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Do most people feel unloved and unwanted in America?

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Postby ssjparris » Tue Nov 16, 2010 3:41 am

The women are just ridicilous. it should be plain easy to meet women.

@djfourmoney i live here in L.A. and i have been to the clubs and went up and talked to the girl groups. they just come up with some excuse to get away. like going to the bathroom and then seating at the table next to me once they get out. they are really there to tease the men in clubs. and they have pleasure out of being rude to you by trying to lower your self esteem. they are not looking for men. they just want to have fun teasing them with their body and shutting every guy down that comes up to them. truly dysfunctional women.

now ofcourse i don't have these problems with foreign women. they don't try to avoid me even if they are in a all female group. the group of females actually talk. funny huh. :lol:

@ terrance just another reason to stay away from american women in other countries. all the want to do is argue with men and fight. It is unfortunate but a reality to know that american women are going to travel to foreign countries. and i am going to avoid them like the pleague.
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Postby have2fly » Mon Nov 22, 2010 5:03 am

they just come up with some excuse to get away. like going to the bathroom and then seating at the table next to me once they get out. they are really there to tease the men in clubs. and they have pleasure out of being rude to you by trying to lower your self esteem. they are not looking for men. they just want to have fun teasing them with their body and shutting every guy down that comes up to them


True. But the worst thing is that they will get drunk and f***ed by some complete douchebag, who is broke, has been to jail a few times and probably has suspended license and no job.

Well, at first I thought that there are "classy" American women, who actually look for classy men. Actually I was WRONG! I was trying to get classy, but did not have any luck or attention. Then my friend who was European advised me to look like a douchebag wearing a t-shirt from Wal-Mart and cheap sneakers. Pretty much the same shit, only trashier girls would like me better.

In Ukraine it is the opposite - the better and fancier you look, the better girls go your way. So in Ukraine you actually have interest in looking your best because people do take interest in other people around them and do enjoy being in a company of "better" dressed and upscale people. On the opposite, upscale means nothing in the USA. Doesn't give you any social benefits of any kind. I am not even seeing a point in buying a Porsche or sportscar. For what reason? No one is going to see your car in the club, is it really worth the money and effort?

American society just doesn't support personal growth. There is pretty much no reason to look better, live better or be more educated. It's the opposite - guys that are out of prison are much more wanted and needed in the USA :) LMAO. USA - fun country to live in!
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Re: Do most people feel unloved and unwanted in America?

Postby Jackal » Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:17 am

globetrotter wrote:No, it's just you. Hundred's of millions feel naturally loved in the USA - it's just you and a few others who don't. Just as just about 6 million expat from the USA.

Given the high rates of mental illness in the US, I don't think that all the people remaining in the US feel loved--it's just that they're stuck and don't know where else to go.

The number of divorces and the lack of support for family members in the US doesn't seem to imply great love either.
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Postby momopi » Mon Nov 22, 2010 9:02 am

Northamericanguy wrote:Unbelievable, but I know it's true.
But if you ask me, people use to talk to their neighbors here in the states from around 1985 on back.
I say this because back in the early 80's I remember having intimate relationships (non sexual) with all my neighbors and their children as a child, and I remember preparing nice cold drinks for the mail man in the summer time as he came by to deliver the mail and people in general were more open and friendly.
We all looked out for each other, and we all knew each other, and for some reason even the holidays were better because we would have large gatherings at somebodies home, or a park, where we would drink homemade egg nog/lemonade and eat home made food. It was simple, clean, non commercialized, and for the most part, everybody was on the same financial level so nobody felt out of place so we got along great.
Fast forward to the 90's, and 2000's, it seems to me that everybody wanted to be on the fast track to financial success, and so, people in mass started to move around a lot and started forgoing family and old friends. People these days will uproot their whole family just to make an extra 10k a year.
Also, many companies that offered stable employment dried up so many communities like say areas in Detroit are now ghost towns and all these people moved into places where they don't know anybody.
Anyhow, I fully admit, that where I know live I don't talk to my neighbors ( I try) nor do keep in contact with my old friends. For me it just boils down to the fact that all the people I know are the same typical American. All they do is work and in their spare time they drink and watch sports. Sorry, but I rather be alone then spend time with that type of caliber of person.


In 1982, when I was attending elementary school in Anaheim, the neighborhood was very much white majority and I was one of the few Asian kids in school. The neighbors weren't the most friendly and complained that we parked too many cars in front of the house, but the school classmate's parents were very nice and paternalistic. I'd go trick-and-treat with their kids on Halloween and fishing after school. The mothers would catch us at the house and cook for us, then make us do homework and math exercises. At the time I thought the white Anglo parents were more strict than Asian parents with school work.

Looking back, I recall as late as 1989, I'd go out with my pack of 20+ BBS friends in Los Alamitos-Lakewood area, and we'd talk to people by the mall, theater, etc. If someone was sitting there and look as if they're not having a good time, we'd go talk to them and invite them to join us on our outings. We were far more friendly at that age, though I suspect some of the people we invited would later regret the decision, because they didn't know that we'd take them to a RHPS (Rocky Horror Picture Show) showing and write "VIRGIN" on their foreheads. I think the ones who were invited to Ren Fair had a better time. LoL.



Northamericanguy wrote:I know exactly what you are talking about. The Hispanic neighborhoods like El Monte people are very friendly. But the thing is, for the most part, these people are not American, they are Mexican and they have brought their culture with them here into the states. Their solidarity is universal no matter where they go.


It's expensive to own and care for horses in Los Angeles, even the feed cost a lot more vs. Arizona. The Mexicans who live by SG River and own horses must be fairly well off, otherwise they cannot purchase large properties (lot size) with horse facilities. Yet, being well off didn't make them shut the door in your face, if you chat with a Mexican cowboy about his horse, he'd talk until the cows come home.
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Postby pete98146 » Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:08 pm

I guess I'm lucky because I have a very good marriage to a lovely filipina so she does such a good job of loving me that I rarely feel unloved and/or unwanted.

That said, I do feel lost when dealing with other Americans. I have a few good friends that weather me thru the storm but for the most part, It is depressing interacting with the majority of Yanks. But welcome to the Digital Age! I gain most of my solace and interaction from people over the age of 30. Most people under the age of 30 are the worst! I call them the Texting Zombies. It's a classic example of how technology is ruining society.
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Re: Do most people feel unloved and unwanted in America?

Postby Winston » Mon Nov 22, 2010 7:03 pm

globetrotter wrote:
No, it's just you. Hundred's of millions feel naturally loved in the USA - it's just you and a few others who don't. Just as just about 6 million expat from the USA.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, your personality is a far far out-lier within US society. Not normal to American norms, IOW.

Every nation has folks within it that do not fit in, people who were not born at the right time in the right country.

Fortunately we live in an era where this is remedied by a short plane flight.

That's why people move to the US or Canada, or Europe or wherever. They did not like it back home and went someplace new.

I meet Chinese who don't fit in. They want to move to the USA. They speak English, they idolize the USA even when I tell them the truth and they want to make lots and lots of money - the primary reason many want to move to the US. Materialistic Greed.

If you were to criticize Taiwan or the RP or PRC and you lived there, folks would respond with the same reaction like when you criticize the USA. No one likes having their nation dumped on by an outsider or citizen.


You're being sarcastic right? What about these studies?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 63_pf.html

http://www.livescience.com/health/06033 ... iness.html
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Re: Do most people feel unloved and unwanted in America?

Postby DaRick » Thu Nov 25, 2010 4:44 pm

Winston wrote:
globetrotter wrote:
No, it's just you. Hundred's of millions feel naturally loved in the USA - it's just you and a few others who don't. Just as just about 6 million expat from the USA.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, your personality is a far far out-lier within US society. Not normal to American norms, IOW.

Every nation has folks within it that do not fit in, people who were not born at the right time in the right country.

Fortunately we live in an era where this is remedied by a short plane flight.

That's why people move to the US or Canada, or Europe or wherever. They did not like it back home and went someplace new.

I meet Chinese who don't fit in. They want to move to the USA. They speak English, they idolize the USA even when I tell them the truth and they want to make lots and lots of money - the primary reason many want to move to the US. Materialistic Greed.

If you were to criticize Taiwan or the RP or PRC and you lived there, folks would respond with the same reaction like when you criticize the USA. No one likes having their nation dumped on by an outsider or citizen.


You're being sarcastic right? What about these studies?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 63_pf.html

http://www.livescience.com/health/06033 ... iness.html


Yeah, my initial reaction was that he was either being sarcastic, or arguing with you for the hell of it.

I feel that, in more societies where friendships and families are more frequented and where people are expected to fulfill holes in their heart with money and materials, mental illness rates go up. Why? Because we have legions of people who not only are unable to confide in others (due to not being close to friends and family), but because we also have this "harden the f**k up" sort of mentality (personified by Australian criminal Chopper Read), where expressing your discontent leads to derision and exhortations to shut up. It is human nature to want to feel loved - these people simply do not. They feel like an indifferent specks on a planet that revolves around a warm but still indifferent sun.
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Postby globetrotter » Thu Nov 25, 2010 4:58 pm

I am not being sarcastic.

Look, Winston. You need to stop thinking and proving yourself right, and you need to start living. Studies? Eh. More bullshit. Do or do not.

Stop talking about yourself all of the time. It's tedious.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, your personality *is* a far far out-lier within US society. Not normal to American norms, IOW. This is your reality. This is my assessment of your perception of your reality. You do not fit into the USA at all.

Some people who are outliers fit in. They are artists, musicians, actors, etc. They find a niche in a society that is not really for them. For you there is no such niche. So you moved. Good idea.

So your goal needs to be to find a solution.

-Whining isn't a solution.
-Repeatedly obsessing about why you are so terrific and other people are not, isn't a solution/
-Repeatedly looking for proof over and over and over and over that the USA is not for you, isn't a solution.

You know the USA is not for you.
You know the USA has social problems.

Ok. Fine.

This is established.

Move on and stop rehashing the same concepts over and over.

All of this paralysis by analysis is wasting precious seconds of life.

Do something. Stop thinking.

Geez.
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Re: Do most people feel unloved and unwanted in America?

Postby NorthAmericanguy » Thu Nov 25, 2010 5:00 pm

DaRick wrote:
Winston wrote:
globetrotter wrote:
No, it's just you. Hundred's of millions feel naturally loved in the USA - it's just you and a few others who don't. Just as just about 6 million expat from the USA.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, your personality is a far far out-lier within US society. Not normal to American norms, IOW.

Every nation has folks within it that do not fit in, people who were not born at the right time in the right country.

Fortunately we live in an era where this is remedied by a short plane flight.

That's why people move to the US or Canada, or Europe or wherever. They did not like it back home and went someplace new.

I meet Chinese who don't fit in. They want to move to the USA. They speak English, they idolize the USA even when I tell them the truth and they want to make lots and lots of money - the primary reason many want to move to the US. Materialistic Greed.

If you were to criticize Taiwan or the RP or PRC and you lived there, folks would respond with the same reaction like when you criticize the USA. No one likes having their nation dumped on by an outsider or citizen.


You're being sarcastic right? What about these studies?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 63_pf.html

http://www.livescience.com/health/06033 ... iness.html


Yeah, my initial reaction was that he was either being sarcastic, or arguing with you for the hell of it.

I feel that, in more societies where friendships and families are more frequented and where people are expected to fulfill holes in their heart with money and materials, mental illness rates go up. Why? Because we have legions of people who not only are unable to confide in others (due to not being close to friends and family), but because we also have this "harden the f**k up" sort of mentality (personified by Australian criminal Chopper Read), where expressing your discontent leads to derision and exhortations to shut up. It is human nature to want to feel loved - these people simply do not. They feel like an indifferent specks on a planet that revolves around a warm but still indifferent sun.


Yea, the s*** is crazy. I know people right now who are fully living the American dream and they are all depressed living day to day on antidepressant drugs.
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Postby ajushi » Wed Dec 22, 2010 7:03 pm

In America, we are experiencing a multigenerational pattern of hyper-independence coupled with a multigenerational pattern of divorce/single mothering/unmarried parents (the two are directly related to one another).

So, we have a nation where at least half of the people under age 40 have psychological trauma and abandonment issues, deficient or non existent relationship with one or both parents, limited or no relationship with extended family. In such upbringings, neglect, which in itself is one of the worst forms of child abuse, is a given, while other forms of abuse or tragic circumstances, such as exposure to extreme marital conflict, parental alienation, lack of father figure, are also extremely common. Outright physical, sexual, and emotional/psychological abuse occurs to millions of children per year in the US (in fact, one out of every 4 women is sexually molested as a child). People who have not taken the 5 - 10 years of intensive work necessary to heal this kind of damage caused by this multi-generational pattern in the USA, are having and raising children when they themselves have no concept of parenting, no concept of family, little or no support system, and a mountain of psychological issues. This in turn produces kids that are so much more messed up.....

The end result of this is a nation of incredibly disconnected people with a very high rate of psychological issues due to divorce (which even in the very best case scenario itself equates to abandonment and typically destroys the entire family in the long run), neglect, abuse, family conflict, upheaval in childhood, etc..... who are on their own, fending for themselves since they come from estranged/destroyed families in a hyper independent society. This has gotten to be pretty much mainstream in America, where I think this applies for more than half of the people under age 40 right now, and plenty of the ones over 40.

So, the obvious result of such an existence is isolation and loneliness, feeling unwanted and unloved, because the people are in fact unloved. It is normal for Americans to live alone, eat alone, sleep alone, go months or years at a time without relationships, and to have none of their immediate family living in the city, or even the state, where they live, and to get most of their sense of human connection through a cell phone or Facebook. I have asked a few people working at restaurants and cafes here what they are doing for xmas and they give the same answer I do: "Ohhh.... just staying in town, hanging around here." That's because of course they have no family here in the place where they live, like about 3/4 of the people in the western half of the USA.

People routinely get their companionship from pets, or establish some kind of pseudo sense of "family" with their coworkers who they mainly just see at work. People may tend to establish some friendships, but at the deepest level, they are on their own, with no one who would notice for the first few days if they dropped off the earth tomorrow, and no one who would really be there for them of they had an accident, got sick, got cancer, etc.... People very frequently move in to a house, where a group of adults live together so they don't go insane from the isolation - this is becoming very common even among people in their 30s and 40s now as home ownership and employment has tanked and families are not sticking together and pooling resources because they are destroyed and estranged from divorce.

This stuff is totally mainstream. Of course people feel unwanted and unloved. I have been all over the USA except for the South (where things are clearly better in some states suhc as Tennesee, where 50 % of adults are unmarried as opposed to about 75% in New York) and this is what I have discerned. The USA civilization is in fact tanking rapidly due to the disintegration of nuclear family and family values centered around the institution of marriage and family. I am absolutely convinced that this is 100% the origin of the severe and disturbing social problems we are having - homelessness, highest rates of incarceration in the world, extreme rates of addiction (especially to food) and a tendency of people to be shockingly disconnected and un-neighborly living in their cocoons (most Americans do not even know the names or faces of the people living in the house next door and it has become pretty much taboo to approach or interact with strangers here at all).

Now all this is 100% true and I am sure of it. Yet I find it so interesting is that most people who come from a loving, supportive, nuclear family do not even notice or care about these things, and I do admit that I am one of the tens of millions who come from the more destroyed background and isolated existence (in fact, I am essentially an orphan who was neglected and abused as a kid). As a matter of fact, there are some wholesome families and some decent women in the US, but when you are in a place where you are literally generations outside of that, such as I am, then it is very hard to find. There is a high standard and the jobs are often held by the less wounded. Marriage minded women in the US tend to come from Christian backgrounds and wholesome families and while I am a Christian myself, it is hard to find a woman who solid like that and who is actually going to love and accept and commit with an abused person who has no family per se, which is a fair way to describe about 50 million men in the USA today (and there's our answer to "where are all the men?")

Americans really need to take a look around and wake up and smell the napalm. As a city councilmen told me the other day, "I am concerned about our society and what the future holds."

Me, I have my dream and my hope and I am never giving up on it, no matter how many times I've been abandoned, rejected, or used and discarded by women. I am going to find a woman who loves and accepts me and be married and have a loving, close family and break that cycle and I encourage all my American friends to do likewise.

Ill post a modified version of this as an update post in another subforum
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Postby Winston » Thu Dec 23, 2010 4:51 pm

Globetrotter,
The US is a big place. How do you know I wouldn't have fit in if I had lived somewhere else?

I actually had a very happy childhood in Palo Alto, CA. It was only when we moved to Fremont, CA that everything went downhill - teachers were mean and strict, kids were angry and looking for someone to pick on, etc. and bad luck followed me.

How do you know if we had NOT moved from Palo Alto, that I would have had a happy childhood and grown up normally?

I can find a niche in America among artists. I do tend to vibe with artists, actors, writers, and bohemian crowd well. And I can get work in America. It's just that I can't get a date anytime I want and I'm constantly treated like I'm not dating material, so that I have zero choices. I simply can't tolerate that. Other guys hate that too, but they have a better tolerance level for it than I do.

So all my friends would be guys only. That's what sucks and made me unhappy.

So I am not a total misfit in that I CAN FUNCTION in America. It's just that I would not have any dates or fun or romance or sex or even girls to go out to coffeee with. They always have an excuse.

Plus I had some jinx or bad luck that makes sure that even if I get lucky, it will always be short lived and will not last.
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Postby FreeYourMind » Thu Dec 23, 2010 7:23 pm

Winston wrote:Globetrotter,
The US is a big place. How do you know I wouldn't have fit in if I had lived somewhere else?

I actually had a very happy childhood in Palo Alto, CA. It was only when we moved to Fremont, CA that everything went downhill - teachers were mean and strict, kids were angry and looking for someone to pick on, etc. and bad luck followed me.

How do you know if we had NOT moved from Palo Alto, that I would have had a happy childhood and grown up normally?

I can find a niche in America among artists. I do tend to vibe with artists, actors, writers, and bohemian crowd well. And I can get work in America. It's just that I can't get a date anytime I want and I'm constantly treated like I'm not dating material, so that I have zero choices. I simply can't tolerate that. Other guys hate that too, but they have a better tolerance level for it than I do.

So all my friends would be guys only. That's what sucks and made me unhappy.

So I am not a total misfit in that I CAN FUNCTION in America. It's just that I would not have any dates or fun or romance or sex or even girls to go out to coffeee with. They always have an excuse.

Plus I had some jinx or bad luck that makes sure that even if I get lucky, it will always be short lived and will not last.



Ajushi's post above yours is on the money. You are rare only in that you analyze and acknowledge the problems in U.S. society, both generally and as to your own personal situation. The U.S. is in many ways the society most hollowed out to fit into the soulless "New World Order" and it has been done through many ways, including destroying the traditional family unit and alienating men and women from each other. There is very little of substance below the surface level of people pretending to be happy. Not knowing neighbors is common, and in families it is far more common now for children to be estranged from parents, and siblings from various other siblings. Americans are increasingly atomized and alienated. Those that still have close and loving families are very fortunate.
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Postby vertical » Sat Dec 25, 2010 9:38 am

People routinely get their companionship from pets, or establish some kind of pseudo sense of "family" with their coworkers who they mainly just see at work. People may tend to establish some friendships, but at the deepest level, they are on their own, with no one who would notice for the first few days if they dropped off the earth tomorrow, and no one who would really be there for them of they had an accident, got sick, got cancer, etc....


Damn, what a post. I would say having an emergency is one of the scariest things living in America because you don't know who'll be there to pick you up. You just hope emergencies don't happen, because you'll be on your own. I feel weird filling out those emergency contact numbers because I never really know who to put down.

I totally agree with your post about the disintegration of the family unit and the community in America.
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Postby momopi » Sun Dec 26, 2010 5:13 am

Quoting a neighbor of mine, his gauge is the number of "refrigerator friends" a person or family has. By refrigerator friends, he means "open door policy". You count the number of friends who can drop by any time they feel like it and can come and go as they like without having to make an "appointment" with you days ahead.

Not counting family (cousins) and the girlfriend, I have about half a dozen friends who actually has copies of my door key, or know my garage door's code (I have a keypad garage door opener installed). When I'm away on business trip, I have to call them to roll my trash can out. Instead of stealing my video games, my friends unload their unwanted electronic/computer equipment at my house without asking. ;p Gee um... a SVHS VCR and a Pentium 166? WTF?
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Postby adam917 » Sun Dec 26, 2010 6:30 pm

momopi wrote:[...]Gee um... a SVHS VCR and a Pentium 166? WTF?
So in other words, their trash or no?
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