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The "normal" process to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

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Winston
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The "normal" process to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by Winston » November 18th, 2018, 7:40 pm

Hi all,
I think ive figured out now what the normal, appropriate, socially acceptable way to meet and date girls in america is now. Its not cold approach or pick up or PUA, thats for sure, because if you go outside you will see no one doing that in real life. No. The normal socially acceptable process is essentially like this:

1. You gotta improve yourself and work on yourself.

2. You gotta learn to look cool and act cool.

3. You gotta develop a social network and break into a social clique. If you are cool and you have social value then they should accept you and deem you worthy to be in their clique.

4. Keep repeating the above and improving yourself and developing your social image and social network so that u become more and more "cool" and popular and likable everyday.

5. Then at some point, in theory, some female who is connected to your social network or clique will take a fancy to you and drop hints to you that shes interested in you. Then at that point you are finally free and legal to ask her out for a date and begin dating her. Either that or someone in your network introduces you to some great girl and if theres a mutual interest then you start dating her.

I think thats probably the socially acceptable, normal, conventional way to meet girls and get dates in america. Am i right? Is my outline accurate?

If so then f**k. That sounds like a lot of f***ing work. And its like playing the lottery too. How do american men do all that? Are most of them able to do all that? Even in theory it sounds hard. Especially if you are introverted and not a conformist and dont fit into american culture and dont like having to act american with all the fake positivity that comes with american "coolness" etc.

So there are multiple problems with this "socially acceptable" way of getting women in america. Especially for me. The problems are:

1. You gotta be a conformist to do all that and fit into groups. You cant be an introvert or independent thinker.

2. You gotta fit into american culture or at least be compatible with it to a large extent. Your true self cannot be too different from the american mainstream or else it cant work.

3. You gotta be extroverted too. Or mostly an extrovert. You cannot be too introverted. You gotta be empty inside so that your outer self can adopt this extroverted personality. You cannot have a rich inner self or soul.

4. You gotta be into alcohol and beer and partying. And put up an act and conform to the crowd easily. But even then most people in your social network are just acquaintances. Not true friends.

So all in all, its a lot of friggin work to develop a social life and dating life in america and there are multiple problems with it, especially if you're not an extrovert and dont like acting fake, or you are too genuine. Etc.

Plus its also hard to go through all that if the social atmosphere feels too toxic or paranoid and stuck up, which to sensitive empaths like me creates a negative vibe that makes me feel shy and withdrawn. I hate paranoid uptight energy from people and cannot thrive in it or be myself. And as we all know the social vibe in the USA is certainly super duper paranoid, uptight and stuck up.

So if i cannot thrive in that or be myself or be in my element, then how can i go through all the above steps in the american social process to get a social life and dating life? Especially since the odds are still stacked against me because my looks arent considered appealing in America.

Hence its an uphill battle with low probability even if i did try hard to follow the social process above. Its a dismal situation and dealing with it feels like trying to walk UPSTREAM against the river, very unnatural and against the flow of the universe.

Hence its a no win situation unless a miracle happens, which i would not bet on since i do not have good luck or karma in american social life and never have.

So i gotta say f**k it. Better to go abroad where its a lot easier and more natural and where introverts feel more accepted and free to open up and be themselves and where people arent so cliquish but more down to earth, etc. And where women are more feminine and open to flirtation and cold approach. Etc.

What do you think? Have you too contemplated all the above steps in succeeding in american social life, and how achievable it is or if its even worth the effort?
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Re: The "normal" steps to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by ETNJA » November 21st, 2018, 11:11 pm

You make some valid points with the perceived problems Winston.

1 and 3. Can't be introverted or independent thinker.

This is true to an extent, but look at it from the other side of the coin. If you're an introverted person that means you don't socialize much. Women are social creatures so if you want to be with one you'll have to buck up and be extroverted. To follow up, being extroverted isn't being empty inside it's actually the opposite. You have to bring something of value to the table to talk about. The best thing to talk about is life experiences.

Not many American women have swam with whale sharks or visited an ancient temple. That is where you separate yourself from the chaff. You've been all over the world and have done some amazing things these women have never even known existed. Hell even eating street food from a shady vendor in Bangkok can be spun into an epic story of it's own if you choose to. Talk to American women like they are your twin sister. That way you won't feel any pressure to bang and it won't come across in your dialog or "vibes".

Being and independent thinker is fine just keep it to yourself until you know the other person better.

2. You gotta fit into american culture or at least be compatible with it to a large extent

This is true. No way around it. Women want to be accepted more than anything by those around her and someone who doesn't fit the standard norms of society risk her getting ostracized. Get in where you fit in.

4. You gotta be into alcohol and beer and partying. Not true friends

If you're scrapping the barrel for a poke then yes. You can also flip this on its head and be the designated driver. Not the baby sitter, just the guy who stays sober and is willing to give a guy a lift home if needed. This will separate you from the other guys and can line you up for something next time. A bonus with this is you can work on your extroverted skills and no matter how hard you bomb they will never remember anyway. You may even make a true friend by saving them from a DUI; Never know though until you try.

I've been though this and as a single guy and still do. Number 4 though is over for me. It has passed the point of not being fun and now into the zone of just waste of time and money. I've found better ways to attract women that cost the same as a night out at the bar without all the hassle.

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Re: The "normal" steps to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by Winston » November 24th, 2018, 6:00 pm

@ETNJA
I think you are confusing what introvert and extrovert means. If you look it up online, introvert means one who is focused on their inner self and their own thoughts and feelings about reality. An extrovert identifies with the outer world and adapts to it like a conformist. They obey society and follow the herd, which is why the elite and controllers prefer everyone to be extrovert, especially the masses. Americans in general are extroverts, not because they are open and social with strangers, no way, you see that they all keep to themselves out in public and are in bubbles and distant from strangers and have ice walls around them. But they are still extroverts, because they do not have inner life or independent thoughts or consciousness. They all act alike and talk alike and think alike, which is natural because even ticking machines when placed together start ticking at the same rhythm, because everything naturally conforms, even machines, to the collective around them. Unless of course you have a rich inner life and consciousness that thinks on its own without trying to conform to the hive mind.

Introverts are not shy or unsocial. They simply dislike fake small talk. When they are comfortable around people they connect with, they open up and become super social too. All the greatest actors in history were introverts, not extroverts. Did you know that? How do you explain that? How come introverts are so much better in acting? All great actors testify that they are introverts.

If you don't vibe with the people around you - especially if they are cliquish and paranoid and uptight and fake and not down to earth, as in the case of Taiwanese and Americans - then how can you be social and unshy? If you feel awkward you are forced to be shy because you don't know what to say to those around you except "hello, have a great day" etc. So a lot depends on the people around you.

Let me give you an example of how different you can feel within America without leaving the country:

- Go to a typical American high school on the west coast, especially in an upper middle class area. And you will see how spoiled, bratty, snotty, impatient, unruly, toxic, selfish, smart assed, and unfriendly the teens are. You won't feel comfortable there enough to connect with anyone, because no one there is relaxed or down to earth. So you definitely won't feel comfortable trying to talk to anyone, because everyone only socializes in cliques there, and if you are not part of any clique, then you have no right to talk to anyone. That's the vibe and feeling you will get. It's not your fault of course.

- Then go to a special ed school for the deaf or disabled. There you will notice a totally different vibe. The kids there have disabilities, so they have not become spoiled or arrogant or selfish or mean. Instead, they have developed their inner selves to be caring, kind, and humble. And they act more sweet and loving and down to earth too. There you will feel comfortable to talk to people, because the environment is one of compassion and caring. Not of toxic cliques competing with each other with big egos like in normal American schools. So you will feel more free to be friendly and social, because the environment feels positive, not negative.

So you see, it's all about the environment and the people around you, not about you. That's been my message. It's all about location. The above is an example within America. Overseas is a different world with a different vibe. Not all countries are cliquish like America. And America was not that cliquish before 1980 either. Do you see what I mean?

Also, women are social yes, but not in the sense of being open and social with strangers. They are social in that they care what others think and have a social network. Not in the sense that they are open minded about talking to strangers. Western women and NE Asian women are cliquish. They are only social within cliques. Not outside of them. They are not comfortable around strangers and are paranoid and uptight. But if you go to Eastern Europe, Russia, Ukraine, South America, SE Asia, etc. you will find that they are not like that. They are not paranoid and uptight and are more open to men and strangers and aren't as stuck up. That's been my message for years.
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Re: The "normal" steps to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by Contrarian Expatriate » November 24th, 2018, 8:57 pm

Winston wrote:
November 18th, 2018, 7:40 pm
What do you think? Have you too contemplated all the above steps in succeeding in american social life, and how achievable it is or if its even worth the effort?
Just as I have given up hope that American society can be saved from ruinous cataclysm, so have I given up on the reprobate women there.

To the chagrin of the sexless, married, religious Cucks on the forum( ie @MrMan), my social interactions with women in America revolves around sugar babies and strippers between the ages of 18 and 25.

During the few months a year I spend there, I completely let loose because in Eastern Europe where the women are more friendly, natural, and traditional, the debauchery factor is not so prevalent. I did not create American female debauchery, but by golly I benefit from it and so should you all.

Leave the serious dating to your life abroad. No need for the stress and aggravation of Ameriskanks who are mostly fat, angry, and unattractive anyhow. If the few attractive American women trollop themselves out, partake of it to your hearts content!

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Re: The "normal" steps to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by jamesbond » November 24th, 2018, 9:42 pm

Contrarian Expatriate wrote:
November 24th, 2018, 8:57 pm
Leave the serious dating to your life abroad. No need for the stress and aggravation of Ameriskanks who are mostly fat, angry, and unattractive anyhow. If the few attractive American women trollop themselves out, partake of it to your hearts content!

More and more men are doing just that, they are not getting involved with American women when it comes to dating and marriage but are looking abroad for girlfriends and wives.

Since the #Metoo movement, more and more men in the USA are realizing that's it's dangerous for men in America to get involved with women. This is why more and more men are going MGTOW.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."

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Re: The "normal" steps to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by WorldTraveler » November 25th, 2018, 11:51 am

What's Dating? I think that went out of style decades ago. Everyone knows America is a "hook up culture" where everyone is on Tender and shagging each other a few minutes after meeting!

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Re: The "normal" steps to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by E Irizarry R&B Singer » November 26th, 2018, 2:10 am

WorldTraveler wrote:
November 25th, 2018, 11:51 am
What's Dating? I think that went out of style decades ago. Everyone knows America is a "hook up culture" where everyone is on Tender and shagging each other a few minutes after meeting!
...then you blatantly have not been to POF.com where probably about 85 to 90 percent of the female users on that site explicitly say that they are not looking for a hook-up. I sh*t you not!!
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Re: The "normal" steps to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by WorldTraveler » November 27th, 2018, 5:24 pm

E Irizarry R&B Singer wrote:
November 26th, 2018, 2:10 am
WorldTraveler wrote:
November 25th, 2018, 11:51 am
What's Dating? I think that went out of style decades ago. Everyone knows America is a "hook up culture" where everyone is on Tender and shagging each other a few minutes after meeting!
...then you blatantly have not been to POF.com where probably about 85 to 90 percent of the female users on that site explicitly say that they are not looking for a hook-up. I sh*t you not!!
No, I've never been to Plenty of Fish. I'm sure they want you to appreciate them for their intelligence. I'm spewing American Bullshit that people are always say about every shagging all the time!

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Re: The "normal" process to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by Winston » December 11th, 2018, 10:34 am

Question:

Do you guys get the sense that in America, as a guy you are not really allowed to pursue women, or hit on them, or flirt with them, or signal your interest/desire in them, etc? Instead, you are expected to lay low, not show much interest, and be very polite to them and respect their boundaries, etc. And the only time you can signal your interest or desire in them is if THEY signal their interest in YOU FIRST! But you CANNOT signal your interest in them first. They have to signal interest in you first! If you violate this then you feel like a creep or pervert.

Do you guys get that sense too? It's like an unspoken rule that everyone knows. You can feel this rule but you cannot protest it or expose it as unfair. Do you guys sense it too?

Obviously this means if no woman or girl signals interest in you, then you cannot signal interest in them or pursue them or even flirt with them. That means you're screwed and cannot satisfy your needs for love, romance, dating, sex or beautiful women. Doesn't that suck or what? But again, you aren't allowed to expose it this way. You are only expected to comply and act like it's normal. If you do not, you feel like a creep, pervert and freak. Sucks huh? But it's true.
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Re: The "normal" process to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by mattyman » December 14th, 2018, 1:53 am

Just one thing I want to interject here; I think that many communities are chronically short of good meeting places.

Here are some characteristics of good meeting places;
https://neverinsilence.wordpress.com/20 ... rtunities/

The root of the problem is that there's a lack of places, gatherings and social opportunities that share those characteristics cite in the link in anglo countries in which you can meet people directly or indirectly (via those people you meet). For some reason, this isn't given much attention.

The problem is that the bar scene only fills one of those criteria (the regulars aspects, well pubs not bars) & is not even good for meeting people indirectly & getting into new social circles.

The problem with anglo countries is that it can take YEARS, (until the sun turns red giant) just to build up a handful of friends who (if you're lucky), you might even meet people through. It's this LACK OF OPENESS to introducing you to people, of inviting new people to tag along, inviting you along to parties etc. typical of anglos is one factor that's at play and why people are increasingly left with no choice but to turn to online dating (I'm expecting the negativity brigade will come in here with a comment along the lines of 'why would anyone want to hang out with someone like you, as an attempt to justify and boot-lick the status quo & avoid further discussion).

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Re: The "normal" process to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by flowerthief00 » December 14th, 2018, 6:13 am

Winston wrote:
December 11th, 2018, 10:34 am
Question:

Do you guys get the sense that in America, as a guy you are not really allowed to pursue women, or hit on them, or flirt with them, or signal your interest/desire in them, etc? Instead, you are expected to lay low, not show much interest, and be very polite to them and respect their boundaries, etc. And the only time you can signal your interest or desire in them is if THEY signal their interest in YOU FIRST! But you CANNOT signal your interest in them first. They have to signal interest in you first! If you violate this then you feel like a creep or pervert.

Do you guys get that sense too? It's like an unspoken rule that everyone knows. You can feel this rule but you cannot protest it or expose it as unfair. Do you guys sense it too?

Obviously this means if no woman or girl signals interest in you, then you cannot signal interest in them or pursue them or even flirt with them. That means you're screwed and cannot satisfy your needs for love, romance, dating, sex or beautiful women. Doesn't that suck or what? But again, you aren't allowed to expose it this way. You are only expected to comply and act like it's normal. If you do not, you feel like a creep, pervert and freak. Sucks huh? But it's true.
Yes, I get that sense. Once I understood why I was able to make a kind of peace with it.

The reason why is quite simple. Women do not want to be pursued, hit on, or flirted with, excepting by the very top percentage of high-status/good-looking men, which the vast majority of men by definition will never be.

Sure, you can try to become one of those men, frantically crawling and scratching your way to the top of the heap of male bodies in the same predicament, working yourself to early death, exhausting time, money, and energy to acquire an endless list of qualities that might make you a "good man" to a woman well below you in looks/status herself, or learning PUA tricks and gimmicks and studying dating coach "gurus" and seminars etc. and other fairly recent habits that our fathers and grandfathers never knew about or needed to do and would in fact be puzzled at if we tried to explain to them why getting a date these days requires them.

Or you could just move on. There's more to life than getting a date. Much, much more.

That it has become hard for us to remember or imagine how desperate a woman used to be to secure a man in her life--any man in most cases--is testament to how far we've come. Women have traditionally sought men for protection and provision. Everything they wanted and needed depended on it. But our civilization has been so successful at extending protection and provision for all that women can no longer be bothered to give 3/4 of a shit about the opposite gender.

The correct response from men is to do likewise.

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Re: The "normal" process to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by redfeather » December 14th, 2018, 4:24 pm

Flower00,
You are spot on with your post. My grandfather would be blown away if he saw the circus act and juggling act a man has to go through to get a date with any American Woman today. I have been mentoring my son who is a senior at UT Austin and his college buddies to go outside of America and go overseas in order to find a decent woman where you have a better chance of not being divorced raped. I believe you are correct in saying do not waste your time on AW...this is the MGTOW movement. I believe men are better off going overseas. I went to the Philippines and it restored my faith in the fact that there are still some places with normal women.

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Re: The "normal" process to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by Winston » December 14th, 2018, 8:00 pm

The thing is about that 5 step normal process to meet girls in america, is that even if it works and u meet girls that way, still the problem is that the whole process still feels awkward, like walking UPSTREAM in a river. It never feels natural or comfortable.

So even when u do have a social clique in America it still all feels fake. No one likes u for u. And friends drift apart easily too. Once theyre offended or u say the wrong thing they avoid you. Friendships arent close knit in america.

Dont u hate that feeling when everything u want involves trying to walk upstream in a river? Lol. Isnt that the worst thing? No freedom at all.
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!

Join my Ukrainian/Russian Women Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!

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Re: The "normal" process to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by jamesbond » December 15th, 2018, 8:53 am

In the United States the only way to meet women is through your friends. Cold approaching women in America does not work (no matter what the PUA's say). You need your friends or family members introduce you to a woman, this is the most socially acceptable way to meet women and the only method that actually works.

Women in the USA do not feel comfortable with men cold approaching them in public places like bookstores, shopping malls or grocery stores. They only feel comfortable if they meet a man through one of their friends.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."

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Re: The "normal" process to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

Post by OllieGutierre » December 19th, 2018, 1:22 am

That's a too long list of tips for a successful date, which is quite right. It's something like as much you improve yourself the chanses of a good date are higher but be careful you don't overdo anything.

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