women who won't give up their online dating

[wanderlust]

This post is to describe a change I see happening, and to get some feedback from board members.

I stopped using US dating sites some time ago since they brought nothing but frustration. Using foreign sites, for a while it was common for whatever girl I was chatting with to ask, could we please take this chat offline? Skype or some other platform. In other words, she'd exit the site, stop using it, and want me to do the same.

But I hardly ever hear this anymore. It started to change maybe in 2015. Now, it seems even the girls who look like quality - come from a decent family, claim to be looking for a husband, whatever else, never stop using whatever site we met on. If I ask them about it, they'll come up with vague excuses - they were just socializing, meeting online is casual and informal, things along those lines. Normal for this to happen even if I have stayed offline. Even agreeing to meet her in a few months time doesn't change anything. Not long ago, canceled plans to meet one such girl. Had this conversation with her, she claimed she couldn't understand my way of thinking.

I don't look significantly different now than three years ago, basically the same person, having the same type of conversations. Happens regardless of the girl's age, location, appearance, background, circumstances, time we spent talking.

Tell me your thoughts and experiences.

[Zambales]

The best advice I can give when it comes to dating sites is to trust your gut instinct and to act on any negative sign. On several occasions I've ignored those signs with different women blaming it on my overthinking but the truth was - I was correct with my evaluation of every single one once the initial question mark began to appear.

There's far too much bullshit associated with these sites to be too trusting in what people say. They're far more suited to the individual who seeks a one night stand rather than a meaningful relationship - and narcissistic women who thrive on attention.

The day when your time in searching for a worthwhile partner online is nearing an end comes when you have to ask yourself a) Is she really single? b) Can I be bothered finding out?

[Mr Natural]

Tell me your thoughts

Ok you asked for it. Why should she do anything for anybody that she has never even met? And no, if you are just chatting with someone online then you haven't "met" them. If she is attractive and online, then no telling how many promises she has received. If you can't be bothered to actually go over to meet her (yet or otherwise), then why should she consider you any different than others? I wouldn't.

I've said this a thousand times, this online stuff is bullshit. YOU HAVE TO GO. Understand? YOU HAVE TO GO. Until you have gone to the trouble of going there, spending some time with her, developing a relationship IN PERSON, then how are you any different than the thousands of other guys online who are all talk? You aren't. Put yourself in her position. YOU HAVE TO GO.

When I saw the title of this thread I was thinking it was about someone you had actually met and had a relationship with. Cmon man, THINK.

[wanderlust]

Mr. Natural, were you the Oracle of Delphi in a previous incarnation?

I have gone abroad, and will go abroad again when time permits. I like to have someone worth meeting, who's already passed through some basic bullshit screening. Maybe you prefer cold contacting on arrival?

Why would a woman delete her profile for a man she hasn't met in real life?
Hope for him to do the same?
Meet a man in person who she's only chatted with previously?
Leave her family, job, friends, for a new life in a far away land?

She would do all these things, and more, to escalate things to a higher level.

At least until recently, all men weren't the same to foreign women online. Various girls told me stories about how in the past they'd try to skype with a guy, and he be naked and jacking off when the video transmission began, or would ask them to strip, or they'd want her to be party to visa fraud, ask her for money, whatever. Complained about the lack of authentic conversations, real intent, etc. Being different is what led them to want to take things off the site.

C'mon man, think.

Zambales - I have been going with my gut. However, my gut instinct now is telling me that things are different from just a few years ago, and they appear to be changing fast. My gut is telling me that women everywhere are doing a whole lot more shopping, and less buying, than in the past. Gut instinct is what led me to break things off with the last girl who I referred to. Yes, gut is a pretty accurate gauge to follow.

Other insights that come to mind - seeing a whole lot more women online who are separated than 3-4 years ago. Conversation quality seems to be declining.

So, I'm trying to see if other forum members are having similar experiences.

[Zambales]

Zambales - I have been going with my gut. However, my gut instinct now is telling me that things are different from just a few years ago, and they appear to be changing fast. My gut is telling me that women everywhere are doing a whole lot more shopping, and less buying, than in the past. Gut instinct is what led me to break things off with the last girl who I referred to. Yes, gut is a pretty accurate gauge to follow.

Other insights that come to mind - seeing a whole lot more women online who are separated than 3-4 years ago. Conversation quality seems to be declining.

So, I'm trying to see if other forum members are having similar experiences.

What I said was general advice based on my own experiences and not directed towards you. I understood you went with your gut - and yes, it was the correct thing to do.

[eurobrat]

You have to get on the plane and go see them (preferably f**k them).

The same way when your fishing you have to jerk the rod and make sure the fish is on the hook.

How old are you OP?

[Zambales]

Now, it seems even the girls who look like quality - come from a decent family, claim to be looking for a husband, whatever else, never stop using whatever site we met on. If I ask them about it, they'll come up with vague excuses - they were just socializing, meeting online is casual and informal, things along those lines.

For a woman to act like that and keep her profile online after a number of conversations, she can't have much interest in you. Life's too short to bother pursuing someone who doesn't match your willingness in making an effort.

[Mr Natural]

Mr. Natural, were you the Oracle of Delphi in a previous incarnation?

Haha I'm not educated enough to know whether this is an insult or compliment, so will just answer that I don't know.

I like to have someone worth meeting, who's already passed through some basic bullshit screening. Maybe you prefer cold contacting on arrival?

Nothing wrong with that. I was just commenting on HER behavior. The thing that shows seriousness the most and differentiates one man from all the talkers is getting on a plane and going to meet her. A lot of these girls will probably marry the first guy who does that. And if you see one that's really attractive to you, if you don't get your ass over there quickly don't be surprised if some other guy does. But meantime, why should she discard all her other options for you or anyone else that is just talking? I wouldn't blame a girl for that at all. In fact if she wanted to eliminate other options for herself, for you, who is so far just a talker, I would view that itself as a red flag of sorts. Otherwise known as DESPERATE. Be careful what you wish for!

She would do all these things, and more, to escalate things to a higher level ..... Being different is what led them to want to take things off the site.

What is going to escalate things in a real way and differentiate yourself is traveling 10,000 miles to meet face to face. But I repeat myself.

things are different from just a few years ago, and they appear to be changing fast. My gut is telling me that women everywhere are doing a whole lot more shopping, and less buying, than in the past.

You are probably on to something here, but it's common sense really. I think it's just a case of so many more people being online than ever. I don't have any proof of this but I suspect these girls, the attractive ones anyway, get bombarded with attention. Which means they have more options. So I come back to the same thing, what's different about you? If she has been contacted by 100 other guys, why should she forget about all the rest for you? What's to make her think you aren't just another talker like almost all the others? YOU HAVE TO GO.

[wanderlust]

Eurobrat, I'm in my mid or late 30's, depending on how one views it.

I'm still surprised by how many women have no problem with romp with a guy who's on vacation. I grew up in a fairly conservative setting in the US, when I was coming of age, girls generally didn't want to be known to think that way. It's something that's ingrained in my way of thinking, that women want a man for keeps, not for the night, month or weekend - even though this is no longer a reliable bet. Quality women who long for a quality husband are getting hard to find, IMO.

There was another girl I used to chat with, last year, she wanted me to come visit her, it was a LONG way from home - she was still searching online frequently. She said explicitly, that we could hit the sheets if I came. But by that time it had become apparent she wasn't for me, it seems better to save my time and money for someone who was a better match.

The previous girl, who I thought was quality, I called her on that a few times, wanting to get a straight up response from her. She would never acknowledge disinterest - I think she liked the attention, mostly. Why buy the bull if the steak is free? Lots of attention that cost her nothing. That mentality is getting hard to avoid.

[Zambales]

The previous girl, who I thought was quality, I called her on that a few times, wanting to get a straight up response from her. She would never acknowledge disinterest - I think she liked the attention, mostly. Why buy the bull if the steak is free? Lots of attention that cost her nothing. That mentality is getting hard to avoid.

As we know only too well egotism is common amongst women. The attention they receive from men is their "fix" and because of this addiction, their consideration towards our feelings is non-existent. It's basically a roundabout way of her telling you that she's the only person that matters.

Call a taxi and get the hell out of there. Perhaps drop a bombshell before you leave and tell her she's not classy enough. It might get her thinking. Even better still, it might bring her back down to earth with a bang.

[wanderlust]

Yes, a few in the manosphere have talked about girls increasingly living in a land of make believe where they are the only real person. In philosophy that way of thinking is known as solipsism.

What made it a bit more perplexing is that she appeared to be from a traditional intact family - many siblings, seemed to value them based on all I could see. There were a few warning signs - clothes were nicer than she should have been able to afford. They could have been counterfeit brand name, that's common outside the West. Her feelings seemed at least at times to be authentic - but again, actions speak louder. Not a terrible woman maybe, but didn't merit a visit.

If I'd slept with her and ghosted her, that would have brought her down to earth with a bang. If I did as you were saying, that would have brought her down to earth without a bang. Some may accuse me of hairsplitting.

But, not being the vindictive sort, I just spelled things out for her plainly, without any banging.

[Zambales]

Yes, a few in the manosphere have talked about girls increasingly living in a land of make believe where they are the only real person. In philosophy that way of thinking is known as solipsism.

What made it a bit more perplexing is that she appeared to be from a traditional intact family - many siblings, seemed to value them based on all I could see. There were a few warning signs - clothes were nicer than she should have been able to afford. They could have been counterfeit brand name, that's common outside the West. Her feelings seemed at least at times to be authentic - but again, actions speak louder. Not a terrible woman maybe, but didn't merit a visit.

If I'd slept with her and ghosted her, that would have brought her down to earth with a bang. If I did as you were saying, that would have brought her down to earth without a bang. Some may accuse me of hairsplitting.

But, not being the vindictive sort, I just spelled things out for her plainly, without any banging.

I wouldn't say it's vindictive. More of a good turn for your fellow men. Anyway, it's the truth. A classy woman would have the decency to be upfront - and those that do warrant my respect.

Whether it's a male or a female, nobody likes conceit in a person. It's not a nice trait to have.

Personally I would much rather a woman say she's not interested in me than to keep me hanging while fueling her ego in the process. Rejection is one thing. Being taken for a fool is another.

[slazenger]

If she's still on the site, she's still looking. If you haven't met in person - several times, in my view - then it would be idiotic of her to put all of her eggs in your basket. I don't see an issue here.