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Why do most guys only see money, power and economics in all?

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Postby ladislav » Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:58 am

Depends on the country, girl, many things. Also, depends on how attractive you are. Sure, a fat old slob with no hair and huge belly overhanging his belt hoping to buy the love of an 18 year old is fooling himself, but also, again where? In some societies, like the Philippines, which is very Catholic, money is important but not too important for love. In others, such as Thailand, unless you have money to pay bride price, you cannot get married. True love or not. I have seen very ugly old slobs in Thailand with young wives. They paid families the bride price, then got married, knocked the girl up and now are living with their new families. The girls did not love them at first but they got to love them when kids came. Attractive young guys with no money would have no chance, though.
I lived in Puerto Rico and there, if you have no job and no car you are screwed. I was quite handsome when younger but in Puerto Rico, I had no chance with no job/no money and no car. And I saw ugly guys with bald heads with princesses by their side. They had money.
Sure, every person is different and if Dianne is different, good for her and good for you. One example does not a whole mankind make.

I think the best guy is the one who is good looking and younger looking but who at the same time is kind and is a good provider for the family. That is what all girls look for, I guess. But such a guy is hard to find. Failing that, the next choice is probably someone who is just a good provider and has an excellent job. Failing that, someone attractive.

Inspite of the example with such an honorable girl as Dianne, for every one like her there are 10, 20, 30 who will take a guy with the money at any time.

In the world/on planet earth a guy with the money overall will be able to buy love. Dunno about Catholic Filipinos, but in a lot of other places, he will.

Anyway, you have an experience in life based on where you lived and what you have done, excellent and I am happy for you. I have a different experience in life so I am posting what lessons I have learned.
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Postby kristy_571 » Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:03 pm

momopi wrote:In US, when you're poor, you chase after women. But when you have wealth and status, women chase you.

To cite just one example, my Vietnamese buddy's younger brother was a total nerd and had zero social life through high school. Then he got into med school and had girls calling all the time, leaving msgs on their answering machine. Quite hilarious at the time.

After he graduated, the family was bombarded with arranged marriage offers from "friends" that they didn't know they had. He almost got hooked by a gold digger, but fortunately his father got him out of it. Now he's a doctor and happily married to a dentist. Their annual combined income probably exceeds the market value of my condo, and the funny thing is both are super-cheap & bugged me to design and print their wedding invites for free. LoL. ;)


I used to know an Indian guy that made over $100,000 (before taxes) a year. He was always trying to get free stuff and reduced work also. He bought a halfplex for $80,000, and then fixed the whole place up-tile, granite counter tops in the kitchen, new carpet, paint, ect-whole house makeover, for under $10,000 including materials and labor! That is smart.

I admire people like that. I wouldn't want to work for them, but damn. They will be able to pay for their kids college with cash. I think that people from Asian cultures can be the smartes and really get further ahead in life than your usual white american. I know I probably sound stupid, but I have been with an Asian (Indian), who had lots of Vietnamese/ and other Asian friends, and these people were really tight-assed-but damn smart.

They are the ones that pay cash for their house, pay for their nice SUV's or mercedes in cash.. ect. I have alot of Asians in my neighborhood, and when these people save every last penny, and have their families living at home, they are the ones that buy the brand new 5 bedroom homes with cash in Laguna (a nice part of where I live), and are able to pay for everything in cash. I wish I could be more like them. Maybe I'd get further in life and not be in debt like the normal average stupid american. Sorry to call Americans stupid-but we can be stupid with how much money we spend, and how much debt we owe.
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Postby kristy_571 » Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:13 pm

WWu777 wrote:To give you some specific examples of what I meant yesterday by sappy, sentimental, or romantic,

- When I hold a girl's hand on a date, I say things like,

"When I hold your hand, I feel electricity running through me"

"My heart beats faster when I hold you"

"I feel like time stops when I'm with you and see you"

"You make me feel like a school boy when I first saw you"

"I can't believe I'm with someone sooooooo beautiful"

Etc.

Foreign women love those kind of things. How come other guys never say things like that?

- When I talk about relationships with guys, I talk about having a connection, bond, chemistry, or comfort zone, while they talk about money and sex.

How come?


That would work with me too-if the guy meant it. I would be incredibly flatterd and probably would be stupid enough to pay for things for him, or be the one buying him presents. lol

Guy: :twisted: "Oh wow. You're eyes are sooo incredibly beautiful. I need $5,000, and a cosigner so I can get that new motorcycle. Wow. You just make me feel sooo in love looking into those eyes. So make sure you have the cash for me by tommorow? Okay? I love you princess" :twisted:

Me: *giggles* Okay. :)

:roll: :lol:

Wouldn't your sweet flattery also work on American girls as well, Winston? Just curios. Or has it backfired?
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Postby Winston » Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:36 pm

ladislav wrote:Sure, every person is different and if Dianne is different, good for her and good for you. One example does not a whole mankind make.

I think the best guy is the one who is good looking and younger looking but who at the same time is kind and is a good provider for the family. That is what all girls look for, I guess. But such a guy is hard to find. Failing that, the next choice is probably someone who is just a good provider and has an excellent job. Failing that, someone attractive.

Inspite of the example with such an honorable girl as Dianne, for every one like her there are 10, 20, 30 who will take a guy with the money at any time.


W: If you are insinuating that Dianne is an exception and not the norm, then I beg to differ. When I brought up Dianne as an example, I wasn't arguing that she was an "exception". In fact, my experience is that her case is more of the norm than what you are describing. Most women that I've known SAY that if the chemistry isn't there, it doesn't matter how rich he is, they can't and won't bring themselves to be with him just for the money. And they said that in all sincerity too.

You gotta remember that I have had far closer friendships with women than most guys have, have had female "best friends", and I actually enjoy bonding with women mentally and emotionally, not just sexually. In other words, I've been far closer to women than the average male who is emotionally distant from them and just likes to blow off testosterone.

In fact, I usually prefer female friends over typical male friends. I seem to have more of a comfort zone with most women than with most men. So that means I am given the inside "girlfriends talk scoop" sometimes.

It could be that the type of girls in the circles you associate with are very different than mine.

I've known so many girls though, and although many of them say that money is important, I've not yet met one who said that they would go with a guy they didn't like just for money. I think that money is important, but it doesn't make a relationship tick, and it certainly doesn't make me tick.

Also, I've splurged on women before, and I do not notice that it creates attraction if it's not already there. If I splurge on Dianne, she will be happy and gleeful, but that is because the love is ALREADY there. In that case, then being generous enhances the love that's ALREADY there. But it doesn't create love that's not there. That's my main point. See what I mean?

Anyhow, if you ask women directly yourselves about this, I think you will find that what they say is far closer to what I'm saying above, and not what the typical guy who thinks only in terms of money and power. But most guys don't poll women directly for their opinion. They just assume that love is all about money and power and go on believing that in their heads.

So, the way it seems to work is that the woman has to like you first, for whatever subjective reason, then if you pass the "like" test, then money will come into play. But if you don't pass the "like" test, then money itself isn't going to make you pass the criteria, at least not with decent respectable women.

Besides Dianne, I have many more examples too. Thus, my conclusion is that for MOST women, chemistry is more important than money, but both are important. Women themselves will tell you that how you make them FEEL is more important. But most guys are not comfortable talking about this for some reason. They just want to see money, power, economics, and that's it.

I don't know, perhaps I'm more in touch with and attuned to my intuitive and feminine side than most men, but I like to believe I am in touch with a balance of both male and female energies.

But let's be clear here.

Are you talking about real love or just having fun, flings and casual sex? I don't deny that being rich can buy you female companionship and casual sex. But that type of relationship is not love. They are just along for the ride, right? That's common sense.

But are you saying Ladislav, that the MAJORITY of women will love a man with lots of money just for his money and stick with him, even if they don't feel any chemistry with him? Is that your claim?

PS - That doctor I was referring to was not fat or bald. He was tall and skinny and a health nut, who could hold intelligent conversation too. But he kept having bad experiences with girls in Angeles for some reason. Maybe the chemistry didn't match up, like in the case with that French guy you told me about. I also know a good looking American guy who comes here a lot and is an oil inspector with a great sense of humor, but he only has negative experiences with Filipinas and teases me every time I say something positive about them.
Last edited by Winston on Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Winston » Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:40 pm

kristy_571 wrote:Wouldn't your sweet flattery also work on American girls as well, Winston? Just curios. Or has it backfired?


W: It depends on how well I know the American girl. If I am already friends with her for a while, she will just get flattered and that's it. It won't go beyond that. If I try to spice it up, she will make the typical excuses like "I only like you as a friend" or "I'm not looking for a relationship" or "I don't do casual sex" etc. If she is someone I just met, she will either say "hahaha" sarcastically, or say that I'm sweet, but that's it. Nothing beyond that.
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Postby momopi » Sat Aug 16, 2008 12:28 am

kristy_571 wrote:They are the ones that pay cash for their house, pay for their nice SUV's or mercedes in cash.. ect. I have alot of Asians in my neighborhood, and when these people save every last penny, and have their families living at home, they are the ones that buy the brand new 5 bedroom homes with cash in Laguna (a nice part of where I live),


o.O? I didn't think Laguna Niguel or Laguna Beach had that many Asians. I'm in Irvine BTW.

If I were loaded... I'd get a house on the lake in Mission Viejo. :)
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$$$ & Dating

Postby Shokkers » Sat Aug 16, 2008 1:22 am

Winston asked me to chime in on this 'buying love' issue...

I personally have always gotten by financially, but never really had a lot of money to recklessly spend on women. I've dated and/or 'gotten' a lot of women, but due largely to the money issue, I haven't been able to 'keep' a lot of women (which is fine by me, anyway).

I've found that women are OK with most any type of date (except maybe orgies, tractor pulls, or anything way out of bounds). They basically just want company, someone to talk to, some laughs, entertainment, perhaps an opportunity for romance or sex. And this is where a lot of guys tip their hands: trying to 'impress' women with wildly expensive dates. I know I can cook a better meal for a woman than virtually any restaurant. I also know that bowling or billiards gives a better opportunity to TALK to a woman than sitting beside her at the opera with my mouth shut the whole time. You can take a woman to Windows On The World in a stretch limousine, but if you don't inject your humor, charisma and social skills into the date, you might as well have just hired an escort. It will ultimately be your personality that determines if the date was fun, if there will be sex later on, or any additional dates.

(I myself keep a 'time bomb' waiting in the wings, though...I'll take a girl out 7 times, and if she hasn't offered or paid for a date on her own after that, she's history.)

The money factor tends to come up later in the relationship...around the time you get 'serious'. Using female logic, she's already planning your future(s) and wondering how you're going to get the money to sustain the both of you. If she sees you've got potential, she'll stick around for months or even years. If she doesn't see you taking steps to 'move up the ladder', she'll probably keep her bags packed.

I don't think this is duplicitous behavior, it's an extension of the survival impulse (and it can be a great source of motivation for most guys).

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Postby Winston » Sun Aug 17, 2008 4:29 am

Here is what a successful Asian American in LA had to say on this subject:

"Since I have been poor before (I used to clean carpets
and deliver chinese food in college) but I am very
well off now (not to brag) . I can tell you money
makes things easier overall and gives you security but
it has nothing to do with getting love. They might be
those who are attracted by money, but you have to ask
yourself if you would want to spend any time with
people like that? I drive an expensive car but when I
go out on dates, especially the first date, I take my
regular japanese car as the last thing I would like is
have gold diggers around me."
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Postby Winston » Sun Aug 17, 2008 4:42 am

Shokkers reiterated my point that you have to first pass the likability test before money comes into play. But if the girl doesn't like you, or isn't into you, money itself isn't going to create that love or attraction. That was my point.

Last night I was talking to these Filipino guys at the swimming pool about this. I told them that I theorize that the kind of foreigners who come to Angeles City probably have never experienced the feeling of love or are incapable of it, for some reason. That's why they think that love doesn't exist or that it can be "bought", since they have never felt it themselves.

I further said, "In American society, we are taught that there is a difference between the love created by biochemistry and personality, and the type created by money, but the foreigners I've met here don't seem to be able to see a difference. They are different from the mainstream. Perhaps they've never experienced real love before, so they think it can be bought."

The Filipino guys told me that a similar problem exists with the women who come to Angeles, in that they need to see the "green box" first before giving their love to someone for the night. I asked them "Don't they know that that is wrong?" and they replied, "Yes they do know that it's wrong, but they don't care."

However, I do not think the bar girls are all business or only want money. Many of them have a dual purpose of seeking love and money. I can tell the difference when a bar girl really cares about you or really loves you vs. one that's only about business, but most of the other guys here can't tell the difference for some reason.

I'll probably start a post in the Asia section of this forum later describing how you can know whether a bar girl really likes you or not.
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Postby ladislav » Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:43 pm

kristy_571 wrote:
momopi wrote:In US, when you're poor, you chase after women. But when you have wealth and status, women chase you.

To cite just one example, my Vietnamese buddy's younger brother was a total nerd and had zero social life through high school. Then he got into med school and had girls calling all the time, leaving msgs on their answering machine. Quite hilarious at the time.

After he graduated, the family was bombarded with arranged marriage offers from "friends" that they didn't know they had. He almost got hooked by a gold digger, but fortunately his father got him out of it. Now he's a doctor and happily married to a dentist. Their annual combined income probably exceeds the market value of my condo, and the funny thing is both are super-cheap & bugged me to design and print their wedding invites for free. LoL. ;)


I used to know an Indian guy that made over $100,000 (before taxes) a year. He was always trying to get free stuff and reduced work also. He bought a halfplex for $80,000, and then fixed the whole place up-tile, granite counter tops in the kitchen, new carpet, paint, ect-whole house makeover, for under $10,000 including materials and labor! That is smart.

I admire people like that. I wouldn't want to work for them, but damn. They will be able to pay for their kids college with cash. I think that people from Asian cultures can be the smartes and really get further ahead in life than your usual white american. I know I probably sound stupid, but I have been with an Asian (Indian), who had lots of Vietnamese/ and other Asian friends, and these people were really tight-assed-but damn smart.

They are the ones that pay cash for their house, pay for their nice SUV's or mercedes in cash.. ect. I have alot of Asians in my neighborhood, and when these people save every last penny, and have their families living at home, they are the ones that buy the brand new 5 bedroom homes with cash in Laguna (a nice part of where I live), and are able to pay for everything in cash. I wish I could be more like them. Maybe I'd get further in life and not be in debt like the normal average stupid american. Sorry to call Americans stupid-but we can be stupid with how much money we spend, and how much debt we owe.


Comparisons of Indians and E Asians with white people in the US ring true in Australia, too but you have to keep in mind one very very important thing- the majority of those who are allowed to get a US visa are hard working professionals and they do not represent the cross section of the population of their respective countries, only the elite of those. Whites in the US are local, they run a full gamut with average people being well, average. But only the rich, the smart and the very professional of Asians, South or East ones, are granted US visas ( smaller numbers of refugees excluded).

To make a better comparison, grab ten Indians at random off the streets of Delhi ( was there last year) and ten whites off the streets of Oklahoma. Out of ten of the former, most will be uneducated, living from hand to mouth and not even able to read or write their own language let alone speak English. Try and talk to them about budgeting and $100,000 a year jobs. The ten whites will be many times more educated and cultured.

Was in India last year- people defecating by the roadside, sleeping on the streets, and virtually nobody of the passerbyes spoke English. And they all try to rip you off and beg money and cheat, etc.

America is importing the cream of the crop of foreign talent, you see.

Same in Oz:

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do girls love money?

Postby khiluen » Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:02 am

In my opinion-- it's about the ambition and drive not necessarily the money in and of itself. I mean-- a guy can be rich by virtue of inheriting money but be a total TOOL if he's just dicking around smoking pot and living a meaningless playboy existence. What I tend to look for is DRIVE. You want someone with that EDGE that can man up-- execute on goals, dreams, passions, desires. It's hard to say, too, because I'm in my early 20s and let's face it this isn't exactly the season when men my age are rolling in dough-- they are just getting themselves set up for that later in life. I admit, I tend to go for the ambitious types-- med students, law students, grad students, engineers... but that could also mean artists too, as long as they have the fire in the belly, dependability, responsibility etc. John Steinbeck was poor for much of his life but he had that fire in his belly-- the desire to understand the world around him and translate that into writing, even if it meant being a farmhand for a decade. He eventually went on to win Pulitzer Prize. I try not look at where people are NOW, but where they COULD BE given their drive. Because if someone has drive, even if they are not in the best of places now, I know they will be in a good place eventually. I was reading up on a millionaire who met his wife when he was broke and living in a bus. The wife saw that spark in him and supported him through the "homeless period" knowing that there was someting more yet to unfold. I try to be that type of person. Frankly though, I can also tell when someone doesn't have that EDGE and is just looking to dick around-- NOT ATTRACTIVE AT ALL.

Definitely want somebody with a strong sense of self, and if not, a desire to search for greater meaning, a burning sense of curiosity, exploration and wonder, and a passion to dream high, execute, and connect the dots. People can tell when that edge is there. You immediately become more attractive to yourself and others when that is there.


That is my answer to your question, Winston!
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Postby Winston » Sat Aug 23, 2008 8:04 pm

I see your point Karen. But I've met many who appeared to have that drive or ambition or vision or ambition, but they never got anywhere too. Either they were all talk and no action, or they kept going around in circles, or their expectations were totally unrealistic. Or they were just flakes who didn't follow through on their plans, but just liked to talk about them. Still, there are others who are serious, but because they make too many big plans at once, their time is divided up so much that they can't get anything done.

How can you tell between a big talker who BSes with no results, and someone with true potential who will succeed?
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Postby Winston » Sat Aug 23, 2008 8:15 pm

I've been telling some girls here in Angeles City that I kind of figured something out about the type of foreign men who come here. And that is this:

They are either incapable of feeling love within themselves, or giving love to others. Thus, they assume that the Filipinas that they date here have no feeling of love either, and that they just want their money. And that's why most guys here think that the girls here only want their money.

Plus, these guys think that love doesn't exist and only see money and economics in human relationships. That's why they see trying to "buy love" or "buy women" as being normal.

I also explained that most normal men in America know the difference between real love and the kind of love that you buy. But the men who come to Angeles don't seem to be able to distinguish between the two. So, these guys who come here are different from the mainstream.

As for me though, that's not my experience. I feel real love, I give real affection and I get real affections here too. I've experienced this mutual emotion here many times. What I've noticed is that Filipinas seem to reciprocate genuine affection and tenderness. If you give such feelings and emotions to them, they give it back and can start to fall in love with you even.

But I don't think most guys here do that.

And I can tell the difference between a girl who's acting and one who really feels something for you. There are many clues, but that's for another post.

So, in short, most of the men here cannot give or receive love, or even feel it, so they measure it all in terms of economics, which has nothing to do with real love and doesn't belong in human relationships. And they mistakenly assume that it's the same for others too.

All this made a lot of sense to them and they agreed with my observation.

Of course, some bar girls here see love in terms of money too. But nowhere near as many of them do as the foreign men do.

In fact, what I've observed is that among bar girls, about a third of them will go with any guy that pays, while another third will only go barfine with a guy that they like at least semi or 50/50, while another third are extremely picky and will only go with guys they like a LOT.
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