn't even have marriage in mind?

It sounds to me like this is an attempt to justify evil.

[Adama]

Adama,

It sounds like you want to have nothing to do with women like this. That is good. Reading your story, I was thinking the way out of the cycle is just to realize you need to stay away from these types of women and not play their games.

But it its possible they were more concerned with the attention they get than sucking the life out of you or to drive you to suicide. Some girls just don't realize that men also have feelings. One of those girls might have also flirted with you to get the attention of some other boy to make him jealous. That's still mean to you, but the girls in these scenarios could be some messed up individuals who sense a driving need for male attention. Some girls that act like that could have gone through some really weird stuff, molestation, for example, where they learn to flirt and manipulate with men to get their way. In general, people are bad sinful beings, but thinking girls that did that sort of thing to you when they were teenagers emotionally messed up in other ways may not be the best way to think about them.

People never lay blame on the evil doing female. They always like to shift blame. Very interesting. And then they go on to justify it.

And even the fact that the girl's best female friend mentioned that I might commit suicide twice brings no understanding with it.

Actually, you should hear yourself. They don't realize others have feelings, they are trying to use one man against another, and yet even then, that is not a soul destroying thing to do, but just a small matter.

A girl who manipulates a man and plays with his feelings to gratify her own desires is to blame. But if she doesn't know that this has happened to him over and over again through life or that he is suicidal, is she to blame for his being suicidal? What if you said a grumpy word to someone with depression on the bus, and that person went out and killed himself or herself. Would you be totally responsible for their suicide.

It sounds like what the girl did is a bad thing, but is she any more an 'agent of Satan' than the average sinner on the street because of this?

I edited my other post while you were answering.

I can see now it's a waste of energy trying to speak to you. You just can't wrap your mind around what cruelty is and that it is intentional.

[MrMan]

Adama,

Something else to keep in mind is how bad a girl treats you and how bad you feel about how she treated you aren't always the same thing. Our feelings are not always a good metric of how bad another person's actions are.

Women are good illustrations of this. A woman who goes through post-partum depression, or even if she is the type to get mood swings during PMS, may think some small thing is a really big deal. Because of her emotional state, she thinks you greatly harmed her, when you really did nothing wrong or some really small thing.

[Adama]