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Photo: As obvious as the blue sky but taboo to talk about

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Photo: As obvious as the blue sky but taboo to talk about

Postby Winston » Thu Oct 23, 2008 6:14 pm

You know, in this world, there are some things that are plainly obvious and as apparent as the blue sky, yet are too taboo and inappropriate to talk about them, and to do so would incur condemnation and ostracization from others. It's a kind of bizarro world, a form of the "Emperor's New Clothes", where everyone has to pretend to be blind to it. One example of this is the anti-sociality, isolationism, and dysfunctional nature of the social and dating scene of the US, which does not flow smoothly or naturally at all compared to most of the rest of the world. People in the US are generally stuck up, noninclusive, cliquish, paranoid, and uptight about meeting new people or talking to strangers. (An "ice barrier" exists between strangers in the US, hence the expression "break the ice") You are not supposed to complain about any of this, but are in fact expected to like it this way, just like everyone else does. Otherwise, you're a FREAK, loser and reject.

Here is a picture I've taken on a Seattle ferry which depicts this social isolationism in plain view.

Image

As you can see, isolationism is the norm in this scene, (as it is in most public scenes of the US) whereas socialization is not. No wonder why it's so hard to meet people in the US. You are "supposed" to enjoy being alone in public. If you don't, then there's something "wrong" with you. I could take an infinite number of photos in public places in America that depict the same thing of course, but you get the idea. The point is, though this isolation and anti-sociality is as clear as night and day, which any average person can see, you aren't allowed to talk about it, or you would be seen as a social reject.

Now, normally it would be impolite to try to talk about something that people don't want to talk about. However, this pattern of social isolationism that prevails in the US leads to suffering for many people, such as loneliness, datelessness, sexlessness, friendlessness, a feeling of disconnectedness rather than belonging, etc. all of which lead to depression, unhappiness, mental illness, and a lower quality of life. Frankly, I don't think it's right to let so many people suffer endlessly like that simply because their suffering is a taboo subject. That's just cruel and messed up.

The truth is, very few lonely people in America have the guts to admit to their situation. But you can't blame them, because in America it's a BIG SHAME as well as a loss of pride and dignity to admit that you are lonely, dateless, or friendless. (I guess based on that, one could infer that I have no shame, but I like to think that my passion for the truth, as well as my anger toward injustice and a wasted life, is greater than my fear of shame.) As a result, many of them are in self denial and pretend not to need others. God knows how many are out there suffering silently.

Now, some are able to tolerate these anti-social conditions for long periods of time, or else they just go for years hiding their pain. But others, like me, have no tolerance for it, so we take ACTION to do something about it, even at the peril of venturing down unconventional paths that may be frowned upon by others. Well I braved that risk, rather than living in fear and loneliness, and it paid off BIG TIME, far beyond what I could ever dream of.
Last edited by Winston on Wed Jan 18, 2012 9:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby jamesbond » Fri Oct 24, 2008 7:44 am

Very well put indeed! Social isolation is the norm in the US and your not supposed to talk about, just accept it as the normal way of life. Most people in America meet people through their friends and that's what it takes to meet people in America.
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Postby Shokkers » Sat Oct 25, 2008 12:06 am

Maybe that's a Seattle thing.

From my perspective, my restaurant gets hundreds of customers every day. The tables are sometimes a mere yard a part from each other. A few dozen times a day, I see total strangers just start conversations with each other..."Where you from?, Oh, that's cool, we're from..." and presto, they're socializing. I sometimes start the ball rolling when I card someone and their ID's Canadian, and I say "Hey, those people over THERE are Canadian, too, you ought to hook up..."

I think people are a bit more relaxed in restaurants...when they're in transit (ferries, buses, whatever) they tend to be a bit more guarded.
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Postby Winston » Sat Oct 25, 2008 1:07 am

Yes it is true that Seattle is one of the most anti social and isolationist places in America, compared to the rest of the country.

However, if where you live is more open and sociable, I'd say that's the exception, not the norm. Most places in the US aren't like that. Where do you live by the way?

Lots of people on my list come from many different states. Some of my close friends here are from Atlanta and New York, and they say it's the same as what I describe there as well.

The east coast is less cliquish and more upfront. But I was told by a New Englander here that the choices are either the snobby cliquish girls of the west coast, or the bitchy demanding girls of the east coast.

Either way, I don't think I'm their type. So it's a moot point. When you've met 10,000 girls and all of them tell you you're not their type, it's kind of a futile situation. None of that pseudo common dating advice about where to meet girls matters anymore.
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Postby jamesbond » Mon Nov 03, 2008 4:29 pm

If you observe how people behave when they are out in public in the US, you do see people not making eye contact with each other and not talking to strangers. I guess it's taboo to talk to strangers in the US, it's even taboo to make eye contact with strangers. A lot of people don't even know who there neigbors are! A rather stange social environment indeed!

You notice this the most among young single women in America, they don't make eye contact with men, they act like they are in their own little bubble and try to get through their day without interacting with people as much as possible. The better looking the girl is, the more likely she will NOT make eye contact with men or even acknowledge a man's existence when she is out in public. Most women in America meet men through their friends. She feels safest this way, knowing that if her friends like the guy, then he must be a good catch for her.

Gone are the days of meeting women in bookstores, grocery stores and shopping malls. When my parents were growing up, you could meet people when you were out shopping or at the library. Now, the only way is either through friends, or by going to bars and clubs. It's a sad commentary on the way things are now socially in America.
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Postby Winston » Mon Nov 03, 2008 11:38 pm

True James Bond, but let me add that even if you have friends that you can meet girls through, if you aren't their type, they STILL aren't going to date you. Or even if you are their type, if they aren't interested in dating and don't need anyone, then they'll keep you at a distance too.

And just going to bars and clubs doesn't mean anything. If they don't see you are their type, it won't do any good. Also, most girls there are still stuck up and defensive about meeting people, even in bars and clubs.

I just find no strategic advantage at all there, even if I spend all day prodding for loopholes and openings, like I do with a chess game.
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Postby jamesbond » Wed Nov 05, 2008 6:32 am

The tv show that's on now on VH1, Sunday nights 10pm eastern time shows the pickup artist, nicked named "mystery" helping guys meet women at bars and clubs. He is supposed to be one of the worlds best "pickup artists." I have been watching the show and have learned a few things but it still seems like it's difficult to meet women in bars and clubs. The music is loud, it's crowded, the women are not exactly approachable either. On this seasons show, there is one asian guy who looks really short but is actually doing a good job of meeting women in bars and clubs so far. Here is a link for the tv show called, "the pickup artist." http://www.vh1.com/video/browse/index.jhtml?id=1684
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Postby jamesbond » Sat Nov 08, 2008 12:34 am

I read a statistic that said in America, 63% of people who are married, were introduced to their future spouse by a friend, family member, coworker or acquaintence. You really do need people to introduce you to someone in the US, as that seems to be the preferred way for people to meet! Only 3% of people in the US have met someone through the internet. Bars and clubs aren't really good places to go either, as they seem to attract game playing manipulating type of people. Although, some guys in the US have scored big with women at bars and clubs and have learned to become "pickup artists." I would just love to meet women at bookstores and grocery stores and avoid the bars altogether. That's how a lot of people used to meet years ago (back in the 50's). Oh well, welcome to modern day America! :D
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Postby Grunt » Sat Nov 08, 2008 4:42 am

Me, personally, I prefer to be with my own thoughts when traveling.
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