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AWESOME FREE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR EVERY AMERICAN!!!

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AWESOME FREE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR EVERY AMERICAN!!!

Postby Winston » Thu Dec 25, 2008 5:07 am

From Shokkers:

AWESOME FREE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR EVERY AMERICAN!!!



Sometimes the BEST GIFT you can give ANYONE is to STOP giving them something.

So here’s a list of Awesome, Free Christmas Presents for the WHOLE COUNTRY!!!



For KIDS:

Please STOP with the hysterical crying if Santa brought you warm clothes, books or educational toys instead of some $300 ‘MURDERWORLD’ game or $100 light-up sneakers. Santa’s doing the best with what he has, and there are other kids your age that won’t even get PORRIDGE on Christmas. Besides, it’s Jesus’ birthday, not yours.



For AUTOMOBILE MANUFACTURERS:

Instead of crying for a government (i.e., TAXPAYER) bail-out, STOP making cars that get NINE freakin’ miles to the gallon. Yeah, the Charger was cool in the 60s. This is 2008. All you really have to do is put “This car will not necessarily get you laid by itselfâ€￾ next to the sticker price.

Also STOP making—and ‘hard-selling’—SUV’s that get even LESS mileage AND flip over 7 times when cornering at the death-defying speed of THIRTY miles per hour!

You can also put PLEASE STEAL ME BECAUSE I’VE GOT ENOUGH MONEY on the bumper of every ‘Hummer’.

Making a Breathalyzer STANDARD on every new car could help, too.



FOR JEWELERS:

Please STOP pretending DIAMONDS are the best present on Earth. If you do, every Diamond you sell must include a photo of a starving African kid with one of his arms chopped off. Cubic Zirconia is almost as pretty and doesn’t promote genocide.



FOR CREDIT CARD ISSUERS:

Please STOP with the wonderful ‘point’ programs—that nobody wants to honor--and SCALE BACK your interest rates a bit so a purchase of a bicycle one month doesn’t cost a CAR PAYMENT the next month. Rest assured, the billions will keep rolling in.

Please STOP with the offers of “0% Interest for A DECADE!â€￾ since your small print always says you can revoke any and all offers with two week’s written notice. While you’re at it, ditch the small print altogether and put all your information in big block letters! Most of us will probably still use one or more credit cards, regardless.

(While you’re at it, replace the cute photos of eagles and mountains on the front of the card with BIG BLOCK LETTERS reading SLIDE THIS PART THROUGH THE LITTLE MACHINE, THEN PRESS “ENTERâ€￾, So Old Mother Hubbard doesn’t take twenty minutes to figure out how to buy her Geritol.)



FOR ADVERTISERS:

Please STOP creating advertisements that make MEN look like idiots. A portion of us will do that on our own; the majority of us don’t appreciate it. Since the Printing Press, The Radio, The Television and The Internet were all invented by men, use some other medium to degrade us.



FOR DOCTORS and PSYCHIATRISTS:

Please STOP shoveling PILLS down America’s throats just because the Pharmaceutical Industry gives you a Caribbean Cruise to pimp their latest ‘wonder drug’. Remember the first year of Medical School when 83% of you believed that natural remedies, diet and exercise actually worked? You were RIGHT. If you now only believe that pills and surgery fix everything, please hang a sign on the office door reading “Dr. Kilpatient: Brought to you by Big Pharma!â€￾



FOR POLICE AND PROSECUTORS:

Please STOP locking up non-violent drug users who have no criminal records. Just scold them thoroughly, take their weed and smoke it—er, dispose of it yourselves.

Please STOP locking up prostitutes since all you’re doing is temporarily making their scenery worse. Give them Community Service instead.

Please STOP with the “She Calls, We Haulâ€￾ policy enforced by the VAWA for every domestic ‘dispute’. Rely on actual evidence and witnesses instead of hearsay.

Please STOP busting drivers on the END of every month to make your ‘bust quota’ and actually pursue criminals instead.



FOR THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT:

Please STOP ordering our troops into needless, impossible-to-win situations around the world and then saying their families “Aren’t Supporting The Troopsâ€￾ when they dare to ask that they come home soon and alive.



FOR ISLAMIC MILITANTS WORLDWIDE:

Please STOP with the terrorism. Take a week off. Make a sand sculpture. Play some volleyball instead of ‘pin the rock on the adulteress’. Smoke some hashish & then enjoy a wonderful fudge Pop-tart. Try a refreshing alcoholic beverage for once! Remember, the Quran says there shall be no compulsion in religion.



Dear Santa: This is all I want for Christmas. If you can’t make any or all of them happen, I understand completely…in which case, all I want is a new battery for a 2001 Dodge Ram pickup.



MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL AROUND From K.K. & www.rockherworld.net !

(Forward this if you like, no hard feelings if you don't)
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